Celebrity Guest Host Freddie Prinze Junior Buffy-****ers to the ring, where he geeks out @ the prospect of being here as a life-long WWE fan ~ from the 100s & 100s of WWE action figures that are still in his closet, to the Coliseum Videos that are hosted by WWE Hall of Famer "Mean" Gene Okerlund, all the way to the ice cream cookies that made you throw up if you ate them; tonight, he gets to stand in this ring & be in charge, but tonight's not about what Freddie wants, it's about what the RAW Universe wants; since Summerslam's right around the corner, Prinze figured that he's gonna start off big tonight, the Divas & United States titles will both be defended tonight & if that's not enough for ya, then tonight marks the return of a little group known as D-Generation X; just now, a guy dressed in a long black slicker & matching rain hat, with a hook in 1 hand, stomps to the ring, where he gravelly declares that he knows what Freddie did last summer, while he likewise knows what Prinze's gonna do this summer. . . namely, include Santino Marella in his new movie, I Still Know What You Did About 12 Summers Ago ~ the Milan Miracle plays a very good bad guy, after all. . . but Santino doesn't need to be in a horror movie, he can be in a romantic comedy, where he puts on a douchie wig & glasses, he's obviously a nerd, but then Freddie made a bet with that guy from the Fast & the Furious, so now POW he's a sexy-hot guy; well, that sounds good & all, but he needs a little something else. . . wait, Marella has it, he has to become Freddie's partner in 24, darting down to ringside & demanding that Ring Announcer Lilian Garcia tell him where she put the bomb, doesn't she know that terrorism isn't funny business, she's gonna tell him what she needs to tell him & it's just a matter of time &$ how much pain she wants to feel. . . & scene, as Marella heads back to the ring to get his kudos from Freddie, maybe he should just go get on the phone with Keifer & that Werewolf Killer that Prinze married, to tell them that the Milan Miracle's a real hactoré; well, as long as Santino goes backstage & rehearses for the next 2 hours, Prinze's gonna go call everybody he knows. . . & @ least he didn't do any Scooby Doo jokes; before getting side-tracked, he has an amazing Main Event & $he's not gonna make them wait; Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, on the other hand, is more than happy to make the RAW Universe wait, as he saunters to the ring to come face-to-face with the Celebrity Guest Host, where he reminds us all that tonight he's teaming up with the man that he's facing Sunday @ Summerslam, but he refuses to join forces with John Cena tonight, or do anything else for that matter; well, this is St. Louis & Freddie states that, since this is Randy's home town, he's not about to disappoint all these people by letting the Heavyweight champion off tonight; well, Orton has absolutely nothing in common with these slack-jawed yokels, he doesn't care what they want & demands that Prinze take him out of the match; does Freddie look like Seth Green or Jeremy Piven to Randy, don't even try to bully Freddie, there was a match made last week & he;s not about to change it, the Legend Killer & the Doctor of Thuganomics will take on WWE Unified Tag Team champions Chris Jericho & the Big Show; well, dem's choking-out-the-Celebrity-Guest-Host words, as the Heavyweight champion leaves Freddie laying in the ring, with various WWE officials scampering to his aide; meanwhile, we're onto the following RAW UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: champion Kofi Kingston pins Carlito Caribbean Cool with a 'Trouble in Paradise' Xuanfengjiao Tornado Kick {PSYCHOLOGY: nice match, hopefully it's the 1st of many for the pair}
DID YOU KNOW. . . RAW was watched by more teens {12-17} than the Teen Choice Awards on FOX! . . . ; betcha DX knew that, as a video package plays, showing some of the various antics of HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels over the past Decade of Delinquency
Mike "The Miz" Mizanin smarms to the ring in his new trunks & lack-of-metrosexually-ambiguous hat, where he proclaims his new look's only the 1st stage in landing his very 1st singles title here in WWE, namely the United States title, so champion Kofi Kingston'd better enjoy that pretty hunk of leather & gold while he still has in, maun; the Miz beats Evan Bourne with a 'Skull-Crushing Finale' Full-Nelson Facebuster {PSYCHOLOGY: right on the face!!}
in the parking garage, a white stretch limousine, with "DX" spray painted onto it, arrives, ejecting HHH by choice & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels by force; as they're heading to the ring, Jillian Hall starts marking out musically, singing the D-Generation X theme, causing the Game to dump a garbage can on top of her head, while Alicia Fox quivers nearby; just as the Cerebral Assassin comments on how this place never changes & there's always somebody about to jump out of somewhere to do something stupid, Santino Marella leaps off of the stairs of a nearby production truck, still channeling Keifer Sutherland & pointing his finger-gun, demanding to know where the bomb is, getting rewarded with a 'Sweet Chin Music' Superkick for his silly ineptitude; well, anyway, back to anticking to the ring, where the King of Kings & the Showstopper sport their old shtick & new D-Generation X shirts. . . HBK hands HHH a mic, which prompts the Game to marvel @ the reaction of the RAW Universe, then asks Shawn if it's good to be back. . . Alanis in "Dogma" helphim, he loves this stuff; well, in that case, the Cerebral Assassin just needs to know 1 thing, are you ready? . . . no, the King of Kings asked, are. . . you. . . ready to attack DX, Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior; just as Michaels & HHH start to turn the tide back in their favour, Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ beat down both D-Gener8s again; Ted then kneels down beside HHH & smarmily retorts that yes, they're indeed ready, for Summerslam this Sunday
RAW DIVAS TITLE MATCH: champion Mickie James defeats Gail Kim with a Roll-Up {PSYCHOLOGY: hey, what do you know, WWE followed up on a vaguely-set-up #1 Contendership, unlike what they did with Cryme Tyme a few years ago, when they were the #1 Contenders for the RAW Tag Team championships against then-champions for the longest time Rhode$ to Ri¢he$, then JTG & Shad Gaspard got their punk-arses released!}; after the match, James helps Kim to her feet, inspiring many adolescent fantasies about what those 2 will be doing backstage, to celebrate their hot & sweaty "mutual respect"
backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers John Cena, who reminds us that Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton uses all of his resources & $any means necessary to gain & then retain his title, therefore rightfully so he's considered the most successful Superstar in WWE, but despite this success, Orton has some problems. . . namely everybody else but Randy himself; he has a problem with the Doctor of Thuganomics being his Tag Team partner tonight, he has a big problem performing in front of the St. Louis RAW Universe & seemingly has the biggest problem just being a man; everybody has problems ~ the Chain Gang Commander has a zit on his face, he hates being cut off in traffic & absolutely detests when his dog poops on the floor; the major difference between everybody else & the Legend Killer's that everybody else knows how to deal with their problems constructively ~ hell, if Cena'd complained about his troubles, then he wouldn't wrestle WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show, for fear of being eaten. . . nor would he team with the Heavyweight champion tonight, as he's afraid to drown in the overly abundant baby oil dripping off of his body. . . he can't fight WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho because he never learned to reeeeeeead. . . but rather than channel the Legend Killer, John Cena instead opts to be his own man, deciding to head down to the ring & face his adversity; he'll give Randy every honest chance to fight by John's side tonight, but Summerslam's a much different thing, as next week on RAW, the champ's here; well, actually, the champs are already hear, proclaims Y2J as he steps on-camera, detailing how Cena left out a few omissions that are as glaring as the pimple on his face. . . Cena dropped the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah on his face last week, which means the Chain Gang Commander's now got a former WCW Giant problem with TBS, who likewise steps on-camera & declares that the Doctor of Thuganomics mightn't even make it to Summerslam, after tonight. . .
a video package plays, advertizing Breaking Point, live on pay-per-view, September 13th @ the Centre Bell in Montreal, Quebec ~ for tickets, call (514) 790-2525 or 1-877-668-8269, or check out www.geg.ca
Montell Vontavius Porter beats "All-American American" Jack Swagger via Disqualification After Swagger Refused to Stop Bashing MVP {PSYCHOLOGY: looks like a No Disqualification ~ Extreme Rules match for these 2 in the not-so-distant future!}
a video package plays, advertizing Summerslam, live on pay-per-view, this Sunday @ the Staples Center in Los Angeles, California
FALLS-COUNT-ANYWHERE MATCH: Hornswaggle defeats Chavo Guerrero After Home Aloning Chavito Heat in the Melon With a Paint Can {PSYCHOLOGY: hilarious!!}; after Guerrero comes to, he accuses "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry of setting up that gag, then hears from Macauley Calkin that it wasn't all that funny
a video package plays, hyping boxer Floyd "Money" Mayweather as the Celebrity Guest Host of RAW next week, live from Las Vegas, Nevada; before the following match, Celebrity Guest Host Freddie Prinze Junior saunters out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where he states that he's taking a page from Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, making this a Lumberjack match, composed of people who don't like him very much ~ namely Mark Henry, Montell Vontavius Porter, Jamie Knoble, United States champion Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne & Primo Colon ~ RAW MAIN EVENT. TAG TEAM LUMBERJACK MATCH: WWE Unified Tag Team champions Worst Case Scenario (Chris Jericho & the Big Show) versus Stormin' On Chumps Like They're Thunder & Lightning (John Cena & RAW Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton); Cena pins Jericho with an 'Attitude Adjuster' Fisherman's Slam in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: slamtastic!}; after the match, Orton hears a boo, when he drops the Doctor of Thuganomics with an 'RKO' Modified Ace Crusher, then scurries away before the Lumberjacks can get their hands on him, but even those guys start having troubles, as Y2J & TBS start horfing them, leaving the Chain Gang Commander to somehow persevere against the WWE Unified Tag Team champions
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08/18/09 originating on SyFy {in the United States} & rebroadcast on Global {in Canada} the following Friday, late-night
commentating by Josh Mathews & the Slammy Award-winning Matt Striker
from the Sprint Center in Kansas City, Missouri; now in WWE~HD
Hurricane Helms beats "Ripper" Paul Burchill with an 'Eye of The Hurricane' Spinning Headlock Elbow Drop {PSYCHOLOGY: I loved the comic book references that Striker was dropping. . . but is it really true that www.WWE.com has separate bios of Hurricane & Gregory Helms?!}
backstage, Courtney Taylor bothers "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer, who states that of course he & Heavyweight champion Christian are still friends, even after their bout @ Night of Champions, but it just goes to prove how much the title means to both of them; tonight, Dreamer's gonna be happy to wrestle somebody he actually doesn't like, but right now, Courtney needs to go, as here comes William Regal now, who smarms about how beat up Tommy is from his most recent battles, but in reality it's a ruse to allow Vladimir Kozlov to assault the Innovator of Extreme, as both men beat down the ECW Original viciously, ending in a hellacious boot to the noggin from Regal & a hellacious brow-Ruskeying from Kozlov; DID YOU KNOW. . .www.WWEClassics.com has over 1,500 matches from World Wrestling Entertainment, Extreme Championship Wrestling, the National Wrestling Alliance, World Class Championship Wrestling, the American Wrestling Association & World Championship Wrestling! . . . ; betcha the WWE Trainers knew that, as they give Dreamer a hand back to his feet
Abraham Washington saunters out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where he thanks the ECWWE Universe for their warm welcome that apparently only he hears, then welcomes everybody to his show; well, since he's getting mixed reactions to his APPLAUSE sign, so 1 of 2 things' happening ~ either they can't see or they can't read & since he don't see no seeing eye dogs in the audience, so maybe the Kansas City fans are ignorant, but they should all get Hooked on Phonics, because reading's fundamental; naw, he's just kiddin', but they're only 6 days away the biggest event of the season, Summerslam, in his 2nd home, Los Angeles, where Abraham gets to run shoulders with the biggest stars in his industry ~ Jay, Conan, Jimmy, y'know what he's sayin'; now, they might be miffed @ Washington, because his ratings might be higher than theirs, but it's all good, as long as their ratings are higher than Dave's; speaking of Hollywood, please welcome Abraham's guest tonight, the very bizarre Goldust, who totally-heterosexual-wink-winks onto the ring entrance ramp stage & confesses to being a little different, nothing wrong about that; now, over the past few weeks, Goldie's been involved in some thugtastic violence against Sheamus O'Shaunessy, but all the former WWF Intercontinental champion has to say about that's- that's- that's- erk! . . . ; now hold up a second, where's Ashton Kutcher, Washington's getting Punk'd for sure, with this behaviour; listen, he must know by now, about 6½ years ago, the former Dustin Rhodes got electrocu-CU-cu-electrocuted, but he's on medication every day to manage his new condition; naw, ain't no way Goldust's taking his medicine, he must be taking a placebo, it's like a gazebo; now, speaking of Sheamus, Abraham has another special guest tonight, namely the man who gets a sunburn walking past a sunflower, who'd rather stand for what he has to say to the former Black Reign, he got lucky last week, so it's time for Goldie to get ready to be taken down by O'Shaunessy, nobody beats the Celtic Warrior twice backstage, Courtney Taylor bothers General Manager Tiffany, who states that "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer has a concussion, so therefore he can't compete tonight; however, if Heavyweight champion Christian can find another partner, then she has no problem booking the match as-is with a new competitor in the corner of the Peeps' Champion
Zack Ryder defeats Yoshi Tatsu with a Roll-Up {PSYCHOLOGY: after the purofesshonaru resuringu misses a top-rope elbow}; after the mach, the former EdgeHead rubs it in, by uttering his craptastic catchphrase
a video package plays, hyping boxer Floyd "Money" Mayweather as the Celebrity Guest Host of RAW next week, live from Las Vegas, Nevada the SUMMERSLAM CARD SO FAR: RAW Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton versus John Cena. . . Smackdown Heavyweight champion Jeff Hardy versus CM Punk in a Tables, Ladders & Chairs Match. . .ECWWE Heavyweight champion Christian versus William Regal. . . RAW Grudge Tag Team match, D-Generation X (2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels & HHH) versus Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ (Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior). . . Smackdown Intercontinental champion Rey Mysterio Junior versus Dolph Ziggler. . .WWE Unified Tag Team champions Worst-Case Scenario (Chris Jericho & the Big Show) versus Smackdown's Cryme Tyme (JTG & Shad Gaspard); in the General Manager's office, Tiffany consoles the Peeps' Champion, who doesn't care if he has to take on Kozlov & Regal himself, but the former Playboy Bunny can't consent to his taking part in a Handicap match; in steps somebody who the Instant Classic can use as a partner in the following MAIN EVENT, TAG TEAM MATCH: Allies of Evil (William Regal & Vladimir Kozlov) versus Caged Rycklon (Heavyweight champion Christian & Ezekiel Jackson); the Final King of the Ring pins the Instant Classic with a Jackson-Applied 'Big & Bad' Urinagi Bomb {PSYCHOLOGY: curse him, that nefarious turncoat!}; after the match, Regal, Kozlov & Jackson stand triumphant, before Ezekiel picks up the Peeps' Champion for another 'Big & Bad' Urinagi Bomb for bad measure
* * * * *
08/20/09 originating on WGN America {in the United States}
RAW commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole ECWWE commentating by Josh Mathews & Slammy-Award-winning Matt Striker Smackdown commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & the Slammy Award-winning Todd Grisham
RAW DIVAS MATCH: "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix beats Kelly Kelly with a 'Glam Slam' Elevated Wheelbarrow Faceplant {PSYCHOLOGY: surprise!}
ECWWE MATCH: "Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin defeats Tyler Reks with a 'Paydirt' Leaping Reverse Space Tornado Ogawa {PSYCHOLOGY: ouchies!}
the official theme song for Summerslam's "You Gotta Move" by Aerosmith, from the album Honkin' on Bobo, on tour all summer long ~ check out www.aeroforceone.com for tickets & information; Summerslam's live on pay-per-view on August 23rd
SMACKDOWN MATCH: "R~Truth" Ron Killings pins Charlie Haas with a 'Lie Detector' Corkscrew Elbow {PSYCHOLOGY: another example of having it all typed up before the opening bell!}
a video package plays, hyping the swaggertastic awesomeness of Smackdown's John Morrison, as if I needed any further convincing!
