09/28/09 originating on USA Network {in the United States} & simulcast on the Score {in Canada}
commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole
from the Times Union Center in Albany, New York; now in WWE~HD
Montell Vontavius Porter's joined in the ring by "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry in the VIP Lounge, where MVP welcomes the Celebrity Guest Host of tonight's RAW, here's- WWE Unified Tag Team champions Chris Jericho & the Big Show, who rudely interrupting their scarlet-hued challengers from introducing the Celebrity Guest Host, sauntering down to the ring to bid shame on Porter for trying to give an introduction like that Reverend Al Sharpton, he's more than a Celebrity Guest Host, he's the civil rights leader of our time. . . a man who had the courage to run for the office of President of the United States. . . he's a man who's talented enough to have his own radio show. . . a man who hosted Saturday Night Live. . . a man who {just like the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah himself} tells it the way it is. . . a man who's composure's unshakable. . . a man who has time & again given a voice to those who have none. . . a man who led protests & is a supported of equal rights. . . a man who's about to embark on an American education reform tour ~ the Reverend Al Sharpton, who Living in Americas to the ring, where he thanks both Vontavius & the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions for giving him the best introduction of his life. . . okay, tough crowd. . . just like tomorrow in Philadelphia, Newt Gingridge ? is joining him on a tour to challenge young people on education, to get them to read & decrease the dropout rate; so, if Montell may sum things up, what Sharpton's doing's making sure that the children of the United States get a better education, which's surely something that an arena full of wrestling fans can get behind. . . so, anywho, everybody has to help close the gap in the dropout rates, they need education reform, just like they need some reform in regards to the WWE Unified Tag Team titles; when Sharpton asks the champs what they think of that, Porter instead suggests that, since Al's the Celebrity Guest Host tonight & what he says, goes, MVP & the former Sexual Chocolate should face Beauty & the Beast, Jerishow, for the WWE Unified Tag Team championships, regardless of the title match that they have on deck @ Hell in a Cell this Sunday; once again turning to the champs, the Reverend hears all about the hypocrites & parasites in the RAW Universe from the King of My World, surrounded by liars & people with no morals, Jericho doesn't care what the fans think of them, but Sharpton must understand that they're already competing in a Gauntlet match against Heavyweight champion John Cena later tonight & they can't possibly be expected to take part in a 2nd match. . . besides, Montell & Mark deserve another title shot, as much as these Pharisees, sycophants & gelatinous tapeworms deserve a man of Al's prominence ~ they don't deserve a special education, they're all imbeciles from birth & they shouldn't even have the right to vote, their opinions don't matter & should just accept somebody telling them what's best for them. . . they don't deserve to be in the presence of the WWE Unified Tag Team champions; now hang on a second, they can disagree on stuff like politics, but everybody deserves an opportunity, so allow Al to educate Chris about empowering people, turning to the RAW Universe to ask if they'd want to see a championship match tonight, right now; after a chorus or raucous cheers, Sharpton declares that coming up next's a WWE UNIFIED TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: the World's Strongest Playas (MVP & Henry) versus champions Worst Case Scenario (Y2J & TBS); Jericho pins Porter with a 'Codebreaker' Cradling Falling Double-Kneestrike {PSYCHOLOGY: well, there's how the 1st ¼ of RAW starting with a whisper, ending with a bang!}
DID YOU KNOW. . . visitors spent more time on www.WWEUniverse.com than www.MySpace.com ~ www.Twitter.com ~ www.FaceBook.com ! . . . ; naw, betcha Celebrity Guest Host Reverend Al Sharpton doesn't even believe that, as he entertains Primo Colon in his office, accepting his appreciation for making things better for minorities such as Colon; suddenly, Hornswaggle stampedes into the office, excitedly exclaiming something or other, running around like a leprechaun being chased by somebody, hiding behind the Celebrity Guest Host, until Chavo Guerrero Junior comes in after his vertically-challenged multi-week antagonist, until Sharpton demands an explanation from Chavito Heat & the formerly-assumed fruit of the McMahon grapefruits; Chavo then goes on to call himself the greatest Mexican-American wrestler of all time {no offense to either his father Chavo Guerrero Senior or uncle Eddie Guerrero, I'm sure! . . .}, who then introduces his rather large Caucasian friend "Masterpiece" Chris Masters; oh his god, Santino Marella exclaims that it's the 2 cavemen from those Geico commercials standing before him, so it's very unfortunate that the Milan Miracle & the Tadpole Splasher have to face them tonight, as they just recently saved a buncha money by changing their insurance. . . hey, where's that lizard? . . . ; oh his god again, it's the greatest boxing promoter of all the times. . . no, no, wait, Santino loved him in the original Shaft movies. . . shut your mouth, now everybody outta here, Al's got some educatin' to do!
backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, who proclaims that Heavyweight champion John Cena doesn't stand a chance @ surviving tonight's 3-on-1 Gauntlet Match against him & the WWE Unified Tag Team champions, it'd take a miracle for the Doctor of Thuganomics to come out of tonight's slaughter intact. . . but this Sunday, the Chain Gang Commander stands to lose a lot more than his coveted title ~ where the sadistic thrive & the strong are humbled, Orton knows that once that cage door's closed & locked, Randy won't be responsible for his actions & Cena;s will to compete & his struggle to survive will come to a very painful & abrupt end, when he wins the Heavyweight championship
RAW 1st HOUR MAIN EVENT, DIVAS MATCH: champion Mickie James beats Rosa Mendes with a 'Mick Kick' Crescent Kick in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: what, only 2 matches in the 1st hour of RAW?!}
the official theme song for Hell in a Cell's "Monster" by Skillet, from their album Awake, available now
Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior holier-than-thou to the ring, where the latter states that they get it, nobody expects them to win this Sunday, to beat D-Generation X inside the Hell in a Cell. . . but the RAW Universe should start considering the possibility, as for what they've done over the past few weeks. . . they're primed for the single-greatest victory in their young careers, handing out the single-worst defeat to HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels; so for those with short attention spans, or decided to put it of their minds, Rhodes & DiBiase have a special video package set up, replaying the highlights of their dominance over DX, including making the Showstopper tap out @ Breaking Point & further humiliating them on RAW in the weeks that followed ~ nobody expected the Lega¢¥ members to do any of those things; the Game & HBK are 2 of the greatest Superstars walking the face of this earth & RAW's been their sandbox. . . the Cerebral Assassin's a 13-time Heavyweight champion & a surefire 1st-ballot Hall of Famer. . . but after Sunday, he can go pick out that corner office he's had his eye on in WWE Headquarters, joining his relatives in Stamford, Connecticut for what the rest of his career would be. . . & as for the HeartBreak Kid, well, Cody's been in the ring with the man & he can tell the RAW Universe that Shawn's indeed the greatest ring performer to ever breathe. . . he overcame a broken back to come & have some of the most storied matches in wrestling history, things of legend, but these legends will come to a tragic conclusion when D-Generation X step into that Hell in a Cell with Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ this Sunday, when they're standing over the broken heap that was Shawn Michaels; they're not gonna be locked in there with DX, DX's gonna be locked in there with- BORRRRRRRRRRING! exclaims HBK & HHH from a skybox, which makes Ted mock them even harder, they see right through the 2016 WWE Hall of Famer & the King of Kings, they're well aware of the beating that's gonna be dished out to them @ the hands of the former RAW Tag Team champions @ Hell in a Cell; but hey, do Rhodes & DiBiase really think that DX's making fun of them because Michaels & the Game are feeling insecure. . . well, in reality, the reason that they make fun of Rhode$ to Ri¢he$'s because- now hang on, Hunter, Shawn warns him that this is a PG show, so he has to be very careful what he says; right, right, politically correct. . . okay, so Rhodes & DiBiase are like butts, though not the cheeks, so much as the little puckered brown eye. . . & the 2nd reason that they're making fun of the Lega¢¥ members, how can the Game put this in a way that they'll understand ~ say, Cody's a comic book nerd, right? . . . well, y'know when the Hulk calms down & becomes his alter ego Bob Barker- no, the Hulk's really Bruce Banner, Bob Barker's somebody else. . . so anywho, when the monster goes away, there's Bruce Banner, but when Banner's all angry, then the monster comes back. . . but unlike Bruce Banner, DX likes it when the monster comes out & y'know what, why wait for Sunday, as HBK & the Cerebral Assassin head down through the crowd to the ring, where they chase Cody & Ted out into the audience themselves; standing alone in the ring, Shawn declares that it's a shock, after all the talk, here they stand ready to go, while Rhodes & DiBiase run away; they should enjoy the distance between them, because Sunday there'll be no running, no hiding & no joking inside that Cell
