I often wish WWE would offer up character angles that were a little more toothsome, a bit less flimsy. Complexity is good, but it requires a backbone of logic to pack a real punch (NPI-lol). Ever watch great movies of the 40'sand 50's? Most had no special effects, were in black and white and bare bones in terms of passamenterie and window dressing. Yet, they are as compelling today as they were then. Why? Characters. Great characters, enhanced by witty, logical, intelligent dialogue: flirty without being campy, snappy without being juvenile. What is entertaining hasn't changed all that much over time. The characters that move us may metamorphosize, but in the end, in WWE, as in the rest of the world, there only seven stories. Its the characters that make those stories live and breathe over and over.
Its why Jack Sparrow - that sparkling, devilish, rogue with his astucious phrases - was instantly beloved. I wish Chris Jericho had even a shadow of that script. He keeps trying to make Rey Mysterio out to be a hypocrite hampered by his mask who requires the salvation that only revelation can bring. Yet, Jericho respects him in the ring. CJ nails that latter part and it comes thorugh effectively, perhaps because its the most honest aspect of this whole odd angle. The rest gets a trifle thin. If Rey's such a good wrestler, what is this salvation supposed to accomplish? As CJ obviously stumbles trying to explain, its clear that the concept is rather flimsy. I hate when this happens. It just confuses everyone, fans, wrestlers...the only one who escapes scott-free is Jim Ross, bless him!!! (Greetings to the Resistol from the Stetson). And it makes Jericho look like a misguided ecumenical, which is a waste of a guy who has all the earmarks of a great heel.
I wonder what Gail Kim would be doing now if she'd been given the opportunity call McCopycat out as a paper champion, who'd beaten no one of consequence during her title reign and who is the top diva on SD only because everyone else who could wrestle either retired or got traded. How would that be for some feudal flint and tinder? (Anyone want to say that last five times fast? Hah!!)
Where would Brian Kendrick (who?) be if he got to show a real personality? I mean one other than his ridiculous low calorie version of RKO. That heel turn was ill-conceived and did not suit him, but he has all the tools in the ring. I loved him with London. He's been forgettable ever since. He's too cute to be a heel, but he can act (don't believe me? Check out his early-years bit as a messenger boy from Big Show, bringing a singing telegram to the Undertaker. Comedic brilliance on both sides. (And a lovely chokeslam as a bonus for anyone who digs up the vid.)) He needs something like that again. Maybe not today, manybe not tomorrow..but soon, and for the rest of his career. Until then, he'll always have London. (Yes, that last was tongue-in-cheek for those of you not up on your Casablanca script.)
So c'mon WWE - have yourselves a movie night, black & white style. Take some notes. And take your game up a notch. Savvy?
What the Falkland Islands is WWE doing w/ their divas division??? I can not but shake my head. Let's look at this logically. First, the whole PG-rating thing 86's the Bra & Panties matches, thereby erasing a big core of the divas' audience. This left the company in the rather unenviable position of having to create a new market for their divas almost from scratch. Ugh. To quote The Hunt For Red October "possible, ...but not recommended". Still, I could see it working, with a lot of effort. Most of the divas they have are hard working and seem willing to try to pull this kind of thing off. They have a great base to start from as high level female athletes: tough girls who can kick asphalt and still be fun to hang out with. WWE had the perfect opportunity to launch the new "Smart. Sexy. Powerful" (although I'm not sure I would have gone w/ "smart" for all of them...ha!) catch phrase at - where else? The 25th anniversary of Wrestlemania, naturally! Makes sense, doesn't it? Should have made cents too!
So, predictably, what does WWE do? Not that. They set up a poorly conceived, middlingly executed pseudo-match for a "crown", which they have no candidate capable of carrying. They turn the divas one shot at glory on the Grandest Stage into a farce, giving the victory to their own Mrs. Doubtfire and in the process trashing the entire divas division in general and the Raw division in particular. And then Vince has the nerve to complain about the gals being sloppy in the ring? I'd be sloppy too, given that kind of treatment. And he wants them to "step up"? Question: to WHAT, Vince? Step up to Santina's ridiculous costume, look him straight in the nipples and pinch him? Good gravy. I think that's expecting too much of a girl. Especially a sexy, smart, powerful girl. That kind of girl would tell Santina to go Helsinki...and like it. And to take Vince with him.
By doing what they did at Wrestlemania, WWE showed their own complete disrespect for the divas' division. How can they expect their audience to respect these women, when they clearly dont? Look at Beth Phoenix. Santino was good for Beth. Santina was horrible. The Italian Attache case gave Beth a chance to show off her comedic side. It was a nice change from the Unconquerable Woman of Stone she seemed to be and it made me like her a whole lot better. Beth to that point was a force to be reckoned with on Raw. Now, no one is even talking about her as potential Diva's Champion. By rights, her in-ring ability should easily allow her to peel the belt off Maryse and become the first dual champion. Better yet, there was a perfect potential three-way race for the Divas' title that could have been set up just by adding Mickie James to the mix. You mean, a women's title battle, with a great, athletically-based story: a truely competitve race to make history? That oughta be enough to give any accountant a hard on. Sorry, boys, go back to your magazines because WWE has blown it once again. Instead, the McMinions are salivating over when McCopycat will do it. Shake of head. Not that I don't like McC. I do like her. I'm just tired of her being the "it" girl all the time. She's surely not the only hard working diva with a passion for the biz. And to be worthy of the dual championship, she still should be doing more than being a solid, athletic wrestler with a vague heel mode and negligible crowd reaction. I know the company's put a lot of money into pushing her, but sometimes, you just gotta pull out, ya know?
