*PLEASE NOTE*
The following wrestling show write-up bears no necessary mirror to reality, as some tag team & finisher names have been fabricated by the author for mostly-self-entertainment purposes.

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07/26/09 on PAY-PER-VIEW from the Wachovia Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; now in WWE~HD

RAW commentating by 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole
ECWWE commentating by Josh Mathews & Slammy-Award Winning Matt Striker
Smackdown commentating by 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & Slammy-Award Winning Todd Grisham

before the following match, WWE Unified Tag Team champion Chris Jericho saunters to the ring, where he states that, before he introduces his new partner, he plays a video package showing what happened to his old partner, Edge; it was wrong for the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions to choose the Rated-R Superstar as his partner, because he was injury-prone & selfish to get hurt while they were the WWE Unified Tag Team champions. . .  what about Y2J {wait, is Raven his mystery partner?!}, what about what the Conniving Canuck did to him, leaving him without a partner; well, that's all over now, as he's chosen somebody who's worthy to be a champion, to hold these titles & worthy to stand next to the Ayatollah of Rock Rollah in the following WWE UNIFIED TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: RAW's Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ (Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior) versus champions Worst Case Scenario (the Big Show & Chris Jericho); TBS makes DiBiase Submit with a 'Colossal Clutch' Cobra Clutch Backbreaker {PSYCHOLOGY: nice, so the former WCW Giant just gets handed a belt, that sounds like a wonderful idea. . .}

backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers Smackdown Heavyweight champion CM Punk, who doesn't want to answer any questions, but instead asks the WWE Universe if they're still behind Jeff Hardy, even after all of things that he's told them; snatching Josh's mic, the Straight-Edge Superstar mingles with the unwashed heathens, where he proclaims that they're all still gonna support a man who, for all intents & purposes, can't support himself; so, if anybody in the WWE Universe has on a Rainbow-Haired Warrior t-shirt, or 1 of those diabolical Charismatic Enigma lycra armbands {diabolical?!}, then the Heavyweight champion wants them to stand up, he wants them to stand up & let the world know; the truth's that he doesn't blame the members of the WWE Universe, he blame their parents ~ scratch that, he clearly means parent, as each "winning-handicapped" WWE Universe member who follows the Rainbow-Haired Enigma, must be from a single-parent family, just like the Charismatic Warrior himself ~ their parents are so concerned that they get enough love, that they acquiesce to their kids' every desire; Punk hates to tell them that this doesn't make the Philadelphia WWE Universers bad parents, it makes them enablers, as the fact that they allow their kids to look up to a guy like the Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior, means that they don't really give a damn what happens to the kids in the 1st place; Punk doesn't blame anybody in the WWE Universe who follows Jeff Hardy, if they're younger than 17, because they're young & impressionable. . .  it's the parents who he blames, for not sitting their children down & teaching them the proper way to live; it starts with a Rainbow-Haired Warrior t-shirt. . .  then they're smoking a pack of cigarettes. . .  then drinking a bottle of beer. . .  then it's on to gateway drugs to heavy stuff like marijuana & the fact that the congregated WWE Universe's cheering that's all the proof that the Straight-Edge Superstar needs to declare that he's telling the truth; so how about some old-fashioned street drugs. . .  the next thing you know, they're rummaging through mom's medicine cabinet, looking for her prescription medications {yeah, keep those kids away from the horse placenta!}; all of this can be stopped before it's too late, all the parents have to do's sit their kids down & say the words that'll make all the difference in their lives; for weeks, Punk's been telling the Smackdown Universe to just say no, but tonight, he thinks the WWE Universe should just say yes. . .  to the future of a straight-edge, drug-free America. . .  to the winner of tonight's Smackdown Heavyweight championship match

