*PLEASE NOTE*
The following wrestling show write-up bears no necessary mirror to reality, as some tag team & finisher names have been fabricated by the author for mostly-self-entertainment purposes.

09/21/09 originating on USA Network {in the United States} & simulcast on the Score {in Canada}

commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole

from the Verizon Arena in North Little Rock, Arkansas; now in WWE~HD

in the garage area, a black stretch limousine pulls in, disgorging the Bella Twins, then tonight's Celebrity Guest Host, Cedric the Entertainer, then a bevy of miscellaneous characters. . .  why's there a goat in the limo? . . . ; anywho, D-Generation X Break it Down to the ring, where HHH very tellingly asks 2016 WWE Hall of Famers "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels who was in ~ & won ~ the 1st-ever Hell in a Cell match. . .  then HBK equally-tellingly goes on to ask the Game who's the most successful WWE Superstar in a Hell in a Cell match. . . & who's never ever, ever, ever in their entire lives, never competed in a Hell in a Cell match & has absolutely no idea the devastation & abuse that the human body must endure just to compete in this match; since Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior have no idea what they're gonna have to do, to survive this match in 2 weeks' time, they're apparently blissfully unaware of the fact that the Cerebral Assassin & the Showstopper are willing & able to leave their opponents beaten, bloodied & battered, since they've already destroyed WWE Owner Vince McMahon. . .  & they actually kinda liked him, unlike the seething hatred that DX feel for the junior Lega¢¥ cronies ~ they're gonna get destruction & carnage, the beating of their lives in fact, because @ Hell in a Cell, this whole thing with Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ comes to an end; the King of Kings beats Cody Rhodes via Disqualification After Ted DiBiase Junior Bashes HHH With a Steel Chair {PSYCHOLOGY: awww, c'mon guys, it's the opening match!}; after the match, Rhodes delivers a 'Cross Rhodes' Neckbreaking Reverse DDT & DiBiase nails a 'Dream Street' Cobra Clutching Side Russian Legsweep onto the Game, continuing to double-team the Cerebral Assassin until the 2016 WWE Hall of Famer staggers to the rescue, sledgehammer in hand; Celebrity Guest Host Cedric the Entertainer sauves onto the ring entrance ramp stage, once again accompanied by the Bella Twins, where he declares that he's in the house, tonight's show's gonna be off the hook, but a number of people have asked him what makes him think that he'd make a good host for RAW. . .  because he's the real deal, a hardcore WWE fan, baby! . . . ; hey, did the RAW Universe know that WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show drove a Prius. . .  it took him 3 minutes to even get 1 leg out of that car; it's crazy in the backstage area & there's a new trend that Cedric's noticed ~ there's a lot of 2nd- & 3rd generation Superstars around here. . .  "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, the son of "Cowboy" Bob Orton. . .  yeah, everybody hates that guy. . .  then they got the son of "$1,000,000 Man" Ted DiBiase & WWE Hall of Famer "American Dream" Dusty Rhodes. . .  they got the illegitimate son of WWE Hall of Famer Andre the Giant & King Kong Bundy, the aforementioned former WCW Giant. . .  they got the illegitimate son of the Kool-Aid Man, "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry. . .  & of course, just looking @ the face of Mike "The Miz" Mizanin, they obviously have the son of a ****; now, are y'all ready to rock the house. . .  apparently Santino Marella's ready, as he stands aghast of being in front of the original King of Comedy, Frederic the Entertainment. . .  his new DVD, "All-Star Comedy Jam", has inspired the Milan Miracle to follow what might be a calling for him, he'll be a stand-up comedy man; well, if the RAW Universe's ready to have their funny bones tickled & bodyslammed, then here's Santino; Marella hopes that CEdric wore a bullet-proof vest, because he's about to kill. . .  yeah, so, good looking crowds. . . did they ever realize that, when you go to a fast food restaurant, that they always ask if you want your food big-sized. . .  when they should be asking if the customer wants to become big-sized. . . ; yeah, about that. . .  Beyonce had the best video of all time; but seriously, Marella should stick to the wrestling & leave the comedy to Cedric; enter Chavo Guerrero Junior, who has to be the funniest WWE Superstar on the entire roster ~ anybody who lets a leprechaun beat him up week in & week out, is just hilarious. . .  hey, what does Santino mean, Chavito Heat didn't let Hornswaggle win, he actually lost? . . . ; Horny's not Chavo's problem, it's that every time that he faces the little green guy, punk Celebrity Guest Hosts like Cedric always put him in a no-win situation ~ he's sick & tired of all this Celebrity Guest Host junk, it's pathetic; well, the only thing that Cedric saw that was pathetic, was Guerrero getting karate chopped by Bob Barker a few weeks ago; oh, Chavo's sorry, is the King of Comedy a tough guy now? . . .  well, the reason that Guerrero's out here's to challenge the Celebrity Guest Host to a match, 1-on-1; well, as a surprise to absolutely nobody, Cedric bails on that idea, then suggests that he's in his own battle, against the star of his new movie, check out www.fubattle.com for more information on that; well, that settles it for Santino Marella, let it be known that Frederick the Entertainment will take on Chavo the Leprechaun Loser, with the Milan Miracle as Cedric's trainer

backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers Mike "The Miz" Mizanin, still in possession of Kofi Kingston's United States title ~ after all, he only laid claim to the title that it was a foregone conclusion that he'd win, he's the reason that people watch RAW & it's his belief that the U.S. champion should actually be from that country ~ Mizanin was born & raised in Cleveland, Ohio, he didn't float over on a raft, washing up on shore with a Bob Marley CD & a- OH DEAR LORD, KOFI KINGSTON's ATTACKING The MIZ FOR REASONS THAT HE SOMEHOW CAN'T SEEM TO FATHOM! . . . ; after reclaiming his belt, Kofi saunters off, happy once more; DID YOU KNOW. . . more males watched RAW last Monday than every show on cable, ABC, the CW, FOX & CBS! . . . ; betcha Mizanin knew that, as he swoops down to the ring for the following 1st HOUR, RAW MAIN EVENT MATCH: the Miz defeats Evan Bourne with a 'Skull-Crushing Finale' Full-Nelson Forward Russian Legsweep {PSYCHOLOGY: even after that beatdown, right before the match!}

backstage, Ted DiBiase Junior talks with Cody Rhodes about their D-Generation X beatdown earlier in the show, then "Legend Killer" Randy Orton saunters in to talk to them about tonight. . .  naturally, he'd want Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ out there with him, but Orton can read the writing on the wall. . .  he can see how close they are to ending HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels once & for all, so why don't they both have the rest of the night off; when DiBiase asks if he's sure, Randy proclaims that it's a contract signing ~ he's got this; then, out in the ring, WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler calls out the Legend Killer & RAW Heavyweight champion John Cena for their contract signing for their title match @ Hell in a Cell; last week, Celebrity Guest Host Trish Stratus made this match, which leaves Orton with 2 choices. . .  he either faces the Doctor of Thuganomics @ Hell in a Cell for the title, or he gives up his right @ an automatically rematch; after Randy signs the contract, he orders the King out of the ring, then declares that the Chain Gang Commander must be under the impression that he has the Legend Killer all figured out, assuming that he's @ his weakest ~ well, Cena's wrong, he's more dangerous than he's ever been, willing to do whatever it takes to get his title back; John's never been in a Hell in a Cell match, ever, he doesn't know what to expect. . .  but Randy has been & not only does he know what to expect, he also knows what it takes to win; after their Heavyweight title match in the demonic structure, the Doctor of Thuganomics will never be the same; well, dem's standing-up-&-eyeballing-Randy-Orton words, as John Cena does just that, then gets all up in his grill, then confesses to not have been listening all that closely ~ Randy said the most important words that he'll ever say. . .  if the Legend Killer can't remember which words those were, then Cena has this video package of Orton quitting in their match @ Breaking Point, good times! . . . ; when Randy insinuates that John wants to turn this into a joke, the Heavyweight champion indicates that the Legend Killer already did that, last week when the Chain Gang Commander stated what Randy'd come out & say & do, in response to his loss a few Sundays ago. . .  but allow John to bring Randy up-to-speed on the Cena-Orton rivalry. . .  the Legend Killer's punished the Doctor of Thuganomics more than any other WWE Superstar, delivering an 'RKO' Modified Ace Crusher on Cena, onto a chair, twice. . .  & @ Breaking Point, when John was handcuffed to the ringpost, Randy actually tortured him. . .  & he made it through, still standing; so now, after all of that, the Legend Killer expects the Chain Gang Commander to stand across a table from him & be afraid of the idea of not having been in a Hell in a Cell match before, that he has no chance to win. . .  oh his goodness, he's never been in a Hell in a Cell match, he has no chance to win. . .  you know what, it worked, Cena's just gonna leave the Heavyweight title & go. . .  BWAAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-{hic!}-HA-HA-HA-HAAAA! . . . that's ridiculous, but that's not the funniest part, as John makes the match official by signing the contract & now, if Randy fails to win back the title @ Hell in a Cell, that's it ~ no more title matches, no more championship, he gets nothing & the once-mighty leader of Lega¢¥, who once ruled RAW with an iron fist, will then become a dude in his underwear. . .  who hangs out with 2 other dudes in their underwear; but then, they get serious, for all the punishment that Orton's put Cena through, all the beatings & the devious schemes, John's looked into Randy's eyes & knows exactly what the Legend Killer fears; well, here's what the Heavyweight champion fears, WWE Unified Tag Team champions Chris Jericho & the Big Show storming the ring & beating the **** out of him, until Montell Vontavius Porter & "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry come to the rescue each man taking down his similarly-scaled opponent until all 3 tarheelians scamper out of the ring; just then, Celebrity Guest Host Cedric the Entertainer appears on the TitanTron, exclaiming that they couldn't've made it any easier on him, now there's a 6-Man Tag Team match for later tonight

RAW UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: champion Kofi Kingston versus "All-American American" Jack Swagger Goes to a No Contest After Mike "The Miz" Mizanin Snatches the Belt, Then Swagger Claims it For Himself & Heads Backstage {PSYCHOLOGY: booooooo!!}

DID YOU KNOW. . . WWE television programs can be seen in 465,000,000 homes worldwide ~ more than the NBA, Major League Baseball & the NFL combined! . . . ; betcha Santino Marella knew that, as he saunters down to the ring as the Special Guest Referee for the following RAW GRUDGE MATCH: Celebrity Guest Host Cedric the Masked Sports Entertainer pins Chavo Guerrero Junior with a "Hornswaggle the Entertainer"-Applied 'Tadpole' Top-Rope Extending Mini-Splash {PSYCHOLOGY: after both he & "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry took turns being the masked celebrity}; after the match, all 3 enter the ring to celebrate their victory; a video package plays, advertizing Reverend Al Sharpton as next week's Celebrity Guest Host for RAW in Albany, New York

the HELL IN A CELL CARD SO FAR: RAW Heavyweight champion John Cena defends against "Legend Killer" Randy Orton in the hellacious structure. . .  Smackdown Heavyweight champion CM Punk takes on the UnderTaker in the Cell. . .  RAW United States champion Kofi Kingston versus "All-American American" Jack Swagger versus Mike "The Miz" Mizanin in a Triple Threat Hell in a Cell match. . .  Hell in a Cell Tornado Tag Match, D-Generation X (HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels) versus Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ (Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior)

in the Celebrity Guest Host's office, Cedric the Entertainer aims to impress Kelly Kelly. . .  or @ least until WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho saunters into the office, where the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah declares that they have to talk. . .  well, Cedric's just chatting up K² so he'll be with Y2J in a minute. . .  say, can he ask his friend to take his foot off of the Celebrity Guest Host's shoulder ~ oh wait, it's the hand of WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show, who insists that they need to talk; well, alright then, let's talk. . .

out @ ringside, WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler explains that tonight's the last night of WWE Diva Lilian Garcia, who started in WWF 10 years ago & had no idea the adventure that she'd have in store ~ she's traveled all over the world, met some amazing people along the way & has sung the national anthem each & every week, something that's near & dear to her heart ~ especially after 9/11 & for the brave men & women in the military in Afghanistan & Iraq; it's been a true privilege to work with such an amazing organization, with all the amazing people ~ the crew, the announcers & especially the incredibly talented athletes of World Wrestling Entertainment; it's been an honour for Garcia to have announced some of the greatest matches in all of the WWE, so ladies & gentlemen, her greatest honour's been to be here to help entertain the RAW Universe & have them love & support her, she's gonna miss them all so much, but her heart'll always be right here in this ring; Lilian loves & thanks the RAW & WWE Universe

before the following match, WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho informs "Legend Killer" Randy Orton that, since both he & the Big Show hate Heavyweight champion John Cena as much as the Lega¢¥ leader does, they went & spoke with the illustrious Celebrity Guest Host, deciding to convince him that he should up the ante for this bout, so if either Y2J or the former WCW Giant lose this match, then Randy has to face "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry, Montell Vontavius Porter & the Doctor of Thuganomics in a 3-on-1 Gauntlet match. . .  but before Orton goes to mental, TBS suggests that he calm down, because if the Chain Gang Commander loses, then he's in a similar spot next week, having to face the Legend Killer & the Worst Case Scenario in his own 3-on-1 Gauntlet match; RAW 2nd HOUR MAIN EVENT, 6-MAN TAG TEAM MATCH: Cheer For Us, Dammit! (the Doctor of Thuganomics & the World's Strongest Playas (MVP & Henry}) versus Blurst Case Scenario (Orton & Worst Case Scenario {Y2J & TBS}); the Legend Killer beats the World's Strongest Man with an 'RKO' Modified Ace Crusher {PSYCHOLOGY: of all the people in the ring. . .  those 2?!}