MAIN EVENT, RAW MATCH: "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry beats "Masterpiece" Chris Masters via Countout {PSYCHOLOGY: what's up with that, RAW gets 2 matches?!}
* * * * *
08/21/09 originating on MyNetworkTV {in the United States} & on The SCORE {in Canada}
commentating by Slammy Award-winning Todd Grisham & 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross
from the Sprint Center in Kansas City, Missouri; now in WWE~HD
6-MAN TAG TEAM MATCH: the Masked Perpetrators (Intercontinental champion Rey Mysterio Junior & Cryme Tyme {JTG & Shad Gaspard}) versus the Watchmen (Dolph Ziggler & WWE Unified Tag Team champions Worst Case Scenario {Chris Jericho & the Big Show}); Ziggler defeats Mysterio with a Roll-Up {PSYCHOLOGY: a solid 15+ minute match, to open the show with!}
a video package plays, hyping the upcoming network television event "WrestleMania 25", 1 week from tomorrow
the official theme song for Summerslam's "You Gotta Move" by Aerosmith, on tour all summer long ~ check out www.aeroforceone.com for tickets & information; Summerslam's live on pay-per-view on August 23rd
backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers Matt Hardy, who states that, ever since he was a kid, he'd always looked after his brother, current Heavyweight champion Jeff Hardy, so that if anybody went after the Rainbow-Haired Warrior, they'd have to deal with the former Mattitude Practitioner as well; allow him to explain his actions of 2008, when Matt was doing everything in his power to actually keep Jeff away from the title he now holds ~ he wants to be honest to everybody & get it all out in the open. . . it's hard being the more competitive brother, watching as the Charismatic Enigma became more popular within the Smackdown Universe & when that happened, there was a nasty competitive nature that brewed inside of Matt, bringing forth a highly negative & dark nature in himself; he can definitely say, without a shadow of a doubt, that turning against his Rainbow-Haired Warrior little brother was the single-greatest mistake in his entire life & he's not sure if he'd've been man enough to even forgive himself. . . but the 1 thing that Matt can take comfort in's that Jeff's willing to move on, so that they can both stand in the ring together, as Team 2xtreme flies high again
Kane angers to the ring, where he declares that last week, he proved that there's only 1 dominant giant on Smackdown & his name's not the Great Khali; the fear that the Bald Red Machine instilled in Ranjin Singh was something that the Farsi Flinger's never inspired; the BalderTaker was that look, the source of Khali's weakness is the little runt that accompanies him to the ring, proving that the Punjabi Playboy cares, while Kane detests & @ Summerslam, the Bald Red Machine's gonna end the myth of the Great Khali; the BalderTaker doesn't fear Khali, but the Farsi Flinger'd better learn to fear Kane; well, dem's stomping-to-the-ring words, as the Great Khali swats away a swung chair, then beats down the Bald Red Machine until he scampers backstage, out of harm's way
DID YOU KNOW. . . last month, www.WWE.com had more unique visitors, visits & page views than www.NASCAR.com ~ www.SI.com ~ www.NHL.com ~ UFC.com ~ www.NFL.com ! . . . ; betcha Mike Knox knew that, as a video package plays, showing how he knows what Fit Finlay's going through. . . Fear Paralysis Reflex, when a body's so full of terrifying stimuli, that it's unable to move, but don't worry, Knox'll move him; Fit beats Mike via Disqualification After Knox Refuses to Stop Beating Down Finlay {PSYCHOLOGY: that sounds so familiar. . . !}; after the match, the larger man grabs the steel ring steps to take out some further latent aggression on the Tough Irish ****, but Finlay manages to hold Knox off for a few minutes with his Shillelagh, but ultimately to no avail
a video package plays, advertizing Breaking Point, live on pay-per-view, September 13th @ the Centre Bell in Montreal, Quebec ~ for tickets, call (514) 790-2525 or 1-877-668-8269, or check out www.geg.ca
Heavyweight champion Jeff Hardy EndeavorAfters to the ring, which's surrounded by Tables, Ladders & Chairs & with his own title hanging from the ceiling; the Rainbow-Haired Warrior's been thinking a lot about what's been going on in WWE in the past few months, glad that he & his brother Matt are @ peace @ last ~ the Hardy Boyz made the TLC Match famous; sometimes, life's just not fair, sometimes you're dealt a hand that's really hard to play & last week, the Charismatic Enigma was dealt a very serious blow, when his doctor advised him that he shouldn't take part in any physically-strenuous activities; Jeff's 31 years old & their advise to him was to retire before it's too late, but Hardy's never been 1 to follow doctor's orders & he doesn't plan to start now; there'll be no time to think on top of a ladder, where CM Punk will have a chance to claim the Rainbow-Haired Enigma's Heavyweight title on Sunday, but the space between the top of the ladder & the mat's his. . . the sound of tables crashing's music to his ears. . . steel chairs bashing humanity's a song that he wrote a long time ago; it'll take a lot more than a steel chair to stop the Charismatic Warrior from competing against the Straight-Edge Superstar @ Summerslam in their TLC Match; accepting his cue, Punk Killswitch Engages to the ring, where he looks up @ the ladder-mounted Hardy & asks if Jeff's nervous being up there, so. . . high. . . especially in the condition that he's in tonight, assuredly the Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior's drunk out of his gord, just like all the members of the Smackdown Universe in attendance tonight. . . yeah, that's something to be proud of, since you'd have to be drunk to stomach this Live In The Moment **** that Jeff's spewing, after all, what's that lifestyle ever gotten the Heavyweight champion ~ a night in the hospital, maybe & for what, the adulation of these people & 1 brief moment of attention; Punk doesn't know what's sadder, the fans hanging on every word of the Rainbow-Haired Warrior, waiting for another pearl of wisdom to justify their own weaknesses. . . or the Charismatic Enigma, who thrives on the cheers & adulation of the Smackdown Universe; how's that for misguided, they actually think that the Heavyweight champion can beat the Straight-Edge Superstar this Sunday & apparently so does General Manager Theodore R. Long, who made this match, thinking of it as Jeff's match, which in reality it'll be Hardy's last match; when CM defeats the Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior @ Summerslam & reclaims his Heavyweight title, it'll validate everything that Punk's said in the past, Straight-Edge's the way to be & will mean that he's better than Hardy; Punk has to get rid of Jeff, in order to show the Smackdown Universe it's time to just say no, they have to start living in his reality; there's no turning back from here on out, there's nothing left ~ @ Summerslam, Punk'll hurt him & remove the stain of bad examples that the Rainbow-Haired Warrior from WWE forever; the Straight-Edge Superstar can't remove the Charismatic Enigma, he's been in WWE for 10 years & will come out triumphant in the Tables~Ladders~Chairs Match Sunday; the Heavyweight champion clearly needs the Smackdown Universe to enable him, to justify his reckless behaviour, just like they need his lifestyle as justification for smoking, drinking & use of prescription medication; the Smackdown Universe lives vicariously through the Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior, a man who by way of his lifestyle thinks he can fly; well, Jeff doesn't think he can fly, his spirit knows he can. . . well, let's find out, as Punk tips Hardy's ladder, causing the Heavyweight champion to land on his feet & deliver a 'Twist of Fate' Twisting Neckbreaker to boot, leaving the Straight-Edge Superstar sprawling in the ring
Women's champion Michelle McCool joins JR & Grisham @ ringside for special guest commentary for the following SMACKDOWN DIVAS TAG TEAM MATCH: 2M Innovation (Maria Kanellis & Melina Perez) versus L~E~N~N (Layla El & Natalya Neidhart); Melina defeats Natalya with a 'Last Call' Flipping Sitout Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: a perfect bit of momentum going into Summerslam, where the former MNM'er takes on the Future Ex-Missues John Brad$haw Layfield!}
backstage, Cryme Tyme's too busy feeling down on themselves for Eve Torres to talk them into doing this week's edition of Word Up, so "Slam Master J" Jesse Dalton steps in to take over; when Shad Gaspard tells him not to get up in their business today, since they're both so concerned about WWE Unified Tag Team champions Chris Jericho & the Big Show, Slam Master J calls them a coupla Suspects, which just happens to be this week's word. . . a person, place, or thing that's suspicious; yo JTG made Y2J look like a punk in that ring, man Christina ain't got nothin' on him. . . & Shad's 6' 7", 295 pounds & every time he gets in the ring, he be bustin' heads, the only thing that TBS busts are buffets; come Summerslam, Cryme Tyme's gonna be the next WWE Unified Tag Team champions; elsewhere backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers Intercontinental champion Rey Mysterio Junior, who balks @ the idea that he's not gonna put off a show in front of his home state @ Summerslam, so if Dolph Ziggler wants Sunday to be his night, then he's gonna have to bring it, because the Biggest Little Man always does
DID YOU KNOW. . . over the past 5 years, WWE Superstars have visited more than 200 military installations, forward operating bases, military hospitals, aircraft carriers, submarines & even the Pentagon! . . . ; betcha Natalya Neidhart knew that, as she accompanies her men to the ring for the following MAIN EVENT, 6-MAN TAG TEAM MATCH: the Flying Chucks (John Morrison & Team 2xtreme {Heavyweight champion Jeff Hardy & Matt Hardy}) versus the White & Pink & Black Attack (CM Punk & the Calgary Bulldogs {David Hart Smith & Tyson Kidd}); Matt pins Punk with a 'Twist of Fate' Twisting Neckbreaker {PSYCHOLOGY: classic Hardy Boyz teamwork, coupled with the athleticism of the Shaman of Sexy & the Straight-Edge Superstar, capped off with the raw unbridled potential of the New Hart Dynasty!}
Wednesday, August 26, 2009, 04:32 PM EST
[General]
HEADLINE NEWS: Creating New Stars Before the Old Stars Go FLUPFT! - The Baltimore Sun has an interview up with WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho, where he talks about his teaming with Edge ending so quickly, his feud with Rey Mysterio Junior, on WWE's need to create new stars & more. "We're in a crisis period in WWE & we need to build new guys. When Shawn Michaels came back to RAW, he said, 'Who's been built since I left?' On Smackdown we've built {John} Morrison, {Dolph} Ziggler & Cryme Tyme. The Intercontinental title has been rebuilt now, with Rey Mysterio. But I can't tell you on RAW who's been built over the last 6 months. They better do it soon, because when this generation of performers is gone, who will replace them?"
