10/12/09 originating on USA Network {in the United States} & simulcast on the Score {in Canada}
commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole
from the Conseco Fieldhouse in Indianoapolis, Indiana; now in WWE~HD
WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho tells us that he's the best @ what he does, but that's besides the point @ the present time, as in 2 weeks' time, WWE debuts another new pay-per-view, RAW versus Smackdown, where the main event will be pitting the best of both shows against each other in a 7-on-7 Tag Team match; as the WWE Unified Tag Team champions, he & the Big Show represent both shows, but 1st & foremost a proud member of the Smackdown roster, so he's been named the captain of Team Smackdown, leaving it up to him to assemble the best team possible to embarrass & soundly beat the 7 hosers representing Monday nights; excuse her, here comes Celebrity Guest Host Nancy O'Dell, declaring that they're not gonna be starting RAW with the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah, they're gonna start with D-Generation X, so have a good night, okay? . . . ; meanwhile, HHH Breaks it Down to the ring, where he calls the timekeeper into the ring to do the 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels running-around-the-Game shtick, finally getting the boot when he does it particularly horribly; the Cerebral Assassin's gonna do things a little differently, because tonight's not a normal night for him, he has to do all the schlocky DX stuff himself. . . for the 1,000s in attendance, the 1,000,000s watching around the world & for the HeartBreak Kid who's still @ home. . . well, that just leaves HHH with 2 simple choices, either A) leave it @ that & choose Team RAW by himself, or B) he can be a true friend & call Shawn @ home & badger him, so since he's not the most tech-savvy guy on the planet. . . now let's see, Speed Dial "HBK" & let's put it on Speaker. . . which Michaels must be regretting around about now, as his outgoing message's him singing about being on the other line or not @ home, so leave him a message & he'll call back @ a later time, 'cause he's a Texty Boy- hello, hello, you didn't hear that message did you? . . . the Game's standing here with about 15,000 members of the DX Army & they all wanna know where the hell he is. . . well, his daughter got sick today, so he's just now getting the vomit out of his hair & put his girl down for the night, having just read her a story; say, it wasn't a story from the new "Unauthorized History of D-Generation X" book, available @ all fine bookstores now, was it? . . . naw, he wouldn't read that kinda stuff to his daugh- err, he mean, yes, yes he did, what child wouldn't want to hear about how her father once used to stick the heads of his opponents up the posteriors of other wrestlers on a regular basis; well, the Cerebral Assassin'll let HBK go deal with his family, so the RAW Universe says goodbye to the 2016 WWE Hall of Famer, so now it's time for HHH to move onto Bragging Rights; speaking of which, here come the WWE Unified Tag Team champions, who have no interest in holding up the new DX book & smiling into the camera, instead Y2J states that, now that the Cerebral Assassin's out here by himself, without the defensive line from the Pittsburgh Steelers, it's a much fairer fight in Jericho's eyes; since he's been named the team captain of Smackdown, the show that just celebrated its 10th anniversary, has more episodes than Cheers & Seinfeld & is obviously better because the &@220;berStar of Jerichlean Proportions is on it; yeah, HHH agrees, it's a great show, with a spineless General Manager who does whatever WWE Owner Vince McMahon says, features a grumpy little troll who runs his mouth off all the time {yeah, that's you TBS!} & features great wrestling by superb athletes like the Great Khali, a show that's clearly not even in the same league as RAW; well, it's clear that Team Smackdown already has the upper hand, since it's headed by a paragon of virtue like the King of My World, instead of being lead by a coupla middle-aged delinquents; because he's the team captain, even though his fellow WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion may technically be a part of the RAW-ster, Jericho wants him on Team Smackdown; so that's how it is, is it, when Chris says jump, TBS says how high, is that how the JeriShow works; naw, that's now what Y2J said, the Big Show ain't nobody's follower; well, since the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah's pitching all these ideas out here, that must mean that the former WCW Giant's the catcher, which infuriates the Big Show something fierce; no, they're equals, but truth be told, it's TBS who carries the team, he's not the 1 who got pinned last week. . . yeah, well, Jericho's not the 1 who was the laughing stock of SportsCenter after Celebrity Guest Host Shaquille O'Neill beat his arse. . . well, @ least Shaq's 7' tall & Big Show didn't get punked out by a 200-year-old fossil named Bob Barker; Jericho said that he'd fight Barker anytime, anyplace, anywhere, TBS also knows that he's the best in the world @ what he does & look what he's