09/22/09 originating on SyFy {in the United States} & rebroadcast on Global {in Canada} the following Friday, late-night

commentating by Josh Mathews & the Slammy Award-winning Matt Striker

from the BOK Center in Tulsa, Oklahoma; now in WWE~HD

Abraham Washington saunters out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where he thanks WWE Hall of Famer "Mister USA" Tony Atlas for the wonderful & charismatic introduction. . .  & @ this time, he welcomes the ECWWE Universe to another critically-acclaimed edition of the Abraham Washington Show, hosted by the most entertaining man in sports entertainment; now, regardless of what the ECWWE Universe's heard, they're gonna have a great show this evening, because he has a very special guest, a man all the way from Ireland who's come to ECWWE to claim the Heavyweight title, here's Sheamus O'Shaunessy, who comes out onto the ring entrance ramp stage & prepares to get insulted, as Washington asks Atlas if it just got a whole lot whiter up in here. . .  Sheamus makes Casper the Friendly Ghost look like a brotha, ya know what he's sayin'. . .  naw, naw, brotha, Abraham's just playin'. . .  yeah, what an honour it is to be on the set of Sanford & son {oh no he ditn't!}. . .  now, now, there's no need for that, Washington speculates that the ECWWE Universe wants to know what's going on between O'Shaunessy & "Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin, they just can't seem to get along ~ well, in a Tag Team match from a few weeks ago, Sheamus did all the hard work, then Benjamin came in & stole all his thunder; now hang on, what's Tony laughing @. . .  well, apparently Mister USA's decided that he's lived a full & productive life, stating that O'Shaunessy sounds just like that Lucky Charms guy, which Abraham agrees with, he's magically delicious; naw, naw, now, sit yourself on down, he can't be beating up no senior citizens, what's wrong with Sheamus O'Shaunessy? . . .  anywho, what was with his eliminating Shelton from the #1 Contendership Battle Royal last week, after Sheamus was already tossed himself. . .  well Abe, where O'Shaunessy comes from, it's an eye for an eye, the Gold Standard took something from him, so he took something from the former World's Great Tag Team member; well, that's fascinating, but let's all find out what Benjamin has to say about all of that, as Washington invites out his 2nd guest, where Shelton gets compared to Hootie, then states that his 1st reaction's that he's surprised that Washington hasn't been cancelled yet. . .  but as for Sheamus, the Gold Standard doesn't know how things work in Ireland, but over here in the WWE, there's this little concept known as a team ~ both men were on the team, so if Shelton Benjamin won, then Sheamus O'Shaunessy won; so. there seems to be some sorta culture clash going on here, since where the Gold Standard comes from, people believe in stealing & taking the easy way out. . .  O'Shaunessy comes from a long line of Celtic warriors, people who believe in respect, something that the Gold Standard doesn't know anything about; now, hang on a second there, Braveheart. . .  in order to better understand Sheamus, Shelton did some studying into his family history, because Benjamin hasn't met a whole lot of Celtic warriors, so imagine Shelton's surprise when he realized that he came from such a long line of legends, then calls for a picture of the O'Shaunessy Family Tree, which consists of such notables as the girl from the Wendy's sign, Carrot Top, Pippi Longstocking, Ronald McDonald & Bozo the Clown; well, there's no ruttin' way that Sheamus' gonna take that sitting down, so he gets up in Shelton's grill, which's apparently the wrong place for the Celt to get all up into, as Benjamin suggests that if he plans on fighting the Gold Standard, O'Shaunessy'd better pack a lunch. . .  he may walk to the ring, but he'll be limping back. . .  after both Atlas & Washington try to convince the 2 Superstars to do otherwise, Sheamus launches the 1st volley in their new war, bashing Benjamin from behind, as they then fall fighting

Yoshi Tatsu defeats "Ripper" Paul Burchill with a 'Mawashi Gen' Roundhouse Kick {PSYCHOLOGY: yeah, apparently, the entire WWE Universe's behind Tatsu, although the ECWWE Universe in the arena were apparently unaware of that}; DID YOU KNOW. . . more people watched ECWWE last Tuesday than any other program on History Channel, Discover Channel, TLC & ESPN! . . . ; betcha Katie Lea knew that, as she chases her brother Paul backstage after his match, until Gregory Helms steps in to ask her a few questions about the bout that just concluded, but she's more than convinced that he's to blame for the Ripper's run of bad luck, getting into his head; well, the Burchills aren't gonna stand for this nonsense, as Paul jumps Gregory from behind, pounding on the damned colonial until the hero's left lying, then dares to tell Katie to stay away from the former Cruiserweight champion, because he's not done with Helms by a long shot

backstage, Savannah Fong bothers Zack Ryder, who, unlike other people, doesn't squander opportunities & quite often makes his own, which he deserves more than anybody else in ECWWE & after tonight, he'll be the new Heavyweight champion; TAG TEAM MATCH: the Rough Riders (Vladimir Kozlov & Ezekiel Jackson) versus Pin Us, Pay Us (Dustin Brady & Brandon Young); Jackson pins Brady with a 'Big & Bad' Urinagi Bomb {PSYCHOLOGY: I assume you weren't surprised either?}; after the match, the Moscow Mauler decides that he doesn't wanna be left out of the fun, so he drops Young with a 'Cold War' 1-Handed Chokebomb; backstage, William Regal leads his troops over to talk with Goldust, who William has a match against Thursday on Superstars, which he isn't looking forward to @ all ~ Goldust's a joke & any claims he might have on success here in ECWWE are equally laughable, as Regal's the only person with the prestige & honour to hold the Heavyweight title & he's gonna show Goldy that this Thursday. . .  but 1st, onto the piddling tripe that's the following MAIN EVENT, ECWWE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: champion Christian beats Zack Ryder with a 'Kill Switch' Crucifix Faceplant {PSYCHOLOGY: had it all typed up, while the Peeps' Champion was walking to the ring!}; after the match, the Tormentors head to the ring, where William Regal states that, as far as he's concerned, now that this farce of a championship match's over, the slate's wiped clean, paving the way for him to come claim his gold ~ it's only a matter of time until he gets his title shot & becomes the new Heavyweight POW! right in the kisser, proclaims the fist of the Instant Classic, sending Regal sprawling out of the ring, leading Vladimir Koslov & Ezekiel Jackson backstage

09/24/09 originating on WGN America {in the United States}

RAW commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole
ECWWE commentating by Josh Mathews & Slammy Award-winning Matt Striker
Smackdown commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & the Slammy Award-winning Todd Grisham

RAW MATCH: Primo Colon defeats "Masterpiece" Chris Masters with a Sit-Out Pinfall {PSYCHOLOGY: wow, I'd've though this would've been another foregone conclusion, but I suppose not!}

DID YOU KNOW. . . Superstars was, once again, WGN America's most watched telecast of the entire week! . . . ; betcha ECWWE's Vladimir Kozlov & Ezekiel Jackson knew that, as they accompany their Tormentor leader William Regal to ringside for the following ECWWE MATCH: Goldust beats Regal via Disqualification After Big Zeke Bashes Him From Ringside {PSYCHOLOGY: so. . .  if @ some point in the future, Goldust manages to win the newer ECWWE Heavyweight title, will they paint the leather strap gold again, so that it's a silver-&-gold belt?}; after the match, William puts Goldy into a 'Regal Stretch' Arm-Trapping Cross-Legged Stepover Toehold Facelock, until ECWWE Heavyweight champion Christian, Yoshi Tatsu & "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer storm the ring to even the odds {well, as much as 4-on-3 can be considered "even", anyway}, sending the Tormentors scampering backstage

a video package plays, hyping the WWE return of Dave "The Animal" Batista, exclusive to Smackdown, which WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & Slammy-Award winner Todd Grisham can't stop talking about as we await the following SMACKDOWN DIVAS TAG TEAM MATCH: Cool~El (Women's champion Michelle McCool & Layla El) versus 2M Innovation (Maria Kanellis & Melina Perez); Layla defeats Maria with a Michelle-Applied Straight Kick to the Chops {PSYCHOLOGY: well, I was looking for another word for "dictionary". . . !}; a video package plays, showing this week's edition of Ask the Divas; "My Ex's on my mind ~ should I ask her out?" asks WWE Universe resident Larr Bear. . .  Smackdown's Layla El responds that it depends on why they broke up ~ bitter, leave it be, but if it was "taking a break" then go for it. . .  Smackdown's Natalya Neidhart wonders, if it didn't work out the 1st time, then why would it work the 2nd time. . .  ECWWE's Bella Twins agree with Layla, in that it depends on why they broke up, but it's possibly still worth another shot. . . Smackdown Women's champion Michelle McCool suggests that he has nothing to lose, so he should go for it; "What sort of tips do they have for somebody who's trying to lose weight?" queries WWE Universe resident StraightEdge_Hardy_Chick. . .  Smackdown's Maria Kanellis suggests small meals in moderation, but don't limit yourself. . .  RAW's Kelly Kelly claims a lot of cardio's what gets her in shape. . . RAW's Jillian Hall just says to be really active. . .  RAW's Gail Kim suggests eating healthy & stay creative with your workout. . .  RAW's Rosa Mendes puts in here 2¢' worth, telling the WWE Universer to get off her butt & hit the gym; anybody who needs advise, can log onto www.WWEUniverse.com

MAIN EVENT, SMACKDOWN MATCH: Matt Hardy beats Kane via Disqualification After the Bald Red Machine Refused to Stop Crotching the Former Mattitude Practitioner on the Top Rope {PSYCHOLOGY: hey, some part of the commentary gave me an idea as to what WWE can do to spice things up a little on Superstars ~ how about they have a certain stipulation covering all the matches ~ No Disqualifications, Submissions, Tag Team matches, Divas matches, whatever!}; after the match, apparently unsatisfied with the outcome, the BalderTaker drops Hardy with a 'Goozle' 1-Handed Chokeslam

09/25/09 originating on MyNetworkTV {in the United States} & on The SCORE {in Canada}

commentating by Slammy Award-winning Todd Grisham & 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross

from the BOK Center in Tulsa, Oklahoma; now in WWE~HD

Heavyweight champion CM Punk Killswitch Engages to the ring, where he states that he gets it, the Smackdown Universers destroy 1,000s of brain cells on a daily basis, with their excess consumption of alcoholic beverages, over-the-counter & prescription medication {the latter of which probably aren't even theirs} & a veritable laundry list of substances that they shove into their soft little bodies day after day; the reason the Straight-Edge Superstar brings up their chemically-enduced minds' that a lot of them have forgotten his accomplishments, so please allow Punk to jog their ailing memories ~ he's the only 3-time Straight-Edge Heavyweight champion in WWE history. . .  the only Superstar to win back-to-back Money-In-The-Bank matches @ WrestleManias 24 & 25. . .  & let's not forget that he's the man that did the Smackdown Universe a favour that they didn't even deserve, when he got rid of the Charismatic Enabler Jeff Hardy from World Wrestling Entertainment forever. . .  but even that pales in comparison to using his 'Anaconda Vice' Arm Trap Triangle Choke & Breaking Point to make the UnderTaker tap out for the 1st time in the Dead Man's career ~ he did all that without drugs, without alcohol, without any help from anybody in the Smackdown Universe, so he wants somebody, anybody in a position of power, to come out here to this ring & treat him with the respect that he's earned, CM should be treated like the poster child of WWE, not just Smackdown & demands to know who his next opponent's gonna be. . .  oh right, there isn't anybody left; cue the purple gel & the creepy Gregorian chanting, leaving Punk in a state of heightened nervousness; as the lights come back up, there's suddenly a black metal coffin @ ringside, which allows the Heavyweight champion to let off some tension with a folding steel chair, but when he finally gets up the nerve to open it, he sees General Manager Theodore R. Long bound & gagged; PHEW, CM thought that it was somebody else, but it's a good thing that the Phenom's too scared to come out here to face Punk man-to-man; wait, allow him to untie the GM & remove his gag. . .  effective immediately, there's no longer a ban on the famous 'Taker maneuver 'Devil's Gate' Figure 4 Chokehold & therefore, the Straight-Edge Superstar must defend his title 1 week from this Sunday against the Dead Man in a Hell in a Cell. . .  but that's not all the good news, as Punk'll have to face the UnderTaker tonight in a match tonight. . .  now excuse Teddy as he log-rolls out of the ring & shambles backstage

DID YOU KNOW. . . more males under 55 watched Smackdown last Friday, than every show on ABC, Fox, NBC or CBS! . . . ; betcha Intercontinental champion John Morrison knew that, as he saunters to the ring for the following TAG TEAM MATCH: Sexy & Fit (Morrison & Fit Finlay) versus the Hand That Rocks the Cradle (Mike Knox & Dolph Ziggler); the Shaman of Sexy defeats Knox with a 'Starship Pain' Split-Legged Corkscrew Moonsault {PSYCHOLOGY: wow, never woulda guessed he'd've beaten the larger man, actually!}

backstage, "Slam Master J" Jesse Dalton asks what he has to do to be down with Cryme Tyme & Eve Torres, then he's handed a can of spray paint & sent into General Manager Theodore R. Long's office; after he came out, Jesse handed the new "Smackdown 10th Anniversary" & "Rise & Fall of WCW" DVDs, then got caught red-handed by the GM, after he comes fuming out of his vandalized office; well that tears it, as Long sends Dalton to the ring for the following match, where Kane pins Dalton with a 'Goozle' 1-Handed Chokeslam {PSYCHOLOGY: naw, he didn't really "represent" did he?}; after the match, JTG, Shad Gaspard & Eve look @ least tokenly concerned; elsewhere backstage area, Heavyweight champion CM Punk waylays WWE Owner Vince McMahon on his way somewhere no doubt very important, asking if Vinnie-Mac's gonna allow Long to make the 'Devil's Gate' Figure 4 Chokehold legal in a Hell in a Cell match @ next Sunday's pay-per-view. . .  well, maybe the Straight-Edge Superstar, Teddy Long & that referee should've thought about the consequences of their little conspiracy @ the expense of the Dead Man @ Breaking Point. . .  but good luck tonight, champ; just as he leaves the Heavyweight champion hanging, the McMahonopolizer powerwalks down to the ring, where he thanks the Smackdown Universe for that warm Oklahoma reception, which reminded him of the last time he was home ~ which leads to the question of why he'd have a home here in this god-forsaken, backward hillbilly state. . .  if he had to live here in Oklahoma, he'd look more like Porky the Pig, no offense to WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross; nonetheless, whether you're from Oklahoma, or anywhere else in the world, he welcomes them to check out the 10th Anniversary of Smackdown next week, D-Generation X & RAW Heavyweight champion John Cena will be here next week for the special presentation; so now it's time for McMahon to talk about the present & the future, a man of high intellect, extraordinarily aggressive & a handsome son of a gun, reminding Vince of himself quite a bit. . .  a future Heavyweight champion, somebody whose attitude can simply be described as Bad Ass, Drew McIntyre, who saunters down to the ring & starts by not being surprised that there's nobody on the Smackdown roster to match his unlimited potential & aggression. . .  & since it seems that the General Manager's been too busy to pay attention to what's been going on with his show over the past month or so, it took the WWE Owner to send a real Superstar to Smackdown to face him; next week may be the Decade of Smackdown celebration & while they'll be celebrating the contributions of the likes of 2009 WWE Hall of Famer StoneCold Steve Austin & the Rock, starting next week & every week after that, it'll all be about McIntyre; later on tonight, they're having a big party in Drew's honour, welcoming him to Smackdown & he can assure the entire Smackdown Universe, the party's just begun; well, not if "R~Truth" Ron Killings has anything to say about it, as he makes his way to the ring to face his multi-week antagonist, telling him that he's What's Up, welcoming McIntyre to Smackdown in his own unique & fist-flying way, until several WWE officials manage to separate the 2