DID YOU KNOW. . . last Monday night, RAW was watched by more people 18-49, than the Jay Leno Show on NBC! . . . ; betcha "All-American American" Jack Swagger knew that, as he saunters down to the ring, wearing Kofi Kingston's United States title around his waist, to compete in the following match, where he defeats Evan Bourne with an 'Orthodontist's Dream' Gutwrench Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: a sound thrashing for the U.S. title contender!}; after the match, Swagger declares that it's just a matter of time, he has the look & the athleticism, as well as the belt, so it's now merely a formality for him to be crowned the next U.S. champion; out steps Mike "The Miz" Mizanin, who reminds us that he's made the most impact on RAW since the last draft, as well as being the most unpredictable, not to mention that he's garnered more attention than anybody. . . therefore, Mike's gonna be the next United States champion & everybody knows it; well, that's all Jack can stands & he can't stands no more, as the 2 tarheelians fall fighting, while the Jamaican Sensation storms the ring to reclaim his title once more
WWE Home Video presents "the Best of Smackdown", a 3-disc set commemorating the 10 years of Thursday & Friday nights, available now @ all major DVD retailers & @ www.WWEShop.com
TAG TEAM MATCH: Through Being Cool (Chavo Guerrero Junior & "Masterpiece" Chris Masters) versus My Tuscaloosa Heart (Santino Marella & Hornswaggle); Masters makes Marella Submit with a 'Masterlock' Swinging Full-Nelson {PSYCHOLOGY: sure, why not?}; after the match, as the Masterpiece has Horny clamped into a smaller version of the 'Master Lock' Swinging Full-Nelson, Chavito Heat lays 1 upside the chops of his partner, then leaves the ring with a rather perturbed expression
RAW 2nd HOUR MAIN EVENT, 3-ON-1 GAUNTLET MATCH: Heavyweight champion John Cena beats WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho via Disqualification After Y2J Refused to Released the 'King Crab' Boston Crab; the Doctor of Thuganomics defeats WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show via Disqualification After the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions Interferes; the Chain Gang Commander versus "Legend Killer" Randy Orton Goes to a No Contest, After the Cell Lowers & Both Men Climb on Top, where Cena Drops Orton with an 'Attitude Adjuster' Fireman's Slam {PSYCHOLOGY: ummmmm. . . sure! . . . whatever floats your boat, Vinnie-Mac!}
09/29/09 originating on SyFy {in the United States} & rebroadcast on Global {in Canada} the following Friday, late-night
commentating by Josh Mathews & the Slammy Award-winner Matt Striker
from the TD Garden in Boston, Massachusetts; now in WWE~HD
before the show starts, William Regal regrets to inform us that the esteemed General Manager, Tiffany, was involved in a terrible car accident this past week & while doctors say she'll make a full recovery, her injuries will prevent her from being here tonight; the WWE Board of Directors have chosen him as the Interim GM, due to his personal experience in these matters & have also instructed him to not make any decisions that'll effect the Heavyweight championship, such as #1 Contendership matches; as the General Manager, though, Regal has the sway to make this week's main event much more interesting than that, as he plans to pit champion Christian against Zack Ryder, Vladimir Kozlov, Ezekiel Jackson & himself, in a 4-on-1 Handicap match
WWE Hall of Famer "Mister USA" Tony Atlas announces that tonight, on the Abraham Washington Show, Smackdown Intercontinental champion John Morrison's going to be the special guest; Washington himself declares the ECWWE Universe too much, then himself the most entertaining man in entertainment; this week's very big for WWE, as this Sunday's Hell in a Cell on pay-per-view & this Friday's Decade of Smackdown Celebration, with tonight's guest knowing a bit about both these things, as a former ECWWE Heavyweight champion & Smackdown Tag Team co-champion, as well as the current I-C champion; the Shaman of Sexy saunters out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where Abraham compliments on Morrison's swanky new t-shirt, which he got @ www.WWEShop.com where all WWE Universe residents can get their own, right now; before John gets started, he proclaims that it's good to be back on ECWWE, then compliments Atlas on his laugh, Morrison's considering using it as his new ringtone. . . but before they go any further here, the Friday Night Delight wants to drop some knowledge on Abraham Washington ~ he likes what the man does here, contrary to apparent popular reaction from the ECWWE Universe in the arena tonight; well, John'd know something about hosting a very successful talk show, as he was ½ of the original ECWWE talk show, the Dirt Sheet, with RAW's Mike "The Miz" Mizanin; as Mister USA laughs & how awesome he is, after the Shaman of Sexy comparing himself to Washington & by association Atlas' the Miz, but in all honesty there's no comparison, since Tony's in