Apologies for it being so long since i last wrote, i am so terrible at keeping up to date.

I'm not really going to say much today just that things have finally come to and end with the situation between me and my 'friend'. The result being that she has decided we shoudn't be friends anymore. I don't really know how i feel about that at the moment i guess im kinda numb about it. It'll probably sink in tomorrow when i least expect it. I think it has given me a bit of closure on the whole situation instaed of being in the limbo of are we friends? Aren't we friends? If that makes sense.

Any way i'm off now i promise i will give you all a proper update of what is going on soon xoxo

Hey everyone sorry its been a while since i last wrote a blog there hasn't really been anything going on to write about really.

I thought i'd write today to ask for some advice. I think i have mentioned a few times about the on going feud between myself and my "best friend" , well nothing is really happening at the moment, i was wondering should i make the move in trying to fix this? The last time we spoke she said she had given up on our friendship as i "dont put any effort into it", she also indirectly called me a liar and friend stealer. Im wondering if its worth all the hassle if this is going to happen for the rest of my life if you get what im saying.

We have been friends since we were 4 years old and it is killing me to think that all could have been a waste but the way things are going she would rather hang out with my sister. Today when i signed into my msn account her personal message read "looking for a holiday to greece to look for my man lol cant wait til 2009 ay laura!"

Laura is my sister.

How am i supposed to interpret that? does it mean she is taking her best friends sister on holiday with her just like she took her best friends sister to a theme park with her on her birthday instead of her best friend? And she then wonders why i'm upset! Is it really that difficult to understand?! I just want to spend time with my best friend without my sister being there or twisting everything i say! Is that really too much to ****ing ask!

Sorry i got a bit carried away there but im just so pissed about this whole thing. Anything i do is wrong or offensive but she can do or say anything she likes to me no matter how it makes me feel, im just expected to put up with it. Ive been feeling really guilty these past few weeks not talking to her im wondering if i should or not? im just so confused about this whole thing.

Anyway some advice would be really appreciated or just your opnions on the whole situation because im just about ready to give up myself, im tired of the arguements, sick of the ****y messages i just.....ugh i dunno.

Hey everyone as you can probably tell i couldn't think of a name for my blog today, probably because it is about no particular subject so needs no particular name.

Well i've been ill the past two days,we're on day three now and i think i'm just starting to get better, i've been drinking so much hot lemon i'm starting to get sick of it, but i think it's doing the trick. My throat still feels like it has been grated with a cheese grater and i can barely talk but at least i can breathe easily now and it doesn't hurt anymore when i move. With any luck i'll be recovered by wednesday or thursday.  

College is going well, not too much to do yet so thats cool. I'm loving photography although it is going to be the most expensive course i'm taking this year, i'm loving learning about the processes and about all the different techniques, it's pretty awesome when you are developing a picture seeing what you've made appear on the paper anyone else who has studied or is studying photography might know what i mean. It fascinates me, i can't wait to start developing in colour and stuff it is going to be amazing!

I uploaded some new pics of CM PUNK, so check 'em out and comment, think there are a couple of new jeff ones too i'll probably be uploading some more soon so look out for those :)

Saw raw and smackdown this weekend, OMG what does vladimir think he is doing? I hope khali puts him in the vice grip and K.O's him. Loved the way Undertaker took over the telly in Vickie's office that was hilarious, although i don't see why they had to keep showing that clip of Big Show beating him up, that sucked. And i don't think Jericho should have been allowed to win by falling out of the cage, that was ridiculous. I want CM PUNK to demand a rematch, i'm gutted that he isn't the champion.

Well, i think thats it for today so i'll speak to you all soon :)

So i'm like having the worst luck at the moment. Had a blazing row last night and my best friend has decided she has given up on our friendship as a result of said arguement. Hmmmm. Not really sure how to feel about that at the moment, i'm just kind of numb to it right now, it'll probably actually sink in within the next few days what has happened. I'm not looking forward to it.

I guess i can kind of judge my mood by the fact that i was writing poetry about death today. It was what i used to do when i had given up all hope and just wanted so badly to be able to die to be free. I'm sorry i'm such a depressing person, but it's all i know how to be at the moment. I'm not really sure what to with my self at the moment. For once i have no work to do and as usual i have no one to hang out with, so once again i find myself in my room alone. I should be used to this by now.

Anyway i'm gonna go now before i put everyone down. Try be happy, just so i know that some where in the world there are happy people.

ONE FINAL THING.

My spirit gone from my body,

my soul finally free, i leave you

these words in hope, you might

find comfort again soon.

I wish not to see you in black

celebrate my life in vibrancy.

With sunflowers and tulips of

contrasting colours i would love.

Celebrate my life now,

all of my achievements, and the good times.

Have fun, it's okay i will too,

reclining on a lounger in the sun.

Bury me, but do not care for me,

dont waste your days at my grave, 

let ivy grow over it and leaves fall on it,

because, big secret, i'm not there really!

Tell people of my absence,

but i've a new place to explore.

Remember me but do not mourn me,

i am at peace and so you should be.

I am with you always. 

Well a few things have been happening since i last wrote. I dont really want to go into detail about one of the things that have been hapening, its not been pretty and i dont like to think about more than i have to. But i will sumarise it by saying i just wasted 14 years of my life on a friendship that meant more to me than  it did the other person.

Moving on.... i had to work today, oh the joy, but it took my mind off of things for a while, washing dishes can be so theraputic. I'm looking for a new job at the moment but its turning out to be quite hopeless. I've even handed out c.v's to be kept on file for when there might happen to be a job opening one day. It sucks because whenever i get an interview that goes well they always call me or send a letter saying they aren't going to give me the job because i dont have enough experience. How am i going to get any experience if they dont give me the chance in the first place?! Its so annoying. Dont get me wrong my job is great  i get paid £5.80 an hour just for washing dishes, i usually do five and a half hours a day once a week. Its a pretty good job, it just gets boring sometimes. I've been working there since i was 16 it was my first and only job. Thats why i want to change, before its too late and no one will ever employ me.

You may or may not recall the blog in which i said i wasnt sure if i wanted to go to university yet, well i think i have made a decision finally. I think im going to go for it. I've been looking through prospectus' with my mum and there are some really amazing uni's around and its not just the course that interests me but the location of the uni's too. There is one an hour's bus ride from ny house! And it sounds pretty perfect as far as the course goes and the financal assistance it'd be the best choice for me. Im actually really pumped about it now :) There are a few others i like the look of too, so i'll have a back up plan if i dont get into the one i want to got to. Im pretty set on studying fahion/textiles but im not sure whether i want to do more of the designing or the making yet, but i think i still have plenty of time to decide that.

Well i had best go now i think i have gone on for long enough, i just want to say thank you to all of the people i talk to here you are really awesome people and you are all so nice to me thank you for everything guys :) loves ya x