SMACKDOWN 1st HOUR MAIN EVENT MATCH: Dave "The Animal" Batista beats WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show via Disqualification After WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho Interferes {PSYCHOLOGY: the World's Largest Athlete takes on the World's Most Fragile Athlete. . . & Captain Tissue-Muscles wins?!}; after the match, Y2J storms the ring, which only gets him an Ankle Lock from the Animal for his troubles, much like his former WCW Giant partner had received in the closing seconds of the bout

in the General Manager's office, Theodore R. Long welcomes WWE Owner Vince McMahon, explaining that his sorry condition's due to his being to Hell & back. . .  which brings Vinnie-Mac to respond that he, Heavyweight champion CM Punk & Referee Scott Armstrong shouldn't've screwed the UnderTaker @ Breaking Point, but noooooo. . .  Long had to have his little conspiracy; the McMahonoplolizer wouldn't want to be Teddy, Punk or that referee tonight, for all the money in the world. . .  but where's his picture @; well, it's here, but it's not finished yet & the General Manager didn't want the WWE Owner to see the picture without the right frame; well, Vince doesn't care about a frame, let's see that picture. . .  which's apparently what "Slam Master J" Jesse Dalton was spray painting earlier, as it's grafitticized by red paint, reading "Vinnie 2 Da Mac"

David Hart Smith defeats JTG with a 'Saito' Waist-Locking Bell-To-Back Suplex {PSYCHOLOGY: now that was a nice move!}

a video package plays, advertizing "the Smackdown Celebration", which airs next week @ 8pm EST on MyNetworkTV ~ featuring a RAW Versus Smackdown Inter-Promotional 8-Man Tag Team match, pitting D-Generation X (HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels) & 2Pac (RAW Heavyweight champion John Cena & Smackdown's UnderTaker) take on Smackdown Heavyweight champion CM Punk & RAW's Lega¢¥ ("Legend Killer" Randy Orton & Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ {Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior})

backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers Dave "The Animal" Batista, who announces that, upon challenging WWE Unified Tag Team champions Chris Jericho & the Big Show for the titles @ Hell in a Cell, he's calling on his Amigo Heat partner, not only a close personal friend but also a phenomenal athlete on top of that, he's on his way to go call the guy's number now & that number's 619!

SMACKDOWN 2nd HOUR MAIN EVENT MATCH: champion CM Punk beats the UnderTaker via Countout in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: WHAAAAAAA?!?!?}

HEADLINE NEWS: Quiero Vivir!
- It looks as if World Wrestling Entertainment have made their move to replace departed female announcer Lillian Garcia. Lauren Mayhew, 24, was introduced as a ring announcer @ Tuesday night's Smackdown taping in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Mayhew has quite an array of experience, spanning TV appearances in the likes of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation & American Dreams, as well as singing & writing experience. It was widely reported that WWE Owner Vince McMahon was very high on getting an individual that could sing as well as announce. For those interested, you can check out videos of Lauren singing here

- . . . & after 10+ years with World Wrestling Entertainment, Garcia thanked the WWE Universe & informed everybody that Monday was her final night greeting fans, belting out the national anthem & announcing the start of matches. In case you missed her heartfelt & emotional goodbye on RAW, you can see the video clip here  Plus, WWE's posted a photo gallery spanning her time there, which you can check out here

- Lilian Garcia got another send off after RAW went off the air on Monday, as she joined HHH & "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels in the ring for the usual D-Generation X act. After DX left, the song "The Time of My Life" from the Dirty Dancing soudtrack kicked in, as Lilian was joined by her soon-to-be husband in the ring & started they dancing. She then greeted fans @ ringside for 1 last time before walking backstage. Hopefully we'll get a video of this soon.

PAY-PER-VIEW NEWS: Breaking Point, No Surrender, WrestleMania & Hell in a Cell
- To read my review of WWE Breaking Point, click here

- "Phenomenal" AJ Styles ~ who just earlier this week became a father for the 1st time ~ was presented with the TNA Heavyweight title belt by President Dixie Carter backstage, just minutes after he defeated Kurt Angle @ the No Surrender pay-per-view. Jeremy Borash did a little interview with the new champ & the Pres walked in to personally hand the belt to Styles. Dixie Carter keeps looking hotter every day! You can check out the backstage footage here & read my review of the event here

- www.MiamiTodayNews.com has a story regarding the city being a finalist to host WrestleMania in 2011 or 2012. The Miami-Dade Sports Commission's expecting an answer within the next month, as WWE chooses the locations for its biggest show of the year. "There's so much power behind it ~ it's the size basically of a Super Bowl," said José "Pepe" Diaz, sports commission chair. "To us it's huge; financially it's incredible." Miami's bid included hosting Axxess @ the Miami Beach Convention Center, South Beach as the location for any concerts or street parties, American Airlines Arena for RAW & the Hall of Fame Ceremony & the open air LandShark Stadium for WrestleMania itself. "We pitched our best game," Diaz said. "We're the gateway of the Americas. I think it'll be good for WrestleMania, just like it's good for the Super Bowl. We're a world-class place & we have so much going on for us." Diaz ~ who, along with Mike Sophia {sports commission executive director}, William D. Talbert III {president & CEO of the Greater Miami Convention & Visitors Bureau} & Jarred Diamond {vice president of booking with American Airlines Arena} ~ made the pitch to the WWE board, went to Stamford last week to meet with Owner Vince McMahon.

- Here's the updated card for WWE's Hell in a Cell pay-per-view, coming out of Tuesday night's Smackdown tapings: Hell in a Cell, Smackdown Heavyweight champion CM Punk versus The UnderTaker. . .  Hell in a Cell, RAW Heavyweight champion John Cena versus "Legend Killer" Randy Orton. . .  Hell in a Cell, Tag Team Match, D-Generation X (HHH & "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels) versus Rhodes to Riches (Ted DiBiase Junior & Cody Rhodes). . .  Triple Threat match, RAW United States champion Kofi Kingston versus Mike "The Miz" Mizanin versus "All-American American" Jack Swagger. . .  Smackdown Intercontinental champion John Morrison versus Dolph Ziggler.  It also appears Dave "The Animal" Batista & Rey Mysterio Junior will be challenging for the WWE Unified Tag Team Titles. Batista cut a promo @ the tapings & basically said his partner was Mysterio.

WWE NEWS: Smackdown 10th Anniversary Main Event, History of the World Title, Score 3 more years, Future RAW Host & Jeff Hardy
- WWE Hall-of-Famer Jim Ross updated his blog & you can read the latest posting @ www.jrsbarbq.com

- The October 2nd Smackdown, which will celebrate its 10th anniversary, will have a fully loaded 8-man tag team main event. Announced for the show's HHH, "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker & RAW Heavyweight champion John Cena, taking on Smackdown Heavyweight champion CM Punk, "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, Ted DiBiase Junior & Cody Rhodes.

- WWE are planning a new DVD titled "The History Of The World Heavyweight Championship", which's set for a December 1st release. This will be a 3-disc set compilation similar to "The History of the WWE Championship" & "The History of the Intercontinental Championship", which were released in 2006 & 2008 respectively. We'd imagine that the history of the World Heavyweight title chronicled will date further back than the 2002 date that www.WWE.COM lists, with HHH as the 1st champion. Often referred to as the "Big Gold Belt," WWE stopped using it in 2002 after the Game won the Undisputed title from Chris Jericho @ WrestleMania 18, then reintroduced it with a slight modification & with the addition of the WWE logo. Wrestling legends & WWE Hall of Famers like "Nature Boy" Ric Flair, Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat, "American Dream" Dusty Rhodes & Hulk Hogan, as well as TNA's Sting & many others held the original belt, when it was with the NWA, then with WCW.

- "Canadians' passion for the WWE's 2nd to none," says John Levy, Chairman & CEO, Score Media Inc. "In extending our longstanding partnership with the World Wrestling Entertainment, we're giving our viewers more exciting WWE action, while offering the nation access to exclusive, top-rated sports entertainment." The 3-year agreement gives WWE fans more of their desired programming including RAW & SmackDown. In addition, The Score will continue to produce & air WWE Experience, a weekly round-up of the latest & greatest in the WWE, as well as bringing viewers the WWE Vintage Collection, a look back @ some of the WWE's classic matches, hosted by "Mean" Gene Okerlund & seen in North America only on The Score.  Read more about it here

- Dennis Miller said on his radio show ~ The aptly-named Dennis Miller Show ~ Tuesday that he'll be hosting an episode of Monday Night RAW later this year. Now, not to get off on a rant here, but I think that'll be 1 helluva entertaining program, cochise!

- As of this past Friday, production work was still being done on WWE’s Jeff Hardy DVD set. If WWE decides to pull the DVD, like originally thought, the most likely replacement will be a Chris Jericho compilation DVD set. Wow, I could be watching a DVD compilation for the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions?!

- Meanwhile, Jeff Hardy's 1st trip to the court will be on September 30th, where he'll be facing charges of felony trafficking in opium, 2 counts of felony possession with intent to sell or deliver a Schedule III controlled substance, felony maintaining a dwelling to keep controlled substance, felony possession of cocaine & misdemeanor possession of drug paraphernalia. Hardy posted a message on his Twitter on the 14th, thanking his fans for their undying support. As of last Wednesday, his Twitter account has been taken offline.

- To participate in a short WWE survey, click here

TNA NEWS: Ed Ferrera, Stevie & Lethal, Colt Cabana, Sting's t-shirt & D-Lo Brown
- For all the latest Total NonStop Action news, join the MySpace TNA community @ www.myspace.com/wrestlingwarlordtnafan

- Former WWE, WCW & TNA creative member Ed Ferrera is backstage @ the TNA pay-per-view in Orlando according to www.PWInsider.com  Ferrera, a big friend of Vince Russo, quit WWF with Russo to go to WCW in 1999, after a successful run backstage in the World Wrestling Federation. Ferrera joined TNA in its early days, but left in August 2002. Ferrera will be doing creative work for TNA once again.

- In TNA's latest webmatch, Doctor Stevie takes on "Black Machismo" Jay Lethal. You can view the match here

- "Colt Cabana will take on Puma in a non-televised match in Orlando tonight" was posted the the Twitter account of former WWE wrestler Scotty Goldman, in regards to wrestling a dark match for Tuesday night's iMPACT! taping.

- TNA's released a new t-shirt on Sting

- D-Lo Brown, who was brought back as an agent, is expected to do a limited amount of wrestling for TNA, although his primary focus will be on helping younger talent. Simon Diamond will also serve as an agent for the company.

HAUGHTY HOTTIES NEWS: Lacey iMPACT!s, Trish Wiis, Traci bares all, Aubrey O'Days & Ashley tweets
- To read the coolest news on the hottest women in wrestling today, check out Shimmer's official Yahoo! Group -- sports.groups.yahoo.com/group/shimmerwre...

- The daughter of the Texas Tornado, Lacey Von Erich, has signed a new deal with TNA Wrestling, that will let her be on 2 different shows ~ TNA & Wrestlicious, the all-female show set to debut in Fall of this year. She's expected to make her TNA debut this week, according to a press release issued by Wrestlicious LLC. "We realized that this is a terrific opportunity, not only for Lacey, but also to enhance both brands," stated Wrestlicious Senior Producer Johnny Cafarella. "We worked together with TNA Director of Talent Relations Terry Taylor & his great team to make it happen." Von Erich was signed to a WWE developmental deal in August 2007, but was released just before the year ended. The 23-year-old mother of 1 was recently diagnosed with meningitis, but was given a clean bill of health & made her return. You can check out some of her very, very impressive photos from a previous story Wrestling-Online did on Von Erich, when she announced that she was doing Playboy, here  She made her TNA debut @ Tuesday night's iMPACT! taping in Orlando, being revealed as the newest member of The Beautiful People. It was also noted that Angelina Love's no longer a member of the group. The episode's set to air on Thursday, October 1st.

- Former WWE Women's champion Trish Stratus will be the subject of a brand new Wii game to be titled "Stratosphere Yoga." This will be a workout game developed only for the popular Nintendo Wii game console. Frima Studios are in charge of making this project happen & the game's in its early stages of development. The target launch date's Spring 2010 & will make use of
the Wii Balance Board & other Wii devices.  Both hansd where we can see 'em, boys!