- 1 of the most prominent things heard @ WWE creative meetings from WWE Owner Vince McMahon's his overall frustration with the product as of late & complaining about the company's inability to create new stars. Probably the biggest criticism the company's getting now's pushing their TV harder than PPV events in the last year or so. A WWE source added, "Vince & his current crop of generals are so inside a bubble, that they can't even define what's logical anymore. Vince's put considerable distance between his brilliance as a promoter/matchmaker & his current path, which I can best describe as disjointed booking & promoting that even he 2nd-guesses. That's never good. The difference between Vince & others is that he's falling for the trap of buying into the **** that a lot of the wrong generals are shoveling his way. Guys like Brian Gewirtz are horrendously bad for business. Hayes is solid & consistent, but he's paranoid nowadays & also is long gone, in terms of having an understanding of cultural shifts." It should also be noted that, during a creative meeting 2 weeks ago, Vinnie-Mac actually said, "God Dammit! WHY CAN'T WE CREATE NEW STARS?" the McMahonopolizer turned 64 this Monday.
- Though a number of Access Hollywood personalities were on hand for this past weekend's SummerSlam festivities in Los Angeles ~ Maria Menounos, Nancy O'Dell & Shaun Robinson, namely ~ there was no mention made of WWE on the August 24th show. Strange. . . it's almost as though the popular media looks down its nose {officially} on wrestling. . . then {unofficialy} marks out for it.
- TNA Slammiversary 2009 will be released on DVD September 1st, while Sacrifice 2009 PPV will be released September 22nd.
- www.TNAwrestling.com published an early look @ the poster for Bound For Glory, which airs live in October from the Bren Events Center @ the University of California. The poster, which features Sting, reads “The Final Curtain?” There's been a great deal of speculation as this being the final year of the Stinger’s professional wrestling career. TNA's been strongly teasing the possibility of Sting’s final match taking place @ Bound for Glory. In addition, flyers were given away by TNA’s street team @ WWE’s Summerslam events in Los Angeles over the weekend, also teasing the former NWA, WCW & TNA Heavyweight champion’s retirement bout. Tickets for Bound For Glory are on sale now. TNA will also run a Fan InterAction event on Saturday, October 17th, which will feature over 40 TNA superstars. You can view the Bound for Glory PPV poster @ www.tnawrestling.com/content/view/1562/8...
WWE NEWS: Jeff leaves, Smackdown ages & Rey-Rey goose steps - WWE Hall-of-Famer Jim Ross updated his blog & you can read the latest posting @ www.jrsbarbq.com
- Jeff Hardy will be leaving the WWE within the next month or so. The Charismatic Enigma gave his notice & informed WWE that he was leaving, due to scheduling conflicts, mainly wanting to work less days. WWE Owner Vince McMahon has informed the creative team to scrap future plans with the Rainbow-Haired Warrior & to create an angle for the UnderTaker's comback, originally slated to feature the Charismatic Warrior. The Rainbow-Haired Enigma finished up with WWE @ the Smackdown tapings, as he lost a "Loser Leaves Town" match to Smackdown Heavyweight Champion CM Punk, which will air this Friday night. Officials told Hardy the door will always be open for him to return, whenever he wanted & that WWE would be more than happy to promote any of his outside projects. He's planning on performing with his band, Peroxwhy?gen & working on a potential reality series. The Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior told management he wasn't departing because he unhappy. Almost everybody feels it's only a matter of when, not if, Hardy would return to WWE. Many wrestlers were comparing his departure from WWE to that of Chris Jericho a few years ago, who went to work on several acting & musical gigs, before returning to the company with a prime position. Many have praised Jeff's last several months of work in WWE, as they felt he helped bring the Straight-Edge Superstar up to a higher level, where he could be seen as a legitimate threat going into his next feud with the UnderTaker.
- Superstars being advertised to appear @ A Smackdown's 10-year anniversary show @ the TD Garden in Boston on Tuesday, September 29th include: John Cena, CM Punk, HHH, 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak kid" Shawn Michaels, "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, The UnderTaker, Montell Vontavius Porter, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase Junior, The Big Show, Chris Jericho, Matt Hardy, Christian, "innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer, Kane, Michelle McCool & Melina Perez. For more details on the show, check out www.wwe.com/schedules/events/rw/eventdet...
- X Division champion Samoa Joe's featured in the Summer 2009 issue of the adult-themed Penthouse Magazine. the Samoan Submisison Machine's interviewed & talks about the pranks that go on backstage in the TNA locker room. Jeremy Borash posted a scan of Joe's interview, which can be seen @ twitpic.com/f4do4/full Also, Joe's suffering from a sprained back, but isn’t expected to miss any ring time.
- Speaking of Tweeting Forever Hardcore Documentarians, the Twittering TNA personality took a shot @ RAW in a comment Monday evening. "The Death of WCW commercial followed by a Hornswoggle versus Chavo boxing match? Pot? Kettle?" wrote Borash, who subsequently opened the "floodgates" for comments.
- TNA has put a tremendous amount of advertising for this week’s iMPACT! show, pushing Dixie Carter’s 1st on-screen appearance. Meanwhile, all TNA wrestlers remain in the dark in regards to if & when Jeff Jarrett may return to TNA. The feeling in the backstage area's that things remain very unsettled, but that Dixie's enforcing her will more than she's ever done before, in her tenure as TNA President.
- Representatives of WWE Hall of Famer Hulk Hogan have reached out to TNA about a possible deal to sign the Hulkster. Hogan has shown interest in the past of signing with TNA & feels the company needs that 1 big name to compete with WWE. The former WWF & WCW Heavyweight champion last teased a TNA appearance in 2003, when an angle was shot with Jeff Jarrett smashing a guitar over Hogan's head during a press conference in Japan. A match was planned, but Hulk cancelled due to knee problems. It's believed that Hogan has no serious interest in signing with the company & is only using them to leverage a larger deal with WWE. NO!!!
HAUGHTY HOTTIES NEWS: Mickie, Michelle & more! - To read the coolest news on the hottest women in wrestling today, check out Shimmer's official Yahoo! Group -- sports.groups.yahoo.com/group/shimmerwre...
- According to several sources, Divas champion Mickie James was chewed out by management backstage @ RAW on Monday, as a result of how she reacted when her match with Gail Kim fell apart. The feeling's that she acted highly unprofessionally by showcasing her frustration on-camera. Furthermore, producers were none too pleased with James' improvised finish to the match, which was a forearm followed by a pin. To put the speculation to rest, Kim was indeed out of it towards the end of the match, thus explaining why it fell apart. She was treated backstage during the show, but it was said to not be serious. You know, if they need any help with eating-err, chewing Mickie James out in the future. . . !
- In light of news of Michelle McCool suffering a leg injury @ a recent house show, it can be said that no tears were shed in the TNA Knockouts locker room. Among people in WWE, McCool has a reputation for being a negative side of a diva & having attitude issues, but in TNA she has heat for stealing the finishing maneuver of "Phenomenal" AJ Styles, the "Styles Clash" Piledriving Faceplant. Generally speaking, the proper etiquette among wrestlers is that, if you want to blatantly use a maneuver that somebody else's using as their signature, you must 1st ask permission to do so, unless they're no longer active. If the maneuver's something that's been used among wrestlers for decades, it's no big deal, but if it's something that comes off as the wrestler in question invented it ~ or @ least popularized it ~ it's proper etiquette to @ least ask 1st. Yeah, like "Legend Killer" Randy Orton asked Diamond Dallas Page if he could use that Modified Ace Crusher. . . Anywho, Michelle's well aware that another wrestler, presently active in wrestling, is using the very same maneuver as her. We have it on good authority that a person in WWE asked McCool herself if she realized she's using a move some1 else's using. When asked, Michelle replied, "Yeah! I saw it on TNA 1 time! Some wrestler was using it & I thought it was cool!" Essentially, that's how the conversation went & the feeling's that she didn't even know who AJ Styles was, or what the move was actually called. She pretty much saw the move, thought it was cool, figured out how to do it & copied it. When word of her reaction got back to people in TNA, it got her even more heat among wrestlers in the locker room. While no wrestler wants to see others get hurt, suffice it to say, there were no tears shed over her recent injury.
- The WWE website has posted new photos of ECWWE backstage announcer Courtney Taylor, who made her WWE debut on last week's program. However, WWE has yet to add a profile on her to its website. Check those photos out @ www.wwe.com/shows/ecw/photos/courtneytay...
- As noted several times before, Lilian Garcia's set to leave WWE any week now, after making the decision a few months ago not to renew her contract with the organization. Garcia's decision to part ways with WWE has left The Bella Twins reeling, as she's their Diva mentor. The Bellas had a lot of kind things to say regarding the Diva veteran in an interview with The Sun. "Lilian Garcia's truly amazing. She's been a very special friend to us," Brie & Nikki told The Sun. "When we joined the company, she really smartened us up, gave us a lot of great advice & took us under her wing. She's a real soldier backstage & keeps all the other Divas in line. She's totally like mother hen." To view The Sun's article, check out www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/wres...
- TNA President Dixie Carter will doing several mainstream media interviews on Wednesday to discuss TNA's new 3-year contract with Spike TV
DECLARATION of INDEPENDENTS NEWS: Sunset Flip, pre-WWE Brian Danielson & Wrestling-online.com turns 3! - To view an up-to-date listing of all the omnivorous upcoming independent shows, check out www.prowrestlingevents.tk/
- To read a rundown of what's in store for this Sunday's broadcast of RING RUST's unofficial sister show, Sunset Flip Wrestling, check out blogs.myspace.com/sunsetflipshow
- AAW Pro Wrestling's sent in the following message via their Facebook account: "Officially confirmed August 24th, Bryan Danielson WILL be in Berwyn, Illinois on September 5th, wrestling Silas Young. This will be your LAST CHANCE to see 1 of the greatest pure wrestlers of our generation wrestle in 1 of the most intimate settings in professional wrestling. Pre-order your tickets to this special event @ www.aawrestling.com/events.html
- www.Wrestling-Radio.com celebrates 3 years online as of August 22nd & would sincerely like to thank each & every fan for their support over the past 3 years. In a wrestling internet world, where new sites meet established long-running sites, it's truly humbling when they begin to see growth & their own community of fans. In past years, they've named everybody they want to thank, but this year, that task's simply just too hard & they know they'll miss somebody; however, you know who you are & THANK YOU! Check out the full message from the manager of the site @ www.wrestling-radio.com/?view=newsitem&h...
