No, no ..not what you're thinking ..although, now that I consider the idea, it wouldn't be a bad place for it! ;-).  I know I've been doin' a good bit of the picture-thing lately, so I decided I'd better do some writing too to prove that I haven't gone all Maryse and do indeed have several brain cells left (what degree of functionality they are in remains to be seen..wide smile).  Besides, I have comments.  (This is me - I always have comments :-) )

For starters, I will be off to a SD show in Dec (WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! ..sorry I couldn't resist.  You know how it is - you trying "wooo-ing" once and then find out it is mildly addictive).  If Khali is still kiss-cam-ing, I am definitely going to bring Listerine ...and maybe a blindfold.  Look, maybe the man is Clark Gable in the bedroom, but frankly my WWE, I don't give a d**n.  I just don't want to know about it. Period.

For seconders, the technicality of the matches has taken a huge step forward in the past couple of weeks, which I find flat bloody awesome!  There is beginning to be such a nice balance of show moves and tech moves, which is really entertaining to watch.  (I promised more on this topic before and it will come..soon as I get out from under the table - wink).  Addendum to this: props to Taker and Triple for their match last SD...such a nice job, especially the way HHH was selling. 

For thirders, I am interested to see how the Maria v. Michelle match turns out when it comes to pass, only because it is a face v. face.  That is always a tad tricky to handle.  You could make a case for either diva winning, but I'll put my $.65 on McCool.  However,  I'll be thoroughly disappointed if Maria loses due to being distracted by Festus offering her an Edible Arrangement of onion rings.  Roll of eyes.  (Question: Do you think if he offered it to Khali, it would snap the GK out of his attack of amore?) Oh, and back to divas for one small moment: what the H*** is going on with Natalya?! She was in the ring for about 2 seconds on SD!  If you blinked, you'd have missed her!  One minute, she was contending for a belt, the next she's joined Kane in the Land of Obscurity ("Didn't you used to be Natalya, ma'am?").  I love..as in LOVE..watching the Divine Miss N, so I'm less than pleased with what's been happening with her. Just needed to shout that to the void. 

For finishers, everyone have a rockin' Cyber Sunday - text early and type often.  I'll catch ya on the other side.

(c) BE 2008

To begin, a digression (can you digress before you've even commenced ranting, TL? Hmm...):

Tip of Stetson and a yee-haw to the Longhorns for their victory over the Sooners.  How could a barn girl not love a QB named Colt McCoy? (wink).  I watched them rip Rutgers apart earlier this season and Chiles ain't so bad either.  On a closer-to-home note, could we have Josh Beckett back? This new guy looks like him but he sure doesn't pitch like him! (Uh, yeah...could we get a fastball with movement  here, please?) In the meantime, go Phillies! (Does that make me a phairweather phan? :-) ) RandoMMA comment: Heath Herring underestimated Brock Lesnar in the first round of UFC 87 and paid for it the rest of the match.  Couture won't make that mistake.  Can't wait for November 15!

OK...on to wrestling.  We seem to have a number of comedians in WWE these days.  I was just missing HHH's unique brand of humor and he pops up in that cute spot w/ Jeff Hardy.  I can't decide which is funnier: HHH's delicious facials or Jeff patting Hunter's leg for the second time (I wonder what would have happened had he gone for three ;-) ).  I've long advocated the Great Khali's comedic potential (remember his Dancing-with-the-Stars attempt when he celebrated after winning the WHC?  Or when Vickie sent him out to repossess the belt from the Undertaker?), but I'm not sure we need to add "amorous" into the mix.  Although I give the man props for kissing the likeable chick chosen for him this week on SD, if he keeps going all Valentine's Day, I'm going to stay out of Dodge. 

I've tried but I can't help it: I must comment on divas :-) (Is there a 12-step program for this? ;-) ).   First, tip of Stetson to Beth Phoenix for the Glam Slam she gave McCool at the SD kick-off.  I'm not usually a BP fan, but that one made the Wings of Love look featherweight by comparison.  (Speaking of the WoL, has it flown away?)  Nextly, is it possible that I can be the only one utterly bored by Brie Bella?  All she has to do is step in the ring and I can hardly keep my eyes open.  Although she and Hornswoggle really should hook up; they'd make an amusing mixed tag team and they're about the same height. 

