*PLEASE NOTE*

The following wrestling show write-up bears no necessary mirror to reality, as some Tag Team & finisher names have been fabricated by the author for mostly-self-entertainment purposes.

-= BREAKING POINT =-

09/13/09 on PAY-PER-VIEW from the Bell Centre in Montreal, Quebec; now in WWE~HD

RAW commentating by 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole
ECWWE commentating by Josh Mathews & Slammy-Award-Winning Matt Striker
Smackdown commentating by 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & Slammy-Award-Winning Todd Grisham

WWE UNIFIED TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: champions Worst Case Scenario (the Big Show & Chris Jericho) versus RAW's World's Strongest Playas (Montell Vontavius Porter & "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry); Y2J pins Henry with a TBS-Applied 'Knockout' Straight Punch {PSYCHOLOGY: whammo!}

backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers RAW's Rhode$ to Ri¢he$, who disagree with the assessment of their Submissions-Count-Anywhere bout against D-Generation X's HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels being a match. . .  it's gonna be a fight ~ 1 that could end in the ring, or backstage, or even spill out into the streets of Montreal; Cody Rhodes admits that he & Ted DiBiase Junior aren't exactly submission specialists, but there are more variables when it comes to finding a man's. . .  well, Breaking Point; DX's good. . .  no, scratch that, they're great, but what the members of Lega¢¥ are gonna prove tonight's that the only underdogs in this match, have the initials D & X {no, wait, gimme a minute, don't tell me, I'm good @ these puzzles! . . .}, they're gonna make the Game & the Showstopper tap for the 1st time ever {well, actually, I happen to know for a fact that both men have submitted in previous matches, but whatever, it's only memory, right? . . .}; DX represents the past & however illustrious that might be, it's still the past, while Lega¢¥, as everybody knows, are the future of WWE; sure, the Cerebral Assassin & the HeartBreak Kid are fun & amusing, DiBiase supposes, like the green glow sticks that WWE hawks in support of D-Generation X. . .  but after awhile, the glow of entertainment burns out & eventually they're disposed of accordingly

before the following match, RAW's Mike "The Miz" Mizanin pompouses to the ring, where he parlez-vous français @ the Froggies in the predominently-French-Canadian WWE Universers. . .  {"Je suis the Miz et je suis awesome!" indeed}; RAW UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: champion Kofi Kingston beats Mike "The Miz" Mizanin with a 'Trouble in Paradise' Xuanfengjiao Tornado Kick {PSYCHOLOGY: Holy Match-of-the-Year Candidate, Batman!}

the official theme for Breaking Point's Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Still Unbroken"[ from their album God & Guns, available September 29th

before the following match, HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels Break it Down to the ring, where the Game proclaims that it sounds like the DX Army's here in Montreal, so he need to know if they're ready. . .  then, for the 1,000s in attendance, for the 1,000,000s watching around the world & for Montreal {because the Cerebral Assassin knows that there was an incident that happened a few years ago & some people are having a hard time letting go of it, so he just wants everybody to know, on a personal note. . . it was all Shawn's fault!}; so with that in mind, Llllllllllet's get ready to SUCK IT! . . . & if the WWE Universe ain't down with that, then HBK has 2 words for ya! . . .; RAW SUBMISSIONS-COUNT-ANYWHERE, TAG TEAM MATCH: Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ (Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior) versus D-Generation X (HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid"  Shawn Michaels); Rhodes & DiBiase make Michaels with a Ringpost-Wrapped 'Figure 4' Modified Indian Leglock & a '$1,000,000 Dream' Modified Sleeperhold, Respectively & Simultaneously {PSYCHOLOGY: ouch, his Achilles' spine!}; after the match, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers RAW Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton backstage, where chooses to waltz down the socio-path for a bit, inviting the wannabee real announcer to have a seat & ask him his question. . .  his reaction to the huge victory of Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ over D-Generation X's apathetic, he in fact has no reaction, as he knew that they'd win & they did just that; well, as a follow-up, what about- now, hang on there, sport, he said he was gonna ask Randy 1 question & now he's asking a 2nd, so Mathews' 1 of those people who says 1 thing & then does another. . .  just like RAW's John Cena, who claims to be incapable of saying the words "I Quit" {except when he said it back @ No Mercy 2003}, Orton doesn't understand, how can the Doctor of Thuganomics know that he's incapable of saying those words. . .  does Josh want to know how the Legend Killer's gonna make the Chain Gang Commander feel tonight? . . . {Oh, so pretty?}. . .  does Josh wanna know what it's like to have every bone in his body feel like it's about to shatter @ any moment. . .  to have his head bludgeoned to the point of when he's in & out of consciousness. . .  to be assaulted to such a degree, to that he has the power to make it all go away, just by uttering a simple sentence. . . is that what Mathews wants to know? . . . ; well, the RAW Heavyweight champion suggests that the ECWWE commentator watch his match then, because he's going to make Cena say those words that he claims to not be able to say