- "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan will be competing against Rob Adonis @ a Rampage Pro Wrestling show on Thursday, September 10th in McDonough, Georgia. Visit www.RampageProWrestling.net for more information
- Graham Cawthon, the Founder of The History of WWE ~ www.thehistoryofwwe.com ~ posted the following article: "Roughly a week ago, I wrote a column discussing the need for an all-encompassing pro wrestling museum. The term 'all-encompassing' is important here. I realize there are 2 existing museums but, currently, there isn't 1 single location that celebrates the entirety of the pro wrestling industry ~ from the early days of the territories, to today. The feedback to last week's column was overwhelming. I received dozens of e-mails from fans around the world, not only supporting the cause, but also pledging their own time, money & collections to make it happen. Now that's passion. I was inspired beforehand. Knowing there's a fanbase that'd regularly travel from around the world to see this thing, I'm convinced not only that it could happen, but it should happen. For those that missed the piece that kicked all this off, my vision's to have a 'professional' pro wrestling museum: spacious rooms devoted to wrestling memorabilia from around the world, all encased in glass; hallways lined with event posters, from the heyday of the territories, to the rise of the pay-per-view; action figures, t-shirts, magazines, 8x10s, as well as ring-worn items from legendary figures in the business. Shoot me your thoughts ~ thehistoryofwwe@gmail.com ~ whether it be positive, negative, or indifferent, I'd like to hear what you have to say. Where would you put it? What would you put in it? Can you help with the process of creating it? After all, if the demand to see this isn't there ~ it's not worth having." To read the initial column in its entirety, go to www.thehistoryofwwe.com/museumcolumn
Celebrity Guest Host Jeremy Piven drives a Trans Am down to the base of the ring entrance ramp stage, then extracts "Hangover" star Doctor Ken from the trunk, then both men saunter down to the ring, where the Asian Gentleman introduces the 3-time Emmy nominee & vice versa, then Piven states that there's something that he's always wanted to do, namely have his own pyro; it's gonna be like July 4th all night long, as Jeremy has a huge show for the RAW Universe; before the dyspeptic duo can get too far into what's up for tonight, Mike "The Miz" Mizanin heads to the ring, where he asks if the RAW Celebrity Guest Host's having dun making a mockery of his show, as the Miz's an acclaimed television star himself; well, le Miz, they're here, they're actors & they're promoting the new movie "The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard" before Mizanin got here in WWE, he was on a reality show where he drank adult beverages & fell asleep in a hot tub. . . as Piven looks @ the crowd, he can tell that every single 1 of them has the goods, unlike when he looks into the eyes of Le Miz; as Doctor Ken mocks Mike's speaking, the former RAW & Smackdown Tag Team co-champion's not out here for them, he's out to get John Cena, who got lucky last week, as far as the Miz's concerned; Mizanin demands a rematch & since Piven's the Celebrity Guest Host, he's ordering the actor to make the match; well, no need to get rude, here comes the Doctor of Thuganomics now, welcoming both men to the show, but soon comes down to the chase. . . he can have the rematch, but last week it took about 2 minutes & it's not like he can't fit that time into his schedule, but the entire WWE Universe knows that Mizanin's just not very good, he has a face for radio & he's just kinda pathetic; tonight needs to be special, if this match's going ahead tonight, so since the whole world's going to see that cool movie on August 14th, where Piven's gonna be portraying the most successful car salesman ever. . . well, Jeremy has his work cut out for him, as Mike represents a 1975 rusted-out Ford Pinto ~ try bringing that to a nightclub on Friday night, see how many chicks you bring home; in a day & age where you can download a movie onto your cell phone & cook a turkey in under a ½-hour, the Celebrity Guest Host has to bring the heat tonight, somehow he has to make this interesting, the Chain Gang Commander knows that he's capable of it; years from now, when the sun's all burnt out, cars can fly & cats & dogs speak english, society will remember 2 things ~ on August 14th, 2009, they saw 1 helluva movie & when Jeremy Piven came to RAW, he delivered the goods; well, Piven thinks he's getting what Cena's putting down. . . since le Miz's been running & hiding, tonight's gonna be a Lumberjack Match & if Mike loses, he's banned from that SummerFest thingie that's happening in Los Angeles. . . oh, you mean Summerslam, taking place in Mizanin's backyard, John likes the sound of that; even better, if Mizanin loses, he's also banned from the Staples Center. . . as well as being banned from RAW, for all of eternity!
"All-American American" Jack Swagger pins Evan Bourne with an 'Orthodontist's Dream' Gutwrench Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: quite a hard-fought opening match!}; after the match, Swagger takes some additional liberties with the health of Bourne, delivering a few splashes onto the fallen high-flyer, until Montell Vontavius Porter storms to the ring
in the RAW Celebrity Guest Host's office, Jeremy Piven & Doctor Ken are entertaining some RAW Divas, when the Emmy nominee asks the Asian Gentleman to go get WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show, causing the self-proclaimed Asian Assassin to mock the former WCW Giant, who incidentally is standing right behind him; TBS' been embarrassed by last week's Celebrity Guest Host Shaquille O'Neal, but Jeremy's not about making fun of the slightly-pudgy wrestler who could likely breaking him in ½ like a twig. . . listen, they wanna take him to the next level, what does the Big Show want; well, he wants to beat the **** out of Piven, but as a counteroffer to save his own arse, the Celebrity Guest Host suggests a United States title match; but meanwhile, the sleveens have to enjoy the following RAW DIVAS TAG TEAM MATCH: Mickles (Gail Kim & Divas champion Mickie James) versus Phoenix-Hall ("Glamazon" Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall); Phoenix beats Kim with a 'Glam Slam' Elevated Wheelbarrow Faceplant {PSYCHOLOGY: where the hell's Jillian been? . . . & damn, that belt's awfully big!}
a video package plays, advertizing Summerslam, live on pay-per-view, August 23rd @ the Staples Center in Los Angeles, California
2-ON-1 HANDICAP MATCH: HHH versus Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ (Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior); Rhodes defeats the Game with a 'Cross Rhodes' Neckbreaking Reverse DDT {PSYCHOLOGY: it's all about the blame & how you lay it / what happened to the dog, why'dja have to go & spay it?}, after the match, the Cerebral Assassin states that he's in pain & the match didn't go as planned. . . he doesn't get this, is it just that these guys are that good, they keep beating him every which way he turns. . . maybe they're that tough, he used to be good @ this gang warfare stuff, maybe he has to bring back Evolution. . . naw, naw, that won't work, because Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton's a jerk, Dave "The Animal" Batista's a jerk & 2008 WWE Hall of Famer "Nature Boy" Ric Flair's out signing autographs @ a BFW show or something. . . maybe he should just make 1 phone call & if Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior ain't down with that, the King of Kings has 2 words for ya! . . .
in the RAW Celebrity Guest Host's office, Jeremy Piven & Doctor Ken are once again entertaining some Divas, when Chavo Guerrero Junior steps in & stands in awe of how Piven stars in that show with the people who eat all the bugs & stuff. . . no, that's Joe Rogan, actually; oh right, right, so he's that guy with Vince Vaughn in "Swingers". . . um, that's John Favreau, but that's okay, Charo. . . well, since he's been having some back luck with Horngobble these past few weeks, Jeremy suggests that Chavito Heat take the Leprechaun to the mat tonight
Carlito Caribbean Cool pins Primo Colon with a 'Backstabber' Cradling Falling Backbreaker {PSYCHOLOGY: well, I guess these 2 will be facing off in the opening match of Summerslam!}
before the following match, Celebrity Guest Host Jeremy Piven comes onto the TitanTron, stating that apparently Hornswaggle's come down with some adult chickenpox, so instead, he's arranged Chavo Guerrero Junior to face "Markswaggle". . . ; "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry beats Chavito Heat with a 'World's Strongest Slam' Fallforward Slam {PSYCHOLOGY: can the poor guy ever catch a break?}; after the match, Henry looks under the ring, where he finds Hornswaggle hanging out, so the former Sexual Chocolate horfs the Leprechaun into the ring, where Horny mounts the turnbuckle & delivers a debilitating 'Tadpole' Top-Rope Extending Mini-Splash; after some encouragement from his little friend, Henry does a little Irish jig heel-click, thus increasing the World's Strongest Man's t-shirt sales exponentially
WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho joins Cole & Lawler @ ringside for the following match, but 1st has a few choice words about the WWE Universe, who voted that last week's RAW Celebrity Guest Host, Shaquille O'Neal, would beat WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show in a match, with votes of 83% for the NBA star & 17% for the former WCW Giant; RAW UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: champion Kofi Kingston defeats WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show via Disqualification After TBS Refused to Stop Beating Kingston in The Corner {PSYCHOLOGY: well. . . okay, sure!}; after the match, not only does the former WCW Giant take more liberties with Kofi, he also takes a chunk out of Referee Charles Robinson as well
backstage, HHH's indeed making his 1 phone call, but the person on the other end of the line sounds real busy, so the Game'll make this real quick. . . the Cerebral Assassin doesn't care if he's said he's retired, he's said it so many times that it doesn't mean anything anymore; was he must watching what Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior did to the King of Kings? . . . he wasn't watching? . . . he's where? . . . he's doing what? . . . HHH thought he didn't do jobs, put all that stuff behind him, because as of right now, the Game needs him here & the Cerebral Assassin just has 1 question, are you ready? . . . hello? . . . hello!? . . .
before the following match, Celebrity Guest Host Jeremy Piven & Doctor Ken saunter out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where they reveal that they're actually bigger fans of RAW Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, than of John Cena, so they've hand-picked every single Lumberjack themselves ~ namely the champion himself, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase Junior, Chavo Guerrero Junior, Carlito Caribbean Cool, "Masterpiece" Chris Masters & "All-American American" Jack Swagger ~ to ensure that there's a distinctly-tarheelian outcome for the following MAIN EVENT, LUMBERJACK MATCH: the Doctor of Thuganomics pins the Doctor of Thuganomics with an 'Attitude Adjuster' Fireman's Slam {PSYCHOLOGY: well, I guess the Miz's out of Summerslam, after all!}; after the match, of all people, Celebrity Guest Host Jeremy Piven mounts the top turnbuckles, only to get used as a battering ram against all the other interfering wrestlers; then, to defend his friend, Doctor Ken steps into the ring with his cane & bashes the Doctor of Thuganomics across the back, then, when the Chain Gang Commander's face-to-face with him, the "Hangover" star feigns innocence, proclaiming that they won. . . only to have his all-too-clever ruse backfire by being tossed over the top rope, onto the congregation of Swagger, 3C & Masters @ ringside, leaving Cena to eyeball the Heavyweight champion up on the ring entrance ramp stage
08/04/09 originating on SyFy {in the United States} & rebroadcast on Global {in Canada} the following Friday, late-night
commentating by Josh Mathews & the Slammy Award-winning Matt Striker
from the Nassau Coliseum in Uniondale, New York; now in WWE~HD
Abraham Washington saunters out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where he thanks the ECWWE Universe, they're too much. . . now @ this time, he calls for applause from the crowd, then expresses his excitement upon hearing that they were coming to New York. . . but then, he was sad & disappointed to find out they were coming to Long Island; after joking about having no money left for them to steal, because he had to spend it on extra security; naw, naw, he's just joshing witcha, but unlike other late night talk shows {no David Lettermans mentioned} Abraham wanted to extend a formal welcome to former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin {sorry bub, TNA did that months ago. . .}, she's more than welcome on Washington's Show. . . please feel free to come sit on his lap- err, couch, because he knows that she hasn't got anything better to do, it's not like she has a job or anything; out comes Zack Ryder, who proclaims that everybody knows that the only good thing to come out of Long Island's the former EdgeHead, so it's no strain on the brain to assume that everybody in the arena's here to hear Ryder say Woo-WOO-Woo, you know it! . . . but more importantly, his girlfriend's in the audience, what's up baby girl, XOXO; man, Zack must be out of his mind, coming out here & putting his feet up onto Abraham's coffee table, it ain't even paid for yet, he's gonna lose his Rent-a-Center deposit if Ryder's not careful. . . originally, he was supposed to have "Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin on tonight, but Zack instead suggests that Washington have him as a guest, as he's charismatic, athletic, good-looking & has a killer sense of style; when Washington reveals that Zack's sense of style makes him look like Grimace dressed in a Heather Mills outfit, Ryder decides he's not gonna have any of that, he can sing, he can dance, he's the only guest that Abraham needs, Benjamin can't even hold a candle to him, bro; well, as a point of fact, he didn't even want Shelton on the Abraham Washington show, he's only doing it because General Manager Tiffany made him book the Gold Standard. . . ain't no stoppin' Washington from falling asleep from watching Shelton's boring arse; well, dem's sauntering out onto the ring entrance ramp stage words, as Benjamin eyeballs his 2 'antagonists", stating that if he said what he wanted to say, then ECWWE'd get thrown off the air, what with it being a PG show now; but he has a solution, the Gold Standard's gonna talk to Washington & Ryder like they were Smurfs. . . they know who those little blue guys are, right, living in the woods, in little mushroom houses. . . speaking of mushrooms, by looking @ Zack's outfit, he's obviously had a few; so, they have this dumb Smurf out here, standing next to this piece of Smurf, on this Smurfed-up show, talking trash about the Gold Standard ~ well, quite frankly, they can both go Smurf themselves; oh yeah, come on out here on Abraham Washington's show & disrespect him, ya fake Dennis Rodman reject. . . this ain't the Hip Hop Source Awards, Shelton has to calm down; if Benjamin thinks he's being cute talking Smurfy, then the Gold Standard can go kiss his natural black Azzzzrael; shut the Smurf up. . . & funny that Ryder should say that he was giving a shout-out to his girlfriend, because so was Shelton, earlier tonight. . . but then again, who hasn't been giving her a "shout-out"? . . . ; what, is Shelton pissed because Zack's substantially more entertaining than he is, he's way better, hair & all; well, if Benjamin wants to prove that he's more entertaining, then it's up to him, anytime, anywhere; hey, what a great idea, never mind that American Idol ****, tonight, for the 1st time in ECWWE, it's Abraham Idol, where Zack & Shelton have to compete to see who's the more entertaining Superstar; since Ryder's the guest, Washington gives him the choice of song that he can sing, then the Gold Standard has to sing the exact same tune & whoever's better's the winner; well, since his girl's in the arena, Zack dedicates Hootie & the Blow Fish's "Only Wanna Be With You" to her; after the Long Islander butchers the 1st coupla lines of a song he didn't even know all the lyrics to, it's Shelton's turn & he comparatively knocks it out of the park. . . naturally prompting Ryder to take out his aggressions with his fists
Ezekiel Jackson beats Danny Danger with a 'Big & Bad' Urinagi Bomb {PSYCHOLOGY: again, typed up from the opening bell ~ what are you thinking, WWE?!}; after the squashtastic excuse for a match, the not-even-sweaty Jackson eyeballs Vladimir Kozlov as he Russkies to the ring & decimates the fallen Danger
backstage, General Manager Tiffany wishes the Bella Twins luck in their upcoming match, then talks to a female stagehand, who gets mysteriously saved by Hurricane Helms, who then WHOOSHes off to save somebody else's day; wen she tries to explain to the GM, "Ripper" Paul Burchill walks by & sums up my thinking on the whole idea, calling it ridiculous
DID YOU KNOW. . . WWE broadcasts in 30 languages in more than 145 nations worldwide & are available in 500,000,000 television households worldwide; betcha Sheamus O'Shaunessy knew that, as he defeats Goldust with a Roll-Up {PSYCHOLOGY: after catching Goldie trying to come off the top rope}; after the match, Sheamus proclaims that he came to ECWWE for gold, but all he found was dust, so now he's taken 1 more step towards claiming ECWWE as his own-OW, STOP HITTING HIM GOLDUST!!