And the saga continues at today's PPV. Let's ignore the begging question of whether a hog pen is really "extreme". Does ANYone want to see Santina vs. Vickie? H--O-G P-E-N is now the new way to spell "snack break". And its one more sign of WWE's disprespect to their divas - a disrespect these women don't deserve and in all likelihood are trying to claw their way out of (that's the real extreme challenge), which they won't do with yet another suggestively named photo shoot. Think about V & Co. If you're confused, ask Cena. You want hustle? You want loyalty? Give respect.
Been awhile since I've randomly mused and I thought it was time to resurrect the habit. I'm going to cover a couple weeks here and hit on a few et ceteras. For starters, I caught ECW two weeks ago and was reminded once again what a fun guy to watch Finlay is. I've been lucky enough to catch him live too and he's a lark! The man ain't much to look at, but I bet he'd rock to hang out with. He's been around freaking forever. He's over as h*ll live: everybody loves his brash, bruiser style. He makes every match he's in more compelling. And he hasn't had a title in ages. Tip of Stetson to one of WWE's unsung heroes. Thanks, Fin!
Side note: my new comedic dream in life is to hear Jack Thwagger say the word "isthmus" several times on live television. :-)
Divas Rantings and Raves: the finisher Melina used on McCopycat was smashing!!! I totally loved it - wicked fun, funky, creative and looks pretty dang devastating too! I hope she keeps on with it. What she needs to not keep on so much with is her promos. Tone it down just a tad, hon. If I wanted to watch that kind of acting, I'd catch a high school play. (Side note: if she and McCopycat start a feud, Creative should be pushed to capacity (does anyone else smell smoke????) to figure out how to build it up, since promos (other than the silent ones McC excels at) are pretty much off the table).
Speaking of McCopycat, PLEASE, I'm beggin', just ONCE, can some diva do what I would do?? (Well, what would you do, TL? ) When she starts doing those ludicrous push-ups, can some chick toddle on over and give her the swift kick in the ribs she's asking for? What idiot does push-ups in the middle of the match? And all her opponents just stand there, mesmerized. What is she, a snake charmer? Hello, Madison WI ! There are no time-outs here! Its still a match! Flip her on her shapely derriere and pin her! Geez. It takes ME to come up with that? Roll of eyes.
P.S. What the heck was McC doing w/ that sloppy Clashbreaker on Gail last week? Did she catch Rawdiva-itis?
And raves. Yes, there are raves. Too bad last week's Raw divas match was so bleeding sloppy, because the week before was awesome! Not perfect, mind you, but awesome. Pay attention. Yeah, I know there were some botches. I saw 'em. But it didn' t take away from how entertaining the match was. The girls did a bang up job. They all looked totally fired up. Maryse is growing her character swimmingly and justifying her move to Raw. She never fails to make me laugh with her taunting, self-confident ways. Her snob****ness is metmorphosizing from aggravating to endearing. Mickie is looking rejuvenated by the the new competition. Its always preferable to watch Jillian than hear Jillian and she did a nice job in this match, as she generally does. Kelly keeps trying out new moves. Some work and some don't, but I respect her for staying creative. And kudos to her for trying some flying stuff off the apron. I know the haters and the pseudo-experts are going to say she still can't wrestle. Well, they can kiss my glasses. And get some of their own. I enjoyed this rollicking rough & tumble match. Nice job, ladies. I hope we get to see more like it...onward & upward.
"Like a full force gale, I was lifted up again ..."
Van Morrison quotations aside, I just read on a diva fansite that Gail's push may be slowed due to a lack of reaction from fans and her lack of personality. That now tops the list of things that make you go "What the Falkand Islands!" Seriously? She's not over with the fans? In the three or four weeks they've had to see her? Shocking! I was not party to Gail's previous stint with WWE so I had no expectations regarding her arrival. I'd read both rave reviews and raging rips of her personality and abilities. Having seen her several times, I now, naturally, have my own opinion.