a video package plays, advertizing Hell in a Cell, live on pay-per-view, October 4th

SMACKDOWN SINGAPORE CANE MATCH: Kane beats the Great Khali with a 'Goozle' 1-Handed Chokeslam {PSYCHOLOGY: yeah, but. . .  oh hell, never mind, my brain hurts now anyway ! I pity poor JR for having to make this match sound awesome!}

backstage, Smackdown's Eve Torres bothers her brand's Heavyweight champion CM Punk, who's been hearing a lot of talk heading into this match, so he's gonna keep this brief. . .  nobody gave the Straight-Edge Superstar a chance going into this match, against the spooky UnderTaker. . .  which's funny, because nobody gave him a chance going into Summerslam against the now-fired-because-of-him Jeff Hardy in that TLC match, but oh look, he's the Heavyweight champion & the Rainbow-Haired Warrior's unemployed, making Punk the 1st-ever Straight-Edge Heavyweight champion; just 3 weeks after the Charismatic Enigma's gone for good, he goes & does what CM said he would for months ~ it's all there in black & white, you can turn on your TV & see it; nobody's gonna see Punk's mugshot all over the internet, nor will anybody see CM in the headlines for such atrocious behaviour; unlike all the wannabe French derelicts here in Montreal, who pollute their bodies with booze & cigarette smoke ~ the Smackdown Heavyweight champion leads a clean life, which means good things happen to him {yeah, like a jogger dropping dead of a heart attack while jogging, right?} & he knows that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the Strait-Edge lifestyle can beat the power of the UnderTaker; he's not scared of anything that the Phenom can do &-WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS? . . . oh, it's just Smackdown's Jimmy Wang Yang, who, besides having a clear deathwish for spooking the champion, wants to wish Punk luck in his match tonight; yeah, about that, have some gratuitous beatdown as a sign of the Heavyweight champion's gratitude. . .  so as he was saying, CM's not worried about 'Taker, the Dead Man should be frightened of the Straight-Edge Superstar

before the following match, it's announced that ECWWE General Manager Tiffany had decreed that Ezekiel Jackson & Vladimir Kozlov have been banned from ringside & if they didn't head backstage immediately, William Regal would automatically forfeit his ECWWE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: champion Christian defeats William Regal with 'Kill Switch' Crucifix Faceplant {PSYCHOLOGY: Holy 2nd Match-of-the-Year Candidate, Batman!}