the Hall of Fame & Mizanin never will be. . . but Mike does remind John a lot of his opponent, Smackdown's Dolph Ziggler for this Sunday & it's not just because they're both white, they're both delusional about winning their respective title matches @ Hell in a Cell; Ziggler's a talented Superstar & if he ever becomes even ½ as good as he thinks he is, he'll be a champion 1 day, but that day won't be Sunday, because the I-C title's staying right around the waist of the Friday Night Delight; out comes Dolph himself, who's apparently invited himself; excuse Abraham, this isn't the set of Rocky 4, there's no call for Dolph Lungren to go showing up unannounced & uninvited, so don't make Washington go Apollo Creed on his arse; now hang on, didn't Ivan Draco kill Apollo Creed in Rocky 4. . . hmm, good point, so it's unfortunate that they're all out of time, so maybe Ziggler's people can call Abraham's people & we'll all see what they're able to put together for next week; before Dolph can retort, Morrison pipes up, stating that what Washington's trying to say's he should say good night, Mister Ziggles; well, dem's fumin' words, as even Tony Atlas gets a zing in on the #1 Contender for the Smackdown Intercontinental title
before the following match can even begin, Sheamus O'Shaunessy assaults "Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin, leaving him easy pickings for "Ripper" Paul Burchill; Benjamin pins Burchill with a 'Paydirt' Leaping Reverse Space Tornado Ogawa {PSYCHOLOGY: ever after the Rowdy Scot assailed Shelton before the bout began!}
DID YOU KNOW. . . more people watched ECWWE last Tuesday night, than any show on TBS, the Discovery Channel, Adult Swim & TNT! . . . ; betcha Skillet knew that, as they provide the official Hell in a Cell theme song, "Monster" from their album Awake, available now
MAIN EVENT, 8-MAN TAG TEAM MATCH: North, South, East & West (the 24 Karat Stratocasters {Yoshi Tatsu & Goldust} & ECWWE Attitude {Heavyweight champion Christian & "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer}) versus the Shenaniganizers (Zack Ryder & the Tormentors {Interim General Manager William Regal & the Rough Riders [Vladimir Kozlov & Ezekiel Jackson]}); Tatsu beats Regal with a 'Mawashi Gen' Roundhouse Kick {PSYCHOLOGY: hey, wait a second ~ Regal made this a 4-on-1 Handicap match, what happened there? . . . & why the hell was there only 2 matches?!}
10/01/09 originating on WGN America {in the United States}
RAW commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole
ECWWE commentating by Josh Mathews & Slammy Award-winner Matt Striker
Smackdown commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & the Slammy Award-winner Todd Grisham
SMACKDOWN MATCH: Shad Gaspard defeats Tyson Kidd with a 'Thugnificent' Pendulum Urinagi Slam {PSYCHOLOGY: ahh YEAH!!!}; a video package plays, showing this week's edition of Ask the Divas; "When you were little, what did you want to be?" asks WWE Universe resident HellBender. . . Smackdown's Natalya Neidhart wanted to be an entertainer, she was always a ham & loves lots of attention. . . Smackdown's Layla El wanted to be a professional dancer, of course. . . ECWWE's Bella Twins wanted to be a supermodel & own their own flower shop, respectively. . . Smackdown Women's champion Michelle McCool wanted to be a WWE Diva & here she is, living the dream; "I'm on the go constantly ~ how do you keep a relationship?" queries WWE Universe resident Corky. . . RAW Divas champion Mickie James doesn't. . . RAW's Alicia Fox uses a very special weapon. . . Smackdown's Eve Torres suggests that the most important thing in a long-distance relationship's trust, if you lose that, then you lose everything. . . RAW's Alicia Fox uses her Blackberry. . . RAW's "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix has learned not to mix business & pleasure {1 word, Santino!}; anybody who needs advise, can log onto www.WWEUniverse.com
DID YOU KNOW. . . last Thursday night, Superstars was watched by more people 18-49, than Larry King Live on CNN! . . . ; betcha ECWWE's Sheamus O'Shaughnessy knew that, as he saunters to ring for the following ECWWE
MATCH: the Celtic Warrior pins Tyler Reks with a 'Cabra Gaelscoil' Bicycle Kick {PSYCHOLOGY: no, Sheamus isn't an albino, because his hair, beard & eyebrows aren't nearly as pale as his skin! . . .}
MAIN EVENT, RAW MATCH: United States champion Kofi Kingston beats Mike "The Miz" Mizanin with a 'Trouble in Paradise' Xuanfengjiao Tornado Kick in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: a nice bout, but it's just too bad it wasn't a title match, though. . .}; after the match, RAW's "All-American American" Jack Swagger storms the ring, where he takes down both men with an 'Orthodontist's Dream' Gutwrench Powerbomb, further softening them up for the Triple Threat match Sunday @ Hell in a Cell
