HEADLINE NEWS: legal strife!
- WWE Hall of Famer "Rowdy" Roddy Piper was arrested yesterday morning for DUI, according to www.TMZ.COM Piper was in Hollywood, California, when he was pulled over by the cops. He was administered a sobriety test ~ which he failed ~ & was taken into custody immediately after. His bail was set for $5,000 & was released later in the day. He's expected to go to court to face the charges on July 23rd.

- Former WWE Superstar Brian Blair of the Killer Bees tag team was set free yesterday, after all charges on child abuse were dropped against him. The Tampa Tribune reported that while Blair was the 1st to throw the punch @ his 17-year-old son, it was the teen who was the aggressor. After the investigation, Assistant State Attorney Pam Bond said that, due to this conclusion, all charges against him will be dropped & the Department of Children & Families said the family was free to reunite immediately. Brian was arrested on June 21st, after he engaged into a fight with his 2 sons. According to the Tampa Tribune, the whole argument was about the kids coming in @ 4AM to "very angry parents." Blair said his oldest son reacted in an
"unexpected way" & he had to defend himself. "Teenagers are teenagers & things will happen sometimes," he added.

- As reported Sunday, Jerry Lawler's son & former WWE Superstar Brian Christopher, was arrested for public intoxication. WBBJ-TV in Tennessee reported Monday that the man formerly known as "Grand Master Sexay" was fined $50 & ordered to attend a 30-day rehab program, after he entered a guilty plea. This is his 2nd run-in with the law, as in February, he was arrested
for disorderly conduct.

- The Atlanta Journal-Constitution's reporting that the family of Nancy Benoit's won 1 battle against Hustler Magazine, for publishing nude photos of Nancy when she was younger, months after she, along with her son Daniel, were murdered by the equally-late Chris Benoit. While the original Judge sided with Hustler, the US Court of Appeals over turned the decision. After Hustler published the magazine in March 2008, with photos taken in 1983, her family filed the lawsuit, saying Hustler had no right to publish them. The 1st Judge said that the photos were news-related & ruled against the Toffolonis. The appeals Judge, however, didn't agree, saying that the photos served no legitimate purpose. There was no compensation to her parents from any of the sales of the magazine. Hustler will probably appeal the decision. Assuming you're just that perverse, you can see 2 photos from the spread @ bit.ly/Xn4yo

PAY-PER-VIEW NEWS:
- We've received the poster for the SummerSlam 2009 pay-per-view, featuring John Cena. The poster has a big picture of the Doctor of Thuganomics with the Los Angeles skyline in the background & spotlights from behind. The usual green/blue SummerSlam logo's replaced with black, white & gray colors. The show will be held @ the STAPLES Center in Los Angeles, California, on Sunday August 23rd. You can see the poster @ bit.ly/p68Ko & I hope ya really like the Chain Gang Commander, because he's friggin' huge on the poster!

- The No Mercy & Cyber Sunday pay-per-view names have been ditched, in favour of 2 new names. No Mercy has been renamed to "WWE Hell In A Cell", with the 2 main events to be contested inside the infamous cage. No Mercy initially made its debut as a UK-only PPV in May 1999 & then became a permanent PPV in October of that same year. The other event, Cyber Sunday, has been renamed to "WWE Annihilation." Cyber Sunday has been around since 2004, although it has been under that name since 2006; the show was originally called Taboo Tuesday.

- While @ RAW this week, Dave "The Animal" Batista was telling people that his physical rehabilitation's going well, according to www.PWInsider.com The Animal had surgery last month to repair a torn tendon in his arm & he's on schedule to get back in the gym in about 4-6 weeks. Batista's hoping to return by November's Survivor Series Pay-Per-View, which takes place from his hometown of Washington DC. As reported earlier this week, he's keeping busy during his time off ~ as he's set to star in a new "martial arts comedy" film with boxing champion & fellow Filipino national hero, Manny Pacquaio.

- WWE's new '25th Anniversary of WrestleMania Calendar' includes a list of dates & locations for all of their 2009 PPV's. . .
Night Of Champions, July 26th @ the Wachovia Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. . .   Summerslam, August 23rd @ the Staples Center in Los Angeles, California. . .  Breaking Point, September 13th @ the Bell Centre in Montreal, Quebec. . .  Hell in a Cell, October 4th @ the Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. . .  Annihilation, October 25th @ the IZOD Center in East Rutherford, New Jersey. . .  Survivor Series, November 22nd @ the Verizon Center in Washington, DC.

WWE NEWS:
- WWE Hall-of-Famer Jim Ross updated his blog & you can read the latest posting @ www.jrsbarbq.com

- 15 Superstars & Divas switched places & ECWWE ended up on the short end of the stick big time, losing almost every main eventer they had. Packing their bags & moving to Monday Night RAW are "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry, Evan Bourne, "All-American American" Jack Swagger, Alicia Fox & Gail Kim. Moving to Smackdown are Matt Hardy, Fit Finlay, DH Smith, Tyson Kidd & Natalya Neidhart. ECWWE trades all its top stars for ~ get ready ~ Goldust, William Regal, "Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin & the Bella Twins.

- WWE Hall of Famer "Mister USA" Tony Atlas' future with WWE's very much in doubt, following the transfer of his associate, "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry, to the RAW brand this past Monday. Company officials plan on pushing the former Sexual Chocolate as a top babyface, which as a result, has left Atlas to fend for himself, as he isn't being brought alongside him. As of this week, he's still considered a member of the ECWWE roster, but creative has no idea on how to use him. His contract may be coming due as early as next week, as he returned to the company on July 8th, 2008 & signed a deal {more than likely for 1-year} shortly thereafter.

- Matt Hardy posted thoughts on his Twitter account ~ twitter.com/matthardybrand ~ concerning an Internet wrestling writer, for assuming that he spoiled his move back to SmackDown on said account. The Internet writer in question did a post, saying Hardy "spilled the beans" after saying he was pleased with being moved to SmackDown on Monday night. However, the information had been on www.WWE.com for an hour or so when Hardy posted the tweet message.

- 2 episodes of RAW were taped Monday night in San Jose, California @ the HP Pavilion, as that brand heads out to New Zealand & Australia, coming back in the country towards the end of next week. The 1st show in New Zealand will be on July 3rd & then from July 4th till the 8th the WWE Superstars will be Down Under. Smackdown & ECWWE had back-to-back television tapings

Tuesday & Wednesday in Fresno & Bakersfield, as the crew will leave for the Land of the Rising Sun next week, with 2 shows in Japan on the 7th & 8th, with 1 in the Philippines on the 10th. Tapings resume their normal schedule the week of July 13th.

- THQ & JAKKS Pacific, the license holders for WWE video games, have engaged into a fight of their own, after JAKKS notified World Wrestling Entertainment, that they want to renew their video game license for 5 more years, which will see them issuing games till December 2014. However, THQ weren't happy about JAKKS going behind their backs & planning without their consent. The 2 companies ~ whose joint venture with WWE made them $1,000,000s ~ are now battling in court, as THQ sued JAKKS in the California Supreme Court in Los Angeles.

- Europe's WWE DVD distributor, SilverVision, has released the chapters for the highly anticipated "Rise & Fall of WCW" triple disc DVD, which'll be released on August 25th. The story starts all the way from Jim Crockett Promotions & ends with WWE purchasing WCW. The 1st disc will contain documentary-style sit-down interviews with several WWE Superstars & former WCW executives, while discs 2 & 3 will have some of the best matches, in full, in WCW history. To see a list of chapters & matches, go to bit.ly/2QTDYJ

- The brother of WWE Superstar Paul Burchill, Sean, has passed away in Afghanistan after an Improvised Explosive Device {IED} hit his convoy. He died while being transported to a helicopter landing site. The 33-year-old Major was the commanding officer of 9th Company, 1st Battalion Welsh Guards. He's survived by his wife, Joanna & 18-month-old son, Charlie. The Guardian newspaper in the UK has a story about him @ bit.ly/4Ktlu ; Our condolences go out to his family & friends.

- Yesterday was referee Charles Robinson's birthday. He turned 45 years old.  He shares that birthday with 7-time Heavyweight champion & WWE Hall of Famer Bret "HitMan" Hart, who turned 52 years old.

TNA NEWS:
- For all the latest Total NonStop Action news, join the MySpace TNA community @ www.myspace.com/wrestlingwarlordtnafan

- TNA Executive Shareholder Mick Foley has posted a new blog on his MySpace account, putting over former WCW Valet Daffney & discussing non-scripted promos. "Daffney's got it going on. That's what I think whenever I see her on TV, doing promos, in the ring, etc. Which's my way of saying that she's really hit her stride; everything seems to be coming together simultaneously. I've always thought that anything that's different's good & man, is this chick different. I try to give feedback when I see something I like & it seems that I'm always saying something to her about what I see. 'I love the outfit, Daffney, it's creepy, it's you.' Or, 'great promo, I like how calm you are.' She slithers like a snake, she's got a cool walk, all her stuff in the ring looks good & like all good characters, she makes you wonder where the character ends/where the person begins. I've been around her for a while now & I don't really have a clue. Plus, she's read 1 of my novels like 4 times & that's a little scary." To read his blog in its entirety, go to blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=b...

- Jakks Pacific was @ last week's set of iMPACT! tapings, scanning wrestlers for the forthcoming TNA action figure line. However, it'll be a while before the figures are released, as the launch isn't expected until sometime next year.

- Jason Agnew from Live Audio Wrestling out of Ontario sent this notification via Facebook: "TNA Wrestling's running a house show on Friday July 10th @ Copps Coliseum & THE LAW crew's going to be there & wants you guys, our listeners, to be there with us!!! This weekend on The LAW, we'll be giving away our grand prize of a pair of BOX SEATS to the event, plus a full buffet dinner @ Gibson's Club Lounge & Restaurant with The Mouth & Jason Agnew. Be sure to tune into The LAW LIVE @ 11pm EST this sunday, to find out how you can win. . .  we'll also have several pairs of regualr tickets to give away on the show as well & actually I'll give a pair of tickets to the 1st person to reply to this message on Facebook! . . . just to prove you've read it :)  Also, even if you don't win our contest, there are still seats available to the TNA event that you can purchase @ www.ticketmaster.ca/TNA-Wrestling-ticket...; Along with that, The Mouth & Jay will be hanging out before the show @ Gibsons Club Lounge & restaurant @ 6pm for a meet-&-greet for any of our fans that want to come by say hello. If you wish to attend the entire dinner, you can do so for $25 Canadian.  To make reservations @ Gibsons, call (905) 521-0323 or email 10721@compass-canada.com  Hope to see you on July 10th! Thanks for listening to The LAW"

- Jeremy Borash has uploaded a "hidden camera" video he filmed this week inside TNA's headquarters in Nashville, Tennessee. Borash uses his iPhone 3G-S to capture stealth footage of a 7th Anniversary autographed plaque given to TNA employees who have been with the company since it was founded back in 2002. The video ends with a funny altercation between Borash & an on-air personality. You can check it out @ www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPKn7OdFStk

- Newfoundland TNA fans!!  Tired of not being able to see pay-per-views @ a local establishment?  Same here!  So that's why I've set up a MySpace page to help get our message across!  As per instructions on www.tnawrestling.com, if fans want to promote TNA in their local area, they can set up a "TNAtion" page on MySpace & get other fans from their area to pitch in to help get the word out locally about the great wrestling action of Total NonStop Action!  So if you wanna get TNA Wrestling pay-per-views into local bars around St. John's, or even have a dream of even the slimmest chance @ getting a house show here in the unforeseeable future, then add www.myspace.com/tnanewf as a friend & pledge your support!