- Traci Brooks' Playboy pictorial was released last Thursday, with 20 photos of Brooks in her birthday suit, looking obviously stunning. The photos were supposed to be a part of an upcoming issue of the Playboy magazine, however they were relegated to the Cyber Club section of www.Playboy.com, after a change in the magazine's editorial office. Oh yeah, we have all 20 photos for you. Please note these are Not-So-Work-Friendly. You can see them here

- Heyman Hustle Hottie Aubrey O'Day debuted in the Las Vegas production of Peep Show on Tuesday night with another Heyman Hustle Hottie, Holly Madison & already the winds of controversy have blown into Sin City!  Hopefully you're titilated enough to read more  While you're @ it, you can follow the Heyman Hustle on Twitter

- Former WWE Diva Ashley Massaro has tweeted that she'll be making 2 club appearances the weekend of October 9th, in Los Angeles. Massaro will also be hosting a Miss Hawaiian Tropic Californa pageant.

DECLARATION of INDEPENDENTS NEWS: Chikara Pro, Wrestling-Radio, Capital City Championship Combat Wrestling, Sideshow Wrestling, Jim Boy Star Matt Riviera & BG James Interview
- To view an up-to-date listing of all the omnivorous upcoming independent shows, check out www.prowrestlingevents.tk/

- This just in form Chikara Pro's Facebook account: "Just wanted to give every1 a heads-up on the BIG SALE going over @ SmartMarkVideo.com, where any orders of $60 or more get a 25% DISCOUNT & remember ~ ALL 2002-2007 CHIKARA releases are just $15 before the discount, so the savings will be even greater! Buy! Buy! Buy!"

- Speaking of Facebook accounts, here's what Wrestling-Radio had to offer: "SIGN UP TO OUR DAILY NEWSLETTER: ENTER YOUR EMAIL here & PLEASE Check your email immediately after you sign up & click the activation link ~ failure to do so will result in NO daily updates."

- FRIDAY OCTOBER 16th, C*4: Capital City Championship Combat Presents “RISE ABOVE 2009” @ Knights of Columbus Hall, 260 McArthur Road, Ottawa, Ontario. VIP Tickets $20, Doors open @ 7PM (VIP ticket includes 1st choice seating & a bonus match!)  General Admission Tickets $15, Doors open @ 7:30pm.  Show stars @ 8pm. Event's all-ages ~ Alcohol sales with valid ID.  Stay up to date with all of C*4’s recent news & event info by visiting www.c4wrestling.com  Purchase DVDs @ www.fortunevideoediting.com & www.smartmarkvideo.com  As well, friend them on facebook ~ visit www.facebook.com/c4wrestling to add!

- Sideshow Wrestling invades Awesome Bomb Fight Radio. . .  Call in & talk midget wrestling, luchadores, superheroes, the bizarre antics of Sideshow Wrestling. . .  plus DJ Lil Danzig will talk about Violent J from ICP's book & how it has changed his life!  Click here for more information.

- Visit www.onlineworldofwrestling.com to check out Jim Boy Star's latest column about Pay Per Views not being worth buying anymore. Go to latest news & click on the aptly-named "Pay Per Views Not Worth The Money" & check the column out.

- Pro wrestler Matt Riviera, also a star of reality TV, is basking in the glow of a highly successful event that occurred recently in his hometown of Russellville, Arizona. Dubbed "Russellmania," Riviera's wrestling card not only thrilled fans, but also raised much-needed funds for the Boys & Girls Club of the Arkansas River Valley. Held on September 12th, Russellmania set an attendance record-packing over 700 people into the LV Williamson Boys & Girls Club building. Over 300 tickets were given away to elementary school kids. "We raised over $2,600," Riviera said proudly of the financial shot in the arm that the Boys & Girls Club of the Arkansas River Valley are now enjoying. Matt, who also wrestled on the card, said that legendary wrestler Buddy Landel told him something that was very poignant. "Buddy said that his match @ Russellmania was his best since his Smokey Mountain days." Fans waited in line for the doors to open & their patience was rewarded with non-stop action, which was met with raucous cheers. "The crowd was amazing," Riviera said. "I can tell you that we wrestlers really fed off it." Matt, fresh off a summer in which he starred in a VH1 reality show & helped produce a movie, was glad to help kids near his hometown. "Always happy to give back," he said. "These are good, hard-working people."  For more information about Matt Riviera, click here.  For more information about the Boys & Girls Club of the Arkansas River Valley, call (479) 229-2982.

- Saturday, September 26th, American Championship Pro Wrestling returns to Monsignor Bonner High School, Monsignor Bonner High School, 403 North Lansdowne Avenue, Drexel Hill, PA 19026! Just minutes away from the 69th Street Septa Terminal in Upper Darby! Doors open @ 6pm, Bell time's 7pm! All tickets are just $10.  "Freebird Rules" ACPW Tag Team Championship Match,
Champions Zero Tolerance versus The Moonwalkers (Blackie & Pinkie Sanchez). . .  ACPW Internet TV Champion Franky Frizzo versus Donn E. Allen versus Ian Cross. . .  Sabian versus "Shooting Star" Eric Enders. . .  Battle of the Big Men, Big Buddha versus JoJO. . .  Shaheem versus Pelle Primeau. . .  ACPW Junior heavyweight champion Little Mondo versus Breaker Morant in this non-title match. . .  ACPW World Heavyweight Champion Korpse versus Gemini in a Dog Collar Match. . .  Also appearing will be : ACPW Tri-State Champion Helter Skelter, Mark Angel, Acid Zero & many, many, more!  For more info, visit www.acpwrestling.com or dial 267-467-6687

*PLEASE NOTE*

The following wrestling show write-up bears no necessary mirror to reality, as some tag team & finisher names have been fabricated by the author for mostly-self-entertainment purposes.

09/14/09 originating on USA Network {in the United States} & simulcast on the Score {in Canada}

commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole

from the Air Canada Centre in Toronto, Ontario; now in WWE~HD

Dave "The Animal" Batista Walks For Miles Inside This Pit of Danger to the ring with a rather impressive-looking big ol' high-tech arm sling, where he states 1st off, before he makes his announcement, he thanks the RAW Universe in the audience & @ home; it's been a rough year for him, he's had a coupla really bad injuries & this isn't how he wanted to come back, but he has to say goodbye; after thanking the RAW Universe for allowing him to have the time of his life in this ring, he reveals that there have been a number or rumours about his retirement. . .  but here comes "Legend Killer" Randy Orton sauntering down to the ring, where he proclaims that he's not very happy about losing the Heavyweight title last night, but something that cheers him up's that the fact that Dave's retiring; this is it, this is how it ends, the big bad Animal going out with a whimper, so whatever big teary-eyed goodbye speech he has, Batista should just say it & leave, because nobody cares; why did Dave wait so long to decide to retire ~ he's not retiring because of his health, Batista's retiring because of the Legend Killer, who put the Animal on the shelf for 3 months after ripping his shoulder out of its socket, put him on the shelf for another 4 months with a swift kick to the head, so why doesn't Dave just go hang his head & cry, like he was about to before Randy came out here; when the Animal reacts with a chuckle rather than a choked-back sob, Orton questions what's so funny. . .  well, there's 2 things, actually ~ 1st, the Legend Killer's very predictable & 2nd, Dave knows something that Randy doesn't, namely that his arm's okay, as he slips his cyborg-like arm cast off & beats down his former nemesis; the Animal's not here to announce his retirement, he's here to announce that he's moving to Smackdown & he spoke with tonight's Celebrity Guest Host & she promised that he can have 1 last RAW match, a No Holds Barred match against Orton! . . ; speaking of whom, Celebrity Guest Host Trish Stratus Time to Rock & Rolls onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where she brunettes about being happy to be home here in WWE; she doesn't want to toot her own horn, but Trish presupposes that she's gonna make a pretty good Celebrity Guest Host, but she's no Bob Barker ~ her favourite part was where the former Price is Right host almost made WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho cry; but this is RAW, which Stratus knows all too well, she knows what the RAW Universe wants ~ so not only did she already give them Dave "The Animal" Batista versus "Legend Killer" Randy Orton in a No Holds Barred match tonight, she's also given some thought to how Randy also deserves his rematch from Breaking Point, so she's thinking that @ the next pay-per-view, Orton versus Heavyweight champion John Cena in a Hell in a Cell, which coincidentally the next pay-per-view name anyway; well, that's enough Stratusfaction for now, there'll be plenty more Trish later on, so let's get a match going here, shall we; TAG TEAM MATCH: Kofimo (United States champion Kofi Kingston & Primo Colon) versus the All-Mizaricans ("All-American American" Jack Swagger & Mike "The Miz" Mizanin); Swagger pins Kingston with an 'Orthodontist's Dream' Gutwrench Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: after the Miz makes off with Kofi's U.S. title!}

Divas champion Mickie James sexies down to ringside, where she provides special guest commentary for the following #1 CONTENDERSHIP, RAW DIVAS TITLE MATCH: Alicia Fox beats Gail Kim with an 'Ax' Scissor Kick {PSYCHOLOGY: well, colour me surprised!}; after the match, Alicia eyeballs Mickie & I eyeball both; DID YOU KNOW. . . last Monday night, RAW was watched by more people than every show on ABC, the CW & FOX! . . . ; betcha Celebrity Guest Host Trish Stratus knew that, as she welcomes "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix into her office, questioning how the former WWE Women's champion can make a #1 Contendership match for the Divas title without including her, who does the Stratusfyer think she is; before she can answer that, WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho saunters in, stating that Beth shouldn't give Stratus an opening to talk about herself, since RAW's only a 2-hour show; he heard Trish talking about him earlier, she just can't stop thinking about Y2J, can she. . . can't stand the idea that the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah sent her packing; well, if the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions needs to think that, to get through all those cold & lonely nights, that's fine with Stratus ~ hey, she thought that Jericho'd be happier, now that he's found a new soul mate, instead of being all angry & tense like she's always seen him. . .  she can just imagine Chris & his new partner, WWE Tag Team co-champion the Big Show, holding hands & snuggling by the fire; now just hang on 1 cotton-pickin' minute, Phoenix proclaims that it's easy for Stratus to talk trash when she can't back it up, but @ least the King of My World's out there every single night, backing up everything he says, he didn't run off & retire when there was new competition, to go open up a yoga store in this 2nd-rate country {heyyyyy!}, so in other words, unlike Trish, Chris has guts; well, just to prove that Stratus didn't retire to avoid the Glamazon, she'll gladly take on both in a Mixed Tag Team match, she just needs to go grab herself a partner again, just like the last time RAW came to the Air Canada Centre; oh & 1 more thing, the WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion could take Bob Barker any day of the week!

WWE Home Video presents "the Best of Smackdown", "The Rise & Fall of WCW" & "Night of Champions 2009", available now @ all major DVD retailers & @ www.WWEShop.com

Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior smarm to the ring, where the former asks if the RAW Universe's ready. . .  to welcome the new era of WWE Superstars, they made HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels tap out @ Breaking Point, unlike 2009 WWE Hall of Famer StoneCold Steve Austin, the Rock, the UnderTaker, the entire McMahon clan ~ even as great as Rated RKO were, neither Edge nor "Legend Killer" Randy Orton made the Game of the Showstopper submit; although they may have shocked the world, what they did Sunday didn't surprise Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ @ all; DiBiase states that they did exactly what they said they'd do, dish out pain so intense that even the almighty D-Generation X had no choice but to give up; last night was just the beginning, they won't stop until the Cerebral Assassin & the HeartBreak Kid are out of WWE forever; from this point on, Rhodes & DiBiase are no longer known as the sons of WWE Hall of Famer "American Dream" Dusty Rhodes & "$1,000,000 Man" Ted DiBiase, but those 2 are now knows as the fathers of Lega¢¥; RAW 1st HOUR MAIN EVENT MATCH: HBK defeats DiBiase via Disqualification After Rhodes Interferes {PSYCHOLOGY: 3 matches in an hour, that must be a new record for RAW. . .  he typed sarcastically!}; after the match, Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ & D-Generation X fall fighting @ ringside, temporarily knocking RAW off the air & setting up for a normally-feud-ending Hell in a Cell match @ the next pay-per-view

TAG TEAM MATCH: Leprechaun Air (Hornswaggle & Evan Bourne) versus Dos Santos Del Hijo (Chavo Guerrero Junior & Carlito Caribbean Cool); Horny pins Guerrero with a 'Tadpole' Top-Rope Extending Mini-Splash {PSYCHOLOGY: so, what ~ "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix was done with Rosa Mendes, so she gave her to Chavito Heat & 3C?}; after the match, Chavo asks what he has to do. . .  okay, Hornswaggle wins, Guerrero gives up!

backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers Heavyweight champion John Cena, who Thuganomics about sometimes in life, there are people who do what they say, while others just talk about it & "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, for so long, talked about how the Heavyweight title was his life, all that he existed for & he'd do anything & everything to keep it. . .  but then, last night @ Breaking Point @ the 1st sign of losing his grip on the belt, Orton simply gave it away; but to this day, as he's always said, the Chain Gang Commander won't quit, although his body was wracked with pain & everytime that he was asked if he would quit & he said no, Cena knew that there was even more pain & suffering on its way, but he gave his word that he wouldn't give up & he's a wigger of his word; thanks to tonight's Celebrity Guest Host, they now have a rematch @ Hell in a Cell, which'll presumably ensure that Orton'll once more promise that John's win over him this Sunday was a fluke & it'll never happen again, then make even more promises that he'll get his revenge & reclaim his title, as well as this Heavyweight title around the Doctor of Thuganomics' waist's more like a 3-week rental. . .  well, Cena's getting his promise out there right now, when that door closes in that Hell in a Cell, the RAW Universe's gonna see a different side of the Chain Gang Commander, a more intense, a more brutal, a more savage side of the Heavyweight champion, Randy'll be a lucky man if he makes it out of that Cell in 1 piece & then there'll be no doubt that the Champ's here!