Let's start on the weak point: personality. She is doubtless no Maryse. On the other hand, she's no worse than many of the other face divas. Almost none of them have any peculiarites about them, beyond being happy and bouncy, to distinguish one from the other. Come on, tell me honestly, if you were new to WWE and they didn't have different hair colors, could you tell most of the face divas apart? The fault for this lies with the gods of the wrestling cosmos, not with Gail Kim. So, let's not hold it too much against her. Regarding the charge of not being over with the fans, I really have to let loose. Come-freaking-on!!! They give GK one lousy month and decide to pull the plug on her push! Going all Brit for a moment, what a pile of bollocks!!! They've been twaddling around with McCool for two bloody years now and for the fans to react any less to her entrance, they'd have to be in coffins!! (Yes, apologies to the McMinions, but those are canned cheers you hear on Smackdown televsion. Aside: maybe that's why they can't move her to Raw, eh?? Might be a little obvious that SD's PMS Princess quiets the WWE Universe faster than a hammer will kill a tick. (And that's fast, folks, for those of you who haven't gone all primitive on hard-bodied insects)).
On to happier potentialities: I like Gail's style. Its a little more rough and tumble, and in a sincere way, than we usually get to see. She has some unusual and creative moves, which I enjoy. She can throw a decent punch (Gail, save us all from McCopycat's Hideki Okajima Uppercut - neither of them look where they're throwing!!!). She has a nice, fired-up energy in the ring. She's clearly near the top in terms of athleticism. Overall, I find her fun to watch. I think there's plenty of raw material here (no pun intended :-) ), if the PoWWErs that Be just hang with her a bit longer...and for pity's sake, give her a decent storyline!! Is it that hard, really? I mean, you can't just, say, pick an extra one up at Walmart the next time you go? Maybe in the Disney aisle? I think longingly of her pairing up with one of the grittier chicks, like Natalya, or Mickie James (who, btw, I would have LOVED to have on SD. Yeah, I know...shouted the lone voice to the Great Void). And here's one straight out of the Mad Hatter's headgear: what about a mixed tag team on Superstars, pairing GK with Evan Bourne? Huh? Huh? Could we? Huh? A battle of the Flight Clearance for Landing Crew - Gail could so hack that! Aw come on, pretty please? Please? Pretty...uh..hello??? (Rolls eyes, unfolds hands...wanders off muttering vague obscenities).
I've had kind of a lousy week and the WWE hasn't helped. Therefore, let the b****ing commence! The draft, frankly, stunk. You know what was good about the draft? Kane. Kane is what was good. I'm thrilled to have him back on SD because I love, as in LOVE, watching him and he wasn't being used worth _____ (fill in expletive of choice here) on Raw. Maybe we'll even get a little BOD action going again, although I'm somewhat doubtful since that would be entertaining. (Note to the gods of the WWE cosmos to look that word up...in the dictionary ...under "E").
I'm not going to whine and carry on because SD lost HHH. Having him over there was too good to be true anyway. Thanks for the memories, Trips! I'm glad Kozlov wandered off to ECW. He needs to take a class in Snake Eyes. Maybe two classes. Big Show naturally needs to follow his lady love. ("But what about her 'husband'? Huh? Huh?" says the small, aggravating, wide-eyed, much-too-zealous Innocent.Fear not, gods of the cosmos: I'm expecting l'innocent to be squashed any moment now). I'm not even going to bemoan the fact that Raw clearly got the better end of the deal. Who didn't know that was going to happen?
But what the Falkland Islands is going on w/ the divas division? There are only two, count 'em two, heels left on SD, if you count Layla, who doesn't wrestle all that much. There are waaaaaaay too many faces for McCopycat to take on all by her lonesome, no matter how good she thinks she is. Oh and what...they're going to make Melina job to her so she can make the Women's title as uninteresting as she made the Diva's title? Although on an amusing side note, can y'all picture Beth with the Butterfly Belt? (Only a matter of time :-) ) ...Actually, I can imagine Santino ..cough..excuse me Santina... with it.
And on an even bigger what the Falkland Islands note: Natalya is down to ECW?!!!!!??????!!!!!!!!!!!??????? (Pause while chin is scraped off floor). Seriously WTFI !!!!!! One of the best female wrestlers currently signed and she's wasting away in the LOO (Land of Obscurity for those who don't read me much) of ECW. I know its not ours to reason why but good gravy!!! And with SD short of heels? It begins to make me give more credence to all those rumors about McCopycat bossing the divas around that all the McMinions tried to dismiss. (Even Nattie herself did and I believed her, but now I'm wondering if she was just taking one for the team. If so, I respect her for it). So there's Nattie collecting dust, along w/ Katie Lea, who has no business being there either, while Smackdowners get to watch Alicia Fox wiggle her hips. Yeah, I'll being tuning in for that come hell or highwater. No, really...I will.
I'm going to miss Maryse. I can't believe I'm typing it, but its true. I'm sorry to lose MVP - just when he was getting good, too - but I'm happy for him. John Morrison and Jericho: a few moments I won't have to dig in the fridge for snacks. Dolph Ziggler ( I'm sorry...have we been introduced?). I am violently pleased to be free of the Chloraseptic One's Kennedy-Kennedying. I'd love to hear him do a Riccola ad though. :-)That was the other good thing about the draft. For all the marketing department's "Time to Shake Things Up" blitz, this draft was singularly uninteresting. No major surprises. No major hurrahs. No thrills. No spills. No chills. No further comments, your Honor.