HAUGHTY HOTTIES NEWS:
- To read the coolest news on the hottest women in wrestling today, check out Shimmer's official Yahoo! Group -- sports.groups.yahoo.com/group/shimmerwre...

- This from Dave Prazak. . . "Everybody @ SHIMMER - WOMEN ATHLETES would like to congratulate Serena Deeb on officially signing a contract with World Wrestling Entertainment.  From the 1st day she stepped into a wrestling ring, it has always been Serena's goal to earn a job with WWE. Serena moved from Virginia to Kentucky on her own dime, for the sole purpose of enrolling in the Ohio Valley Wrestling training program several years ago & she has been a mainstay in the OVW women's division ever since. Serena debuted for SHIMMER on May 21st, 2006 as a last-minute substitution, when an opening on the lineup created an opportunity. During the 3 years that followed, Deeb displayed tremendous drive, determination & eagerness to constantly learn. She's always tried to improve her game, be it in SHIMMER competition, @ OVW, or in her handful of appearances for Ring of Honor. Despite OVW losing its status a WWE developmental territory last year, Serena remained focused on achieving her goal of impressing WWE officials enough to be given a chance. All of Deeb's hard work has now paid off, as she'll soon be relocating to Florida to start with WWE developmental territory Florida Championship Wrestling. Personally speaking, I feel that Serena Deeb's 1 of the top 3 female babyface talents in North America today. She's got unbelievable fire & can project emotion better than most wrestlers of a similar age & experience level. These are essential attributes, to go along with the sound athletic wrestling fundamentals which she also possesses. She's a complete package & is perfect for television. Serena's training @ OVW not only prepared her quite well for professional wrestling in general, but also specifically for the style of wrestling which WWE's looking for. Deeb's continued instruction @ FCW will only sharpen her existing skills, in preparation for the next stage of her career. The 3 match series between Serena & Sara Del Rey were truly breakout performances for her as a wrestler. I feel those matches excellently displayed Deeb's unbelievable potential to become a star in this industry. In her outings several weeks ago @ the SHIMMER Volumes 23-26 tapings in Chicago, Serena continued to show that she absolutely deserved the spot @ the top of the card that she'd worked her way into. I'd like to thank Serena Deeb for all of her contributions to SHIMMER during the past 3 years. From all of the memorable matches, to sacrificing her car on the drive up for the SHIMMER Title Tournament weekend, Serena gave so much to our product. Though we'll greatly miss her @ future tapings, Deeb has now been given the chance of a lifetime ~ to work her way to the top of her chosen profession. Good luck, Serena. . . & congrats!"  Check out a picture of this future WWE Diva @ i200.photobucket.com/albums/aa28/shimmer...

- Former WWE Diva Torrie Wilson was interviewed by Kevin Eck of The Baltimore Sun to discuss her 2nd place finish in NBC's "I'm A Celebrity. . . Get Me Out of Here" & she had some interesting things to say regarding World Wrestling Entertainment. Check out a synopsis @ www.lordsofpain.net/news/3004.html or to read the whole interview, check out weblogs.baltimoresun.com/sports/wrestlin...

- "Until we're the biggest wrestling company in the world, we won't be satisfied." Those were the words uttered by TNA President Dixie Carter in an exclusive interview for www.TNAWrestling.com where Carter noted that their iMPACT! television show beats ECWWE most of the times in the ratings. "We can't just say we're going to beat RAW {in the ratings}. Right now, that's unrealistic. We had to start with a more obtainable goal to beat the ratings of our competitor's 3rd-rated show ~ & we've done that." Dixie isn't happy with just that, next in line's taking on Smackdown. Asked what's the biggest challenge in TNA, Carter said, "Making new superstars" & then proceeded to give her take on several of the TNA Superstars. You can check out the full interview @ www.tnawrestling.com/content/view/1575/8...

- Daizee Haze has launched a new web store for fans to get a variety of different merchandise items on-line. Among the items available are a series of Best of Daizee Haze DVDs, 8x10 photos, Property of SHIMMER Wrestling Academy t-shirts & a whole lot more. Browse the Daizee Haze web store @ www.deliriouswrestling.com/daizee/

- Also, Diva-Dirt.com is going to be conducting an interview with Haze. Don't miss your opportunity to add any questions you might have to the list by posting them in the Comments @ www.diva-dirt.com/2009/06/21/diva-dirt-w...

- Well, as it turns out, my initial assumption was wrong, as RAW ring announcer Lilian Garcia has in fact given her notice & will be leaving once her contract expires @ the end of this year. "It's with a heavy heart that I've made this decision, because WWE has been my family from day 1 & you, the WWE Universe, have always been incredible to me," Garcia said on her blog @ liliangarcia.com "The fact's that I'm getting married later this year & have decided to enter into a new phase of my life, but I'll truly miss all of you & the WWE tremendously," she added. Garcia made her debut in August 1999 & has been the ring announcer for RAW ever since. A couple of weeks ago, WWE issued an open position for a young female announcer who can sing & speculation kicked in that Garcia was indeed leaving the company after 10 long years. Sad to see her go, but I'm gonna enjhoy watching her leave! . . .

- Even more new posed photos taken by SHIMMER staff photographer Gilda Pasquil @ the recent set of tapings have been added to her photo thread @ The SHIMMER Forum. Beginning on Page 9 of the replies are new photos of MsChif, Serena Deeb, Lexie Fyfe, Malia Hosaka, Rain, Jetta, Lacey, Melanie Cruise, Rayna Von Tash, Daizee Haze & Daffney ~  shimmerwomen.proboards.com/index.cgi?boa...

- During Tuesday's episode of Wrestling Observer Live on www.f4wonline.com it was said that WWE Diva Rosa Mendes was told by management to slim down. Reportedly, she took the comment to heart & has dropped weight in recent weeks.

- Howard Finkel pointed out in his latest blog on the WWE Universe site, that ECWWE General Manager Tiffany has dropped the "Interim" label from her title.  Check that out @ fans.wwe.com/howardfinkel/blog/2009/07/0...

- Christy Hemme's band HEMME will be playing The Social in Orlando Friday night. Read more about it @ blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=b...

- WWE developmental women's wrestler Angela Fong, who's worked a number of WWE live events in recent weeks as a ring announcer, noted on her Twitter account ~http://www.twitter.com/missangelafong ~ that fans were constantly mistaking her for Gail Kim over the weekend. "Would be a millionaire if I had a quarter for every, 'hey gail kim' this weekend!! Heheh. . . no worries tho. . . just wait til I debut 1 day!" She also congratulated all of the Florida Championship Wrestling talent that debuted on last night's episode of ECW. "Hard work does pay off!!! :) yay!!!"

- SmackDown Diva Melina Perez talked to KSEE-TV this past Monday about losing her title @ The Bash pay-per-view & what it takes to be a WWE Diva. The former Women's Champion also discusses how rewarding it is when you get what you're striving for & earn the respect of your peers. To view the video interview, check out www.ksee24.com/sports/49465267.html

- Monday was Raw Diva Alicia Fox's birthday. She turned 23 years old. She's been under contract to World Wrestling Entertainment for over 3 years, as they signed her when she was only 19.

- You can download the high resolution version of Nicholas Andrews' new SHIMMER highlight video "1 Shot" (featuring clips from Vols. 19-22 of the SHIMMER DVD series) @ www.sendspace.com/file/rptgxb

DECLARATION of INDEPENDENTS NEWS:
- To view an up-to-date listing of all the omnivorous upcoming independent shows, check out www.prowrestlingevents.tk/

- July 18th, CPW Wrestling returns to The Ice Box {3 West Olive Street in Scranton, Pennsylvania ~ 570-955-0923}  Doors open @ 6:30 & belltime's 7pm.  Tickets $10, kids under 5 free.  Already scheduled to appear: 3 ECW superstars {Axl Rotten, Rockin Rebel & Justin Credible} versus 3 CPW Superstars {Mister Saturday Night, Hvoak & Mean Mark Mest}  The Patriot, The Dark Patriot, Jason Havok, Debis Reaper, Miss Dixie, La Parka & many, many more are also appearing.  EVERY MATCH A HARDCORE MATCH!!!  Stay tuned!  Tickets available @ The Ice Box {(570) 955-0923}

- Last month the Davis arena was nearly filled to capacity, as the tradition of introducing the future superstars of pro wrestling returned, when Ohio Valley Wrestling presented "Future Talent Showcase 2009" {available on DVD @ www.ovwrestling.com}  That night, we saw OVW talent past & present, such as Nick "U-gene" Dinsmore & TNA knockout Sojourner Bolt break in the future stars of the sport, some of which have already gone on to make a huge impact on OVW television.  On Sunday, July 28th, we do it again, as OVW presents: Trial by Fire.  No pushover baby steps here.  Come see why OVW competitors are still the #1 recruited talent in pro wrestling today.  Come be apart of the next step in creating the next John Cena, Mickie James or "Legend Killer" Randy Orton.  Doors open @ 6PM eastern, with a 7PM bell time.  Tickets are just $10 & can be purchased @ the Danny Davis Arena box office {4400 Shepherdsville Road in Louisville, Kentucky}  OVW:  Tomorrows Superstars Today!!!

- FULL IMPACT PRO WRESTLING: Saturday, August 1st @ the National Guard Armory {8551 West Venable Street, Crystal River, Florida 34429} Doors open @ 7:30 & show starts @ 8pm.  Tickets are $20 Ringside & $15 General Admission, Kids 13 & under $10 General Admission.  Advance tickets $12 GA & Kids $8 GA.  To purchase advance tickets call (352) 422-4582 or visit
www.FullImpactPro.com

- In a 1st, a wrestling act was featured on NBC's "America's Got Talent" this past week. Midwest-based indy wrestlers Steve Boz & Austin Roberts performed some sort of wrestling act, alongside model Koa-Marie Turner, on Wednesday's edition of the talent show. Unfortunately, their performance didn't go over too well with the audience, as well as judges Piers Morgan, Sharon Osbourne & David Hasselhoff. You can see video of their appearance @ www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pf6dLkluBqk

- Paul London recently filmed 1 of those "hidden camera" commercials for Pizza Hut, according to www.Paul-London.net Friends of the former WWE star say he's trying to get into acting, while picking & choosing his wrestling dates.

- Independent wrestler Matt Riviera's a contestant on the VH1 reality show "Megan Wants a Millionaire", which's set to air this fall. For more information on Riviera, visit www.MattRiviera.com

*PLEASE NOTE*
The following wrestling show write-up bears no necessary mirror to reality, as some tag team & finisher names have been fabricated by the author for mostly-self-entertainment purposes.