10/02/09 originating on MyNetworkTV {in the United States} & on The SCORE {in Canada}
commentating by Slammy Award-winner Todd Grisham & 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross
from the TD Garden in Boston, Massachusetts; now in WWE~HD
the Decade of Smackdown Celebration kicks off with a video package, running down the 10 year history of the Blue Brand; afterward, Ross & Grisham are in the ring, where they pander to the Boston Smackdown Universers, then go backstage to show a bevy of Superstars celebrating the 10 Anniversary of Smackdown
SMACKDOWN MOMENT #64: December 16th, 2005 saw Amigo Heat (Dave "The Animal" Batista & Rey Mysterio Junior) take on Tag Team champions MNM (Joey Mercury & Johnny Nitro), winning the straps for their fallen friend, the late Eddie Guerrero; Batista defeats Kane with a 'BatistaBomb' Sitout Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: well, given that the Bald Red Machine didn't have a title match @ Hell in a Cell in a few days, it was a bit of a no-brainer as to who was to come out on top of this match, which was a solid opener to any show!}
backstage, Smackdown General Manager Theodore R. Long holla-holla-hollas @ the assembled RAW, ECWWE & Smackdown Superstars enjoying the party, until he comes across RAW's Hornswaggle, who slaps Smackdown's Maria Kanellis across the rump, prompting RAW commentator Michael Cole to exclaim that it's Classic Hornswaggle! . . . then Smackdown's Fit Finlay strays on by & chastises Teddy for ordering a Diet Pepsi, instead calling for his son to give them 4 Irish Whiskeys, which in turn prompts Cole to declares Vintage Finlay! . . . well, maybe Long'll have just 1, as Fit has a toast, to all their health, a decade of Smackdown & loving to fight; when Smackdown Heavyweight champion CM Punk steps in to tell his GM not to drink that, Cole wears out his welcome by shouting Vintage Punk! . . . then the Straight-Edge Superstar asks if the Superstars are ashamed of themselves, with him @ the helm, it's not Prohibition Rules here on Friday nights; CM goes on to declare that they all pay close attention to tonight's main event, as he's set to put on display why the Straight Edge lifestyle's the way to be; EXCUSE HER! . . . it's former Smackdown & RAW General Manager Vickie Guerrero, who's been watching the show & can't believe that Long lifted the ban on the UnderTaker's 'Devil's Gate' Figure 4 Chokehold, what was he thinking, some people just don't have a backbone to run this show; enter Latina Heat's hot new boyfriend Eric, who was just signed onto Smackdown today by WWE Owner Vince McMahon, with Mamacita Heat as his manager; RAW's Santino Marella nearly causes a real-life coronary for Teddy, dressed as the Dead Man, proclaiming this an awesome costume party! . . . ; DID YOU KNOW. . . WWE offers all U.S. Military personnel free tickets to its live events in the United States! . . . ; betcha RAW's Michael Cole knew that, as he drunkenly declares these to be Vintage Shrimp! . . . then the Tough Irish **** takes his last shrimp, then calls Horny over to deliver a platter full of shots, which prompts Cole to make a height joke about Horny bringing over some more shrimp, which scores Michael a boot to the shin; now off to the VIP Lounge, where RAW's Montell Vontavius Porter & "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry let him in, while simultaneously dissing ECWWE's Zack Ryder, who tries to buy his way in with a coupla buck. . . well, if there's room, Henry'll think about it, but 1st he has to join MVP in welcoming the former United States champion's former Tag Team champion partner, Smackdown's Matt Hardy, who's lucky enough to be joined by RAW's Kelly Kelly & a bevy of WWE Divas, WWE Hall of Famer Sergeant Slaughter & the Iron Sheik. . . but no Zack Ryder
a video package plays, showing the Smackdown legacy of the late WWE Hall of Famer Eddie Guerrero
RAW's "All-American American" Jack Swagger joins Ross & Grisham @ ringside for special guest commentary for the following SMACKDOWN 1st HOUR MAIN EVENT, RAW VERSUS SMACKDOWN INTER-PROMOTIONAL TAG TEAM MATCH: We Ain't No Make Believe (Smackdown Intercontinental champion John Morrison & RAW United States champion Kofi Kingston) versus Team Pompous (Smackdown's Dolph Ziggler & RAW's Mike "The Miz" Mizanin); Ziggler pins Morrison with an 'NTN' Jumping Russian Legsweep {PSYCHOLOGY: Kofi's from Guana, South Africa, now?!}