MIXED TAG TEAM MATCH: Like Tropicana, They Got the Juice (RAW Celebrity Guest Host Trish Stratus & Montell Vontavius Porter) versus the ÜberStars of Glamazonian Awesomeness ("Glamazon" Beth Phoenix & WWE Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho); Trish beats Beth via Disqualification After WWE Tag Team co-champion the Big Show Interferes {PSYCHOLOGY: well, that was a real sham of a match! , , ,}; after the match, "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry evens the odds, prompting the Celebrity Guest Host to announce that, if the former WCW Giant wants to get involved in that match, then suddenly we're gonna have a 6-PERSON MIXED TAG TEAM MATCH: the Most Greekest Playas (Stratus & the World's Strongest Playas {MVP & Henry}) versus 2 Blonds & a Baldy (Phoenix & WWE Tag Team champions Worst Case Scenario {Y2J & TBS}); the Stratusfyer defeats the Glamazon with a 'Stratusfaction' Mid-Rope Scaling Bulldog {PSYCHOLOGY: now that's more like it!}

WWE Home Video presents "the Rise & Fall of WCW", "The New & Improved DX" & "the Bash 2009", available now @ all major DVD retailers & @ www.WWEShop.com

a video package plays, advertizing Cedric the Entertainer as the Celebrity Guest Host for next week's RAW; but for now, it's time for the RAW 2nd HOUR MAIN EVENT, NO HOLDS BARRED MATCH: Dave "The Animal" Batista pins "Legend Killer" Randy Orton with a 'BatistaBomb' Sitout Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: yeah, like you didn't expect that outcome!}

09/15/09 originating on SyFy {in the United States} & rebroadcast on Global {in Canada} the following Friday, late-night

commentating by Josh Mathews & the Slammy Award-winning Matt Striker

from the Copps Coliesum in Hamilton, Ontario; now in WWE~HD

General Manager Tiffany 11th Hours to the ring, where she proclaims that the WWE Universe's still buzzing about the outcome of Breaking Point & she's especially proud of the ECWWE contribution, which's why she came out here to talk about tonight's- William Regal & his fellow Tormentors saunter down to the ring, where the 2008 King of the Ring apologizes for the interruption, she's especially fetching tonight & she's doing a wonderful job as GM ~ as somebody who's filled a similar position, as General Manager of RAW, William felt it his duty to come out here & discuss with her, the ramifications of what happened Sunday. . .  he knows that Tiffany has a keen eye for talent, as he does, but he wants to know why she felt the need to ban Vladimir Kozlov & Ezekiel Jackson from ringside in the ECWWE Heavyweight title match @ Breaking Point; well, the GM's glad that Regal chose to come to her in this way, as he understands as well as she does, the importance of communications between Genera Manager & Superstars being open. . .  the reason she banned the Moscow Mauler & Big Zeke from ringside, was that she wanted the match to be 1-on-1, with no outside interference; well, as William sees it, her decision was a little rash & it did cause him unnecessary grief in his preparation, so Regal thinks it's only right that he be allowed another shot @ the Heavyweight title; well, again, as the former RAW GM knows, it's important to allow different Superstars the opportunity @ a major title, which's why Tiffany's decided to not allow Regal another shot @ the Heavyweight title, which understandably rankles the 2008 King of the Ring; but tonight, there's a Battle Royal to determine the new #1 Contender for that title, so Kozlov & Jackson can go get themselves ready for that bout, while Regal competes in a match right now, even though he's still in his street clothes; the 2008 King of the Ring beats Hurricane Helms with a 'Knee Trembler' Running Kneestrike {PSYCHOLOGY: in his street clothes!!}; after the match, "Ripper" Paul Burchill storms the ring & beats down his emerald nemesis

backstage, Goldust apologizes to Yoshi Tatsu for what happened last week, but struggles on with their english lessons. . .  where is the train station? . . .  how much is a cup of coffee-EE-EE-coffee? . . . ; in steps Zack Ryder, who questions the logic of the Turnbuckle Championship Wrestler teaching the former New Japan Pro Wrestler how to speak english, asking if Tatsu can say "loser"; when the purofesshonaru resuringu responds with "Zack Ryder", the former EdgeHead exclaims that he can't wait to get Yoshi in the ring

in the backstage area, Savannah Fong bothers "Ripper" Paul Burchill, who balks @ the idea of a new backstage interviewer, where's Gregory Helms ~ oh wait, he's out in the ring, where he left the Hurricane laying after a beatdown inspired by what the supposed superhero did to Katie Lea last week; as Paul's been saying all along, Hurricane Helms & Gregory Helms are the same person & he's not going to stop until the charade's ended; now, if Savannah'll excuse him, he has a Battle Royal to go win

Nikki & Brie Bella sexy to the ring as the special guest ring announcers for the following match, where Yoshi Tatsu defeats Zack Ryder with a 'Mawashi Gen' Roundhouse Kick {PSYCHOLOGY: well, with cheerleaders like the Bella Twins, I'd probably win too!}

a video package plays, showing the 2 matches already announced for Hell in a Cell ~ RAW Heavyweight champion John Cena versus "Legend Killer" Randy Orton. . .  RAW Tag Team Grudge Match, D-Generation X versus Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ MAIN EVENT, #1 CONTENDERSHIP, ECWWE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE, 10-MAN BATTLE ROYAL MATCH: "Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin versus Vladimir Kozlov versus Ezekiel Jackson versus "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer versus Goldust versus Tyler Reks versus Sheamus O'Shaunessy versus Yoshi Tatsu versus "Ripper" Paul Burchill versus Zack Ryder; Benjamin ousts Burchill, Kozlov eliminates Reks, Jackson horfs Tatsu, Shelton ousts Sheamus & Ezekiel, but then gets eliminated by O'Shaunessy from the arena floor, Ryder horfs Goldust, Vladimir gets ousted by Dreamer, who gets eliminated by Zack {PSYCHOLOGY: was it just me, or was this a little longer than the average Battle Royal?}

09/17/09 originating on WGN America {in the United States}

RAW commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole
ECWWE commentating by Josh Mathews & Slammy Award-winning Matt Striker
Smackdown commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & the Slammy Award-winning Todd Grisham

RAW MATCH: "Masterpiece" Chris Masters makes Santino Marella Submit with a 'Masterlock' Swinging Full-Nelson {PSYCHOLOGY: although I gave the Milan Miracle the benefit of the doubt, rather than type up that result after hearing who the Masterpiece's opponent was!}

a video package plays, showing this week's edition of Ask the Divas; "Have you ever been on a bad date?" asks WWE Universe resident Larr Bear. . .  RAW's Alicia Fox responds that she was left with the bill, which she wasn't happy with. . .  Smackdown's Eve Torres once dated a guy who had horrible breath. . .  RAW Divas champion Mickie James trumps Eve, by dating a married man. . . RAW's "Glamazon" Beth Pheonix went out with a guy who lied about his age, he was 30 years old {so, how old was she @ the time, then?}; "Do you have any hidden talents?" queries WWE Universe resident Rhapsody-Phyre. . .  RAW's Kelly Kelly can do back flips, front flips, side flips, gainers, anything. . .  RAW's Rosa Mendes can manipulate people into thinking she's nice. . . RAW's Gail Kim's an amazing cook, so if any guys wanna have dinner with her, she's their girl {I'll be right over!!}; anybody who needs advise, can log onto www.WWEUniverse.com

ECWWE's Zack Ryder joins Matt Striker & Josh Mathews @ ringside for the following ECWWE MATCH: Heavyweight champion Christian pins "Ripper" Paul Burchill with a 'Kill Switch' Crucifix Faceplant in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: a pretty foregone conclusion, who was gonna win this match, but worth seeing anyway, of only for Ryder's smarmy commentary!}; after the match, Josh saunters backstage to bother RAW's "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, who can't be bothered with Smackdown's Dave "The Animal" Batista, he's now on Friday nights & therefore out of his sc=phere of influence. . .  he wants to talk about RAW Heavyweight champion John Cena, who defeated the Legend Killer @ Breaking Point, but Randy didn't submit ~ he made a sound business decision to maintain his body; the Doctor of Thuganomics, out of personal pride, likes to tell people that he's incapable of saying the words "I Quit", but Orton thinks that's just out of stupidity; here we are, 4 days after the pay-per-view & Randy can guarantee that the Chain Gang Commander's hurting much more than he is & it's only gonna get worse, because @ Hell in a Cell, the Legend Killer's gonna beat the RAW Heavyweight champion, gonna hurt him & make him suffer, once again becoming the RAW Heavyweight champion

MAIN EVENT, SMACKDOWN MATCH: Dolph Ziggler beats Fit Finlay with an 'NTN' Jumping Russian Legsweep {PSYCHOLOGY: well, since the Tough Irish **** hasn't got anything going right @ the moment, while the former Spirit Squader has that Smackdown Intercontinental championship match coming up. . .  it seemed like a no-brainer!}

09/18/09 originating on MyNetworkTV {in the United States} & on The SCORE {in Canada}

commentating by Slammy Award-winning Todd Grisham & 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross

from the Copps Coliesum in Hamilton, Ontario; now in WWE~HD

in the garage, a black stretch limousine pulls in, disgouging General Manager Theodore R. Long & a posse of Security personnel, who all amble into the arena for tonight's show

Dave "The Animal" Batista Walks for Miles Inside This Pit of Danger to the ring, where he takes in the adulation from the Smackdown Universe for an excessive amount of time, then reminds us that recently his contract expired with RAW & for the 1st time in his WWE career, he got to choose where he was ~ no Drafts, no trades, Dave's choice, which was to be right here on Friday nights ~ the Animal's glad to be back & can't wait to get started; WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho smarms to the ring, where he Ayatollah of Rock & Rollahs about how heartwarming it is to have Batista back on Smackdown, applauding @ the thought of babies smiling, birds are chirping & all's right with the world; in reality, the Animal makes Y2J sick, he's just like that other injury-prone loser Edge, pandering to these pathetic parasites, begging for cheers from all the hypocrites, hoping for some sort of reward for coming back from an injury; so let the ŊberStar of Jerichlean Proportions get something through that Neanderthal brain of Dave's, the King of My World's the fixture on Smackdown & everybody knows it ~ a lot has changed since Batista's been gone; well, splendid, tonight they've got a chance to catch up, in his match against Batista, who takes that opportunity to bash the WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion to the mat; backstage, Y2J asks fellow WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show where he was during that brouhaha, never mind the fact that he specifically told the former WCW Giant that he wanted to confront the Animal alone. . .  anywho, yeah, sure, stay back here, while Jericho goes out there to take down Dave, to show why he's the best @ what he does

Dolph Ziggler joins Grisham & JR @ ringside for the following match, but 1st a video package plays, showing Mike Knox going on about Restless Leg Syndrome, which affects 25,000,000 people in the United States ~ a neurological disorder where the victim's legs develop a chronic aching sensation, which can only be alleviated by the rapid movement of the lower extremities. . .  they haven't found a cure yet, which apparently's bad news for Intercontinental champion John Morrison; the Shaman of Sexy defeats Knox with a 'Starship Pain' Split-Legged Corkscrew Moonsault in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: a battle of egos coming to Hell in a Cell, when Morrison & Ziggler face off in the fabled steel cage!}; after the match, John asks Dolph if he had a good time playing footsie with Todd Grisham, then brings up Mister Ziggles again, much to the delight of the Smackdown Universe & much to the chagrin of the former Spirit Squader, who makes his way backstage with an air of superiority befitting a future I-C champion

backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers Referee Scott Armstrong, who asked himself why he did what he did @ Breaking Point since Sunday.  ..  what was asked of him @ the pay-per-view, after 30 years in this business, he's never been asked to do. . .  but in this business, he answers to somebody much higher than he is; Armstrong has a wife & kids, which was why he felt sick to his stomach to do what he did to the UnderTaker ~ something he's not proud of, but he makes no excuses, he did what he had to do to keep his job

a video package plays, advertizing "the Smackdown Celebration", which airs October 2nd @ 8pm EST on MyNetworkTV