1996 WWE Hall of Famer Patt Patterson ambles down to the ring, where he bilingually thanks the Montreal WWE Universe members, then proclaims that it's not too bad for a kid who started wrestling in 1958, to go on to be known all over the world as the 1st-ever Intercontinental champion; this is why tonight, he's proud to introduce- Smackdown's Dolph Ziggler chooses that exact moment to interrupt by sauntering down to the ring, where Patterson exclaims that he doesn't need to shake Ziggler's hand, he knows who the former Spirit Squader is. . .  you know, Patt walked all around Montreal the other day & does Dolph want to know how many people asked about him. . .  nobody; naw, the premiere I-C champ's just joshing the future champ, he's only having fun & they like to have fun in Montreal; Patt'll be honest with Ziggler, he has a great future in WWE, he has a lot of talent & if he's lucky, somewhere down the road, Ziggler can also 1 day become the Intercontinental champion; after wishing Dolph luck, Patterson gets a dose of incredulity from the younger man, who asks when WWE was taken over by senior citizens {I hope WWE Owner Vince McMahon didn't hear that!}. . .  if Patt's here, then who's @ home watching reruns of "The Golden Girls"? . . .  was Wilfred Brimley unable to make it tonight? . . . does the retirement home know Patt snuck out? . . .  naw, Dolph's just having some fun, as a matter of fact, until Ziggler saw him come down to the ring tonight, he thought Patterson was dead. . .  but now that the former Spirit Squader's seen the premiere I-C champion in person, he has to admit that Patt looks like $1,000,000. . .  even his hair piece looks real; c'mon, how can they be wasting valuable pay-per-view time on some old fossil who nobody cares about, or even remembers; naw, naw, Dolph's just playing around again, Patt ~ he was the 1st-ever Intercontinental champion, but what, was that back in the 1800s against Abraham Lincoln? . . .  hey, still kidding, Patt ol' buddy, as far as Ziggler's concerned, he's a good guy. . .  no, strike that, he's a great guy. . .  no, even better than that, he's a helluva guy. . .  but you know what, Dolph knows what Patterson is, he's a coward & he's gonna get a boot dans le croissant-basket for his troubles, leaving the WWE Hall of Famer laying on the mat humiliated; before Dolph can take too much more liberties with Patterson, Smackdown Intercontinental champion John Morrison Ain't No Make Believes to the rescue, sending the former Spirit Squader sauntering backstage again, apparently nonplussed about both the reaction he's getting & the fact that, for some reason, he's not getting his I-C title match on tonight's pay-per-view

"I QUIT", RAW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: John Cena makes champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton Submit with an 'STFU' Modified "Submission Through Fear" Stepover Toehold Facelock {PSYCHOLOGY: with the chain from Randy's handcuffs stretched across Orton's own throat!}

MAIN EVENT, SUBMISSION, SMACKDOWN HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: the UnderTaker makes champion CM Punk Submit with a 'Devil's Gate' Figure 4 Chokehold {PSYCHOLOGY: 2 new champions, I'm actually legitimately surprised!}; after the match, though, General Manager Theodore R. Long holla-holla-hollas out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where he reminds us that the move 'Taker used was banned several months ago by then-GM Vicki Guerrero & it remained that way, so therefore this match must resume, where champion CM Punk makes the Dead Man Submit with an 'Anaconda Vice' Arm Trap Triangle Choke {PSYCHOLOGY: in a relatively accurate re-enactment of the Montreal Screwjob}; after the match, which ended much too quickly & familiarly, Long stands on the ring entrance ramp stage, while the referee bids a hasty retreat & the Phenom Bret Harts about what the hell happened?

HIGHLIGHTS: during their interview with ECWWE's Josh Mathews, I happened to notice what looked like a hearing aide in RAW's Ted DiBiase Junior's right ear, though the internet seems to have no knowledge of his needing any such equipment; was it just me, or did RAW's Mike "The Miz" Mizanin look like he had a Juggalo logo on the front of his tights? . . . ; during RAW's Submissions-Count-Anywhere match, HHH had Cody Rhodes threaded through a steel chair in a Boston Crab, then 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels grabs the Lega¢¥ member in a Cobra Clutch-type move, until Ted DiBiase Junior broke it up a few seconds later; while I did notice that Smackdown announcer Michael Cole did have a blue striped tie & matching shirt, I also noted that ECWWE's Josh Mathews had followed suit, by wearing a mauve striped tie & shirt combo; during the ECWWE title match, William Regal laid champion Christian out with a 'Regal-Plex' Bridging Leg Hook Belly-To-Back Suplex, which blew my mind; during the introductions for the RAW Heavyweight title match, the DVR broadcasting the pay-per-view decided it was gonna shut off due to inactivity {even though it's been "active" for the previous 2 hours, broadcasting the event!}; the notable signs of the night {even though there were actually few & far-between of any noteworthiness}: "The Voices Say 'Quit'!". . .