backstage @ the Smackdown 10th Anniversary Celebration, ECWWE's Yoshi Tatsu & Smackdown's "Kung" Fu-Naki are doing karaoke of the theme song of RAW's 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, "Sexy Boy", interrupted by RAW's Jillian Hall; then, WWE Hall of Famers Sergeant Slaughter & the Iron Sheik are arguing merits of their respective countries, then when the Sheik starts choking on something, ECWWE's Hurricane Helms swoops in to make the save; meanwhile, RAW's Michael Cole's wearing a black cowboy hat & screaming "Boomer Sooners!" while wolfing down more shrimp, starting to feel the inevitable stomach-churning sensation that comes from overeating & liberal libations, as supplied by RAW's Hornswaggle & Smackdown's Fit Finlay; WWE Unified Tag Team champions Chris Jericho & the Big Show walk in, calling for attention, as Y2J proclaims that tonight's party should be in their honour, as they were both on the very 1st episode of Smackdown all those years ago, so not only are they the most dominant Tag Team in WWE history, they're also the most tenured on Friday nights; even Stevie Wonder can see this 1 coming, as Cole's looking about as green as the Hurricane's costume, while Finlay & Hornswaggle continue feeding him shot after shot; it's time for the Superstars to wrap up this party & start showing the WWE Unified Tag Team champions the respect that they deserve. . . cue Cole's upset stomach, voiding itself orally all over the nice expensive shoes of the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah, which in turn causes the former WCW Giant to hurl his own most recent meal, prompting WWE Hall of Famer "Mister USA" Tony Atlas to let loose another peal of Totally-Not-Fake Laughter®
a video package plays, showing Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson @ his home, in front of replicas of all the WWF & WWE titles that he's won, recording a heartfelt greeting for the Smackdown Universe; hello, apparently Dwayne Johnson's returned to Friday nights ~ naw, that's not right. . . technically, the People's Champion's found his way to the WWE ~ that's not it either. . . hygienically, the Great 1's breath has never been fresher ~ that's a keeper, that's- no, it's not right, you don't have to tell the Rock that it's not the right promo. . . spiritually, the Brahma Bull's as 1 with nature ~ well, that sucked, he's searching for something, from somewhere in the cockle or sub-cockle region, he'll get it. . . who in the blue hell's Dolph Ziggler? . . . say, is that the Rock's latte, finally! . . . wait, there's something to that ~ FINALLY! . . . on the show that he started, the show that he put on the map, the show that was named after him! . . . FINALLY, The ROCK HAS COME BACK TO SMACKDOWN! . . . you take this mic, shine it up real nice, turn it sideways & shove it straight up your- naw, just joking around, he's not into inserting inanimate objects into other people's orifices anymore; 10 years, Smackdown's been on the air & the Rock was there to begin it all, to change the English language forever, layin' the smackdown on all you candy ****. . . from dropping the most electrifying move in all sports entertainment, the People's Elbow & unleashing the Rock Bottom, the Rock's baby left him & he found a new place to dwell, it's down @ the end of Jabroni Drive, that Smackdown Hotel; from the very 1st time that the Rock walked out onto Smackdown as the WWF Heavyweight champion, every fan from Berlin to Boston was chanting the Rock's name; now, 10 years later, who's champion, some Jabroni named CM Punk, Straight-Edge dude, never drinks or smokes, always sits down when he's using the toilet, yeah you know who the Rock's talking about; he shouldn't be called CM Punk, it should be BM Punk, for Bowel Movement, which's what the audience wants to take when they hear the Smackdown Heavyweight champion start talking; the Rock's never faced Punk, but he's faced Punk's opponent this Sunday @ Hell in a Cell, the UnderTaker, who he's sold out arenas with in the past, they have an extensive history together, he was whipping the Dead Man's arse all around the world- okay, well, technically it was only 1 time & it was by Disqualification, so guys, let's just edit that out, because the Phenom's 6' 10", 350 pounds & the People's Champion doesn't want to get a 'Tombstone' Elevated Piledriver for his impudence. . . what, the director's arguing with the Brahma Bull now, has he ever been Tombstoned? . . . it's not some kinda pleasant experience, y'know, unlike the Rock tearing this Jabroni director's shirt open ~ erm, on 2nd thought, go shave that & get back behind the camera, his man-bush's disturbing. . . but not as disturbing as what's gonna happen to the Straight-Edge Superstar this Sunday when he steps into that Hell in a Cell against 'Taker; the Rock says there's gonna be a new Heavyweight champion Sunday, but this show's always gonna belong to the Jabroni-beatin', pie-eatin', has no peer, has no flaw, now that he's tried Smackdown, maybe it's time for the Rock to Guest-Host RAW. . . he'll be the most electrifying host in RAW history, get ready for it, IF YOU SMELlLlLlLlLlLlLlL WHAT The ROCK's COOKIN'!