SMACKDOWN 1st HOUR MAIN EVENT, DIVAS MATCH: Melina Perez pins Women's champion Michelle McCool with a 'Last Call' Flipping Sitout Powerbomb in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: wow, 2 in a row. . .  makes me wonder if these titles are being taken seriously, or if they're essentially just window dressing?}

in the General Manager's office, Theodore R. Long tells his Security personnel to stay close to him, until WWE Owner Vince McMahon powerwalks in, asking once more where his pictures is, then congratulates the GM on bringing Dave "The Animal" Batista to Smackdown. . .  but why in the name of all things unholy did Long double-cross the UnderTaker @ Breaking Point ~ Vinnie-Mac told Teddy to entertain the Smackdown Universe, so the McMahonopolizer demands that the General Manager owes not only him, but the Smackdown Universe, an explanation about his actions Sunday, so get ta steppin' out to that ring; does Teddy have any idea what the Dead Man's capable of, once he's motivated to revenge? . . . ; DID YOU KNOW. . . WWE's watched by more than 15,000,000 people every week in the United States! . . . ; betcha Long knew that, as he MacMilitants to the ring, where he personally welcomes Dave "The Animal" Batista to the Smackdown roster, then goes on to make an admission. . .  all of this was pre-planned to prevent 'Taker from becoming the Heavyweight champion; he's not gonna stand out here that he's proud of what he did, because Long's not. . .  nor is he gonna claim that he's unafraid of the Phenom, because he is & is more than acutely aware that the UnderTaker could show up here tonight;now, Teddy understands that he's not the only guilty party in this ~ Referee Scott Armstrong & Heavyweight champion CM Punk share a measure of guilt as well; now, for the reason that the GM did what he did ~ he has a family to take care of, times are tough & he can't let his family down, he can't let them see him standing in the unemployment line & he's just too old to learn to do something news. . .  therefore, Long apologizes for his actions, to the Smackdown Universe & to each & every 1 of the fans in the audience, especially to the Dead Man; 1 last thing, he hopes that 'Taker can find it in his heart to forgive the GM; heading backstage, Teddy crawls into his limo, only to find out that the driver's been replaced with the 'Taker, who billows some dry ice into the back of the car, while basking the GM in a portable purple gel & distorting his voice for some reason & effectively guaranteeing that Long will never win any sort of award for his acting skills; meanwhile, back in the arena, Heavyweight champion CM Punk Killswitch Engages to the ring, where he Straight-Edges about telling the Smackdown Universe that he'd make the Phenom tap out, just like he told them that he'd defeat Jeff Hardy for his title & then get rid of him forever; but Punk didn't come out here to brag about all that, he came out here to confront the UnderTaker, to stick his Heavyweight title in the Dead Man's face & look him in the eye. . .  but of course, 'Taker happens to conveniently not be here tonight, so instead the Straight-Edge Superstar chooses to bash in the adulation of the Smackdown Universe, because it's obvious to him that they all need a good preaching to ~ they all need somebody that they can look up to, somebody who isn't morally corrupt, somebody who's righteous instead of self-righteous; Punk knows what they're all gonna do next. . .  exactly what their hero the UnderTaker did, give up, but by the looks of about ½ of them, they already have; what kind of live is it that they all live, what kind of existence do they have, that they have to wake up every morning & pop a pill to help crawl out of bed. . .  then they ravage their bodies with pitchers of beer & that's supposed to somehow heal their broken self-worth. . . & then they just make excuses about inhaling poison into their lungs, just to calm their nerves. . .  then @ the end of their sad, lonely, pathetic day, they need another pill to make them forget everything & help them sleep ~ they're all just a legion of inebriated zombies milling in line @ the pharmacy, with their hand out, begging & pleading for that newest anti-depressant that they think will help put an artificial smile on their faces. . .  they scrape & crawl for a scapegoat for all of their inadequacies & believe the Heavyweight champion when he says that the Smackdown Universe has a lot of those; don't tell him that they don't medicate themselves to forget about it all. . .  to hide from all of their inadequacies. . .  anybody who says that they don't, is a liar on top of all that, lying to themselves right now, to the person next to them, to their families when they go home & what's most insulting's that they're lying to the Straight-Edge Superstar, who can see right through all of them & their lies; Punk's not a liar, he's a man who means what he says & says what he means ~ a prophet, the choice of a new generation, a champion that everybody can finally be proud of, the 1st-ever Straight-Edge champion in the history of the WWE & if the Smackdown Universe isn't Straight-Edge like Punk, that just means that he's better than them

TAG TEAM MATCH: Cryme Tyme (JTG & Shad Gaspard) versus the Calgary Bulldogs (Tyson Kidd & David Hart Smith); Kidd beats JTB with a 'Blockbuster' Flipping Neckbreaker {PSYCHOLOGY: nice!}

backstage, Melina Perez enters the Divas locker room, where she spies a veritable cornucopia of pictures, featuring Women's champion Michelle McCool in the arms of Dolph Ziggler, which her friend Maria just can't see. . .  too late, here she is now, the Future Ex-Missus FanBoy Mark Jabroni balks @ the idea that her boyfriend could be cheating on her & besides, if Perez thought that something was going on, why didn't she come to Maria, she didn't need to go put all of these pictures up; no, no, she's misconstrued the situation. . .  no, Kanellis' done with this & she's done with Melina

the Great Khali defeats Kane via Disqualification After the Bald Red Machine Bashes the Punjabi Playboy with a Steel Chair {PSYCHOLOGY: of course. . . !}; after the match, the BalderTaker takes further liberties with his Breaking Point opponent, destroying the Farsi Flinger's leg with the ring steps, leaving Khali laying @ ringside, awaiting some EMTs to wheel him backstage on a gurney

Drew McIntyre saunters to the ring, where he states that it seems that "R~Truth" Ron Killings was involved in an unfortunate incident in the backstage area, so therefore it's his misfortune to have to inform the Smackdown Universe that he won't be able to compete tonight. . .  but as for Charlie Haas, who's already standing in the ring, he's the winner by forfeit, congratulations. . .  after Haas shakes McIntyre's hand, the newcomer drops the veteran with a 'Criminally Sexy' Swinging Snap Double Underhook DDT, then saunters backstage again

SMACKDOWN 2nd HOUR MAIN EVENT MATCH: Dave "The Animal" Batista pins WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho with a 'BatistaBomb' Sitout Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: seemed a rather foregone conclusion, didn't it!}; after the match, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show, who states that Batista got lucky this week, but if he were to choose to step into the ring with the former WCW Giant, then that'll be another story altogether

*PLEASE NOTE*

The following wrestling show write-up bears no necessary mirror to reality, as some Tag Team & finisher names have been fabricated by the author for mostly-self-entertainment purposes.

-= BREAKING POINT =-

09/13/09 on PAY-PER-VIEW from the Bell Centre in Montreal, Quebec; now in WWE~HD

RAW commentating by 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole
ECWWE commentating by Josh Mathews & Slammy-Award-Winning Matt Striker
Smackdown commentating by 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & Slammy-Award-Winning Todd Grisham

WWE UNIFIED TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: champions Worst Case Scenario (the Big Show & Chris Jericho) versus RAW's World's Strongest Playas (Montell Vontavius Porter & "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry); Y2J pins Henry with a TBS-Applied 'Knockout' Straight Punch {PSYCHOLOGY: whammo!}

backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers RAW's Rhode$ to Ri¢he$, who disagree with the assessment of their Submissions-Count-Anywhere bout against D-Generation X's HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels being a match. . .  it's gonna be a fight ~ 1 that could end in the ring, or backstage, or even spill out into the streets of Montreal; Cody Rhodes admits that he & Ted DiBiase Junior aren't exactly submission specialists, but there are more variables when it comes to finding a man's. . .  well, Breaking Point; DX's good. . .  no, scratch that, they're great, but what the members of Lega¢¥ are gonna prove tonight's that the only underdogs in this match, have the initials D & X {no, wait, gimme a minute, don't tell me, I'm good @ these puzzles! . . .}, they're gonna make the Game & the Showstopper tap for the 1st time ever {well, actually, I happen to know for a fact that both men have submitted in previous matches, but whatever, it's only memory, right? . . .}; DX represents the past & however illustrious that might be, it's still the past, while Lega¢¥, as everybody knows, are the future of WWE; sure, the Cerebral Assassin & the HeartBreak Kid are fun & amusing, DiBiase supposes, like the green glow sticks that WWE hawks in support of D-Generation X. . .  but after awhile, the glow of entertainment burns out & eventually they're disposed of accordingly

before the following match, RAW's Mike "The Miz" Mizanin pompouses to the ring, where he parlez-vous français @ the Froggies in the predominently-French-Canadian WWE Universers. . .  {"Je suis the Miz et je suis awesome!" indeed}; RAW UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: champion Kofi Kingston beats Mike "The Miz" Mizanin with a 'Trouble in Paradise' Xuanfengjiao Tornado Kick {PSYCHOLOGY: Holy Match-of-the-Year Candidate, Batman!}

the official theme for Breaking Point's Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Still Unbroken"[ from their album God & Guns, available September 29th

before the following match, HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels Break it Down to the ring, where the Game proclaims that it sounds like the DX Army's here in Montreal, so he need to know if they're ready. . .  then, for the 1,000s in attendance, for the 1,000,000s watching around the world & for Montreal {because the Cerebral Assassin knows that there was an incident that happened a few years ago & some people are having a hard time letting go of it, so he just wants everybody to know, on a personal note. . . it was all Shawn's fault!}; so with that in mind, Llllllllllet's get ready to SUCK IT! . . . & if the WWE Universe ain't down with that, then HBK has 2 words for ya! . . .; RAW SUBMISSIONS-COUNT-ANYWHERE, TAG TEAM MATCH: Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ (Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior) versus D-Generation X (HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid"  Shawn Michaels); Rhodes & DiBiase make Michaels with a Ringpost-Wrapped 'Figure 4' Modified Indian Leglock & a '$1,000,000 Dream' Modified Sleeperhold, Respectively & Simultaneously {PSYCHOLOGY: ouch, his Achilles' spine!}; after the match, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers RAW Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton backstage, where chooses to waltz down the socio-path for a bit, inviting the wannabee real announcer to have a seat & ask him his question. . .  his reaction to the huge victory of Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ over D-Generation X's apathetic, he in fact has no reaction, as he knew that they'd win & they did just that; well, as a follow-up, what about- now, hang on there, sport, he said he was gonna ask Randy 1 question & now he's asking a 2nd, so Mathews' 1 of those people who says 1 thing & then does another. . .  just like RAW's John Cena, who claims to be incapable of saying the words "I Quit" {except when he said it back @ No Mercy 2003}, Orton doesn't understand, how can the Doctor of Thuganomics know that he's incapable of saying those words. . .  does Josh want to know how the Legend Killer's gonna make the Chain Gang Commander feel tonight? . . . {Oh, so pretty?}. . .  does Josh wanna know what it's like to have every bone in his body feel like it's about to shatter @ any moment. . .  to have his head bludgeoned to the point of when he's in & out of consciousness. . .  to be assaulted to such a degree, to that he has the power to make it all go away, just by uttering a simple sentence. . . is that what Mathews wants to know? . . . ; well, the RAW Heavyweight champion suggests that the ECWWE commentator watch his match then, because he's going to make Cena say those words that he claims to not be able to say

a video package plays, advertizing Hell in a Cell, live on pay-per-view, October 4th

SMACKDOWN SINGAPORE CANE MATCH: Kane beats the Great Khali with a 'Goozle' 1-Handed Chokeslam {PSYCHOLOGY: yeah, but. . .  oh hell, never mind, my brain hurts now anyway ! I pity poor JR for having to make this match sound awesome!}

backstage, Smackdown's Eve Torres bothers her brand's Heavyweight champion CM Punk, who's been hearing a lot of talk heading into this match, so he's gonna keep this brief. . .  nobody gave the Straight-Edge Superstar a chance going into this match, against the spooky UnderTaker. . .  which's funny, because nobody gave him a chance going into Summerslam against the now-fired-because-of-him Jeff Hardy in that TLC match, but oh look, he's the Heavyweight champion & the Rainbow-Haired Warrior's unemployed, making Punk the 1st-ever Straight-Edge Heavyweight champion; just 3 weeks after the Charismatic Enigma's gone for good, he goes & does what CM said he would for months ~ it's all there in black & white, you can turn on your TV & see it; nobody's gonna see Punk's mugshot all over the internet, nor will anybody see CM in the headlines for such atrocious behaviour; unlike all the wannabe French derelicts here in Montreal, who pollute their bodies with booze & cigarette smoke ~ the Smackdown Heavyweight champion leads a clean life, which means good things happen to him {yeah, like a jogger dropping dead of a heart attack while jogging, right?} & he knows that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the Strait-Edge lifestyle can beat the power of the UnderTaker; he's not scared of anything that the Phenom can do &-WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS? . . . oh, it's just Smackdown's Jimmy Wang Yang, who, besides having a clear deathwish for spooking the champion, wants to wish Punk luck in his match tonight; yeah, about that, have some gratuitous beatdown as a sign of the Heavyweight champion's gratitude. . .  so as he was saying, CM's not worried about 'Taker, the Dead Man should be frightened of the Straight-Edge Superstar

before the following match, it's announced that ECWWE General Manager Tiffany had decreed that Ezekiel Jackson & Vladimir Kozlov have been banned from ringside & if they didn't head backstage immediately, William Regal would automatically forfeit his ECWWE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: champion Christian defeats William Regal with 'Kill Switch' Crucifix Faceplant {PSYCHOLOGY: Holy 2nd Match-of-the-Year Candidate, Batman!}

1996 WWE Hall of Famer Patt Patterson ambles down to the ring, where he bilingually thanks the Montreal WWE Universe members, then proclaims that it's not too bad for a kid who started wrestling in 1958, to go on to be known all over the world as the 1st-ever Intercontinental champion; this is why tonight, he's proud to introduce- Smackdown's Dolph Ziggler chooses that exact moment to interrupt by sauntering down to the ring, where Patterson exclaims that he doesn't need to shake Ziggler's hand, he knows who the former Spirit Squader is. . .  you know, Patt walked all around Montreal the other day & does Dolph want to know how many people asked about him. . .  nobody; naw, the premiere I-C champ's just joshing the future champ, he's only having fun & they like to have fun in Montreal; Patt'll be honest with Ziggler, he has a great future in WWE, he has a lot of talent & if he's lucky, somewhere down the road, Ziggler can also 1 day become the Intercontinental champion; after wishing Dolph luck, Patterson gets a dose of incredulity from the younger man, who asks when WWE was taken over by senior citizens {I hope WWE Owner Vince McMahon didn't hear that!}. . .  if Patt's here, then who's @ home watching reruns of "The Golden Girls"? . . .  was Wilfred Brimley unable to make it tonight? . . . does the retirement home know Patt snuck out? . . .  naw, Dolph's just having some fun, as a matter of fact, until Ziggler saw him come down to the ring tonight, he thought Patterson was dead. . .  but now that the former Spirit Squader's seen the premiere I-C champion in person, he has to admit that Patt looks like $1,000,000. . .  even his hair piece looks real; c'mon, how can they be wasting valuable pay-per-view time on some old fossil who nobody cares about, or even remembers; naw, naw, Dolph's just playing around again, Patt ~ he was the 1st-ever Intercontinental champion, but what, was that back in the 1800s against Abraham Lincoln? . . .  hey, still kidding, Patt ol' buddy, as far as Ziggler's concerned, he's a good guy. . .  no, strike that, he's a great guy. . .  no, even better than that, he's a helluva guy. . .  but you know what, Dolph knows what Patterson is, he's a coward & he's gonna get a boot dans le croissant-basket for his troubles, leaving the WWE Hall of Famer laying on the mat humiliated; before Dolph can take too much more liberties with Patterson, Smackdown Intercontinental champion John Morrison Ain't No Make Believes to the rescue, sending the former Spirit Squader sauntering backstage again, apparently nonplussed about both the reaction he's getting & the fact that, for some reason, he's not getting his I-C title match on tonight's pay-per-view

"I QUIT", RAW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: John Cena makes champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton Submit with an 'STFU' Modified "Submission Through Fear" Stepover Toehold Facelock {PSYCHOLOGY: with the chain from Randy's handcuffs stretched across Orton's own throat!}

MAIN EVENT, SUBMISSION, SMACKDOWN HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: the UnderTaker makes champion CM Punk Submit with a 'Devil's Gate' Figure 4 Chokehold {PSYCHOLOGY: 2 new champions, I'm actually legitimately surprised!}; after the match, though, General Manager Theodore R. Long holla-holla-hollas out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where he reminds us that the move 'Taker used was banned several months ago by then-GM Vicki Guerrero & it remained that way, so therefore this match must resume, where champion CM Punk makes the Dead Man Submit with an 'Anaconda Vice' Arm Trap Triangle Choke {PSYCHOLOGY: in a relatively accurate re-enactment of the Montreal Screwjob}; after the match, which ended much too quickly & familiarly, Long stands on the ring entrance ramp stage, while the referee bids a hasty retreat & the Phenom Bret Harts about what the hell happened?