Next nextly, kudos to KK: she's been continuing to improve since her move to RAW, just as I said she would.  And what I really love is the creativity she's demonstrating.  She's added new moves and new variations on moves.  She gets more fun to watch each time and her athletic ability is starting to shine through. Don't derail her by buddying her up w/ Cryme Tyme; just let her keep on keepin' on and you might even end up with a future title-holder. 

Lastly, a true rarity: I have a (albeit small) bone to pick (I'll take a femur, please) with the Undertaker.  In selling the KO at No Mercy, he took it just a tad over the top.  Its the first time I've ever seen him overplay.  Easy, Deadman: you had me at hello.  More on this later.

(c) BE 2008

It used to be that talk of the Undertaker losing his Wrestlemania streak was concentrated (oddly enough) around Wrestlemania.  Now, with nagging rumors of injuries and constant reminders of his age (too bad he couldn't do something about that aging problem, huh?  He should really work on that), we hear about it half the year...or more! Various options for ending said streak are invariably presented; the most recent proposal is that he give it up to some young gun, the next Big Thing (uhh, sorry Big Show - that doesn't mean you).

Would Taker do it? I have not even the slightest doubt that he would.  Would it be good for wrestling? Maybe.  Would it be good for the Undertaker? Absolutely not.  If ever a business owed a guy a little something, WWE owes Taker.  He's been its ambassador,  backstage leader, coach, visionary and more for two decades.  When it comes time for him to go, let him go with dignity.  Let him go like John Wayne.

Don't make him go like Ric Flair.  His last storyline was a classic example of a great idea poorly executed.  I don't mean Flair's effort; I mean the structure of the matches making it obvious that he could win only by chance, that physically he really couldn't keep up anymore.  That's a come down and a sorry thing to do to a guy like Flair.  I'd hate even worse for it to happen to Taker.  But if I guess right, he won't ever let it get that far.

The man knows this business and his body better than anyone else.  When he begins to lose a step, I'm betting he'll know it long before anyone has to tell him.  When that time arrives, I hope he walks away after Wrestlemania.  And I hope he walks away the way Tolkien would write it: bittersweet, but utterly satisfying.  Think of the end of the Lord of the Rings - heartbreaking, but transcendently right and perfect at the same time.

There is a saying in show business "Give them the sizzle, not the steak".  Most of the time that works.  Not this time.  The fans, the Undertaker and the company deserve more.  Give us the steak too.   Taker's retirement will be a huge challenge, but also a huge opportunity for WWE.  Please don't f*** it up!

Would it put a new guy over big time if he ended the streak? Hell, yeah.  But let me propose a more Tolkienesque alternative.  How about a lengthy feud in which this Next Big Newbie defeated Taker at every PPV except Wrestlemania?  It would make sense.  Taker's turned it up a notch and pulled it out of the fire (no pun intended ;-) ) at every WM he's ever been in.  Why not one last time? The new guy would go over.  Everyone would know the torch was being passed.  But the streak, Take would keep.  Then he could walk away...at the top, with his usual class and integrity.  Tip of hat.  Ride into sunset. The way Tolkien would write it if he were writing for John Wayne.

(c) BE 2008

I confess to being a bit disappointed after Unforgiven.  Not so much in the quality of the matches - these guys and gals wouldn't be here if they weren't pretty decent...well, most of them ;-) - but in the outcomes. 

The exception that proves my point is Matt Hardy winning the ECW title.  Yes, I'm a Hardys fan.  They have a unique style and I love watching them.  Matt's matches are always thirty years long and he makes them count.  He's been doing a good job for a long time now and he deserves to hold a singles belt. I hope he gets a good length run this time too.