* * * * *

06/28/09 on PAY-PER-VIEW from the ARCO Arena in Sacramento, California; now in

WWE~HD

RAW commentating by 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole
ECWWE commentating by Josh Mathews & Slammy-Award Winning Matt Striker
Smackdown commentating by 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & Slammy-Award Winning Todd Grisham

20-MINUTE TIME LIMIT, "CHAMPIONSHIP SCRAMBLE" 5-MAN, ECWWE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: the 1st entrants, Christian & "All-American American" Jack Swagger; the 3rd man in, Fit Finlay; Swagger pins the Tough Irish Bastard with an Eye Gouge; the 4th entrant, "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer; Finlay beats the All-American American with a 'Celtic Cross' Cradling Reverse Piledriver; the 5th & final participant, "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry, who defeats Dreamer with a 'World's Strongest Slam' Fallforward Slam; Jack pins Mark a Reverse Splash; Tommy beats Captain Charisma with a 'TD Innovation' Implant DDT Before Time Runs Out {PSYCHOLOGY: awesome ~ too bad I was out getting a refill on my drink & officially missed it!}

in the Smackdown General Manager's office, Theodore R. Long gets bothered by Edge, who demands that, since WWE Owner Vince McMahon out him on probation on Friday, he should think outside the box & make their brand's Heavyweight title match a Triple Threat, including the Rated-R Superstar, since it's a crime that the Conniving Canuck's not on this pay-per-view; after Teddy refused & then rubbed salt in the wound by proclaiming that maybe Edge shouldn't've divorced former RAW General Manager Vickie Guerrero, because maybe Mamacita Heat could've helped him, because Long ain't quite so inclined; well, the Rated-R Superstar strongly suggests that Teddy reconsiders, or he may find himself having his employment status in common with his ex-wife; TITLE-VERSUS-MASK, SMACKDOWN INTERCONTINTENTAL TITLE MATCH: Rey Mysterio Junior beats champion Chris Jericho with an 'El Colibri' Springboard Splash {PSYCHOLOGY: only a 1 month title reign? . . .}; after the match, back in the Smackdown General Manager's office, Theodore R. Long gets some Y2J all up in his grill, with the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah demanding his title rematch tonight; well, it's a good thing that Teddy never remained GM for 5 years by acquiescing to every Superstar's demands, dismissing the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions, who declares that when, not if, Long changes his mind, he knows where to find the King of My World

a video package plays, advertizing Summerslam, live on pay-per-view, August 23rd

SMACKDOWN NO DISQUALIFICATION / NO COUNTOUT MATCH: Dolph Ziggler defeats the Great Khali with a Kane-Applied Steel Chair Assault {PSYCHOLOGY: ouchies, looks like the Bald Red Machine didn't like what he read in this year's PWI Report Card!}

in the Smackdown General Manager's office, Theodore R. Long once again entertains WWE Owner Vince McMahon, who was just on his way to apologize for putting him on probation Friday, but then Vinnie-Mac heard what Long said to Chris Jericho, about having been the longest-reigning GM in WWE history & he's accomplished. . .  absolutely nothing; his predecessors ~ Eric Bischoff, Paul Heyman, William Regal & even Mike Adamle ~ all brought something to the table, they were all leaders. . .  but when the McMahonopolizer thinks about Teddy's leadership skills. . .  well, let's just say that, if the WWE Owner were to find himself in a foxhole with the former WWE manager-nee-referee-nee-WCW manager-nee-referee, then out of sheer boredom & depression, he'd shoot himself; the only thing that Long has going for him's that ridiculous dance he does & even then, the MacMilitant has no rhythm. . .  so, as opposed to what those stuff-smoking dildos in charge of the Newfoundland wrestling scene must've been thinking since 1996, Vince isn't gonna be rewarding Teddy for Just-Not-Stopping, but rather for getting ahead; before the following match, Long holla-holla-hollas out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where he declares that this will now be a RAW VERSUS SMACKDOWN, TRIPLE THREAT, WWE UNIFIED TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: champions Dos Colons (Carlito Caribbean Cool & Primo Colon) versus RAW's Rhodes to Riches (Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior) versus Smackdown's Team Ego (Edge & Chris Jericho); the Rated-R Superstar pins 3C with a 'Spear' Charging Shouldertackle {PSYCHOLOGY: JOY!!!}; after the break, RAW Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton tells DiBiase & Rhodes not to worry about what just happened, as all that matters is keeping his belt anyway; well, dem's mouthing-off-@-his-leader words, as Ted goes off about how Randy doesn't care about anything that they want, he's just concerned about his own selfish needs & his 3 Stages of Hell match, he let Orton off with kicking him in the head all those months ago because DiBiase figured he'd be hitching his wagon to a winning team; starting to look like he's made a mistake, blurts the Legend Killer, which sends ½ of Rhodes to Riches storming off, with Rhodes in pursuit

a video package plays, advertizing Night of Champions, live on pay-per-view, July 26th in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

SMACKDOWN WOMEN'S TITLE MATCH: Michelle McCool beats champion Melina Perez with a 'Faith Breaker' Piledriving Faceplant {PSYCHOLOGY: so let me get this straight. . .  Michelle's taken Legends champion "Phenomenal" AJ Styles' finisher, while Melina's taken "Maple Leaf Muscle" Petey Williams' finisher. . .}

SMACKDOWN HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Jeff Hardy defeats champion CM Punk via Disqualification After the Straight-Edge Superstar Deliberately Kicks the Referee {PSYCHOLOGY: 1 of these days, WWE's gonna have to give us a clean victory, 1 way or the other! . . .}; after the match, while the Heavyweight champion sells his supposedly-injured eye, the Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior goes postal & drags Punk back to the ring for some most severe comeuppance

in the Smackdown General Manager's office, Theodore R. Long entertains former WWE Unified Tag Team champions Dos Colons in their incredulity @ his adding Smackdown's Chris Jericho & Edge to the title match, but Teddy wasn't about to stand around & get fired, so he had to do something to spice things up & impress WWE Owner Vince McMahon, now get-ta-steppin'

backstage, RAW Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton grabs his phone & calls Cody Rhodes, leaving him a voicemail for his lackey- err, trusted partner to call him

a video package plays, showing highlights of a block party to celebrate the Bas, featuring Rev Theory & Ardelita's Way performing their WWE-specific songs; meanwhile, back in the arena, guess which 2 bands are seen sitting in the audience for the following RAW GRUDGE MATCH: John Cena makes Mike "The Miz" Mizanin Submit with an 'STFU' "Submission Through Fear" Stepover Toehold Facelock {PSYCHOLOGY: naturally!}

MAIN EVENT, "3 STAGES of HELL" RAW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton beats HHH via Disqualification after the Game Bashes the Legend Killer with a Steel Chair, which leads to the FALLS-COUNT-ANYWHERE MATCH: the Cerebral Assassin pins Orton with a 'Pedigree' Double Underhook Faceplant, which leads to the STRETCHER MATCH: Randy defeats the King of Kings by Dragging Him Across the Yellow Line on a Stretcher {PSYCHOLOGY: this latter with some rather heavy assistance from Rhodes to Riches}; after the match, as the Legend Killer stands on the ring entrance ramp stage, holding his belt proudly aloft, he gets the sneaking suspicion that there's a HHH standing behind him with a sledgehammer. . .  & what do you know, there was, as the Game bashes Orton upside the melon with Ol' Sledgy; a nostalgic crotch chop later & the Cerebral Assassin was heading backstage to lick his wounds

HIGHLIGHTS: just like last time, we experienced some technical difficulties during the Smackdown Intercontinental title match, causing us to miss considerably less this time around, only about 3 minutes' worth of the overall event; before the Smackdown Women's title match started, I happened to notice that **** a bit nipply, according to Michelle McCool's top. . .  but then she pretty much made me forget about that, when the Future Ex Missus Layfield had Melina Perez tied up in a torture rack type move, until 1 of Melina's feet was touching the back of her head; the notable signs of the night: "This Guy's a Phony". . .  "Punk Isn't Hardy Enough"

*PLEASE NOTE*
The following wrestling show write-up bears no necessary mirror to reality, as some tag team & finisher names have been fabricated by the author for mostly-self-entertainment purposes.

06/22/09 originating on USA Network {in the United States} & simulcast on the Score {in Canada}

commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole

from the Resch Center in Green Bay, Wisconsin; now in WWE~HD

RAW Owner Donald Trump's escorted onto the ring entrance ramp stage by Kelly Kelly, where he welcomes the WWE Universe to his inaugural show, it's their show after all & to show them that, he reiterates that it's commercial-free for them; the Donald's proud to give the WWE Universe a main event-calibre for free tonight, because he's a giver & WWE Owner Vince McMahon's a taker; after the show, he offers a full refund of whatever the audience paid for their tickets, $245,000 US being given back to the fans, as only he can do; after the new RAW Owner departs, John Cena enters, stopping the presses about, in order. . .  taking off his hat to Trump, for giving the WWE Universe a Heavyweight title match for free on a commercial-free broadcast & on top of that, the fans get their money back, that's off the hizzle; hell, the Doctor of Thuganomics even gets to wrestle the Big Show, so it's all gravy; the Donald's done what ever other WWE Superstar's tried to do on RAW & that's make a statement, just like Mike "The Miz" Mizanin, who's been talking smack about the Doctor of Thuganomics over the past month, but @ least he had something. . .  "interesting" to say, so let's not beat around the bush this week & let's find out what the former reality television star has to say; the Monk of Mojo saunters out to the ring, where he proclaims that if Cena wants to know what Mizanin has to say to him, but he's said all that he's needed to say, since John's clearly a coward ~ interesting word, from a little fish in this big pond, swimming all the way over there. . .  well, dem's stepping-closer-&-repeating-himself words, as the Miz gets all up in Cena's grill & calls him a coward yet again; this is the time of the show where Mike would be picking up his own teeth, but not tonight, as the Doctor of Thuganomics proposes to give Mizanin exactly what he wants ~ if he wants to grab onto that brass ring & be as awesome as the Miz proposes he already is. . .  but this is a classic case of Good News, Bad News. . .  the Monk of Mojo will finally get his wish, a main event match @ the Bash against John Cena. . .  which is curiously both the good news & bad news; every week over the past month, Mike's come out here & bad-mouthed the Chain Gang Commander, who's put his life on the line in the Hammerstein Ballroom @ the 2nd ECWWE-only 1 Night Stand pay-per-view, he's been booed out of the Hall of Fame Ceremony, he's had 85,000 WWE Universers tell him he can't wrestle on the grandest stage of them all & he's still here ~ Cena doesn't get rattled, but the Miz's bones will, when John locks him in the 'STFU' "Submission Through Fear" Stepover Toehold Facelock & he's praying for the Doctor of Thuganomics to let go. . .  or like the 1st time that John's hand hits Mike & ½ his face goes numb. . .  or like when Mizanin finally gets in that ring on Sunday & feels all those eyes on him, then realizes he brought a knife to a gunfight; so in 6 days, the Miz'll realize that he doesn't belong up in the face of the Doctor of Thuganomics & the Real World's been cancelled. . .  before he Monk of Mojo realizes that he's not a reality show has-been, he's a WWE never-will-be; Mike, openly flummoxed, stands there & glares, as Cena tells him he'd better just head back to the locker room, sit on down & pray that he makes it out of the Bash in 1 piece; instead, Mike opts to throw his mic into Cena's face, then lays some knuckles upside the grill of the former Heavyweight champion, which hardly phases him, but sends the former RAW & Smackdown Tag Team co-champion scampering backstage

a video package plays, showing WWE Owner Vince McMahon fuming @ the fact that he got the lemon of the 2 WWE limousines, as obviously RAW Owner Donald Trump got the good 1 & he got the back-up that breaks down when idiot chauffeurs drive it, leaving them stranded near some sorta cow patty or something. . . ; when the driver suggests that the nearest gas station's not that far away, the McMahonopolizer explodes, exclaiming that he's never been to 1 in his entire life. . .  but when the alternate plan ~ that they should walk to the arena, which's clearly visible in the none-too-distant horizon ~ Vinnie-Mac balks @ the very idea that he's gonna walk up to the arena where 1 of his shows' being put off, he doesn't walk anywhere {which explains why he's in such good shape? . . .}; on 2nd thought, McMahon decides that they will walk. . .  or rather the chauffeur's gonna walk & Vince's gonna ride on his back; when the driver collapses under the hulking weight of the billionaire on his back, the Genetic Jackhammer screams for him to go to the arena himself & have the other limo brought here, while not driven by such an incompetent, with McMahon waiting in his broken-down car