HIGHLIGHTS: during their interview with ECWWE's Josh Mathews, I happened to notice what looked like a hearing aide in RAW's Ted DiBiase Junior's right ear, though the internet seems to have no knowledge of his needing any such equipment; was it just me, or did RAW's Mike "The Miz" Mizanin look like he had a Juggalo logo on the front of his tights? . . . ; during RAW's Submissions-Count-Anywhere match, HHH had Cody Rhodes threaded through a steel chair in a Boston Crab, then 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels grabs the Lega¢¥ member in a Cobra Clutch-type move, until Ted DiBiase Junior broke it up a few seconds later; while I did notice that Smackdown announcer Michael Cole did have a blue striped tie & matching shirt, I also noted that ECWWE's Josh Mathews had followed suit, by wearing a mauve striped tie & shirt combo; during the ECWWE title match, William Regal laid champion Christian out with a 'Regal-Plex' Bridging Leg Hook Belly-To-Back Suplex, which blew my mind; during the introductions for the RAW Heavyweight title match, the DVR broadcasting the pay-per-view decided it was gonna shut off due to inactivity {even though it's been "active" for the previous 2 hours, broadcasting the event!}; the notable signs of the night {even though there were actually few & far-between of any noteworthiness}: "The Voices Say 'Quit'!". . .

09/07/09 originating on USA Network {in the United States} & simulcast on the Score {in Canada}

commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole

from the AllState Arena in Chicago, Illinois; now in WWE~HD

Celebrity Guest Host Bob Barker Comes on Down onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where he thanks the RAW Universe for the wonderful welcome, he wishes he had a refrigerator for each & 1 of them ~ the reception tells him that they're really gonna party tonight; they're the people who have kept Barker working for more than ½ a century & he thanks them for it; tonight, he has the job of playing a pricing game for the RAW Universe, but 1st he needs to have some contestants, throwing it to the fine announcer Howard Finkel to call out some ~ Santino Marella, come on down. . .  Jillian Hall, come on down. . .  Irwin R. Shyster, come on down. . .  WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho, come on down. . .  all wearing classic Price is Right name tags, even though Y2J wasn't even wearing a shirt; the 1st prize they're bidding on, as presented by Rosa Mendes, is a copy of the new "Smackdown 10th Anniversary" 3-DVD set, available September 15th, but it could be theirs right now, if the Price is RAW; the Milan Miracle giggles hysterically, then tries to buy a vowel. . .  well, Bob thinks that Santino's been bodyslammed too many times, but anywho, Marella bids $1,465. . .  next's Jillian, who's a real big fan who's prepared a special song for Barker, but then after the crowd boos her to stop singing, she croons her bid of $75. . .  then I~R~S asks if the price includes taxes, because everybody has to think about taxes, so he bids $50 to include taxes. . .  then it's the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah's turn, but instead of playing along with this charade, he steps up on stage, getting all up in the geriatric grill of Barker, who proclaims that Chris' mom wouldn't be proud of him for his behaviour here tonight ~ well 1st of all, watch your mouth, let the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions explain something to the auld-school Price is Right host, he has to show the WWE Tag Team co-champion respect, he needs to call him Mister Jericho, to pander to him & treat him like the best in the world, he's ½ of the- that's a bid, $1, now go back down there & stand next to the other contestants, don't make Bob take Chris over his knee, be a good boy; the actual retail price's $18.90 & believe it or not, because the other 3 went over on their bids, the King of My World's won the DVD & now has to head on down to the ring for a chance @ a fabulous all-expense-paid trip for 2 to Hawaii, as presented by the Bella Twins, in the following match, where Montell Vontavius Porter pins Y2J with a Floatover {PSYCHOLOGY: oh sweet Jesus, I'm laughing so hard @ all of this!}

WWE Home Video presents "the Rise & Fall of WCW", "The New & Improved DX" & "the Bash 2009", available now @ all major DVD retailers & @ www.WWEShop.com

in the Celebrity Guest Host's office, Kelly Kelly helps Bob Barker shamelessly shill his new book, "Priceless Memories", the proceeds of which go towards the DJ&T Foundation, named in memory of his wife Dorothy Jo & Matilda, or "Tillie" & all money goes towards the spaying & neutering of animals; in step HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, who state that they're big fans of his, "Happy Gilmore" is their favourite movie, they love it when Bob beats the **** out of Adam Sandler; HBK was wondering, in regards to Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior. . .  exactly how does somebody go about spaying & neutering, anyway; now, Barker was under the impression that they'd be in that kinda mood tonight, D-Generation X will get their chance Sunday @ Breaking Point, but for tonight, let's go over & spin the big wheel; say, this isn't some kinda game show here, it's DX's careers, they aren't prepared to leave all that in the hands of some computerized & randomized wheel that'll spin twice, showing all the RAW Superstars, with the 2 who come up being their opponents in a Tag Team match tonight, but the auld-school game show host has 2 words for them ~ spin it; when the Showstopper presses the button, "Masterpiece" Chris Masters comes up & when the Game spins, it comes up Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, so they'll be back for the Showcase Showdown later in the night; meanwhile, Bob announces that, if Chavo Guerrero Junior wins his match tonight, he could win a new red Chevrolet Corvette, sportily modeled by Brie & Nikki Bella; Evan Bourne beats Chavito Heat with a Roll-Up {PSYCHOLOGY: I'm starting to sense how this' gonna go, whoever has a chance @ winning a prize, if they win their match, won't! . . . & @ least he's not losing to Hornswaggle again this week!}

a video package plays, advertizing Breaking Point, live on pay-per-view, September 13th @ the Centre Bell in Montreal, Quebec ~ for tickets, call (514) 790-2525 or 1-877-668-8269, or check out www.geg.ca

various members of the Chicago White Sox are seen @ ringside, watching as Cody Rhodes saunters to the ring, where he proclaims that he's indeed still a member of Lega¢¥, but that doesn't mean that he appreciated what Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton did to his father, WWE Hall of Famer "American Dream" Dusty Rhodes, last week; what the RAW Universe doesn't seem to be able to comprehend, though, is that Dusty didn't make Cody a Main Eventer, the Legend Killer did; he can lie to the fans & say that the American Dream was a neglectful father, missing birthdays & graduations left & right, but the truth's that he's an excellent father. . .  though it wasn't Cody's choice, it was either family or career for him & he made it; @ Breaking Point, it doesn't matter if HHH or 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels taps out, or even where, as long as Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ come out on top; Cody remembers something that Dusty said once, there's nothing a father wouldn't do for his son. . .  well, there's nothing this son wouldn't do for his career & he looks forward to making John Cena tap out in the following RAW 1st HOUR MAIN EVENT MATCH: Cena defeats Rhodes via Disqualification After Orton Interferes {PSYCHOLOGY: this match proved 2 things ~ the Chain Gang Commander has a chance to make the Heavyweight champion say "I Quit" in their title match on Sunday ~ or @ least Randy's afraid that he can, anyway ~ as well as showing that D-Generation X has more than a fair shot @ beating Rhode$ to Ri¢he$}; after the match, Celebrity Guest Host Bob Barker saunters back out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where he suggests that the RAW Universe can agree that they've all seen some pretty awesome action so far, but as they're back out here for another Showcase, they need a 4th competitor, so Howard Finkel calls Chicago White Sox pitcher AJ Pierzynski to come on down, for the Price is RAW; after some small talk, the prize on the line this time's a WrestleMania 26 travel package, including a commemorative chair, a Superstars autograph signing & Fan Axxess; AJ bids $1,000. . .  Irwin R. Shyster doubles that with $2,000. . .  Jillian Hall warbles $5,000. . .  Santino Marella $1,200. . .  the actual retail price's $1,247, so the Milan Miracle's won, sending him up onto the stage to hug Bob enthusiastically; well, that's not it, as Marella has a chance to win a brand new hot tub, sexily modeled by the Bella Twins, who unfortunately don't come with the hot tub, so that Santino can't make Bella & Marella soup. . .  but he has to win the following BODY SLAM CHALLENGE MATCH: WWE Tag Team co-champion the Big Show beats Santino by Bodyslamming the Milan Miracle {PSYCHOLOGY: in seconds!!!}; after the match, Barker announces that he has another opponent for TBS, for another BODY SLAM CHALLENGE MATCH: "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry defeats the former WCW Giant by Bodyslamming the WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion {PSYCHOLOGY: so. . .  does that mean he won the hot tub?}

in the Celebrity Guest Host's office, Bob Barker's busy reading his new book "Priceless Memories", when suddenly Chavo Guerrero Junior storms in, demanding that he get his Corvette, but the former Price is Right host asks him to calm down, leaving Chavito Heat open to a Happy Gilmore-style sneak attack from Barker, who drops Guerrero with BAM! a quick rabbit punch to the breadbasket & HAI-YAH! a judo chop to the back of the neck

a video package plays, advertizing Trish Stratus as the Celebrity Guest Host for next week's RAW, live from the Air Canada Centre in Toronto, Ontario; RAW 2nd HOUR MAIN EVENT. TAG TEAM MATCH: D-Generation X (HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels) versus the Legendary Masters (Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton & "Masterpiece" Chris Masters); HBK makes Masters Submit with a 'Figure 4' Modified Indian Leglock {PSYCHOLOGY: will DX indeed be the 2 white tigers that'll be hanging off of the jugulars of WWE's Siegfred & Roy, Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior, this Sunday @ Breaking Point?}; after the match, Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ storm the ring, but instead of waylaying D-Generation X, the Game & the Showstopper manage to brawl Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior backstage, leaving Orton out @ ringside, displaying the better part of valour; meanwhile, backstage, Rhodes & DiBiase seem to be getting the worst of the brawling beatdown @ the hands of the Cerebral Assassin & the HeartBreak Kid, as Arena Security look on; Cody & Ted Junior eventually make it out to the parking lot area, where they steal some guy's car & drive off, leaving the King of Kings & the 2016 WWE Hall of Famer unsatisfied; meanwhile, back in the arena, the Heavyweight champion indicates that the disappointed expressions on the faces of D-Generation X will be mirrored on the sorry mug of John Cena @ Breaking Point, as well as Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ making DX submit, thus cementing the greatness of Lega¢¥; out comes the Doctor of Thuganomics, who storms the ring & makes Randy Orton regret every single cross word that escaped the Legend Killer's lips. . .  until, of course, the Heavyweight champion drops the Chain Gang Commander with a DDT, then grabs a folding steel chair from ringside & sets it up in the ring, onto which Randy drops John with an 'RKO' Modified Ace Crusher; the Legend Killer then stands over his Breaking Point opponent, promising to make him submit for the 1st time in 6 years

09/08/09 originating on SyFy {in the United States} & rebroadcast on Global {in Canada} the following Friday, late-night

commentating by Josh Mathews & the Slammy Award-winning Matt Striker

from the Rockford MetroCentre in Rockford, Illinois; now in WWE~HD

Hurricane Helms pins "Ripper" Paul Burchill with an 'Eye of The Hurricane' Spinning Headlock Elbow Drop {PSYCHOLOGY: Hurricane-rana ~ HA, classic!}

backstage, Savannah Fong bothers Heavyweight champion Christian & "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer, the latter stating that ECWWE's their home, here's been wrestling for the past 16 years & as a former champion, he can understand how being the champion means everything to the Instant Classic; i William Regal, Vladimir Koslov & Ezekiel Jackson think they can come in here & run roughshod over everybody, they're wrong; what they did last week, wasn't just about the Peeps' Champion & the Innovator of Extreme ~ it was about everybody in ECW Past & ECWWE Present; captain Charisma doesn't like the idea of Bill Regal & his 2 Life Partners coming in here to take over, so whether it's last week with some Kendo sticks, or this week in a Tag Team match, or this Sunday @ Breaking Point when he defends his Heavyweight title against Regal, Christian's joining Dreamer in taking a stand & making a point

DID YOU KNOW. . . last Tuesday, more male viewers watched ECWWE, than any program on FX, Spike TV or ESPN! . . . ; betcha these 4 guys knew that, as they head to the ring for the following TAG TEAM MATCH: Say, Say, Say ("Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin & Sheamus O'Shaunessy) versus the 24 Karat Stratocasters (Yoshi Tatsu & Goldust); Benjamin beats the Former Black Reign with a Pinfall {PSYCHOLOGY: after O'Shaunessy kicked Goldy right in the chops!}; after the match, Sheamus shows his extreme disdain against his partner, by dropping him like a obviously-dyed hunk of haggis, until WWE Officials manage to pry them apart

the official theme for Breaking Point's Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Still Unbroken", from their album God & Guns, available September 29th