And ok, the Jericho-winning-the-scramble thing wasn't  totally forseeable, but you know...the guy hasn't been out of our faces sinces he came back.  And who else is the belt going to go to - JBL? lol.  (Probably shouldn't joke about that, huh? ;-)  ).  And while I'm on the subject, on the list of guys who could be fun with a title again is Kane.  I love Kane! I was all excited when he came to RAW, thinking yeah, man! Finally, he's going to get some more of the spotlight he deserves.  Oh, sadly, no; he's still languishing in the dark recesses of semi-oblivion while we watch Chris Jericho open a new school of laser vision correction.  Back to predictability: HBK beat the snot out of CJ - ooo shocker! Wasn't it always only a matter of time? Sigh. 

And Big Show's heel turn.  That's about as surprising as Secretariat winning the '73 Belmont.  Edge is on R & R; somebody's got to keep needling Taker 'cuz Vickie doesn't wrestle.  Hmm, who should it be? (Digression: was spitting in the man's face absolutely necessary? Thankfully, its a storyline, because otherwise, showing that much disrespect to a guy like Taker is just sickening.  Makes me want to wrestle). 

Same thoughts on the WWE scramble.  Of course HHH was going to win.  Again, do I love HHH? Of course I do!  He's awesome in so many ways.  Did I know he was going to win? Yep.  Not to say that predictable isn't entertaining; it can be.  How the outcome you know will happen gets reached can provide a fair amount of fascination if its creatively approached.  But seriously, how crazy and out-of-the-blue would it have been for Maryse to win the Divas Championship? Even if she only held it until next Fri, it would have been fun!  Wouldn't that have been far more intriguing than Michelle "Thank goodness I'm not in there against Chuck Liddell" McCool hanging on to it? 

I don't mind predictability.  I don't mind traditional.  I don't mind another chapter in the same story, provided I like the story.  But I LOVE a bit of a twist.  I LOVE the funky, paradoxical occurence that adds punch and makes me think "Wow - cool!".  That's what I get fired up about.  Its the difference that makes the difference. 

(c) BE 2008

 I am an aficianado of the random muse ...the pondering of miscellaneous riddles.  As I sit here over my cole slaw (its not wiggling..that's the table shifting..I swear), there are a few WWE rumblings which are the subject of my current considerations. First, regarding Vickie and the Undertaker...yes, dear, we know she's going to rot, burn, be pillaged, sacrificed, ex-communicated and generally made a spectacle of in devious and macabre ways...so get on with it already.  Are you waiting for Congress? We know your plan. Time to execute (hehe..no pun intended).  On the more serious side, I hope the Taker isn't still hurting and that that isn't the raison d'etre of all these promos.  I love seeing him back, even if it is only to watch his great facial expressions and divinely pithy phrases ("Look at me, woman!" = instant classic), but I'd far rather have him healthy.

Second, regarding Vickie taking out her frustrations on the Big Show...um...why? If there's one thing in WWE that drives me nuts, its these random gestures (wait a sec, TL...they're not allowed to be random, but you are?? Yes, I've spotted the hypocrisy.  Mea culpa.)  Further, is it absolutely necessary to turn Big S heel?  He makes such a lovable face. Isn't he cute? And he can pound your skull in too...awww! Would it really turn the WWE universe upside down to have a huge monster be a good guy? Would gravity stop working? Would 'E' no longer equal 'mc' squared?

Third: here I go on divas again.  I'm not sure about all these new divas.  It often seems there's barely enough storyline to go around for the existing ones.  And while I'm on the subject - Maryse is the #1 Contender for the Divas title? Maryse?? In what altered dimension? That sure tops the new list of things that make you go "What the Falkand Islands!"   It would be clear to a cyclops...or an umpire (same difference) that Natalya is the class of the field in that respect.  Do they just need someone McCool can beat easily? What happened to Natalya's push? Sigh. 

To cap off my rantings, I want to give some props to Batista.  The year he spent working w/ UT really helped him.  He's grown so much as a performer over that time, not just in the way he handles matches, but also in his mic skills.  He's done a great job recently bringing out personality in his character.  Yes, he still needs some work before he can carry one of the lawn statues (Khali, etc) through a match but still, nicely done.   Tip of Stetson.    Back to the cole slaw :-).

(c) BE 2008