Smackdown's commentator, the Slammy-Award-Winning Todd Grisham & WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross, do their best to hype Kentucky Grilled Chicken, RAW's solitary sponsor, then are joined by Heavyweight champion CM Punk @ ringside for special guest commentary for the following SMACKDOWN 6-MAN TAG TEAM MATCH: the Great Hardy Mystery (the Great Khali & the High-Flying Enigmas {Jeff Hardy & Rey Mysterio Junior}) versus No Conceit in Their Families (Edge & Life's Winners {Intercontinental champion Chris Jericho & Dolph Ziggler}); Hardy pins Ziggler with a 'Swanton' Arching Centon Bomb {PSYCHOLOGY: nice!}; after the match, the Straight-Edge Superstar steps into the ring to congratulate the Charismatic Enigma, which causes the Rainbow-Haired Warrior to get all pissy @ his Bash opponent, for stealing his Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior thunder

backstage, WWE Owner Vince McMahon, having clearly finally made it to the arena in 1 piece, but then he can't get into RAW Owner Donald Trump's office; suddenly, "Miss WrestleMania" Santina Marella sneaks up on Vinie-Mac, who's livid @ the thought of the Donald giving away his money to refund all the WWE Universe's money for tonight's show; Santino's "twin sister" has an idea, why don't they just share an office, McMahon & the Donald, they could be just like McDonalds. . .  but then, Trump finally exits his office, clarifying that, as the Owner of RAW, this is now his office, not Vince's, which is just down the hall there, the Donald's sure that the McMahonopolizer's gonna be quite happy with it; when Miss WrestleMania introduces "herself" to Trump, he does the same thing that he did to Miss California, firing "her"; incredibly, in steps Santino Marella mere seconds later from the opposite direction, @ 1st worrying about what will come of his "twin sister", then apathy takes over & he goes about his daily routine

DID YOU KNOW. . . more male watched RAW last Monday than every show on cable, ABC, the CW, FOX & NBC! . . . ; betcha WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Primo Colon knew that, as he accompanies his brother & fellow WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion, Carlito Caribbean Cool, to the ring for his upcoming match; Primo states that it must be cool for Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior to hang out with Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton all the time, they get to do all kinds of cool errands for the champ, they all go & tan together on the beach, as well as this juicy bit of rumour that 3C's heard through the grapevine. . .  Orton's apparently said that Cody & Ted rub oil onto his body like nobody else; but seriously, after the Bash on Sunday, Dos Colons will still be the WWE Unified Tag Team champions, while Rhodes & DiBiase will be stuck with the Legend Killer leftovers; Cody beats Primo with a 'Roll-Up' Pinfall & a Handful of Tights {PSYCHOLOGY: sploof!}

in the locker room area, WWE Owner Vince McMahon looks rather put-out, as he has to put up with the antics of Hornswaggle & Goldust, the latter reminding Vinnie-Mac that the former was once thought to be his bastard son. . .  but what the former WWF Intercontinental champion's really got on his mind's that, like Bill Goldberg before him, the McMahonopolizer could do with a golden wig; once McMahon's had enough of these 2 fools, Goldie tells him that his office's over there, in that bathroom stall. . .  which, apparently, ever after Vince asks for a single shred of dignity, causes Festus Dalton to flush & emerge from the now-suffiently-christened "office", handing off a Wall Street Journal as the Cornfed Colossus exits the restroom

LAST MAN STANDING, RAW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton versus HHH Goes to a No Contest When Neither Man Can Answer a 10-Count {PSYCHOLOGY: now that was a hellacious match!}; after the match, the Game's led off by some trainers, but not before he takes 1 last swing @ the Legend Killer!

backstage, Mike "The Miz" Mizanin bothers Divas champion Maryse Ouellet, who blows him off in a way that he doesn't envision, stating that his actions so far ~ 1 cheap shot ~ means nothing; well, that's just the beginning, he's not phased by John Cena, he's gonna beat the tar out of the Doctor of Thuganomics

RAW Owner Donald Trump saunters down the ring entrance ramp, accompanied by Smackdown's Maria Kanellis & Eve Torres, where he asks if the WWE Universe's having a good time, there's nothing like good ownership; earlier tonight, he told them that they were all getting their money back & for the WWE Universers @ home, he announced that they're commercial-free; instead of appointing a General Manager, the Donald decides to declares that there's gonna be a celebrity host every week, he doesn't believe in GMs; Trump's gonna be working for the WWE Universe & they're all gonna get tonnes of freebies; before he can make a stellar announcement for WrestleMania 26, WWE Owner Vince McMahon powerwalks to the ring & declares that he's had enough, he had no idea that Donald would do a commercial-free RAW, nor that the WWE Universers in Green Bay will get their money back, but what's this about RAW being free every week ~ if Trump keeps this up, then Vinnie-Mac'll be bankrupt in 6 months; 1st, the Donald paid big bucks for the right to RAW, but there's apparently bigwigs out there **** willing to double Trump's price; wait a second, he played the McMahonopolizer,but he admits that Donald's smarter than the Genetic Jackhammer, so let's let bygones be bygones, Vince'll just give Trump's money back & they'll call it even; when Donald expresses no interest, McMahon adds 25%. . .  then 50%. . .  then 75%. . .  then, as a last resort, the WWE Owner offers the RAW Owner double his money back, which's a deal; if Trump ever crosses Vince's path again. . . if he ever sees that billionaire logo around anywhere, Vinnie-Mac'll be on him like a fat kid on a Smartie; after McMahon vehemently fires the Apprentice host, Trump lays 5 fingers upside the McMahonopolizer's chops, makes 1 last goodbye to the WWE Universe, then gets escorted backstage, where McMahon stops by to ask if Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton's in pain. . .  it's nothing compared to what he's expecting to have happen @ the Bash Sunday when he faces HHH in a Best-2-Out-of-3-Falls match ~ a Regular match, Falls-Count-Anywhere match & a Stretcher match, in a 3 Stages of Hell match ~ but that's 6 days from now, Vinnie-Mac's just gonna enjoy his newly-reacquired RAW

6-DIVA TAG TEAM MATCH: Slip 'Em a Mickey Finn (Mickey James & the Bella Twins {Brie & Nikki Bella}) versus Voulez-Vous Couchez Avec Moi (Divas champion Maryse Ouellet & Master/Slave {"Glamazon" Beth Phoenix & Rosa Mendes}); James defeats Mendes with a 'Mick Kick' Crescent Kick {PSYCHOLOGY: ouchies!}

DID YOU KNOW. . . WWE will create more original TV shows than Showtime & HBO combined! . . . ; betcha PepsiCo knew that, as their new product, Kentucky Grilled Chicken, remains the sole sponsor for tonight's RAW

a video package plays, showing John Cena marking out about 7-time Major League Baseball All-Star, Chicago Cubs player Alfonso Soriano, who busts out the "You Can't See Me" hand gesture after nailing some zingers; MAIN EVENT MATCH: the Big Show pins the Doctor of Thuganomics with a Mighty Shove from Mike "The Miz" Mizanin {PSYCHOLOGY: just as the Chain Gang Commander's about to lay out the former WCW Giant with an 'Attitude Adjuster' Fireman's Slam}; after the match, the Monk of Mojo slithers into the ring & taunts the unconscious Cena

backstage, Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton's seen heading for his car, when HHH jumps him & tries to stuff his former Evolution teammate into the trunk of Orton's rental car, then, once the Game realizes that Randy won't fit, he whispers a promise into his Bash opponent, proclaiming that it's less than a week until he gets his hands on the Legend Killer & reclaims his title

06/23/09 originating on the Sci-Fi Network {in the United States} & rebroadcast on Global {in Canada} the following Friday, late-night

commentating by Josh Mathews & the Slammy Award-winning Matt Striker

from the Bradley Center in Milwaukee, Wisconsin; now in WWE~HD

Evan Bourne beats Tyson Kidd with an 'Air Bourne' 450° Shooting Star Press {PSYCHOLOGY: what a match ~ could've easily been the main event, if WWE wasn't going into a pay-per-view this Sunday!}

Fit Finlay ambles down to the ring, where he declares that WWE Universe reactions to his own actions of last week have amazed him, it's interesting how quickly people forget things. . .  when he broke up that fight between Christian & Heavyweight champion "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer which caused his own eye to get injured, the Tough Irish Bastard never received 1 text message or phone call to see how he was. . .  while Finlay himself was sitting @ home, wondering if he'd even be able to come back to WWE, how he could provide for his family; well, apologies don't pay the bills, so what he did last week was an eye for an eye; out saunters Zack Ryder, who proclaims that Fit'd better get his head out of the Bash's Heavyweight Championship Scramble, for he has to face ECWWE's real man tonight, woo-woo-woo; Finlay defeats Ryder with a Roll-Up & a Handful of Tights {PSYCHOLOGY: still having problems with that eye, but it never handicapped him from his usual shenanigans!}; DID YOU KNOW. . . more people watched last night's RAW than any episode in the last 7 years! . . . ; betcha Matt Striker knew that, as he enters the ring with his ever-entertaining blackboard, to outlay the rules behind the Championship Scramble this Sunday, pitting Dreamer against Finlay, Captain Charisma, "All-American American" Jack Swagger & "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry; 2 Superstars start the match, with another entering every 5 minutes & when 1 of them scores a pinfall during the match, they're the Interim Heavyweight champion & whoever's the champ @ the end of the 20-minute match, that's the new Heavyweight champion; backstage, Gregory Helms bothers Henry, who declares tonight's gonna be like any other night, as- BOOM! a backstage tech gets trapped under some equipment. . .  in the few seconds that the camera's off him, Helms disappears, only to have the Hurricane miraculously appear a few feet over, to lend a hand to the fallen tech. . .  then, after he WHOOSHes away, Gregory's suddenly beside the World's Strongest Man again; MAIN EVENT, TAG TEAM MATCH: the World's Americanest Men ("All-American American" Jack Swagger & "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry) versus ECWWE Attitude (Christian & Heavyweight champion "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer); Swagger pins the Instant Classic with an 'Orthodontists's Dream' Gutwrench Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: nice, but will it have any effect on the Championship Scramble Sunday?}; after the match, Mark takes a swing @ the fallen Christian. . .  then drops his Tag Team partner with a 'World's Strongest Slam' Fallforward Slam

06/25/09 originating on WGN America {in the United States}

RAW commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole
ECWWE commentating by Josh Mathews & Slammy-Award-winning Matt Striker
Smackdown commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & the Slammy Award-winning Todd Grisham

from the Resch Center in Green Bay, Wisconsin; now in WWE~HD

ECWWE MATCH: "All-American American" Jack Swagger beats Evan Bourne with an 'Orthodontist's Dream' Gutwrench Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: 2 victories in a row for the former ECWWE Heavyweight champion!}