done with the former WCW & WWF Heavyweight champion, he's a new man, new outfit, new outlook on life, he's a new man ~ he's no longer known as the guy who got knocked out @ WrestleMania 24 by Floyd Mayweather; as both men have heated words without their mics, suddenly TBS declares that he doesn't wanna be on Team Smackdown @ Bragging Rights, he wants to be on Team RAW, so there, nyah; now, wait a second, HHH just wants to make sure that he gets this straight, the WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion wants off of Team Smackdown & onto Team RAW, well that's awesome, except that there are no slots open. . . but he's been talking to the Celebrity Guest Host tonight & he's been given the authority to allow TBS onto Team RAW if he wins his match tonight. . . against WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho, right now; "BRAGGING RIGHTS ~ TEAM RAW" QUALIFYING MATCH: WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show beats WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho via Countout {PSYCHOLOGY: well, then! . . .}; after the match, Access Celebrity Backstage Correspondent Maria Menoudos bothers Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior, the latter stating that he's feeling pretty good tonight, considering that he wasn't the 1 who was carried off on a stretcher last week. . . simmer down, now, Cody's feeling alright, he's more than able to compete here tonight, they both feel like they deserve to be on Team RAW, but unfortunately that won't be possible, since D-Generation X have been put in charge of the qualifying matches for Team RAW & they've both been put into a Triple-Threat match, the winner of which will be entered into Team RAW; alright, alright, so who's the 3rd opponent? . . . John Cena, of course!
RAW DIVAS TITLE MATCH: Jillian Hall defeats champion Mickie James with a Powerbomb & Her Feet on The Ropes {PSYCHOLOGY: WHAAAAAAAAAA?!?!?!?!?}; after the match, Jillian calls for everybody to grab their cameras, photographers should gather around, to get a load of their new Divas champion; there's only 1 thing that would make this moment better, so she's gonna sing her new favourite song, Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi"; Celebrity Guest Host Nancy O'Dell saunters out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where she blissfully interrupts the new Divas champion, her ears are hurting so badly right now. . . but you see, Nancy made a call to the other 2 General Managers & made a few Diva trades, namely Hall's opponent, who she has to defend her newly-won title against, right now; RAW DIVAS TITLE MATCH: Melina Perez pins champion Jillian Hall with a 'Last Call' Flipping Sitout Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: arguably, the shortest title reign in WWE history!}
a video package plays, advertizing Bragging Rights, live on pay-per-view, October 25th
DID YOU KNOW. . . www.WWEClassics.com is the only place you can watch the 1st 100 episodes of Monday Night RAW! . . . ; betcha Snoop Dogg knew that, as he's next week's Celebrity Guest Host from Jacksonville next week
backstage, HHH's on Speakerphone with 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, telling him that it's essentially them, WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show & possibly either Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase Junior or John Cena; say, why's Shawn's music playing, he's not there. . . oh the Game's god, it's Hornswaggle dressed as a miniature HeartBreak Kid; now look here, buddy, the Cerebral Assassin saw Horny doing the crotch chop last week & now he's dressed like HBK, that's gimmick infringement pal & he's not gonna stand for it; after Michaels sees the midget on his TV, dressed in his clothes, he calls for the Cerebral Assassin to get that clothes off of him, but before HHH can act, "Horn Michaels" delivers a Superkick to a cardboard stand-up of the 2016 WWE Hall of Famer, dropping the stiff in 1 blow
in the Celebrity Guest Host's office, Nancy O'Dell & Maria Menoudos consider themselves basked in, as Santino Marella can't believe that he's in the presence of the Sexy Superfan of the Month from WWE Magazine. . . but maybe he can become the latest male anchor for Access Hollywood, check this out. . . "could it be, Judge Reinhold & Fred Savage in Somehting-or-Other-I-Couldn't-Make-Out, stay tuned to Access Hollywood for more information". . . in storms "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix, who can't believe what she just heard, she's been traded to Smackdown, she's not gonna calm down, O'Dell has to get on the phone with Smackdown GM Theodore R. Long & get her traded back to RAW; well, from what Maria's heard, every Diva's rather excited about her getting traded off of RAW, but all that does is irk the former Women's champion, asking if Menoudos even knows what she can do to a scrawny waif like her; hang on, Santino pipes up, Maria's not scared of Phoenix, it's been her long-time dream to compete in WWE, c'mon Nancy, make it happen. . . well, she doesn't know- then it's official! . . . & another thing, every time that they were intimate, Marella faked every organism!