Zack Ryder defeats Rory Fargo with a 'Zack Attack' Inverted Overdriver {PSYCHOLOGY: before the opening bell even sounded!}

in the General Manager's office, Tiffany tells Tyler Reks that he's proving himself here on ECWWE, with his success; too bad he gets dismisses by William Regal & his Rough Riders, who ask how she can let the likes of Heavyweight champion Christian & "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer get away with attacking Vladimir Kozlov & Ezekiel Jackson last week on ECWWE; well, Tiffany might've reacted differently. . .  had she not seen those 2 men do exactly the same thing to the Peeps' Champion & the ECW Original the week before, so fair's fair; Regal thinks it wasn't fair, it was a desperate act from 2 desperate men, they sensed that their careers were coming to an end & in a few moments, the Moscow Mauler & Big Zeke will prove those fears justified. . .  then William will move onto Breaking Point this Sunday & take the Heavyweight title from the Instant Classic; MAIN EVENT, TAG TEAM MATCH: the Rough Riders (Vladimir Kozlov & Ezekiel Jackson) versus ECWWE Attitude (Heavyweight champion Christian & "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer); Jackson pins Dreamer with a 'Big & Bad' Urinagi Bomb {PSYCHOLOGY: good setup for the upcoming Heavyweight title match @ Breaking Point!}; after the match, Regal applies a 'Regal Stretch' Arm-Trapping Cross-Legged Stepover Toehold Facelock onto the ECW Original, while his fellow Tormentors keep Captain Charisma distracted with some shoe leather to the cranium

09/10/09 originating on WGN America {in the United States}

RAW commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole
ECWWE commentating by Josh Mathews & Slammy Award-winning Matt Striker
Smackdown commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & the Slammy Award-winning Todd Grisham

SMACKDOWN MATCH: Kane beats Jimmy Wang Yang with a 'Goozle' 1-Handed Chokeslam {PSYCHOLOGY: awww, shucks, y'all!}; after the match, the Bald Red Machine reaches under the ring to retrieve a Kendo stick, bashing the Asian Redneck into oblivion, in preparation of his bout against the Great Khali this Sunday

ECWWE MATCH: Sheamus O'Shaunessy defeats Yoshi Tatsu with a 'Dublin Dervish' Side Slam Backbreaker {PSYCHOLOGY: they seem desperate for me to call it the Irish Curse! . . .}; DID YOU KNOW. . . Superstars was the #1 show on WGN American for the entire week! . . . ; betcha Brie Bella knew that, as she accompanies her sister Nikki to the ring for the following ECWWE DIVAS MATCH: Brie Bella pins Katie Lea Burchill with a Cross Body Block {PSYCHOLOGY: after she replaced the much-more-beaten-down Nikki!}

SMACKDOWN MATCH: Dolph Ziggler beats "Slam Master J" Jesse Dalton with an 'NTN' Jumping Russian Legsweep {PSYCHOLOGY: good momentum going into his Smackdown Intercontinental title match against champion John Morrison this Sunday!}

the official theme for Breaking Point's Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Still Unbroken", from their album God & Guns, available September 29th

MAIN EVENT, RAW TAG TEAM MATCH: the All-Mizaricans ("All-American American" Jack Swagger & Mike "The Miz" Mizanin) versus Kofimo (United States champion Kofi Kingston & Primo Colon); Mizanin defeats Kingston with a 'Skull-Crushing Finale' Full-Nelson Forward Russian Legsweep {PSYCHOLOGY: showing us that the Miz has what it takes to defeat the champion, after being so strident about wanting to be the new U.S. titlist!}

09/11/09 originating on MyNetworkTV {in the United States} & on The SCORE {in Canada}

commentating by Slammy Award-winning Todd Grisham & 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross

from the Rockford MetroCentre in Rockford, Illinois; now in WWE~HD

the UnderTaker Dead Mans to the ring in his Attitude-Era sleeveless leather jacket, where he imposes upon us his threatening lack of goatee, then proclaims that the sands of time have fallen slowly through the hour glass, but in 2 days' time, he'll reclaim his Heavyweight title & once again cast his shadow of darkness over the Smackdown Universe; the Phenom's sure by now that the current champ, CM Punk, is very tired, given that he's constantly waking up in a cold sweat, consumed by fear. . .  because he knows that his Breaking Point'll be realized when he feels the grip of the 'Devil's Gate' Figure 4 Chokehold; submission's the only alternative to an eternity of pain for the Straight-Edge Superstar & when Punk submits, not only will he relinquish his title, CM'll personally hand 'Taker his soul & thus the symphony of lies shall end; well, dem's Killswitch-Engage-to-the-ring words, as the Heavyweight champion mocks the Dead Man concocting his own symphony of lies, it's like the pot calling the kettle black; Punk sees through all the smoke & mirrors, to see the UnderTaker for what he really is. . .  while Jeff Hardy was the Smackdown Universe's Charismatic Enabler, the Phenom's so much worse, because he's prayed on their chemically-influenced minds for almost 20 years; Alice in Wonderland led an entire generation of hippies to experiment with magic mushrooms & recreational hallucinogens, but 'Taker created his own self-destructive cycle, because the Smackdown Universe actually believe in him ~ that he can withstand any beating, with mystical powers from the Dark Side that'll allow him to vanquish any foe; worse yet, they actually believe that the UnderTaker has a chance @ taking CM's Heavyweight title this Sunday, but he's managed to convince them of this because of his rather impressive list of victims. . .  the Hogans, the Flairs, the HeartBreak Kids; everybody thinks that the Straight-Edge Superstar's gonna easily be added to the UnderTaker's list of claimed souls, but what he & they don't realize's that Punk's so much smaller than all of those men; Punk's not after the Dead Man's soul, he just wants 'Taker to tap out; they just lost their beloved Jeff Hardy, so what's the Smackdown Universe gonna do when the Phenom submits to the 'Anaconda Vice' Arm Trap Triangle Choke. . .  well, CM'll tell ya what they're gonna do, they're all gonna go retreat into their little worlds, take some 40 ounce bottle of liquid courage to make themselves feel better, maybe pop 3 or 4 extra pain pills, just to numb themselves to the reality that their hero the UnderTaker tapped out; but in case they were itching for a preview, the Heavyweight champion promises to make Matt Hardy tap out to his trusty old submission move later tonight & Punk wants desperately for 'Taker to not interfere, because he wants all of these sad pathetic people to get a good glimpse that they're all gonna be living in, after the Straight-Edge Superstar makes the Phenom tap out @ Breaking Point, a world with only 1 true icon, somebody that these people can be proud of, the choice of a New Generation, the only Straight-Edge champion in WWE history & they'll all be forced to join Punk, to Just Say No; the way the Dead Man sees it, CM has it wrong, they won't be saying Just Say No, rather they'll be saying Rest in Peace!

before the following match, a video package plays, showing Mike Knox weirding us out again by telling us that some lizards can shed their tail, when faced with a predator. . .  as it flees, the predator will feast on that tail, but the appetite of Knox won't be satisfied with the mere tail of Fit Finlay in the following SMACKDOWN "BELFAST BRAWL" NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH: Finlay pins Knox with a Shillelagh Upside the Skull {PSYCHOLOGY: augh, laddie!}

backstage, Dolph Ziggler's about to knock on the door to the Divas Locker Room, when Women's champion Michelle McCool hobbles on by, asking the soon-to-be new Intercontinental champion why he'd wanna be with a skankilicious girl like Maria Kanellis, when he could be with a super-sexy woman like her & OOPS, pardon Michelle as she accidentally-on-purpose falls into Ziggler, while Layla El secretly records the entire "accident" from nearby

the official theme for Breaking Point's Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Still Unbroken", from their album God & Guns, available September 29th

the Great Khali versus David Hart Smith Doesn't Even Start, as Kane Interferes {PSYCHOLOGY: well, as if we needed to wrap our brains around the idea of Smith somehow coming out on top, in this decidedly-1-sided match against the Punjabi Playboy!}

DID YOU KNOW. . . last Friday night, Smackdown was the #1 rated program on television among all male viewers, beating all programs on broadcast & cable! . . . ; betcha the WWE Unified Tag Team champions knew that, as Chris Jericho & the Big Show anger to the ring for the following SMACKDOWN 1st HOUR MAIN EVENT, TAG TEAM MATCH: Cryme Tyme (JTG & Shad Gaspard) versus WWE Unified Tag Team champions Worst Case Scenario (Y2J & TBS); the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions beats JTG with a former WCW Giant-Applied 'Knockout' Straight Punch in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: ouchies!!}

in the General Manager's office, Theodore R. Long's busy texting somebody, when WWE Owner Vince McMahon powerwalks into his office, proclaiming that Teddy's not doing good. . .  Smackdown's okay & Long's on probation, Vinnie-Mac built his empire on excellence & that's not what he sees out there tonight; listen, he as a huge surprise for next week, that'll knock the McMahonopolizer's socks off & change the face of Smackdown forever; well, that's all well & good, but what's Teddy gonna have for Breaking Point & it'd better be excellent. . .  well, Long's just working on that right now & as for that glorious picture of the WWE Owner, he's asked all around about its whereabouts & is confident that it'll turn up. . .  eventually

WWE Home Video presents "the Best of Smackdown", a 3-dis set commemorating the 10 years of Thursday & Friday nights, available this Tuesday @ all major DVD retailers & @ www.WWEShop.com

Intercontinental champion John Morrison defeats Charlie Haas with a 'Starship Pain' Split-Legged Corkscrew Moonsault in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: surprise, had it all typed up as the Ambassador of Abdominals was still entering the ring!}; after the match, the Shaman of Sexy states that last week he had the single-greatest match of his young career & it was all thanks to former I-C champion Rey Mysterio Junior; Morrison wanted to come out here to talk about how he felt after that match, but words escape him, so he instead plays a video package of the closing minutes of that stellar match from last week; from the bottom of his heart, John thanks Rey for being a great competitor & an even greater competitor & whenever Misterio wants another shot @ the belt, he's got it; Dolph Ziggler saunters out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where he proclaims that it absolutely sickens him, he earned his title shot @ Breaking Point, then Rey-Rey & the former ECWWE Heavyweight champion went & had their little buddy-buddy bout, leaving Dolph in the lurch. . . well yeah, that's pretty much exactly what happened, but anyway, what was Ziggler gonna do Sunday, lose to Mysterio for a 3rd time; well, as it just so happens, Dolph was softening up Rey, everybody knows that 3rd time's the charm. . .  he earned that title match & he wants it; naw, you're right, Dolph deserves a title match, so why not have it right here, right now; naw, naw, naw, they're gonna have his title match on his terms, when Dolph says so; after making fun of Ziggler's admittedly-funny surname, the Shaman of Sexy prompts the entire Smackdown Universe to chant Mister Ziggles, much like he supposes that Maria Kanellis must do, that's kinda cute; stop it right now, or Dolph'll leave this stage. . .  well, as it just so happens, that seems to be what the Smackdown Universe wants anyway, so John suggests that he'd better do just that, presupposing that the entire WWE Universe will be chanting Mister Ziggles for as long as Morrison's the Intercontinental champion

backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers Matt Hardy, who states that last week, Heavyweight champion CM Punk didn't give him the proper opportunity to finish business like he wanted to, so this week's Submission Match right up his alley; the Straight-Edge Superstar claims to have never submitted to the evil vices of alcohol or prescription medication, but after tonight Punk won't be able to say that anymore. . .  there'll be 2 Submissions, the UnderTaker @ Breaking Point & Mat Hardy on Smackdown, with the end result of both matches being the Heavyweight champion tapping out & begging for mercy; CM can try all he wants to apply his 'Anaconda Vice' Arm Trap Triangle Choke, but the former Mattitude Practitioner states that he'll be very lucky to make it to Breaking Point @ all, after what he has planned for the Straight-Edge Superstar tonight, because when he locks in a submission hold, Matt's not letting go

SMACKDOWN DIVAS MATCH: Layla El pins Melina Perez with a Women's champion Michelle McCool-Applied Crutch {PSYCHOLOGY: wow, I didn't know that Layla was so short!}

backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers "R~Truth" Ron Killings, who states that, regardless of whether Drew McIntyre wants the party to stop, it's only just beginning; where Killings' from, if you kick his dog, he kicks their cat, Drew gets no ghetto pass from the former NWA Heavyweight champion, so if his man General Manager Theodore R. Long can manage it, look out for the cook out, put Ron in a match that actually takes place & R~Truth'll be all over Drew like a monkey on a cupcake & that's the Truth, the Whole Truth & OH DEAR LORD, IT's DREW McINTYRE BEATING DOWN RON KILLINGS!

DID YOU KNOW. . . WWE television's translated into 30 languages worldwide! . . . ; betcha WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & Slammay-Award-winning Todd Grisham knew that, as they stand in the ring to run down the BREAKING POINT CARD SO FAR: RAW Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton versus John Cena in an I Quit match. . .  Smackdown Heavyweight champion CM Punk versus the UnderTaker in a Submission match. . .  RAW's D-Generation X (HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels) versus Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ (Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior) in a Submissions-Count-Anywhere match. . .  WWE Unified Tag Team champions Worst Case Scenario (the Big Show & Chris Jericho) versus the World's Strongest Playas (Montell Vontavius Porter & "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry). . .  Kane versus the Great Khali in a Singapore Cane match; SMACKDOWN 2nd HOUR MAIN EVENT, SUBMISSION MATCH: champion CM Punk makes Matt Hardy Submit with an 'Anaconda Vice' Arm Trap Triangle Choke in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: just as a preview for Sunday's big match, in case some of us thought he forgot how to use it!}; after the match, just as the Straigt-Edge Superstar's celebrating his victory, the UnderTaker saunters out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, as a none-too-subtle reminder of what's to come