DID YOU KNOW. . . more people watched Superstars last Thursday than any show on VH1, the SciFi Network, E! or ESPN! . . . ; betcha Smackdown's Dolph Ziggler knew that, as he smarms to the ring & declares that the 3 Divas who were rendered speechless last week on Smackdown were an anomaly ~ after this Sunday when he once again outsmarts & defeats the Great Khali, they'll never again forget his name; SMACKDOWN MATCH: Ziggler defeats Jimmy Wang Yang with a 'NTN' Jumping Russian Legsweep {PSYCHOLOGY: surprise!!}

backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers RAW United States champion Kofi Kingston, who declares that a true champion has to constantly be tested & as the U.S. champion, he's prepared to take on Matt Hardy & Montell Vontavius Porter, 2 former titlists, in the following MAIN EVENT, RAW UNITED STATES TITLE, TRIPLE THREAT MATCH: champion Kingston versus the Former Mattitude Practitioner versus MVP; Kofi pins Hardy with a 'Trouble in Paradise' Xuanfengjiao Tornado Kick {PSYCHOLOGY: boom, boom, boom!}

06/26/09 originating on MyNetworkTV {in the United States} & on The SCORE {in Canada}

commentating by Slammy Award-winning Todd Grisham & 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross

from the Bradley Center in Milwaukee, Wisconsin; now in WWE~HD

WWE Owner Vince McMahon powerwalks to the ring, where he declares that it's good to be back on Smackdown, with the speculation that there's ever a few members of the WWE Universe happy to see him; what's that smell? . . .  it's Cheese Country, there's a buncha Cheese Heads here in the Bradley Center & no doubt somebody cut the cheese. . .  no wait, that's not it, there's an overwhelming stench of fear in this arena, they're all afraid of Vinnie-Mac, as well as their bosses, most likely. . .  or maybe they're all just afraid of losing their jobs; the vast majority of the WWE Universe, had they been graded on their job performance in an impartial way, then no doubt there wouldn't be an employed WWE Universe Cheese Head around; the McMahonopolizer calls out General Manager Theodore R. Long, who holla-holla-hollas to the ring & offers his hand in greeting to McMahon, who demands that he stick that hand in his pocket & wipe that stupid grin off of his face. . .  now, before Vince does what he has to do, he wants Teddy to tell him what he has in mind for Smackdown tonight & it better be good; well, as it just so happens, Long's excited about tonight's Main Event, Tag Team match, pitting Edge & Intercontinental champion Chris Jericho against Rey Mysterio Junior & Jeff Hardy, now how do ya like that; that's not good enough for the WWE Owner, what else does he have. . .  since he asked, Long indicates that it'll be a Rag in the Cage match, with Heavyweight champion CM Punk as the special guest referee; well, instead of flat-out firing the General Manager, Vinnie-Mac decides to put him on probation; before the WWE Owner can even head backstage, he's interrupted by "R~Truth" Ron Killings, who hip-hops to the ring, where he awaits "Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin, who himself asks if they're really gonna do this again; well, here's the real truth, when somebody like Killings proclaims that he's come up on the streets, but Benjamin thinks it's just a line for underachievers; Shelton actually went to college & got a real education; the only thing that R~Truth has going for him's what he mentioned in his song, he's skippin' & jumpin'. . .  well, now that the Gold Standard mentions it, maybe he should make some grammatical suggestions, he don't be anything. . .  Benjamin don't be the Gold Standard, he is the Gold Standard; so after Shelton be beating Killings, he can be skippin' & jumpin' out of the WWE & out of Shelton's life; Killings beats Benjamin with a 'Lie Detector' Corkscrew Elbow {PSYCHOLOGY: therefore, a former NWA Heavyweight champion's better than a former WWE United States & Intercontinental champion!}

in the General Manager's office, Theodore R. Long looks on, as WWE Owner Vince McMahon mocks Rey Mysterio Junior for likely being about to lose his mask @ the Bash, when Intercontinental champion Chris Jericho defeats him, then everybody'll who started watching wrestling after 2001 will finally know what he looks like unmasked; after the Biggest Little Man spanishes @ the McMahonopolizer, Vinnie-Mac declares that from now on, we only speak english on Smackdown

DID YOU KNOW. . . more people watched last night's RAW than any episode in the last 7 years! . . . ; betcha these 4 Divas knew that, as they head to the ring for the following SMACKDOWN DIVAS TAG TEAM MATCH: Gold's a Girl's Best Friend (Gail Kim & Melina Perez) versus Les Renards (Michelle McCool & Alicia Fox); McCool defeats Kim with a 'Faith Breaker' Piledriving Faceplant {PSYCHOLOGY: blammo!}

backstage, WWE Owner Vince McMahon & Smackdown General Manager TheodoreR. Long find Heavyweight champion CM Punk preparing for his non-title match against John Morrison, the former indicating that he finds that wrist thingy that the Straight-Edge Superstar rather cool, but that pales in comparison to somebody who won Money-in-The-Bank twice, cashed it in twice & @ Extreme Rules he became the champion for the 2nd time, that's gotta be an unbelievable feeling for Punk; well, it's all thanks to his Straight-Edge lifestyle, he doesn't need drugs or alcohol, he gets high on competition & the best high of all's crushing his opponents & coming out on top, something that Punk has no doubt that Vinnie-Mac knows all about; the Guru of Greatness pins the Heavyweight champion with a Butterflying Cradling Pinfall in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: amazing match, amazing victory for Morrison!}; after the match, Punk makes like he's gonna respect the better man in the match, but then drops Morrison with a 'Go To Sleep' Falling Kneestrike

the official theme song for the Bash's "WhyYaWannaBringMeDown" by Aranda from their self-titled album, available now

backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers Intercontinental champion Chris Jericho, who keeps going on about how Rey Mysterio's mask's his addiction & Y2J will save him from its life-ruining influence; like most addicts, Rey-Rey refuses to admit that he has a problem, so the Biggest Little Man's forcing the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions to drag him, kicking & screaming, to his salvation. . .  only the King of My World knows what's best for Mysterio, so he'll be the former Smackdown "Heavyweight" champion's sponsor, because he knows what Rey's going through, he too was once addicted to the cheers of the WWE Universe, the idolization & admiration of the sloths in the audience. . .  but then he severed all ties to the parasites, leaving behind his overblown entrance, his catchphrases & witticisms, saving himself in order to become the best in the world @ what he does; this Sunday @ the Bash, Jericho's gonna unmask Mysterio, forcing him to confront his demons & come to terms with his addiction & in the long run, Rey-Rey & all of hypocritical fans will realize that Chris was right ~ they'll all thank him & admit that Jericho was Rey's true saviour; DID YOU KNOW. . . in addition to over 1,000,000 females, more males watched Smackdown last Friday than any show on ABC, Fox or CW! . . . ; betcha Grisham & Ross knew that, as they run down the card for the Bash this Sunday, then the cage gets lowered into place for the main event match; backstage, WWE Owner Vince McMahon & Smackdown General Manager greet Jeff Hardy on his way to the ring, with the latter wishing the Rainbow-Haired Warrior luck, but the former flatly stating that he doesn't want the Charismatic Enigma to win, what with his checkered past, he wouldn't make a good person to represent Smackdown; well, the Rainbow-Haired Enigma suggests that Vinnie-Mac pay attention to who the Smackdown Universe want as their champion; meanwhile, Heavyweight champion CM Punk Killswitch Engages to the ring as the special guest referee for the following MAIN EVENT, "RAGE IN The CAGE" TAG TEAM MATCH: Team Ego (Edge & Chris Jericho) versus the High-Flying Enigmas (Jeff Hardy & Rey Mysterio Junior); Edge beats Hardy with a 'Spear' Charging Shouldertackle {PSYCHOLOGY: after being distracted by the Straight-Edge Superstar}; after the match, Punk invites the WWE Universe to put their hands together for the man who just fought his heart out, the #1 Contender for the Heavyweight champion's title, the Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior; after the match, in the General Manager's office, Theodore R. Long once more entertains WWE Owner Vince McMahon, who points out the result of that preceding match as more reason why Jeff won't be a fitting Heavyweight champion. . .  but that does put Vinnie-Mac in mind of something else that'll be taking place @ the Bash, namely that he'll have to see something impressive from Teddy, if the former WWE manager-nee-referee-nee-WCW manager-nee-referee wants to keep his job

HEADLINE NEWS:
- Last week, World Wrestling Entertainment announced that Edward Fatu {aka Umaga} was released because he refused to enter a drug rehabilitation facility, after violating the company's Wellness Program a 2nd time. This should explain why he was telling people, including his family, why he quit, since it was his decision to refuse to attend the rehab that was ordered. However, Fatu wasn't exactly telling the entire story regarding his dismissal from the company, as he claimed his new deal {with his old deal expiring this January} was being negotiated & he was unhappy with the terms. Apparently, his unhappiness concerning the new terms of his contract made him quit 6 months early, if he's to be believed. WWE's announcement came a day after the company released a statement to The Sun that all performers who violate the company's Wellness Program are reported publicly. The statement was apparently in response to a certain online report, questioning whether the company was still adhering to the policy, as some developmental wrestlers had reportedly been released as a result of Wellness Policy violations the week prior, but were never publicly announced. There's some skepticism regarding the situation, because the fact remains that WWE hadn't previously announced a drug test failure concerning Edward, which should indicate that the company's public policy of doing so wasn't being completely adhered to. WWE officials released a statement to The Sun explaining the discrepancy, by saying the delay in announcing his Wellness Policy violation was "due to the unusual nature of Umaga's termination." Company officials knew Fatu had succumbed to a Wellness Policy violation @ least by June 5th, 2 days before the Extreme Rules pay-per-view. Then, the result of the Samoan Strap match between Umaga & CM Punk was changed to the Straight-Edge Superstar going over, instead of the Samoan Bulldozer. It's unclear whether they knew by the SmackDown taping on June 2nd, which saw Punk net a clean win over Umaga. All of this should explain why an announcement wasn't previously made. Although, it once again brings up the question where talent who violate the policy are still put on pay-per-views for the sake of storylines, thus delaying suspensions. Edward had 1 strike, stemming from being named in the Signature Pharmacy scandal in August 2007, resulting in a 30-day suspension. Through a government raid, WWE officials learned he'd received packages of somatropin, a growth hormone, between July & December 2006. His 2nd strike would've been for a different drug, as the company doesn't send people to rehab for growth hormone {which can't be tested for anyway}, nor for steroids. There's a feeling in the locker room that management was out to get Umaga, with the idea they drug tested him when they knew there was a good chance of catching him. Also, there was some sympathy for him among talent, because he was constantly informed of ideas enabling him to shine & then those decisions would change, leaving him with nothing.

- World Wrestling Entertainment has since come to terms on the release of RAW Superstar Sim Snuka & Smackdown's Candice Michelle Beckman, as of June 19. WWE wishes themm the best in all future endeavours.

- Today marks the 2-year anniversary of the death of former RAW Heavyweight Champion Chris Benoit.

- In other prominent Canadian wrestling personality news, venerable personality Billy "Red" Lyons passed away June 22nd @ the age of 77. Born William Snip, the Hamilton, Ontario native enjoyed a fair measure of success throughout his in-ring career. Debuting in 1956, Lyons’ career covered such locales as Ontario, California, Minneapolis, Texas, Georgia & Oklahoma. In 1984, Lyons retired as an active wrestler & began to work for Toronto’s Maple Leaf Wrestling. Many Canadian fans will remember Lyons as the interviewer for promoting WWE live events throughout Canada from the mid-1980s through early 1990s, with the phrase “don’tcha dare miss it” becoming a signature ending to his promos. CHMR offers its sincere condolences to the family & friends of Billy "Red" Lyons.

PAY-PER-VIEW NEWS:
- Check out my own write-up of TNA's Slammiversary pay-per-view @ blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=b...