a video package plays, hyping WrestleMania 26 tickets being on sale in 26 days
RAW 1st HOUR MAIN EVENT, TRIPLE THREAT "BRAGGING RIGHTS ~ TEAM RAW" QUALIFYING MATCH: Cody Rhodes versus John Cena versus Ted DiBiase Junior; the Son of the Son of a Plumber beats the $1,000,000 Son with a Roll-Up {PSYCHOLOGY: whoa, nice!}; after the match, Celebrity Guest Host Nancy O'Dell declares that, since Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ aren't exactly getting along right now, why don't they take on another Tag Team that's definitely not getting along @ present ~ John Cena & Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton!
"BRAGGING RIGHTS ~ TEAM RAW" QUALIFYING MATCH: "All-American American" Jack Swagger defeats Montell Vontavius Porter with an 'Orthodontist's Dream' Gutwrench Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: so Swagger joins D-Generation X, Cody Rhodes & WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show on Team RAW so far!}
backstage, Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton gets between his Lega¢¥ teammates, tonight he's not gonna be teaming with John Cena & he's not gonna allow Celebrity Guest Host Nancy O'Dell to dictate their futures, he's simply not gonna tag in, making it effectively a Handicap Match; it's clear to Ted DiBiase Junior that Cody Rhodes' more concerned about what'll happen to him if he happens to pin both Orton & DiBiase in the same night. . . oh yeah, well, Ted's concerned about how the only way to redeem himself's to pin Randy himself. . . guys, guys, guys, if either of them are thinking any of those things, they'd better keep on thinking
"BRAGGING RIGHTS ~ TEAM RAW" QUALIFYING MATCH: Kofi Kingston pins Evan Bourne with a 'Trouble in Paradise' Xuanfengjiao Tornado Kick {PSYCHOLOGY: boom, boom, boom ~ that leaves the final team member, to be determined on Superstars Thursday!}
WWE Magazine presents "the History of WWE", available now @ www.WWEShop.com
in the locker room, HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels are still talking on the phone, while the cardboard stand-up of the Showstopper {all bandaged up, as though really feeling any pain!} stands looking all forlorn. . . when Celebrity Guest Host Nancy O'Dell steps in with Maria Menoudos, asking the Game if she's ready for her match against "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix, she's been reading "The Unauthorized Biography of DX" for the past 20 minutes, as well as the 2 kicks how to put the Cerebral Assassin in a headlock for 20 minutes; naw, naw, she's ready, now what can HHH do for Chavo Guerrero? . . . he's onto the Game, he saw Hornswaggle giving the crotch chop last week after defeating Chavito Heat, he saw the leprechaun dressed like HBK earlier tonight, what are they up to? . . . naw, naw, the Cerebral Assassin hates that troll as much as Chavo does, he's lucky DX doesn't sue him for copyright infringement; Guerrero doesn't believe the King of Kings, he's way more talented than WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show, he can fly higher than Kofi Kingston, he's way cuter than Cody Rhodes, he should be the captain of the team; well, Menoudos practices 1 of her kicks onto the cajones ~ you know, the general cockular area ~ of the Lone Warrior, dropping him like a bag of potatoes
DID YOU KNOW. . . more people watched ECWWE last Tuesday, than any other program on A&E, ABC Family, TLC & ESPN! . . . ; betcha these 6 Divas knew that, as they sexy on down to the ring for the following 6-DIVAS TAG TEAM MATCH: Seriously? . . . (Alicia Fox & Master/Slave {"Glamazon" Beth Phoenix & Rosa Mendes}) versus A Sorry Excuse To Allow a Celebrity to Wrestle (Maria Menoudos & K³ {Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim}); K² beats Mendes with a Legdrop {PSYCHOLOGY: a legdrop! . . .}