backstage, "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer proclaims that, even though the Peeps' Champion's a great wrestler, Extreme Rules is his match & in front of Tommy's Extreme Peeps, he's gonna win back his title in the following MAIN EVENT, EXTREME RULES, ECWWE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: champion Christian pins Dreamer with a 'Kill Switch' Crucifix Faceplant Onto a Car Door {PSYCHOLOGY: surprise, no title change on free TV!}
the official theme song for Summerslam's "You Gotta Move" by Aerosmith, on tour all summer long ~ check out www.aeroforceone.com for tickets & information
08/06/09 originating on WGN America {in the United States}
RAW commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole ECWWE commentating by Josh Mathews & Slammy-Award-winning Matt Striker Smackdown commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & the Slammy Award-winning Todd Grisham
RAW MATCH: "Masterpiece" Chris Masters makes Santino Marella Submit with a 'Masterlock' Swinging Full-Nelson' {PSYCHOLOGY: sun-da-ma-gun! . . .}
ECWWE TAG TEAM MATCH: the New British Empire (William Regal & "Ripper" Paul Burchill) versus Tuft~Yamamoto (Tyler Reks & Yoshi Tatsu); Regal beats Reks with a Floatover {PSYCHOLOGY: take that, damned Colonials!}
DID YOU KNOW. . . more people watched Superstars last Thursday, than any other program on VH1 or ESPN! . . . ; betcha ECWWE's Vladimir Kozlov knew that, as a video package plays, once more showing us his most unusual training regimen, including shouldertackling & suplexing a punching bag
Dolph Ziggler joins Ross & Grisham @ ringside for special guest commmentary for the following MAIN EVENT, SMACKDOWN MATCH: Intercontinental champion Rey Mysterio Junior defeats Mike Knox via Disqualification After Dolph Interferes in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: as that a pimple on the side of Ziggler's head?!}; after the match, as both Ziggler & Knox try to corner Rey-Rey, the Biggest Little Man manages to slither away to safety
08/07/09 originating on MyNetworkTV {in the United States} & on The SCORE {in Canada}
commentating by Slammy Award-winning Todd Grisham & 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross
from the Nassau Coliseum in Uniondale, New York; now in WWE~HD
CM Punk Killswitch Engages to the ring, where he proclaims that he tried so very hard to empathize with all of the Smackdown Universe's weaknesses. . . he implored with each & every 1 of them to just say no. . . but all that happened was that they all just loved Heavyweight champion Jeff Hardy that much more than they already did; the Straight-Edge Superstar's gonna stay the course, because he very much wants to teach the Smackdown Universe right from wrong, while it's gonna assuredly be a big challenge, but like other big challenges in his life, Punk's gonna face it head-on {apply directly to the forehead!} just like he did last week; he now knows why they all love the Rainbow-Haired Warrior so much, because he's so much like them. . . the reality's that none of them have the strength to be Straight Edge, they gravitate towards the Charismatic Enigma because it's easy, they haven't got what it takes to be strong like Punk; they all boo him because he tells the truth & that hurts; what does it say on their prescription drug bottles, take 1 every 4 hours ~ well, don't even try to tell the Straight-Edge Superstar that they don't gobble them down 4 or 5 @ a time, like they were candy & that's drug abuse; he doesn't abuse drugs or cigarettes & those who do are stupid, because they don't listen to the Surgeon General, who has those warnings printed right on the packages; now let's talk about those funny cigarettes. . . they obviously know what he's talking about, because the Smackdown Universe cheered when he mentioned it, that's just sad ~ not only is it hazardous to themselves, it's also illegal, so they're not only endangering themselves, but breaking the law as well, which's something that he's never done; now let's talk about the gateway drug, alcohol. . . don't anybody in the Smackdown Universe try to tell him that they've never gone out for 1 drink, which turned into 2, which turned into a coupla shots of something else, until the alcoholic's spending more time in the toilet than on the barstool; in Punk's book, if they even take 1 drink, they're alcoholics, so he understands why they love the Heavyweight champion, because he's just as weak as they are. . . but fear not, CM Punk's more than willing to be strong for them, so that they can learn to emulate him & just say no. . . they need a strong leader who'll carry the banner of the Heavyweight title with honour, pride, respect, dignity, integrity & class ~ in short, they need the Straight-Edge Superstar; then, for some reason, instead of having it @ the end of the show, like a non-mental-case booker would, they instead have a Main Event match @ the start of the show. . . but while the 2 are too busy brawling in the ring to start wrestling the match, various WWE officials come to the ring to separate them, then WWE Owner Vince McMahon powerwalks out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where he declares that, since General Manager Theodore R. Long can't control, he's on probation; now the McMahonopolizer's gonna have to name a Special Guest Ring Enforcer, but he's gonna make the Smackdown Universe wait to hear who it is, since he's obviously gonna do what any self-respecting non-mental-case booker would do & reschedule this bout for the Main Event; well, dem's charging CM Punk words, as the Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior jumps @ his Straight-Edge Superstar antagonist, who merely slips out of the ring & scampers backstage
John Morrison pins Tyson Kidd with a 'Starship Pain' Split-Legged Corkscrew Moonsault {PSYCHOLOGY: all typed up, as Kidd was walking down to the ring, maybe WWE should stop booking with such predictability!}
the official theme song for Summerslam's "You Gotta Move" by Aerosmith, on tour all summer long ~ check out www.aeroforceone.com for tickets & information; Summerslam's live on pay-per-view on August 23rd; backstage, Cryme Tyme ~ aka the Future WWE Unified Tag Team champions ~ for another edition of "Word Up" & this week's word's "Pretenda: a fake, a fraud, a wannabee, a paper champion"; they Eve Torres starts naming off Pretendas ~ Ashley Simpson, Milli Vanilli, not to mention JTG's choices of "Christina" Jericho & "Chewbacca" Big Show; speaking of Pretendas, in steps Jesse Dalton, but he ain't no Pretenda, he's so official, he has to carry a whistle; he just came out to congratulate his boys on earning a shot @ Y2J & Big Slow @ Summerslam; speaking of the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah, he knows that his dawg JTG's gonna take that Wanksta down tonight, but 1st, they should keep an eye on their monitors, because Jesse's about to prove how real he is;DID YOU KNOW. . . last Friday night, Smackdown was the #1 rated program on television among all male viewers, beating all programs on broadcast & cable! . . . ; betcha "Slam Master J" Jesse Dalton knew that, as he beats Charlie Haas with a 'SMJ' Top-Rope Splash {PSYCHOLOGY: Bo Derek corn rolls, represent!}
Intercontinental champion Rey Mysterio Junior Booyakas to ringside to join JR & Grisham for special guest commentary for the following FATAL 4-WAY, SUMMERSLAM #1 CONTENDERSHIP, SMACKDOWN INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH: "R~Truth" Ron Killings versus Fit Finlay versus Dolph Ziggler versus Mike Knox; the Former Spirit Squader defeats the Tough Irish **** with an 'NTN' Jumping Russian Legsweep {PSYCHOLOGY: but will he take the belt, this time around @ Summerslam?}; after the match, after Ziggler goes to make some noise @ the champion, Finlay grabs a handful of Dolph's hair, which distracts him long enough for Rey-Rey to drop him with an 'El Colibri' Springboard Splash from the broadcast table; DID YOU KNOW. . . over 1,000,000 women watched Smackdown last Friday, beating all programming on Oxygen, CW or the Lifetime Network! . . . ; betcha Maria Kanellis knew that, as she gushes about how happy she is being Dolph's girlfriend, but Melina Perez tries to warn her friend about how treacherous he is. . . but that's how he is inside the ring, but outside the ring, he's kind, sweet, funny & wonderful, she really loves being with him; well, Perez says that as long as he treats her right, then she can't really argue with the logic of the Future Ex-Missues FanBoy Mark Jabroni
JTG pins WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho with an 'Inside Cradle' Tangling Pinfall {PSYCHOLOGY: how long was it that they had their last Unified champion carrying around 2 belts, before they were amalgamated into a new championship?}; after the match, Y2J continues bawling @ the referee, with fellow WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show essentially standing behind him & saying "yeah!"
the Great Khali beats Ricky Ortiz with a 'Punjabi Plunge' Standing Chokebomb {PSYCHOLOGY: in the amount of time it took me to have a piss!}; after the match, Kane Bald Red Machines to the ring, where he blind sides the Punjabi Playboy & dumps him over the top rope, leaving Ranjun Singh alone with the BalderTaker, who quickly takes full advantage of his immense size, by dominating the smaller man & ultimately dragging him out into the Smackdown Universe, kicking & punching his prey, then dragging him off by the arm
the Special Guest Ring Enforcer, the returning Matt Hardy, Monster Magnets to the ring for the following MAIN EVENT, SMACKDOWN HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: champion Jeff Hardy defeats CM Punk with a Cradling Pinfall {PSYCHOLOGY: after the Former Mattitude Practitioner does his best to distract the Straight-Edge Superstar, after Punk had accidentally nailed Matt with a Baseball Slide while the Charismatic Enigma was confronting his brother @ ringside}; after the match, just when we all thought that Punk was just gonna go backstage & lick his wounds, he decides to inflict a few onto the Rainbow-Haired Warrior with some boots & a steel chair. . . but he does makes sure that his Summerslam opponent's gonna be in shape to lose his title in a few weeks, telling the EMTs to take good care of him; before Punk can escape, General Manager Theodore R. Long holla-holla-hollas out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, declaring that, as long as the Charismatic Warrior's okay to compete by August 23rd, then the Straight-Edge Superstar can in fact wrestle him for the Heavyweight title, but in a match that's 1 of the specialities of the Rainbow-Haired Enigma, a Tables, Ladders & Chairs match!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009, 02:15 PM EST
[General]
PAY-PER-VIEW NEWS: Survivor Series, Hrad Justice & WrestleMania on NBC - WWE will be releasing the Survivor Series Anthology DVD box sets in November, just in time for the 23rd annual playing of the show, which will take place in Washington, DC @ the Verizon Center. Only volume 1 & 2 are being release for now, with volume 1 containing the shows from 1987-1991 & volume 2 from 1992-1996. Each set will have 5 DVD discs. WWE already has Anthology box sets of WrestleMania, Royal Rumble & SummerSlam.