- WWE issued a survey to fans on their mailing list about a PPV where the Hell In The Cell would be used in all the matches, similar to the potential all-submission match PPV & requested feedback on potential PPV names for the event: A) Hell In A Cell. . .  B) No Escape. . .  C) Lock Up. . .  D) Rage In A Cage.  That 3rd choice's a joke, right?  Coincidentally, the opposite of Lockdown, a TNA pay-per-view which features {shock & horror!} all matches in their unique "6 Sides of Steel" cage

- This year's TNA Bound for Glory pay-per-view will be on the road, as the company holds its 1st PPV in California. The show, to be held on October 18th, will be @ the Bren Events Center in Irvine @ the University of California. The arena, depending on the setting, can hold up to around 5,000 fans.

- WWE fans will have the opportunity to chat with Kelly Kelly on the WWE Universe site this Sunday from 7:30-8pm EST. prior to "The Bash" pay-per-view. For more information, check out fans.wwe.com/universeliveblogs/blog/2009...

- KCRA in Sacramento, California's holding a contest for free tickets to The Bash next weekend.

- WWE's new '25th Anniversary of WrestleMania Calendar' includes a list of dates & locations for all of their 2009 PPV's. . .
the Bash, June 28th @ the Wachovia Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. . .   Night Of Champions, July 26th @ the ARCO Arena in Sacramento, California. . .  Summerslam, August 23rd @ the Staples Center in Los Angeles, California. . .  Breaking Point, September 13th @ the Bell Centre in Montreal, Quebec. . .  No Mercy, October 4th @ the Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. . .  Cyber Sunday, October 25th @ the IZOD Center in East Rutherford, New Jersey. . .  Survivor Series, November 22nd @ the Verizon Center in Washington, DC.

WWE NEWS:
- WWE Hall-of-Famer Jim Ross updated his blog & you can read the latest posting @ www.jrsbarbq.com

- Fans who attended Monday night's RAW got an unexpected surprise. . . a full refund to whatever they paid for the show. The whole stunt was pulled to continue, or rather, start the rather short Donald Trump era of Monday Night RAW. The announcement was made by Trump himself @ the beginning of the show & was met by a huge ovation from the crowd. The Donald quoted the sum of $235,000 US in refunds for the show. The commercial-free RAW was made possible by the product placements of Kentucky Grilled Chicken, who paid a hefty price to be the sole sponsors of the show.

- After RAW was over, fans rushed to the Resch Center box office to get their refunds, basically giving away a free 2-hour+ show. RAW ring announcer Lillian Garcia gave instructions after the show was over, how to fans could get their money back. Those who paid via credit card, their refund would appear on their statement, while fans who paid in cash, had the opportunity to grab the money before heading home from the box office. WWE gave fans who paid cash a week chance to collect their money from the box office, by presenting their ticket.

- The Donald Trump angle on RAW ended sooner than every1 anticipated, as WWE Owner Vince McMahon "bought back" the brand for "double the price" that Trump paid after his 25%, 50% & 75% more offers were turned down. Trump announced on RAW that he wouldn't appoint a General Manager on the show & it would have a celebrity host every week. After mentioning WrestleMania, Vinnie-Mac went down to the ring & made a deal to get control of his show back, but still ended up getting slapped after "firing" Donald Trump McMahon-style.

- WWE writers didn't finish the script for RAW until hours before the show & it was a last minute decision to kill off the Donald Trump new owner storyline, which was originally planned to last for more than a week. The general feeling backstage was negative towards the storyline & it didn't create the reaction Vince expected from the media. WWE hoped, when they announced Trump would give a full ticket refund for the people in attendance @ the show, that the media would pick the story up, but it was another failed attempt, as only the local media covered it. The bottom line now's that WWE purchased $250,000 worth of failed publicity.

- Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior are no longer be referred to as "Pricele$$" reports www.f4wonline.com Rather, they'll simply referred to as "Legacy." WWE recently issued a directive to the announcers regarding the change

- The 1st teaser trailer for the new movie "The Marine 2" starring Ted DiBiase Junior has made its way on YouTube. DiBiase took some time off last year to film the movie, which will be released straight to Blu-Ray & DVD later this year. The 1st movie was released in theatres in October 2006 & did a total of $18,844,784 US in box office revenues in the United States & an additional $3,320,824 US worldwide. You can check the 35-second teaser trailer @ bit.ly/d6GEv

- Chris Jericho has announced via www.Twitter.com/iamjericho that he’s finished vocals for his new Fozzy CD, saying "We finished them tonight & they sound awesome! I can't wait to hear this record."

-  WWE had arena security confiscate all fan signs related to "Macho Man" Randy Savage @ Monday's RAW taping in Green Bay, Wisconsin. It was reported last month that WWE decided against manufacturing Savage clothing, in co-ordination with their 3-disc DVD release on him, as they didn't want fans wearing t-shirts bearing his trademark likeness appearing on their television shows.

-  Monday night before RAW, WWE taped a triple threat match for Thursday's edition of WWE Superstars, between RAW United States champion Kofi Kingston, Montell Vontavius Porter & Matt Hardy. According to www.WrestlingObsever.com Hardy suffered a torn abdominal muscle during the match & is scheduled for surgery later this week. No word yet on how long he'll be out.

TNA NEWS:
- For all the latest Total NonStop Action news, join the MySpace TNA community @ www.myspace.com/wrestlingwarlordtnafan

- TNA Wrestling has uploaded a teaser video in anticipation for the arrival of former ECW Heavyweight champion & Smackdown commentator Taz on their Facebook. The video incorporates the "FTW" & "Survive If I Let You" phrases, along with Taz' signature #13. It's not known in which capacity Taz will join TNA, but 1 thing's for sure, once his WWE no-compete clause's over, the man formerly known as the "Human Suplex Machine" will be crossing the line. You can check the video out @ www.facebook.com/TotalNonstopAction

- Newfoundland TNA fans!!  Tired of not being able to see pay-per-views @ a local establishment?  Same here!  So that's why I've set up a MySpace page to help get our message across!  As per instructions on www.tnawrestling.com, if fans want to promote TNA in their local area, they can set up a "TNAtion" page on MySpace & get other fans from their area to pitch in to help get the word out locally about the great wrestling action of Total NonStop Action!  So if you wanna get TNA Wrestling pay-per-views into local bars around St. John's, or even have a dream of even the slimmest chance @ getting a house show here in the unforeseeable future, then add www.myspace.com/tnanewf as a friend & pledge your support!

HAUGHTY HOTTIES NEWS:
- To read the coolest news on the hottest women in wrestling today, check out Shimmer's official Yahoo! Group -- sports.groups.yahoo.com/group/shimmerwre...

- Following last night's episode, former WWE Diva Torrie Wilson's 1 of the final 3 competitors in NBC's reality show "I'm a Celebrity…Get Me out of Here!" The 2 other finalists are actor Lou Diamond Phillips & former NBA star John Salley. The King or Queen of the Jungle will be announced during tonight's 1-hour finale, which starts @ 8pm EST.

- You can download the high resolution version of Nicholas Andrews' new SHIMMER highlight video "1 Shot" (featuring clips from Vols. 19-22 of the SHIMMER DVD series) @ www.sendspace.com/file/rptgxb

DECLARATION of INDEPENDENTS NEWS:
- To view an up-to-date listing of all the omnivorous upcoming independent shows, check out www.prowrestlingevents.tk/

- Eric Bischoff posted a a blog entry on www.EricBischoff.com giving his thoughts on WWE's Monday Night RAW this past week.  To read a synopsis, check out www.wrestling-radio.com/?view=newsitem&h...

- Pro Wrestling Eklipse, Friday, June 26th @ JoBob's ELITE Fight Club, 4797 Allen Road, Zephyrhills, Florida.  Doors open @ 7:30pm & show starts @ 8pm.  All tickets are $5.  For more info call (813) 960-8412 or visit www.eKlipsepro.com

- ALL STAR WRESTLING & www.KOCOSPORTS.COM PRESENTS "FUNBASH"  Saturday, June 27th.  Doors open @ 6:30pm, Show Starts @ 7pm @ the Spring Hill Town Square (Behind Chili's) 3021 US 19, Spring Hill, Florida. All tickets are $5.  For more info call (813) 960-8412 or check out aswfl.com/

- Check out the results of the most recent IWA Mid-South Wrestling, check out their most recent newsletter @ sports.groups.yahoo.com/group/iwamidsout...

- Former WWE wrestler & ½ of the tag team the Killer Bees, B. Brian Blair, was arrested early in the morning of Father's Day, according to the St. Petersburg Times. Police were called in to his residence after Blair had an altercation with his 2 sons, who are aged 17 & 12. Brian pushed the oldest son in the chest & then punched him in the face with a closed fist as the teen was trying to walk away. He then put him in a choke hold, which caused breathing problems. After letting go of his oldest son, Blair attacked the 12-year-old, grabbing him by the throat & punching him, leaving a bump on his head. Both sons identified their father as the attacker & he was booked into the Hillsborough County jail on 2 felony counts of child abuse. Blair's also a former Hillsborough County Commissioner.  He was released from Orient Road Jail Monday morning without bail. Blair didn't speak @ the hearing & the Florida Department of Children & Families will determine if he can see his sons. His wife of 22 years accompanied him to the hearing. He'll have to enter a plea to the charges within the next 30 days. Brian called the whole incident an "unfortunate situation" & a "misunderstanding that could've been prevented." You can see the video of Blair walking out of jail & talking to the reporters @ bit.ly/IH8F9 & Brian's mug shot from the booking @ bit.ly/xkweI

- Lance Storm has a commentary about working under a mask as a surprise this past weekend @ a wrestling show in Camrose, Alberta, which you can check out @ www.stormwrestling.com/062209.html

06/15/09 originating on USA Network {in the United States} & simulcast on the Score {in Canada}

RAW commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole
ECWWE commentating by Josh Mathews & Slammy-Award-winning Matt Striker
Smackdown commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & the Slammy Award-winning Todd Grisham

from the Time-Warner Cable Arena in Charlotte, North Carolina; now in WWE~HD

Smackdown Intercontinental champion Chris Jericho smarms to the ring, where he declares that, ever since he was drafted to Friday nights, RAW's gone down the crapper; Monday night's gone into a tumultuous tailspin that it'll never recover from ~ the General Manager's quit, the Heavyweight title's vacant & worst of all, the WWE Universe's the same ignorant, insepid, bulbous manatees that they'll always be & someday everybody will realize how great Y2J's talent really is & how sorry they were to let him go. . .  just like someday, Rey Mysterio Junior will someday realize that his mask's his downfall & that only the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions can set hi free; SMACKDOWN INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH: champion Chris Jericho pins the Biggest Little Man with a 'Codebreaker' Cradling Falling Double-Kneestrike {PSYCHOLOGY: looking forward to a Mask-versus-Title Match @ the Bash!}

DID YOU KNOW. . . almost 2,000,000 females watched RAW last week! . . . ; betcha ECWWE's Josh Mathews knew that, as he bothers RAW's "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, who doesn't appreciate the Tough Enough washout trying to stand him up. . .  he's put out HHH, Dave "The Animal" Batista & 2009 WWE Hall of Famer "Nature Boy" Ric Flair on various occasions, so it's no surprise that the Game came back to RAW last week & tried to take out the Legend Killer with a sledgehammer, since the Cerebral Assassin knows that he can't take Randy down without it; in a few minutes, he's gonna make sure nobody remembers what the King of Kings did last week, when he reclaims his Heavyweight title, making HHH irrelevant; in steps John Cena, who Thuganomics about how the WWE Universe always seems to be talking about Orton, asking why such a talented wrestler continues to be such a gutless, spineless, disrespectful grand wizard of baby oil boy's club; but seriously, there are a few other people in that title match, y'know. . .  there's an angry 500 pound Giant who's certainly willing to step aside & allow the Legend Killer "reclaim" his belt. . .  then there's the Game, who's certainly gonna have Orton in his crosshairs. . .  so maybe that baby oil that Randy puts all over his body, has finally started seeping into his brain ~ seeya out there, champ!