United States champion Mike "The Miz" Mizanin saunters down onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where he demands respect for his new title, then declares that in 2 weeks time @ Bragging Rights, he'll be facing the Smackdown Intercontinental champion John Morrison, for the 1st time since they split up; they won numerous Tag Team titles together, but while the Miz was clearly the talent of the duo, the former ECWWE Heavyweight champion was nothing more than a hairdo with abs; congratulations, Morrison, he's the new Richards Simmons & in 10 years time, while he's still wearing bedazzled tank tops & hanging out with overweight women, Mizanin'll be chilling @ the top of the single-greatest show in WWE, RAW, because he's the Miz & he's awesome! . . . ; speaking of which, here's the BRAGGING RIGHTS CARD SO FAR: 14-Man Inter-Promotional Tag Team match, Team RAW (HHH, 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, Kofi Kingston, WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion The Big Show, "All-American American" Jack Swagger, Cody Rhodes & a 7th Superstar) versus Team Smackdown (all to be announced). . . Fatal 4-Way, Smackdown Heavyweight champion the UnderTaker versus Dave "The Animal" Batista versus CM Punk versus Rey Mysterio Junior. . . 1-hour "Anything Goes" Iron Man match, RAW Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton versus John Cena. . . & of course, RAW United States champion Mike "The Miz" Mizanin versus Smackdown Intercontinental champion John Morrison; before the following match, Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton saunters down to the ring, where he declares that he's already spoken with next week's Celebrity Guest Host & since next week will likely be the Chain Gang Commander's last week on RAW, he's arranged to have the Doctor of Thuganomics to take part in 1 of the biggest matches in his career; RAW 2nd HOUR MAIN EVENT, TAG TEAM MATCH: Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ (Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior) versus Stormin' On Chumps Like They're Thunder & Lightning (Orton & Cena); DiBiase defeats Orton with a Roll-Up {PSYCHOLOGY: well, then! . . .}; after the match, just to add insult to injury, the Doctor of Thuganomics drops the Legend Killer with an 'Attitude Adjuster' Fireman's Slam; as promised, it's announced that, next week during what's potentially his final RAW match, the Chain Gang Commander faces none other than HHH in the main event!
10/13/09 originating on SyFy {in the United States} & rebroadcast on Global {in Canada} the following Friday, late-night
commentating by Josh Mathews & the Slammy Award-winner Matt Striker
from the Rupp Arena in Lexington, Kentucky; now in WWE~HD
Ezekiel Jackson pins Goldust with a 'Big & Bad' Urinagi Bomb {PSYCHOLOGY: I had this typed while poor Dustin was walking to the ring! . . .}; after the match, Vladimir Kozlov delivers a few smacks to the fallen former Intercontinental champion; meanwhile, backstage, Zack Ryder welcomes his partner for tonight, William Regal, then attempts to calm his newfound friend into not being threatened by him, since he's clearly more qualified for a Heavyweight title match, not to mention that he's not so tough without his goons around, so- err, hi Big Zeke & Moscow Mauler. . . ; oh was that it, allow Regal to retort, General Manager Tiffany, in her very blond & very limited wisdom, has decided to pay him back for her sins by making him tag with Ryder tonight & being a competitor & a gentlemen, he's going to do it; so unless he wants to face a fate much worse than what befell Zack last week, he'd better follow William's orders to the letter
Sheamus O'Shaughnessy Celts to the ring, where he states that last week on Superstars, he had a match with "Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin, who technically won the match via Disqualification, but it doesn't really capture the essence of what happened, which leads Sheamus to a little story. . . about 10 years ago, Benjamin came to WWE with some of the most amazing God-given talent that any 1 wrestler's ever been granted & what's he done with it, absolutely nothing, he's too busy wallowing in mediocrity to actually succeed, even though he easily has the tools to beat anybody in WWE; O'Shaughnessy, on the other hand, will go to the top in WWE, because he's more than willing to use pawns like Shelton as stepping stones to get there ;right now, there's a lot of extra baggage in WWE, who don't seem to know what to do with their contracts, but as Sheamus' always said, you either lead, follow, or get outta the way, as he's more than willing to take out any lumps like the Gold Standard to achieve his goals