- TNA returns to PPV this weekend, August 16th, with Hard Justice, which will air live on PPV from Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida. Heavyweight Champion Kurt Angle versus Sting vs Either "Phenomenal" AJ Styles or "Blueprint" Matt Morgan. . . Legends Champion Mick Foley versus Kevin Nash. . . Tag Team champions Booker TNA & Scott Steiner versus Team 3D. . . X Division Champion Homicide versus Samoa Joe. . . Knockouts Champion Angelina Love versus ODB. . . IWGP Tag Team Champions British Invasion versus Beer Money, Incorporated.
- NBC Universal issued a press release Monday, announcing that the network will present the world television premiere of WWE WrestleMania 25 on August 29th @ 9PM EST. This will be a 1-hour show, similar to the WrestleMania 24 special that aired on MyNetworkTV prior to Smackdown making its debut on the network. The show will be presented in high definition & will have the music of AC/DC, Korn, The Hives, Borne, Ryan Star, Hollywood Undead & Kevin Rudolf.
- In a recent blog @ the WWE Universe site, "Innovator of extreme" Tommy Dreamer talks about the injuries he sustained during his ECWWE Heavyweight title match with Christian @ Night of Champions. "I did suffer an injury when Christian hit me with a crutch & the butterfly screw went right into my tricep (I'll post the pictures soon) I can barely lift my arm & have a nice puncture wound. My knuckles, fingers, back, eye & head are all bruised bad. I truly was in 1 hell of a fight." Check out the whole blog @ fans.wwe.com/tommydreamer
- Here's the updated lineup for SummerSlam on August 23rd, following Monday night's edition of RAW: RAW Heavyewight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton versus John Cena. . . Smackdown Heavyweight champino Jeff Hardy versus CM Punk in a Tables, Ladders & Chairs Match. . . D-Generation X versus Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior. . . Smackdown Intercontinental champion Rey Mysterio Junior versus Dolph Ziggler. . . WWE Unified Tag Team champions Chris Jericho & the Big Show versus Smackdown's Cryme Tyme
- Travel packages for WrestleMania 26 will be released to the general public this week. As always, 3 different packages will be offered ~ Platinum, Gold & Silver. The difference between the 3's the seating location. For Platinum, you get within the 1st 10 ringside rows & you also go home with the collectible chair. In Gold, you get seating in the 1st raised section behind the 1st 10 ringside rows. In Silver, you get higher up & seat in the permanent stadium seats. Each travel package contains a ticket to WrestleMania Axxess, a ticket to the Hall of Fame ceremony & a gift, along with 3 night accommodation. There'll be 3 different hotels this year, with each hotel hosting the different packages. The Arizona Biltmore Hotel will be hosting the Platinum fans, The Pointe Hilton Tapatio Cliffs Resort will host the Gold group & The Pointe Hilton Squaw Peak Resort will host the Silver group. The 1-person Platinum package's going for $1,895 US, Gold for $1,247 US, while Silver for $1,064 US. Price goes down if you stay more than 1 person in the same room. Unlike previous years, all Travel Packages will be sold through www.WWEShop.com
- This also in from www.wrestling-online.com ~ "With WWE releasing their own packages for WrestleMania, we are also giving you a choice to stay with us & take advantage of our special offer for Phoenix. For the weekend of WrestleMania & for just $169 per night, you have the chance to stay @ The Ritz-Carlton, Phoenix complete with full breakfast. When getting separate tickets & adding our hotel, you'll come out much, much cheaper than buying a WWE package, especially if you're in a double occupancy. With WWE, you save a couple of hundred dollars only on double, whereas if you book your stay with our promotion, you won't have to pay twice for the hotel accommodation, as 2 or 3 people can stay in the same room for the same price. For more information & to book, check out bit.ly/Sv4aI ; Your credit card won't be charged if you make a booking, not even a deposit & you'll only pay once you complete your checkout. All reservations are handled directly by The Ritz-Carlton, Phoenix hotel."
- TNA Wrestling's announced the Bound for Glory travel packages, which offer similar deals to the WrestleMania packages that WWE offer every year. BFG will be held @ the Bren Events Center @ the University of California campus on October 18th. 2 packages ~ Platinum & Gold ~ are available, which include a ticket to the show, 3 night stay @ a hotel, VIP ticket to the Fan InterAction event the day before, 8x10 photos of each TNA Superstar on the roster, Bound For Glory PPV t-shirt & a welcome reception with TNA Superstars. Single Platinum packages, which include a guaranteed front row seat, start from $799 US, while Gold packages start from $769 US. More info @ www.TNAWrestling.com
- The dates & locations for the remainder of the TNA pay-per-views in 2009 have been announced. Hard Justice, August 16th @ Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida. . . No Surrender, September 20th @ Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida. . . Bound For Glory, October 18th @ the Bren Events Center in Irvine, California. . . Turning Point, November 15th @ Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida. . . Final Resolution, December 20th @ Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida.
- WWE's list of dates & locations for all of their 2009 PPV's as follows: Summerslam, August 23rd @ the Staples Center in Los Angeles, California. . . Breaking Point, September 13th @ the Bell Centre in Montreal, Quebec. . . Hell in a Cell, October 4th @ the Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. . . Bragging Rights, October 25th @ the IZOD Center in East Rutherford, New Jersey. . . Survivor Series, November 22nd @ the Verizon Center in Washington, DC.
WWE NEWS: the Smiling Sarge, the Immortal Storm & the Released Ortiz - WWE Hall-of-Famer Jim Ross updated his blog & you can read the latest posting @ www.jrsbarbq.com
- WWE Hall of Famer Sargeant Slaughter seemed to be in good spirits Monday, having fun with the Canadian crowd, playing a heel, something he did so very good in the early 90's in the WWF. However, just this past weekend, it was anything but fun times for Slaughter, as he had to attend the funeral of his nephew, Army Ranger Corporal Benjamin Stephen Kopp, @ the Arlington National Cemetery. The 21-year-old was in his 1st tour of Afghanistan, following 2 trips to Iraq & was killed when insurgents attacked his unit, using small arms fire. "Ben always loved the military. As a little boy, he loved GI Joe & WWE. I was Ben's hero," Slaughter told www.WWE.COM backstage @ RAW. "It's a blessing to know my nephew not only gave his life for his country, but gave his organs to save more lives. Now, Ben's my hero." As Kopp was an organ donor, ironically enough, his heart was transferred into the body of a family friend, who was suffering from a rare congenital heart disease.
- Former Intercontinental & Tag Team champion Lance Storm was visiting friends backstage @ RAW Monday, according to Joey Styles, who was tweeting from the show. "Lance Storm did a great interview with www.wweclassics.com Lance hasn't aged a day in 10 years. I guess the fountain of youth's in Calgary." Storm spent 2001-2004 in WWE & was 1 of the original guys whose WCW contract was picked up when WWE took over, as well as being a noted ECW Original.
- WWE released Ricky Ortiz Sunday, with the usual "best in all future endeavours" little message on www.WWE.COM Ortiz made his WWE debut on July 2008 on the ECWWE brand & then moved to the Smackdown brand in April 2009. Before joining WWE, Ricky played for the XFL's Orlando Rage & then started his wrestling career with Ohio Valley Wrestling, before moving on the Florida Championship Wrestling.
- The Post-Standard newspaper in Syracuse, New York is carrying a story about WWE making their debut @ the Carrier Dome @ the Syracuse University, after being banned from the location for the past 10 years. "We're actively trying to pursue some different types of events & this has been out there for years," Dome director Pat Campbell said. "We changed our philosophy somewhat. It's a no-brainer for us to do this here. There's a good market in Syracuse for it & there's a lot of interest by the organization to come here." University officials banned WWE from coming to the Dome, because they thought professional wrestling didn't fit the university's academic image @ the time. "We're really excited about it. We think it's going to be a lot of fun & quite unique," he concluded, guaranteeing that there will be a spectacle. The Carrier Dome holds over 33,000 fans & about 20,000 "Suck It!" signs.
- Get ready for 1 more Adamle Original. . . ! Former RAW General Manager Mike Adamle was asked to be 1 of the guest hosts of an upcoming edition of RAW & is believed to be hosting a show by the end of this month. The very unpopular Adamle was given the RAW GM role in July of last year, just 6 months after making his debut with the company @ the Royal Rumble, as an interviewer. In his 1st day with WWE, he called Jeff Hardy "Jeff Harvey" on pay-per-view & unfortunately his career continued a downward spiral from that day. He moved to the ECWWE broadcast booth in April & even walked out ~ with Tazz ~ during 1 broadcast, as part of an angle that seemed as real as it can get. He was released from his WWE duties in November of last year, to the regret of nobody. The August 24th RAW's scheduled to be a "RAW Roulette" themed episode & has Adamle tapped as host.
- John Cena & his brother, West Newbury police Sergeant Dan Cena, are helping to stage a muscle car benefit event on August 15th, from 12-5pm @ Pentucket Regional High School in West Newbury, Massachusetts, to help the family of Kenny Fowler, a firefighter who died in December 2007. The charity purchased a 2010 Chevy Camaro to be raffled off @ the end of the day. The Doctor of Thuganomics himself will be in attendance, helping out as he'll be signing autographs from 3-5pm.
- An underground steroid network in Egypt was broken up last week. The network chose to brand all of their drugs with a photo of WWE's own Dave "The Animal" Batista flexing his biceps. Ulp!
- ECWWE Superstar Abraham Washington announced on Tuesday's show that William Regal's the #1 contender for Christian's Heavyweight Championship. As with Gail Kim's guaranteed title shot against RAW Divas champion Mickie James, WWE only confirmed that the match will happen @ some point ~ not that it's specifically booked for Summerslam. Yeah, because who needs something like that to look forward to, right? . . .
TNA NEWS: James & Cornette out, Burke in? - For all the latest Total NonStop Action news, join the MySpace TNA community @ www.myspace.com/wrestlingwarlordtnafan
- There's still talk within TNA that agents BG James & Jim Cornette may be on the verge of being released. James is a longtime friend of Jeff Jarrett’s & although he’s received favourable reviews for his job performance, some people still aren’t too happy with him being around. Cornette may or may not be a Jarrett ally, depending on who you ask, but either way, he's paid both as an on-air talent & as a backstage agent, which's a strike against him. As of right now, James & Cornette are the only 2 official agents with the company. Taz & head of talent relations Terry Taylor worked as agents @ the recent TV tapings & Taz's a strong candidate to permanently take the role. Taylor might become more involved with an agent role, but most believe he’s simply filling in for the time being. Scott D’Amore was recently re-hired as an agent & Pat Kenny (Simon Dimond) is another likely candidate to be brought back.
- Last week, news broke out that former WWE Superstar Elijah Burke has signed with TNA Wrestling. Quickly after the news made it online, Burke went on his Twitter account & somewhat denied it. "Wait a minute. . . So I HAVE signed with TNA??? This is really confusing me!" However Thursday on iMPACT! there was a vignette, which aired promoting his arrival, under a new gimmick using the name "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero. He'll be making his TNA debut @ the Hard Justice pay-per-view on August 16th.
- Alfonso Castillo of www.Newsday.com recently conducted a lengthy interview with TNA Wrestling superstar Kevin Nash, which you can go here; Big Sexy also conducted an interview with Jeff Wilen, which you can likewise check out @ blogs.three8six.com/jawbreaker/2009/08/e...
- For the latest edition of TNAtion with SoCal Val, Consequences Creed & a person by the name of Alex Iz, go to www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGl1P2DNuy0&e
- Newfoundland TNA fans!! Tired of not being able to see pay-per-views @ a local establishment? Same here! So that's why I've set up a MySpace page to help get our message across! As per instructions on www.tnawrestling.com, if fans want to promote TNA in their local area, they can set up a "TNAtion" page on MySpace & get other fans from their area to pitch in to help get the word out locally about the great wrestling action of Total NonStop Action! So if you wanna get TNA Wrestling pay-per-views into local bars around St. John's, or even have a dream of even the slimmest chance @ getting a house show here in the unforeseeable future, then add www.myspace.com/tnanewf as a friend & pledge your support!