backstage, WWE Owner Vince McMahon proclaims that it's time to announce who the new General Manager's gonna be. . .  but he's not gonna be the man to do that, since somebody's made him an offer that Vinnie-Mac couldn't refuse, he's selling Monday Night RAW & he'll announce who the buyer is, after the Heavyweight title's been decided later tonight

ECWWE TITLE MATCH: "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer beats Christian with a 'Small Package' Cradling Pinfall {PSYCHOLOGY: naturally, since Dreamer hasn't really been champ all that long, although I certainly hope that Captain Charisma gets the belt back @ some point!}

WWE Home Video presents "Macho Madness: the Randy Savage Ultimate Collection", "WrestleMania 25" & "Backlash 2009" available next week @ all major DVD retailers & @ www.WWEShop.com

backstage, Kelly Kelly & the Bella Twins are all abuzz @ who the new owner of RAW will be; a video package plays, showing some rather graphic imagery from the surgery of Dave "The Animal" Batista, who had to relinquish his Heavyweight title due to an injury, resulting in the necessity of the following FATAL 4-WAY, RAW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: "Legend Killer" Randy Orton versus the Big Show versus John Cena versus HHH; Orton defeats the Former WCW Giant with an 'RKO' Modified Ace Crusher {PSYCHOLOGY: TBS delivered a 'Spear' Charging Shouldertackle during this match?!}; after the match, WWE Owner Vince McMahon powerwalks to the ring, where he comes to the WWE Universe with a heavy heart, he's done a lot of soul searching over the past coupla weeks, he's had conversations with friends, family & his financial advisors & he's come to the conclusion that it's time to sell Monday Night RAW, to be independently run by the man who's made a rather lucrative offer to purchase the show, a man who Vinnie-Mac has history with {2009 WWE Hall of Famer StoneCold Steve Austin?} but he's never been 1 to let personal feelings get in the way of making a buck; the McMahonopolizer's been compensated financially in a rather impressive manner, which, considering he's already a billionaire, is saying something {"$1,000,000 Man" Ted DiBisae?}; now, via satellite, the new & no doubt proud owner of Monday Night RAW, Donald J. Trump, who appears on the TitanTron to congratulate the WWE Owner on putting his personal feelings aside to make a sound financial decision; never once did Trump see Vince's appreciation for the RAW audience, so he plans to give them something they've never seen before in the 17 years that they've been watching every Monday night; RAW's produced more episodes than any other series in television history & it's thanks to the WWE Universe, so now it's time for Vinnie-Mac to give something back. . .  for the 1st time in WWE history, the Donald proposes that next week, RAW's to be broadcast commercial-free, something that Vince's never had the courage to do; McMahon thinks that Trump's lost his marbles, but the Donald plans on being @ RAW live next week, just to make sure that everything goes smoothly, so the McMahonopolizer'd better stay out of his way; Vinnie-Mac apologizes for the display of the new RAW Owner, then goes on to states that he was gonna retire from RAW tonight, but since he's so worked-up, he's gonna ask the Donald if he can come back next week to do it properly; his final act as WWE Owner will see a 10-Man Over-The-Top-Rope Battle Royal in tonight's main event, to determine the #1 Contender for the RAW Heavyweight title @ the Bash

WWE Home Video presents "Macho Madness: the Randy Savage Ultimate Collection", available now @ all major DVD retailers & @ www.WWEShop.com

RAW Divas champion Maryse Ouellet saunters down to ringside for special guest ring announcing in the following RAW DIVAS MATCH: Mickie James pins Rosa Mendes with a 'Laree-DT' Implant DDT {PSYCHOLOGY: a different outcome, I didn't foresee!}; after the match, the former Alexis Laree taunts the Divas champion, who in return simply merely mocks her with her monkey-pants

a video package plays, hyping Night of Champions, live on pay-per-view July 26th

Goldust & Hornswaggle are in the ring, shooting t-shirts out into the WWE Universe, when Mike "The Miz" Mizanin pompouses to the ring & delivers a message for RAW Owner Donald Trump. . .   if he's really ready to take this show to the next level, then the logical thing to do's make the Miz the new face of RAW; last week he told Divas champion Maryse Ouellet & the entire WWE Universe that John Cena's a thing of the past, Mizanin's left him unconscious in this very ring & tonight he's gonna go 1 better & toss the Doctor of Thuganomics over the top rope in tonight's Battle Royal, then go on to win the Heavyweight title. . .  but that's not enough for Mike, he wants the magazine covers, the t-shirts, the movies ~ this face'll be on everything & the WWE Universe will eat it up; what are those 2 still doing in the ring? . . .  well, Goldie's seen the Miz trying to play mindgames with the Chain Gang Commander & quite frankly, he's disappointed ~ where's his creativity, where's his imagination; the former Dustin Rhodes gave Ahmed Johnson mouth-to-mouth to get inside his head & all Mizanin's done's run his; what Goldust thinks Mike should do's change his name from the Miz, to the Whiz, because when he starts talking, that's hat everybody in the WWE Universe gets up to do; hilarious. . .  but the real Reality Check's that Mike's a loser; well, the former Black Reign's in no position to dictate how to be successful in WWE, since this is about his 5th or 6th go-around in the company, right. . .  in 1999, he was funny, but in 2009 he's nothing more than a t-shirt shooting joke that Mizanin could beat down in a New York minute, but since it wouldn't do anything for him to defeat the former WWF Intercontinental champion, he instead opts to do something more impactful. . .  like, say, attack Goldust & shoot Hornswaggle in the groin with the t-shirt gun!

backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers Smackdown Heavyweight champion CM Punk, who has no regrets about beating Jeff Hardy @ Extreme Rules to capture his 2nd Heavyweight title, but it's funny that, almost a year ago, when he did exactly the same thing to then-champion Edge, cashing in his 1st Money-In-The-Bank #1 Contendership Briefcase, nobody was asking the Straight-Edge Superstar about regrets; he's not gonna have a morality crisis, he put his body on the line @ WrestleMania 25 to get a chance @ a Heavyweight title, not to make friends; RAW's Matt Hardy steps on-camera & congratulates Punk on taking his younger brother's newly-won Heavyweight title, but not only that, Hardy wants to let CM know that, in the same position, Matt would've done exactly the same thing; well, that's funny, because the Heavyweight champion doesn't ever recall the Former Mattitude Practitioner winning a MiTB match. . .  or ever being a Heavyweight champion once, let alone twice like Punk has; he's gotten everything in his life the old-fashioned way, by earning it, not by whining & complaining about his losses; TRIPLE-THREAT, SMACKDOWN HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Edge versus champion CM Punk versus Jeff Hardy; the Straight-Edge Superstar beats the Rated-R Superstar with a Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior-Applied 'Swanton' Arching Centon Bomb {PSYCHOLOGY: a somewhat cheap victory, but then again, with the hinting of Punk turning heel, it's to be expected}; after the match, Smackdown General Manager Theodore R. Long holla-holla-hollas out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, congratulating the champ on his successful win, then announces that his next title defense will be @ the Bash, against none other than Jeff Hardy!

DID YOU KNOW. . . more male watched RAW last Monday than every show on cable, ABC, the CW, FOX & NBC! . . . ; betcha RAW's Pricele$$ knew that, as Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior join Cole & the King @ ringside for special guest commentary for the following WWE TAG TEAM MATCH: ECWWE's Hart Dynasty (Tyson Kidd & David Hart Smith) versus WWE Unified Tag Team champions Dos Colons (Carlito Caribbean Cool & Primo Colon); 3C defeats Smith via Disqualification After Pricele$$ Interfere, in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: shenanigans!}

a video package plays, showing RAW Superstars enjoying the most-recent European tour, amazing the **** right outta me when I heard that they actually wrestled in the original Roman Coliseum!!!

in the WWE Owner's office, Vince McMahon asks Santino Marella what the hell he's doing in the McMahonopolizer's office, learning that the Milan Miracle just wanted to confirm that, what with the new RAW Owner, they all still had jobs; let's say, for instance, that somebody had a twin sister. . .  with no cleavage. . .  with a 5 O'Clock shadow. . .  well, let's just say that, knowing Trump, he'll likely be attracted to "Santina", but don't take Vinnie-Mac's word for it, that's a decision that the Donald would have to make; suddenly, the new RAW Owner calls McMahon's cell phone, where he declares that he has another announcement to make tonight, but refuses to tell the WWE Owner what that announcement will be; well, if there's 1 thing that Vince hates, it's a billionaire with an ego. . .  which makes Santino quickly insert his foot into his own mouth by deciding to agree with McMahon's sentiments in a deprecating manner, then sets a landspeed record for leaving the WWE Owner's office

MAIN EVENT, 10-MAN OVER-The-TOP-ROPE BATTLE ROYAL, #1 CONTENDERSHIP, RAW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Cody Rhodes versus Ted DiBiase Junior versus Montell Vontavius Porter versus Matt Hardy versus William Regal versus United States champion Kofi Kingston versus Mike "The Miz" Mizanin versus the Big Show versus HHH versus John Cena; TBS ousts Hardy & MVP, everybody left horfs the Former WCW Giant, Legacy eliminate Kingston & Regal, Cena ousts DiBiase, the Game horfs Rhodes, the Chain Gang Commander & the Cerebral Assassin eliminate the Miz & the King of Kings ousts the Doctor of Thuganomics {PSYCHOLOGY: surprised?}; after the match, RAW Owner Donald Trump appears on the TitanTron, congratulating HHH on his win, then proclaims that next week on the commercial-free RAW, the Game'll take on Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton in a Last Man Standing Match for the belt

06/16/09 originating on the Sci-Fi Network {in the United States} & rebroadcast on Global {in Canada} the following Friday, late-night

commentating by Josh Mathews & the Slammy Award-winning Matt Striker

from the Roanoke Civic Center in Roanoke, Virginia; now in WWE~HD

David Hart Smith pins Christian with a Belly-to-Back Suplex {PSYCHOLOGY: a big rub for the relative newcomer!}; after the match, before the Hart Dynasty can take advantage of their fellow unAmerican, Fit Finlay storms the ring to make the save. . .  only to drop Captain Charisma himself with his trusty Shillelagh, leaving the ring to a chorus of boos; backstage, Gregory Helms bothers the Tough Irish Bastard, who explains that an incident happened a few weeks ago, when there was an altercation between now-Heavyweight champion "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer & the Instant Classic, which resulted in Finlay, an otherwise-innocent bystander for a change, walking away with an injured eye; where Fit comes from, there's a saying. . .  an eye for an eye. . .