"Ripper" Paul Burchill beats Hurricane Helms with a 'Dangerous Buster' Suplexing Powerslam {PSYCHOLOGY: nice!}
backstage, Heavyweight champion Christian asks if Yoshi Tatsu's ready for their match, but he's nervous, even though the Instant Classic says that he doesn't need to be ~ he's earned his shot @ the title & besides, he has a lot of Peeps in Japan who likely think it'd be cool if he teamed up with 1 of their home-grown talents; MAIN EVENT, TAG TEAM MATCH: Cocky & Bad (Zack Ryder & William Regal) versus the Flying Shoryukens (Heavyweight champion Christian & Yoshi Tatsu); the Peeps' Champion defeats the 2008 King of the Ring with a 'Kill Switch' Crucifix Faceplant {PSYCHOLOGY: well, I supposed that's about as much emphasis as anybody should need, to convince Regal that he's not a top contender for the title!}
10/15/09 originating on WGN America {in the United States}
RAW commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole
ECWWE commentating by Josh Mathews & Slammy Award-winner Matt Striker
Smackdown commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & the Slammy Award-winner Todd Grisham
"BRAGGING RIGHTS ~ TEAM RAW" QUALIFYING MATCH: "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry pins "Masterpiece" Chris Masters with a 'World's Strongest Slam' Fallforward Slam {PSYCHOLOGY: the former Sexual Chocolate joins HHH, 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show, Cody Rhodes, Kofi Kingston & "All-American American" Jack Swagger on Team RAW, to meet the as-yet-unassembled Team Smackdown in 10 days @ Bragging Rights!}
ECWWE MATCH: Vladimir Kozlov beats "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer with a 'Cold War' 1-Handed Chokebomb {PSYCHOLOGY: did Dreamer's elbow get injured during this match, it was really swollen!}; after the match, Ezekiel Jackson picks the ECW Original up for a 'Big & Bad' Urinagi Bomb, then the Tormentors leave the ring
RAW United States champion Mike "The Miz" Mizanin joins WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & Toss Grisham @ ringside for the following MAIN EVENT, SMACKDOWN MATCH: CM Punk defeats Intercontinental champion John Morrison via Disqualification After the Miz Interferes {PSYCHOLOGY: now, now, there's no need for that malarkey, there, sonny-boy!}
10/16/09 originating on MyNetworkTV {in the United States} & on The SCORE {in Canada}
commentating by Slammy Award-winner Todd Grisham & RAW's Michael Cole
from the Rupp Arena in Lexington, Kentucky; now in WWE~HD
General Manager Theodore R. Long holla-holla-hollas onto the ring entrance ramp, where he reminds us that 1 week from this Sunday, WWE returns to pay-per-view with Bragging Rights, where not only with RAW & Smackdown have their Heavyweight titles defended, but there's also a 14-Man Tag Team match, Team RAW versus Team Smackdown, to determine which show's the best & as the GM, Long plans to put together a team that represents the great talent showcased here every Friday night; in order to counter RAW's team of HHH, 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, Kofi Kingston, Cody Rhodes, "All-American American Jack Swagger, "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry & WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show, Teddy throws it to Team Smackdown captain, WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho, who saunters to the ring & states that finally, after years of listening to politicking Superstars, the GM's finally made a good decision & named Y2J the captain of Team Smackdown & he doesn't care if the Smackdown Universe likes it; there's a possibility that RAW's John Cena will be returning to Smackdown, after RAW Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton defeats him soundly in their 1-hour "Anything Goes" Iron Man match @ Bragging Rights, so therefore the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah has some sad news, he's the Man around here now, so there's not gonna be any room for the Doctor of Thuganomics to come over here & try to take over; nobody's been more successful here on Friday nights, so if the Chain Gang Commander wants back in on Smackdown, he's gonna have to go through the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions, who's