WWE Home Video presents "the Best of Smackdown", "The Rise & Fall of WCW" & "Night of Champions 2009", available now @ all major DVD retailers & @ www.WWEShop.com
every single WWE Diva not directly involved in the following match, saunter to the ring to provide heterosexual-male-inspired assistance in the following LUMBERJILLS, SMACKDOWN WOMEN'S TITLE MATCH: champion Michelle McCool beats Melina Perez with a 'Faith Breaker' Piledriving Faceplant {PSYCHOLOGY: Divas, Divas, everywhere & not a drop to drink!}
a video package plays, showing the UnderTaker declaring that Smackdown Heavyweight champion CM Punk's about to enter the domain of the Dead Man ~ a place of eternal torment, where there's no forgiveness, only vengeance; 'Taker will not only win the title, but he'll also know the Straight-Edge Superstar off his black horse of righteousness & the pills & alcohol that Punk so despises will soon be a necessary evil in his life; welcome to Hell's Playground, Satan's Structure, Hell in a Cell!
DID YOU KNOW. . . more males under 55 watched Smackdown last Friday, than every show on ABC, Fox, NBC or CBS! . . . ; betcha the WWE Superstars knew that, as they're all still backstage partying it up, until Drew McIntyre saunters in with something to say. . . as the newest member of Smackdown, allow him to make a toast. . . here's to Smackdown, the soon-to-be Heavyweight champion & the party just getting started; well, somehow dem's fightin' words for "R~Truth" Ron Killings, who jumps Drew from behind & the pair fall fighting, until some WWE Officials break it up
SMACKDOWN MOMENT #100: April 14th, 2005, which saw Heavyweight champion John Cena debuts the now-infamous "Spinner" belt, to the chagrin of every serious wrestling fan on the globe; as well, here's SMACKDOWN MOMENT #32: September 28th, 2008, where then-General Manager Vickie Guerrero banished the UnderTaker from the WWE, stripping him of the Heavyweight title. . . naturally spawning some Dead Man comeuppance for Mamacita Heat, which's capped off with a 'Tombstone' Elevated Piledriver; but never mind all that now, as it's finally time for the SMACKDOWN 2nd HOUR MAIN EVENT, RAW VERSUS SMACKDOWN INTER-PROMOTIONAL 8-MAN TAG TEAM MATCH, The Biggest 8-Man Tag Team in The History of Smackdown (RAW's D-Generation X {HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels} & 2Pac {RAW Heavyweight champion John Cena & Smackdown's UnderTaker}) versus The 4 Horsemen of Self-Righteousness (Smackdown Heavyweight champion CM Punk & RAW's Lega¢¥ {"Legend Killer" Randy Orton & Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ [Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior]}); the Phenom defeats the Legend Killer with a 'Tombstone' Elevated Piledriver {PSYCHOLOGY: funny, for some reason I figured either the Doctor of Thuganomics or the Straight-Edge Superstar would've scored the win in this match, but it was hellaciously entertaining regardless!}; after the match, all 4 members of the winning team get their spotlight, heading into their Hell in a Cell matches in 2 days