"World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry beats Evan Bourne with a 'World's Strongest Slam' Fallforward Slam {PSYCHOLOGY: somebody gonna get their wig split!}; after the match, the former Sexual Chocolate treats the former Matt Sydal to more of the same, "Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season" style {apple sauce, byatch!}

backstage, Gregory Helms bothers "All-American American" Jack Swagger, who can't figure out which's the bigger joke. . .  his having to become the #1 Contender for the Heavyweight title, or "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer being the champion; shut up, Swagger knows which's the bigger joke, he hopes that Dreamer's fans, those rejects from that bingo hall, have enjoyed this moment, because he's going after Tommy & his title tonight in the following MAIN EVENT, #1     CONTENDERSHIP, ECWWE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Swagger defeats Dreamer with an 'Oklahoma Roll' Cradling Pinfall {PSYCHOLOGY: not even with his finisher, even!}; after the match, Fit Finlay storms to the ring & bashes the Heavyweight champion, prompting Christian to come on down to join in on the fun

06/18/09 originating on WGN America {in the United States}

RAW commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole
ECWWE commentating by Josh Mathews & Slammy-Award-winning Matt Striker
Smackdown commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & the Slammy Award-winning Todd Grisham

from the Time-Warner Cable Arena in Charlotte, North Carolina; now in WWE~HD

RAW's Santino Marella saunters to the ring, where he declares that Chavo Guerrero Junior must be lonely, now that his aunt, Vickie Guerrero, has gone wee-wee-wee all the way home, but that wasn't his fault that Mamacita Heat's now the former RAW General Manager, it was the doing of his  hot "twin sister" Santina. . .  but tonight, it's gonna be his fault what happens to Chavito Heat, as he delivers a beating that'll make it even harder for Guerrero to live with than having to look in a mirror every morning & see his face; oh yes, Chavo, those are the words for fighting, so come on down here & take his beating in the following RAW MATCH: Chavo pins Marella with a Roll-Up {PSYCHOLOGY: after catching the Milan Miracle with a boot to the chops while he's coming off the top rope}

DID YOU KNOW. . . WWE has produced 20 books that made the New York Times Best-Sellers list! . . . ; betcha ECWWE's Zack Ryder knew that, as he beats Mike Williams with an 'Entourage' Inverted Overdriver {PSYCHOLOGY: even though they called it the 'Zack Attack', but I like mine better!}

Smackdown's Maria Kanellis bounces to the ring to be the special guest referee for the following SMACKDOWN DIVAS MATCH: Eve Torres defeats Layla El with a 'Diva Search & Destroy' Cartwheeling Splash {PSYCHOLOGY: what a great scrappy match, I hope more grappling Divas can be showcased!}; after the match, the Future Ex-Missus Jabroni forcibly suggests that Layla & Eve shake hands, which they reluctantly do

MAIN EVENT, ECWWE 6-MAN TAG TEAM MATCH: the Pink & Black Shellac ("All-American American" Jack Swagger & the Hart Dynasty {Tyson Kidd & David Hart Smith}) versus the Great American Melting Pot (Christian & WWE Unified Tag Team champions Dos Colons {Carlito Caribbean Cool & Primo Colon}); 3C pins Tyson with a 'Backstabber' Cradling Falling Backbreaker {PSYCHOLOGY: 4 matches in an hour?!}

a video package plays, hyping the commercial-free RAW this coming Monday

06/19/09 originating on MyNetworkTV {in the United States} & on The SCORE {in Canada}

commentating by Slammy Award-winning Todd Grisham & 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross

from the Roanoke Civic Center in Roanoke, Virginia; now in WWE~HD

ECWWE's Josh Mathews stands in the ring, where he announces that General Manager Theodore R. Long has announced that @ the Bash, Heavyweight champion CM Punk will be facing Josh's guest @ this time, Jeff Hardy, who EndeavorAfters to the ring & proclaims that, even though he held the Heavyweight title for a scant 3 minutes @ Extreme Rules before the Straight-Edge Superstar swooped in with his Money-in-The-Bank #1 Contendership Briefcase & stole that away from him, the Rainbow-Haired Warrior doesn't live in the past ~ he'll get Punk @ the Bash & will take each & every 1 of his fans with him back to the top; the Heavyweight champion swaggers down to the ring, where he states that the only thing he took advantage of @ Extreme Rules was his opportunity to cash in his MiTB case, which was his right & he did so successfully ~ everybody knows that he was acting well within the well-established rules of the Money-in-The-Bank #1 Contendership stipulation; as far as his stealing the match on RAW, the Straight-Edge Superstar's never stolen anything in his life ~ he never told the EMTs to come down to ringside, they were just doing their jobs; when the Heavyweight champion's in the ring, he doesn't feel obligated to be his opponent's best friend, he's a competitor; the Charismatic Enigma agrees, paring the disagreement down to the simplest of ideas, he lives the life of Jeff Hardy & Punk lives the life of a Straight-Edge Superstar; well @ the Bash, the Charismatic Warrior's gonna take back what he earned @ Extreme Rules, the Heavyweight championship; Josh, who's still just kinda standing there, tries to draw a close to the segment, calling for the WWE Universe to cheer for both men before the following match, where the Rainbow-Haired Enigma beats Intercontinental champion Chris Jericho via Countout {PSYCHOLOGY: after a "ringside fan dressed as Rey Mysterio Junior" jumps Y2J}; after the match, while the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions points out the ringside shenanigans to the referee, the Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior drops his antagonist with a 'Twist of Fate' Twisting Neckbreaker & a 'Swanton Bomb' Arching Centon Bomb

backstage, Maria plays peacekeeper again, separating the squabbling Layla El & Eve Torres, who are now cattily arguing over a hair product; after Dolph Ziggler wanders by to insinuate that they're all fighting over him, the 3 Divas mock his rather unusual name & reunify under the umbrella of Ziggler mocking; DID YOU KNOW. . . over the past 5 years, WWE Superstars have visited more than 200 military installations, forward operating bases, military hospitals, aircraft carriers, submarines & even the Pentagon! . . . ; betcha Dolph knew that, as he defeats the Great Khali via Disqualification After the Farsi Flinger Almost Hits the Former Spirit Squader With a Steel Chair {PSYCHOLOGY: after Dolph himself brought the chair into the ring while Ranjin Singh was distracting the Referee, then pulls an Eddie Guerrero by throwing the chair @ Khali, causing him to punch it away loudly, then falling to the mat as though hit by that chair, just in time for the ref to turn around & see the end product!}

the official theme song for the Bash's "WhyYaWannaBringMeDown" by Aranda from their self-titled album, available now

SMACKDOWN DIVAS MATCH: Women's champion Melina Perez pins Alicia Fox with a 'Last Call' Flipping Sitout Powerbomb in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: all in preparation for her 1st pay-per-view title defense in a while @ the Bash!}; after the match the Future Ex-Missus Layfield assails the Women's champion, stating that she's gonna make history once again, by being the 1st Diva to be both the Women's & Divas champion in WWE

Edge Metalinguses to the ring, where he declares that all the hoopla surrounding new Heavyweight champion CM Punk going on to face Jeff Hardy @ the Bash, has allowed a great travesty to happen, he's been robbed of his Heavyweight title rematch. . .  & don't even talk to him about that craptastic Triple Threat match on RAW, General Manager Theodore R. Long deliberately put him into a match where the odds were stacked against the Rated-R Superstar; so, instead of being in the main event of the Bash, instead of having his belt around his abtastic waist, he has to face. . .  John Morrison? . . .  a man who isn't even fit to breathe the same are as the Conniving Canuck; just as Edge's about to express his pity for the Shaman of Sexy, the former RAW Intercontinental, ECWWE Heavyweight champion & RAW & Smackdown Tag Team co-champion saunters down to the ring, causing the Rated-R Superstar to mock Morrison for being another wrestler who's trying oh so hard to be the Conniving Canuck, so which 1 is he, Siegfried or Roy. . .  nice outfit, furboy; yeah, yeah, that was pretty entertaining & that's good, because John can't remember the last time that Edge said something entertaining. . .  too bad nowadays he's more about talking about stuff than doing stuff; the Rated-R Superstar's gotten so predictable, that Morrison's had to fast-forward on his DVR. . .  "Oh, I haven't gotten my rematch, eh? . .  Tim Horton's is all out of doughnuts, eh? . . .  I speak with a sorry Canadian accent, eh? . . .  I couldn't get tickets to see Celine Dion, eh? . . .  my ex-wife's a big fat pig"; so what's Edge gonna complain about tonight ~ his funny boots, his bobble head, his buggy eyes {hey, leave my ocular twin alone!!} so how about the Friday Night Delight give the Conniving Canuck something to complain about; Edge beats John Morrison with a 'Spear' Charging Shouldertackle {PSYCHOLOGY: flippy-dippy-doo!}

6-MAN TAG TEAM MATCH: Crime Really Does Pay ("R~Truth" Ron Killings & Cryme Tyme {JTG & Shad Gaspard}) versus World's Ralliest Tag Team (Ricky Ortiz & the World's Greatest Tag Team {"Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas}); the Former NWA Heavyweight champion defeats the Former NCAA Wrestling champion with a 'Your Favourite Magician' Corkscrew Elbow {PSYCHOLOGY: these are the kinda people to get popped like a pimple!}

DID YOU KNOW. . . last month, over 100,000,000 photos of WWE ringside action were viewed on www.WWE.com! . . . ; betcha Rey Mysterio Junior knew that, as Booyaka 619s to the ring, where he declares that, since Intercontinental champion Chris Jericho got 1 over on him a few weeks ago dressed as 1 of Rey's fans, he decided to get 1 over on the ÜberStar or Jerichlean Proportions tonight & it felt great; it ain't over yet, though, until Mysterio gets back his I-C belt, so he challenges Y2J to a title match @ the Bash; the King of My World saunters out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where he exclaims that Rey-Rey just doesn't get it. . .  he had his obligatory rematch on RAW, Mysterio lost, moving on. . .  Jericho's not gonna give him anymore chances; Mysterio already knows this, he'd still be standing here as the champion if Y2J hadn't been so focused on unmasking the Littlest Big Man @ Extreme Rules & everybody knows that; the WWE Universe has no idea what's good for itself, what's why Chris' there to tell them all what's in their best interest & he's willing to extend this treatment to Rey-Rey ~ he's trying to enrich the life of the former Smackdown Heavyweight champion, to free him of his lies, to lead him to salvation; Rey's an addict, his mask's his drug & all of these parasites are his enablers; well, why doesn't Chris do Rey a favour &. . .  shut up, he's not gonna insult all of the WWE Universers here tonight; the reason he wears the mask's because of his heritage, for his fans & for himself ~ if there's anything that Rey-Rey's ashamed of, it's that Y2J's walking around as the Intercontinental champion; if Mysterio's too blind to see that his mask's his downfall, then the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah's gonna help him see, he's gonna remove that mask forever & if Rey wants another chance @ the belt, Mysterio's gonna have to put something up that means everything to him, his mask ~ if Jericho loses, he'll hand Rey the belt himself. . .  but if Mysterio loses, then he unmasks forever {again! . . . right, WCW?}; so Rey has to ask himself if he's willing to make the ultimate sacrifice in order to reclaim the title. . . well, if that's he only way to expose the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions as the self-centred, egotistical hypocrite that he is, then the Biggest Little Man gladly accepts; Y2J joins JR & Grisham @ ringside for special guest commentary for the following MAIN EVENT MATCH: Heavyweight champion CM Punk pins Mysterio with a 'Go To Sleep' Falling Kneestrike in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: y'know, that was the floppiest I'd ever seen anybody hit the ropes in preparation to receive a '619' Tiger Feint Kick!}; after the match, Jeff Hardy storms the ring to point out to the referee what Y2J did while his back was turned, then gets all up in the Straight-Edge Superstar's grill, causing the champion to slowly skedaddle from the ring