HAUGHTY HOTTIES NEWS: Taylor's top, Melissa's birthday suit & Rhaka's diamond - To read the coolest news on the hottest women in wrestling today, check out Shimmer's official Yahoo! Group -- sports.groups.yahoo.com/group/shimmerwre...
- In case you were wondering what size lingerie TNA's Taylor Wilde wore. . . "Hellooooo all! I've quickly come to realize that I'm the opposite of somebody who keeps items forever, due to sentimental value. I guess I'm a minimalist! I just posted a new item on eBay; Autographed & worn lacey top, as seen on TNA iMPACT! & TRISTAR special edition Knockout cards! Let the bidding begin!" Check it out @ cgi.ebay.com/Taylor-Wilde-worn-and-autog...
- Melissa Anderson (aka Alissa Flash, Raisha Saeed & Cheerleader Melissa) announced she'll be celebrating her birthday @ the Town Danceboutique in Washington DC on Friday, August 21st, with fellow Knockout Awesome Kong. The public's invited to attend. for more information, check out www.cheerleadermelissa.com/2009/07/28/co...
- Rhaka Khan will be appearing @ the Diamond Championship Wrestling event in Hastings, Pennsylvania on September 26th. Go to www.diamondwrestling.com for info about DCW
- You can download the high resolution version of Nicholas Andrews' new SHIMMER highlight video "1 Shot" (featuring clips from Vols. 19-22 of the SHIMMER DVD series) @ www.sendspace.com/file/rptgxb
DECLARATION of INDEPENDENTS NEWS: 5 Star Wrestling, OVW TV & IWA on-line - To view an up-to-date listing of all the omnivorous upcoming independent shows, check out www.prowrestlingevents.tk/
- Newfoundland's newest wrestlijng promotion, 5 Star Wrestling, has officially launched its new website. Check out what they've got done so far @ www.fivestarwrestling.com
- OVW TV will now be streamed on www.ovwrestling.com So for those that are curious or have always asked how to watch OVW, go to the results section of their website.
- Happy birthday goes out to the 1 & only, the Immortal Hulk Hogan, who turns 56 yesterday. Last month @ the Toyota Park in Houston, Texas, there was the Hulk Hogan Fan Appreciation Day, a private autograph session that lasted 4 hours, with WWE Hall of Famer. Other former WWE Superstars "Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart, Tito Santana, Greg "The Hammer" Valentine, Brutus "the Barber" Beefcake & the Nasty Boys were on hand as well, for the $99 autograph session. We've received 18 photos from the event, which you can see @ bit.ly/blF6X BRRRRRRRRRROTHERRRRRR!!!
- Jake "the Snake" Roberts' selling some autographed photos in a special summer sale! $10 US per signed photo (price included 1st class Shipping & Handling) Check out the selection @ blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=b...
- Former WWE, WCW & ECW wrestler Big Vito's currently taking bookings ~ vitobookings@yahoo.com
- You can follow Billy Kidman on Twitter @ www.twitter.com/kidmanfcw. The former WCW Cruiserweight Champion works as a trainer @ FCW & is being groomed to take over WWE Hall of Famer Gerald Brisco's spot @ the "Gorilla Position" backstage @ WWE shows.
- www.Mandy.com ~ which features information on casting calls & jobs in the entertainment industry ~ currently has a listing seeking female extras (any age, any ethnicity) for a rap music video centring around 2008 WWE Hall of Famer "Nature Boy" Ric Flair! The description reads, "The Ric Flair video will be a high-concept, fast-paced hip hop video, that will focus on the essence of hip hop: big energy, good rhythm & some dance moves." The 1-day shoot takes place on August 21st in New York City. Ladies, send those headshots to qwkfilms@gmail.com & don't worry, Flair won't be rapping, the video's for the hip hop group R.Me's new single, "Ric Flair." In case that doesn't make your head ache enough yet, check out a sneak peak of the song @ www.sescoops.com/wwe/Ric_Flair_Rap_Video...
07/27/09 originating on USA Network {in the United States} & simulcast on the Score {in Canada}
commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole
from the Verizon Center in Washington, DC; now in WWE~HD
WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler's in the ring, where he announces tonight's RAW Celebrity Guest Host, a 15-time NBA MVP & without a doubt, the most dominant NBA player of all time, Shaquille O'Neal, who mammoths out to the ring & says that his new teammate, Labron James, said to say hello. . . but enough of the shenanigans, he's pumped to be here, with unlimited power, so let's get right down to it; to determine the challenger for Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, there's gonna be 5 Beat the Clock Challenge matches tonight, including HHH, Montell Vontavius Porter, "All-American American" Jack Swagger, "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry & John Cena; after pumping the DC RAW Universe a few more times, Shaq prepares to get the show on the road, when suddenly WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho Ayatollah of Rock Rollahs to the ring, where he makes a valiant attempt to see eye-to-eye with the RAW Celebrity Guest Host, instantly endearing himself to O'Neal by stating that when he heard that the most dominant NBA player of all time was gonna be the host, he automatically assumed it'd be Coby Bryant. . . now let Y2J remind Shaq of something, the most dominant pair in sports aren't Shaq & Labron, it's Jericho & the Big Show; now hang on there, Christina, what's he doing out here anyway, how's about a kiss on the forehead. . . after eventually getting over the slight, Jericho states that he's out here because once again, he's been overlooked & disrespected by the RAW Celebrity Guest Host, he's the biggest star in the WWE & the best in the world @ what he does, he demands to be consulted with & pandered to by everybody in the company, including any Celebrity Guest Hosts & if this shabby treatment continues, then there's gonna be a problem. . . oh yeah, what kinda problem, Shaquille asks, while mere centimetres away from Chris' face. . . well, as a matter of fact, the WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion's done talking to the RAW Celebrity Guest Host, he's now gonna introduce him to the other WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion, who angers to the ring & eyeballs O'Neal, before stating that he shouldn't try to intimidate the former WCW Giant, he'd have a better chance @ making 2 free throws in a row, so why doesn't he do the smart thing & out of his ring; well, let Shaq tell him something, Fatboy, he's working on a show right now called "Shaq Versus" where he takes on some of sports' greats. . . not that he considers the Big Show great, but the RAW Celebrity Guest Host challenges him to a match, right here & now; ahh, TBS sees what Shaq's doing, if he damages the NBA all-star, then the entire NBA's coming down on him. . . unless, of course, O'Neal wants to call Labron James into the ring, which will force the former WCW Giant to crush that smaller man as well. . . so, since the legal ramifications aren't worth the hassle, the WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion's not gonna fight him. . . yeah & neither's Jericho; well, since it's Shaq's show tonight, he figured these 2 ladies wouldn't be fighting him tonight, he brought in 2 Superstars who they might fight, namely Smackdown's Cryme Tyme, who Worst Case Scenario will be facing in a non-title match tonight, with the RAW Celebrity Guest Host as the Special Guest Ring Enforcer; well, that's just prime, as Worst Case Scenario bid a hasty retreat, as O'Neal suggests that they not screw up, then mocks Jericho & TBS some more, before the following SUMMER SLAM "BEAT The CLOCK" CHALLENGE, #1 CONTENDERSHIP, RAW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry pins Carlito Caribbean Cool with a 'World's Strongest Slam' Fallforward Slam @ 6:49 {PSYCHOLOGY: a Summer Fallforward Slam? . . .}
the Washington Redskins are seen @ ringside, enjoying the following RAW 6-DIVA TAG TEAM MATCH: the Girls of Summer (Gail Kim & We're Kelly~James, ****! {Kelly Kelly & Mickie James}) versus Seriously? . . . (Alicia Fox & Master/Slave {"Glamazon" Beth Phoenix & Rosa Mendes}); Kim beats Fox with a Missile Dropkick {PSYCHOLOGY: as usual, giggidy!}
backstage, Michael Cole bothers RAW Celebrity Guest Host Shaquille O'Neal, who'd rather have some fun with Hornswaggle, who, after landing a slamdunk, gets some sorta present from Shaq; when Cole makes the mistake of indicating how white he is, Shaq indeed leaves him hanging
SUMMERSLAM "BEAT The CLOCK" CHALLENGE, #1 CONTENDERSHIP, RAW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Montell Vontavius Porter versus "Masterpiece" Chris Masters Goes to a Double Countout After Masters Applies His 'Masterlock' Swinging Full-Nelson on the Outside of the Ring {PSYCHOLOGY: I've noticed, in past "Beat the Clock" matches, that somebody establishes a time, then somebody beats the time, then somebody doesn't beat the time or gets defeated, then finally the last person beats the time & goes on to face whichever champion for whichever championship & whichever pay-per-view. . . so they've only strayed minutely so far, from that formula!}
before the following match, The Brian Kendrick calls out WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler, promising to beat the **** out of him, right after he wins this match; United States champion Kofi Kingston defeats Kendrick with a 'Trouble in Paradise' Xuanfengjiao Tornado Kick {PSYCHOLOGY: in less than a minute!}
backstage, HHH's seen laying on the ground, with Ted DiBiase Junior lumbering over him, club in hand, leading into the following SUMMER SLAM "BEAT The CLOCK" CHALLENGE, #1 CONTENDERSHIP, RAW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: the Game versus Cody Rhodes Goes to the Time Limit {PSYCHOLOGY: with more than ample distraction from Ted DiBiase Junior!}; after the match, the Cerebral Assassin has a few choice words with Referee Charles Robinson, then eyeballs Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ as the skedaddle backstage
in the RAW Celebrity Guest Host's office, Shaquille O'Neal's seen playing Scrabble with Santino Marella, who questions how he gets so many Qs to spell all these Shaq-related words; as the Milan Miracle's about to call shenanigans, Smackdown's Cryme Tyme Word Up into the office, where they get all up in their own business. . . until Santino puts on a baseball cap ****-like & starts rapping about taking RAW back from Shaq. . . from Summerslam to the Royal Rumble, he's smack you down like. . . something that rhymes with Rumble! . . . he'll do it, for sure, don't play him. . . he'll steal Angelina & her new Asian baby; O'Neal tells Marella to go that way, so that the remaining 3 can prepare for the Tag Team match later tonight; meanwhile, by order of the RAW Celebrity Guest Host, Chavo Guerrero must wrestle the following match in a blindfold; Hornswaggle pins Chavito Heat with a 'Tadpole' Top-Rope Extending Mini-Splash {PSYCHOLOGY: how long's this gonna go on? . . . not that I'm not entertained, of course!}
backstage, "All-American American" Jack Swagger informs Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton that, while HHH didn't beat the clock to advance, Swagger will; if Orton's supposed to be intimidated, Jack should really keep practicing. . . yeah, like "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry's doing, glowering @ the Heavyweight champion with that demonic smirk on his face, now that's intimidating! . . . ; DID YOU KNOW. . . WWE offers all U.S. Military personnel free tickets to its live events in the United States! . . . ; betcha the various Armed Forces members who are in the arena tonight knew that, as watch the following SUMMER SLAM "BEAT The CLOCK" CHALLENGE, #1 CONTENDERSHIP, RAW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Evan Bourne beats Swagger with a 'Small Package' {PSYCHOLOGY: now that's a match for the ages!}
backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers HHH, who states that @ this point he's mad @ himself, for not seeing this sooner. . . all this time, he's been going straight for Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, when in reality the tail's been wagging the dog ~ without Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior, Orton's nothing but the same punk that he's always been; when you cut the tail off the dog, the dog dies {what?!}, so the Game's done playing around, he wants Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ next week; ain't it funny, how in life, every now & then, you come across a guy you just shouldn't screw with. . . well, the Cerebral Assassin's that guy & Rhodes & DiBiase are gonna find out why, the hard way, next Monday
before following match, Mike "The Miz" Mizanin once again goes out of his way to make friends with the WWE Universe, by stating that, as a Cleveland Cavaliers fan, he's thrilled to have Shaq coming to his team, as they're all prepared to beat the Wizards anyway, so it's just as well for O'Neal to sit this 1 out, eh; every 4th quarter's exactly the same, the opposing team just runs out the clock & it doesn't matter if it's the Wizards, or the Washington Redskins, the opposing team's gonna dominate the entire game & then let the clock run down to that soul-crushing conclusion & that's just what he's gonna do to John Cena; Mizanin doesn't have to beat the Chain Gang Commander, he just as to last less than 7 minutes; to quote somebody that the Washington residents voted to office, who's been failing miserably, YES I CAN, because he's the Miz & he's awesome; Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton joins Cole & Lawler @ ringside for the following SUMMER SLAM "BEAT The CLOCK" CHALLENGE, #1 CONTENDERSHIP, RAW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: John Cena makes the Miz Submit with an 'STFU' Modified "Submission Through Fear" Stepover Toehold Facelock, With 2:21 Remaining {PSYCHOLOGY: so it's the Doctor of Thuganomics versus the Legend Killer for the Heavyweight title @ Summerslam}; after the match, Orton slithers into the ring, where he gawks @ his #1 Contender for a few seconds, then holds his craptastic belt aloft with a smug smirk