led this show & that locker room by example of honesty & integrity, he's the cornerstone of WWE, the best @ what he does & the reason that these parasites in the Smackdown Universe are even in the arena tonight, so as the captain of Team Smackdown, the King of My World has to assemble a team of such awesome winningness, that they'll follow every word of his & Jericho'll lead them to the Promised Land. . . easily defeating Team RAW, as led by those 2 delinquents who wrote this piece of flotsam & jetsam known as "The Unofficial History of DX", 2 miscreants more interests in pandering to all of the hypocrites in the WWE Universe, pushing all of their useless merchandise that all of you mindless sheep are more than willing to buy ~ t-shirts, glow sticks & books full of lies ~ well, do you know what Chris thinks of DX? . . . if you wanna get a good look @ what he's gonna do to D-Generation X & their team of RAW losers, then just look @ the tattered remains of the book he just shredded, he's here to open the Smackdown Universe's eyes &-POW! there goes Kane's pyro, as the Bald Red Machine angers to the ring, where he balks @ the idea of Y2J calling Team Smackdown his ~ he's been listening to every word that the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah's been saying & the BalderTaker's out here to announce that he's now the co-captain of Team Smackdown. . . well of course you are, as the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions was just about to announce that, in fact. . . the combination of Kane's power & Jericho's genius would make them unstoppable; well, as far as the Bald Red Machine's concerned, that book, DX & the entire Team RAW can all go up in flames; TRIPLE THREAT, "BRAGGING RIGHTS ~ TEAM SMACKDOWN" QUALIFYING MATCH: Dolph Ziggler versus Mike Knox versus Fit Finlay; Ziggler pins Knox with a Filnay-Applied Shillelagh Upside the Melon {PSYCHOLOGY: a rematch, of sorts, as all 3 of these men competed in a Triple Threat match to determine the #1 Contender for the Intercontinental championship, with the former Spirit Squader winning that match as well!}; DID YOU KNOW. . . as Smackdown celebrates its 10 year anniversary, it's broadcast more shows than ER, Law & Order, Cheers & the Simpsons! . . . ; betcha General Manager Theodore R. Long knew that, as he entertains WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho in his office, where they both watch the following SMACKDOWN 1st HOUR MAIN EVENT, TAG TEAM, "BRAGGING RIGHTS ~ TEAM SMACKDOWN" QUALIFYING MATCH: Cryme Tyme (JTG & Shad Gaspard) versus the Calgary Bulldogs (Tyson Kidd & David Hart Smith); JTG beats Kidd with a 'Shout-Out' Spinning Headlock Sitout Lariat {PSYCHOLOGY: so the Hoodfellas join Y2J, Kane & Dolph Ziggler in Team Smackdown!}; before the following match, Vickie Guerrero excuses herself, then introduces her new boyfriend, making his Smackdown debut, Eric Escobar, who takes part in the following "BRAGGING RIGHTS ~ TEAM SMACKDOWN" QUALIFYING MATCH: Escobar defeats Matt Hardy with a Roll-Up & a Handful of Tights {PSYCHOLOGY: arriba!}
RAW United States champion Mike "The Miz" Mizanin & Smackdown Intercontinental champion John Morrison saunter to the ring for a special edition of the Dirt Sheet, where the Shaman of Sexy declares that @ Bragging Rights, he's gonna prove that being the I-C champion's far more impressive than- oh wait, Miz has a championship too, weird; not only will the pay-per-view in 9 days help determine which show's superior, it'll also show us which former member of the most decorated Tag Team in recent WWE history's better in Singles competition; everybody knows that Mike was the true star of Altered Reality & all throughout history, great pairs have broken up, with 1 going on to superstardom & the other going on to obscurity ~ case in point, Mork & Mindy, Robin Williams & What's-Her-Name? . . . then there's Bill & Ted, 1 went on to become Neo & crack the Matrix, while the other checked into the Unemployment line, where he'll likely be meeting Mizanin in about 10 days. . . & the list goes on ~ Wayne & Garth, Regis & Kathie Lee & nobody can forget about the Rockers, so when they get to Bragging Rights, the Miz's ready to prove that he's the Shawn Michaels & Morrison's the Marty Jannety ~ naw, that's impossible, because Marty never had sweet merchandise like John, where's Mike's shirt? . . . his mom has 1 of these shirts, by the way; well, there can't be 2 Marty Jannetys, so by default Morrison's Marty, thank you. . . well actually, according to the Friday Night Delight, there are 2 Jannety, Marty & Mizzy ~ see what happens when you don't have a girlfriend, folks; y'know, Mizanin hasn't changed @ all, the only thing he's done's conformed, back in the day he had that hat & scarf, he @ least had the courage to dress like himself, a loser. . . but now he's a strange combination of Michael Phelps, Mister Ed, P!nk & Big Dick Johnson; #1, he has great hair, #2, women love his pearly whites & #3, he looks great in his trunks; the Smackdown Universe should make some noise if they think Mike's husky. . . naw, they're all just jealous of the RAW United States champion's awesome body, he's gonna move on to Bragging Rights to prove that he's better than the Smackdown Intercontinental champion; hey, why wait for the pay-per-view, why doesn't the Miz do his thang right now, RAW's only a 2nd rate Saturday Night Live nowadays anyway, so if you're in the mood to watch the amazing star power of Reverend Al Sharpton & Nancy O'Dell, then go on ahead & tune in Monday nights. . . who's hosting next week, Big Bird; but if the WWE Universe'd rather tune in to see great wrestling action & the Friday Night Delight, then they should watch Friday Night Smackdown; Mizanin's the reason that people even watch RAW, he's the reason that their Tag Team even succeeded, he carried Morrison for 2 years, he was the true talent of the team; well, in truth, the Smackdown Intercontinental champion proclaims that all the RAW United States champion did was shoot off his mouth, toting his catch phrases all willy-nilly, but talk's cheap, this is Smackdown, not RAW, so John's not gonna sit here & take his big talk; when it appears that the former Tag Team champions are gonna fall fighting, the Miz instead opts to exercise the better part of valour, heading backstage with his U.S. belt tucked between his legs
back in the General Manager's office, Theodore R. Long's still entertaining WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho, as they check out the following "BRAGGING RIGHTS ~ TEAM SMACKDOWN" QUALIFYING MATCH: Drew McIntyre beats "R~Truth" Ron Killings via Countout {PSYCHOLOGY: hmm, 2 new faces taking part in the moderately-high-profile RAW Versus Smackdown match @ Bragging Rights! . . .}
backstage, Dave "The Animal" Batista wishes Rey Mysterio Junior luck in their upcoming match, but he's uneasy about wrestling a guy who's essentially his brother, but the Biggest Little Man tells his amigo that brothers fight all the time, but the fact of the matter's that they're both going after the Heavyweight title @ Bragging Rights & they both want it badly; they'll both have to keep their eyes open for CM Punk, he's liable to do anything & as for the champion. . . well, they both know what the UnderTaker's capable of, so they'll just have to go out there & do their thang. . . bot for tonight, maybe Batista can go a little easy on Mysterio? . . . ; elsewhere backstage, the Phenom states that it's been said history has a way of repeating itself, but not in his yard; the Straight-Edge Superstar, the Smackdown General Manager & Referee Scott Armstrong have all decided to once again tempt their fates, to wrest the holy grail from death's grip. . . but he thinks they should know that, once they enter Hell's Gates, there's no turning back; @ Bragging Rights, 'Taker claims Punk's soul & reads the former Heavyweight champion his last rites; SMACKDOWN 2nd HOUR MAIN EVENT MATCH: Rey Mysterio Junior defeats Dave "The Animal" Batista with a Roll-Up {PSYCHOLOGY: WHAAAAAAAA?!?!?}; after the match, even though he's understandably unset over the referee not seeing that 1 of his shoulders was up, Batista congratulates his amigo, then leaves Mysterio to celebrate his victory, leaving Rey-Rey open for a sneak attack from CM Punk, who leaps out of the Smackdown Universe & drops the Biggest Little Man with a 'Go To Sleep' Falling Kneestrike, then hightails it back out through the crowd when the Animal storms the ring to his friend's assistance