RAW Celebrity Guest Host Shaquille O'Neal ambles down to ringside as the Special Guest Ring Enforcer for the following MAIN EVENT, SMACKDOWN TAG TEAM MATCH: WWE Unified Tag Team champions Worst Case Scenario (Chris Jericho & the Big Show) versus Cryme Tyme (Shad Gaspard & JTG) Goes to a No Contest After TBS & Shaq Try to Chokeslam Each Other, in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: so. . . the Main Event of RAW. . . without any RAW Superstars in it?}; after the match, O'Neal & Cryme Tyme celebrate their "victory" in the ring
07/28/09 originating on SyFy {in the United States} & rebroadcast on Global {in Canada} the following Friday, late-night
commentating by Josh Mathews & the Slammy Award-winning Matt Striker
before the following match, a video package plays, showing Tyler Reks stating that, even though he comes from the beaches of SoCal, he shouldn't be mistaken for a pushover, as he's about to show; Reks defeats "Ripper" Paul Burchill with a Springboard Missile Dropkick {PSYCHOLOGY: well, he said it & he did it, if only some of the "female dogs" of Newfoundland wrestling could take a hint!}
Vladimir Kozlov pins Bill Baine with a 'Cold War' 1-Handed Chokebomb {PSYCHOLOGY: making quick work of what's effectively a jobber}; after the match, Ezekiel Jackson stomps to the ring, where he stands face-to-face with the Moscow Mauler, before grabbing poor Baine & drops him with a Big & Bad' Urinagi Bomb, before leaving the ring, apparently satisfied in his message being sent
in the General Manager's office, Tiffany tells "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer that his idea's a great 1, as being the Heavyweight champion's been a big part of his life. . . in steps "Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin, who wants to talk to Tiffany about being on the Abraham Washington show. . . well, she spoke with Washington & he had a few. . . concerns, such as Benjamin not being entertaining enough; excuse Gregory Helms, he just has 1 question for Tiffany. . . which prompts Shelton to ask if Helms ever knocks. . . so anywho, what does the Gold Standard have to do, dress up like a super hero; hey, Helms' just a reporter, which Benjamin believes not @ all, so if Tiffany wants entertaining, he'll give it to her
Sheamus O'Shaunessy defeats Goldust with a 'Dublin Dervish' Side Slam Backbreaker {PSYCHOLOGY: all typed up, during Goldie's ring entrance!}
the official theme song for Summerslam's "You Gotta Move" by Aerosmith, on tour all summer long ~ check out www.aeroforceone.com for tickets & information
Heavyweight champion Christian Peeps to the ring, where he states that they say that you always remember your 1st time. . . but here, standing in front of all of his Peeps, a 2-time Heavyweight champion, the 2nd time feels just a little bit sweeter; now, this may sound crazy, but losing this belt a few months ago was actually a good thing, it made him realize how much it meant to him; but with that being said, he has to remember the guy who held this title before him, "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer, who the Instant Classic confesses he's had some fun with over the past few weeks ~ making fun of his body shape & how he gets emotional from time to time; speak of the devil, the Innovator of Extreme stalks to the ring, where he @ 1st declines to shake the hand of the new Heavyweight champion, declaring that he's out here for a coupla reasons. . . 1st off, that was a helluva match they had 2 day ago @ Night of Champions, but he just spoke to General Manager Tiffany & she's given him his rematch next week, under Extreme Rules; Zack Ryder decides to choose that moment to come out & make his presence know, enough talking about next week, he's gonna beat the Peeps' Champion this week in the following MAIN EVENT MATCH: Heavyweight champion Christian pins Zack Ryder with a 'Kill Switch' Crucifix Faceplant in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: so, then. . . what did that match prove, again?}
07/30/09 originating on WGN America {in the United States}
RAW commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole ECWWE commentating by Josh Mathews & Slammy-Award-winning Matt Striker Smackdown commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & the Slammy Award-winning Todd Grisham
SMACKDOWN MATCH: John Morrison beats Tyson Kidd with a 'Starship Pain' Split-Legged Corkscrew Moonsault {PSYCHOLOGY: all in preparation for Friday's title match against new Heavyweight champion Jeff Hardy!}
ECWWE MATCH: William Regal defeats Yoshi Tatsu with a Running Kneestrike {PSYCHOLOGY: now how's that for some revenge?!}
backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers RAW Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, who marvels @ the fact that they had to have a Beat the Clock challenge to determine his #1 Contender, with John Cena being the big winner. . . but in order to find out what the Doctor of Thuganomics has really won, check out his match with Primo Colon tonight; congratulations, Chain Gang Commander, you've Beat the Clock, but @ Summerslam, the Heavyweight champion's gonna beat him; MAIN EVENT, RAW MATCH: Orton pins Colon with an 'RKO' Modified Ace Crusher in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: I'm sorry, was this a surprise to you?!}
07/31/09 originating on MyNetworkTV {in the United States} & on The SCORE {in Canada}
commentating by Slammy Award-winning Todd Grisham & 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross
Heavyweight champion Jeff Hardy EndeavourAfters to the ring, where he states that if this is a dream, then nobody wake him up, he's just chillin' in the ImagiNation as the new champion; the Rainbow-Hairwed Warrior thanks all the freaks & outcasts, all the people who've stuck with him through thick & thin; going into Night of Champions, then-champion CM Punk said some pretty nasty things to both the Charismatic Enigma & his fans, but just like Hardy, his ImagiNation just said no to being force-fed the Straight-Edge Superstar's lies, because the fact's that, if all the world was like Punk, how boring would this world be; the only thing he's high on's being Heavyweight champion for his fans, he was born a free spirit & has danced to his own drum all his life, they all have the choice to be who they wanna be; he knows that General Manager Theodore R. Long's given CM his rematch, anytime he wants it against whoever might be the champion. . . the reason the Rainbow-Haired Warrior mentions that's because his opponent tonight, a man whose light shines brighter than any other, John Morrison, will be challenging for the Heavyweight title; last time, his title reign was way too short & he doesn't plan on that happening again anytime soon, so he wants Baltimore to get ready, because the Shaman of Sexy's beaten CM Punk twice, so the Smackdown Universe can look forward to a breathtaking, amazing, death-defying main events in Smackdown history
WWE Home Video presents "Allied Powers: The World's Greatest Tag Teams", "Rey Mysterio: Littlest Big Man", "Judgment Day 2009" & "Macho Madness: the Randy Savage Ultimate Collection", available now @ all major DVD retailers & @ www.WWEShop.com
the official theme song for Summerslam's "You Gotta Move" by Aerosmith, on tour all summer long ~ check out www.aeroforceone.com for tickets & information; SUMMERSLAM #1 CONTENDERSHIP, WWE UNIFIED TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Cryme Tyme (Shad Gaspard & JTG) versus the Calgary Bulldogs (David Hart Smith & Tyson Kidd); JTG beats Kidd with a 'Shout-Out' Spinning Headlock Sitout Lariat {PSYCHOLOGY: am I the only person who remembers that Cryme Tyme were the #1 Contenders for the RAW Tag Team titles, when they were let go a coupla years ago?}; after the match, WWE Unified Tag Team champions Chris Jericho & the Big Show saunter out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where the 2 sharp-dressed men applaud the victory, but Y2J advises that they enjoy this moment for as long as they can, because @ Summerslam, it's all downhill for Cryme Tyme; the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah can see it in their faces, they're riding a natural high, they;re coming close to achieving their lifelong dreams of becoming Tag Team champions, but just like these failures in the Smackdown Universe's that they're hard-wired to lose, but what they're forgetting in their fleeting moment of victory's that Shad Gaspard & JTG are gonna be tangling with the most dominant Tag Team in this industry, the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions & TBS have a collective 40 titles between them, don't they realize how great Worst Case Scenario are ~ the perfect synergy of strength, agility, intelligence, ruthlessness & honesty; whoa, whoa, whoa, what Shad's looking @ are Han Solo & Chewbacca, but luckily he speaks Wookiee; do they think this is some kinda joke. . . well, the joke's that, when this week's RAW Celebrity Guest Host, Shaquille O'Neal, was around, Christina didn't have much to say. . . & as for Fatboy, he didn't have much to say either, because Shaq knocked him flat on his back; all joking aside, after Summerslam, Cryme Tyme's leaving with the WWE Unified Tag Team championships; the former WCW Giant declares that the only reason that Shad & JTG are running their mouths' because the champions're allowing them to, all their titles combined surpass all the greatest Tag Teams before them, they're used to being champions {which, of course, would be why both men have gone long stretches without titles. . .}; Jericho's the 5-time Heavyweight champion, with the Big Show being the only man in history to hold the WCW, WWE & ECWWE Heavyweight titles, which means that he's better than all of the Smackdown Universe; the King of My World suggests that Cryme Tyme enjoy their good times with these criminals, because it'll be short-lived
DIVAS TAG TEAM MATCH: Latina Heat (Eve Torres & Melina Perez) versus Cool~El (Women's champion Michelle McCool & Layla El); Melina defeats Michelle with a 'Last Call' Flipping Sitout Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: blammo!}
backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers CM Punk, who considers Heavyweight champion Jeff Hardy's victory over him @ Night of Champions was an upset, not to take anything away from the Charismatic Enigma; some people say the better man won Sunday, but the Straight-Edge Superstar has a hard time believing that the better man lives the lifestyle that the Rainbow-Haired Warrior lives; this isn't Punk being preachy, this is his stating the facts, he just wishes everybody was Straight-Edge; the Heavyweight champion's said on a number of occasions that he lives in the moment, but Punk just wants him to know that his moment's not gonna last very long; CM's got some fans as well, who he wants to thank, so good luck to both the Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior & the Shaman of Sexy in the main event tonight, he's gonna be facing the winner
TAG TEAM MATCH: the World Championship Wrestlers (Intercontinental champion Rey Mysterio Junior & Fit Finlay) versus Introduction to Physicality (Dolph Ziggler & Mike Knox); Rey-Rey pins Ziggler with a Roll-Up {PSYCHOLOGY: 3 Tag Team matches in a row?!}
backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers John Morrison, who congratulates Heavyweight champion Jeff Hardy for coming out on top of his match @ Night of Champions, but before he can go have a picnic with his freaks on top of a mountain or something, the Rainbow-Haired Warrior has a date with destiny tonight, facing the Shaman of Sexy for his newly-won belt; the Charismatic Enigma said earlier tonight, that they're both gonna go out there & make history, they're gonna spark a blaze not just here in Baltimore, but in the entire WWE Universe; Jeff's not gonna hold anything back, but then again, neither will John. . . but Morrison's the 1 with nothing to lose & everything to gain; the Shaman of Sexy hopes that the Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior's enjoyed his Hardy Party, since tonight the belt's coming home to the Palace of Wisdom
DID YOU KNOW. . . last Friday, more males under 65 watched Smackdown, than any other program on ABC, NBC, Fox or CBS! . . . ; betcha the Charlie Haas knew that, as he beats the Great Khali via Countout After Kane Grabs Ranjun Singh & Threatens Him {PSYCHOLOGY: another match for Summerslam?}
MAIN EVENT, SMACKDOWN HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: champion Jeff Hardy defeats John Morrison with a 'Swanton' Arching Centon Bomb {PSYCHOLOGY: a ½-hour bout & a clear Match of the Year candidate!}; after the match, CM Punk saunters to the ring, applauding the hard-fought match, raising the hand of the defending champion & then grabbing a mic, stating that the last few weeks POW! right in the kisser, starting to brawl around ringside with the Charismatic Enigma; the Straight-Edge Superstar wants everybody to turn in to Smackdown next week, because that's when he's taking his Heavyweight title back