ECWWE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Christian pins champion "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer with 'Kill Switch' Crucifix Faceplant {PSYCHOLOGY: not since 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels defeated the British Bulldog in England for the European title. . . !}; after the match, Dreamer & Captain Charisma embrace, making me wonder why they put a babyface-versus-babyface match after a tarheel-versus-tarheel Tag Team match

a video package plays, advertizing Summerslam, live on pay-per-view, August 23rd

backstage, Smackdown's Todd Grisham bothers WWE Unified Tag Team champions Chris Jericho & the Big Show, the latter clarifying that they don't have to be friends to be champs, it's about business; for Y2J, the best business decision was to pick TBS as his partner, he's a monster {no, that's Abyss, actually}, he's a war machine {no, that's Rhino. . . man is the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions sending out a lot of props for Total NonStop Action Wrestling, or what!}, he's the biggest man in this business & he's Jericho's partner ~ they're gonna be the most dominant Tag Team in WWE history, moreso than the Hart Foundation, the British Bulldogs, the Road Warriors, all of them ~ in short, better & greater than any 2 men who have ever teamed, period; this team's about strength, size, agility & intelligence, the former WCW Giant points out that there's more tan 40 championships between them, therefore he agrees with the assessment of the King of My World, they're gonna be the most dominant Tag Team in history, which's just smart business & it's all business, except for. . .  1 slight thing; the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah thanks Edge for making this all possible, then both men walk off with big cat-who-ate-the-canary grins in their faces

"6-PACK CHALLENGE" 6-MAN, RAW UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: "All-American American" Jack Swagger versus Carlito Caribbean Cool versus Mike "The Miz" Mizanin versus Primo Colon versus champion Kofi Kingston versus Montell Vontavius Porter; Kofi beats 3C with a 'Trouble in Paradise' Xuanfengjiao Tornado Kick {PSYCHOLOGY: is it just me, or does this match make it look like the WWE's gonna be treating the U.S. title like TNA treats their X Division title?}

backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers RAW Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, who stars off by saying that what happened to Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior earlier in the night was unfair, who could've predicted that the Big Show would team up with Chris Jericho to defend the WWE Unified Tag Team titles; if this was singles competition, he'd beat HHH or John Cena, but you can't predict the outcome of a Triple Threat match; Orton could lose his title without even being the man pinned, but Randy's counting on the egos of his opponents to cancel each other out {just like the Game did, in his Triple Threat match against Chris Benoit & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, for the Cerebral Assassin's RAW Heavyweight title @ WrestleMania 20. . .  & we all know how that match turned out!} which means, Randy wins; maybe 1 day, the WWE Universe will stop disrespecting him, give him a standing ovation like they do for the King of Kings, or cheer him like they do for the Doctor of Thuganomics. . .  but until then, the Legend Killer'll be the RAW Heavyweight champion

SMACKDOWN WOMEN'S TITLE MATCH: champion Michelle McCool beats Melina Perez with a Cradling Pinfall {PSYCHOLOGY: by the skin of her teeth, look for Melina to take it back @ Summerslam!}

NO DISQUALIFICATION, TRIPLE THREAT, RAW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton versus HHH versus John Cena; Orton defeats Cena with an 'RKO' Modified Ace Crusher {PSYCHOLOGY: not even close to the main event!}

backstage, RAW's Mike "The Miz" Mizanin saunters up to Divas champion Maryse Ouellet, stating that he can't wait to see her in action later tonight, which prompts the Quebecois Cutie to insinuate that maybe, later tonight, she might show him some more of her moves. . .  but actually no, as she doesn't go out with losers who don't win United States championships; well, that's the last straw, as Mizanin gives the Divas champion a reality check {no, not his finisher, but that would've been sweet!}, he's the Miz & he can get any girl he wants, so why the hell's he messing around with Ouellet; he helped her get some revenge on Mickie James, allowing Maryse to spray her in the face with her perfume or whatever it was & what did he get out of it, nothing ~ she's not a champion, she's a tease & 1 day, she's gonna lose that belt & then she's gonna beg to be begging Mike to take her back, but she's butchered her chance @ him, just like she butchers the English language everytime she opens her mouth; Chilli from TLC's seen sitting @ ringside for the following RAW DIVAS TITLE MATCH: Mickie James beats champion Maryse Ouellet with a 'Laree-DT' Implant DDT {PSYCHOLOGY: the 2nd Diva in WWE history to hold both the Divas & Women's titles. . .  which, of course, means almost nothing!}

backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers RAW's Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior, who can't stand how people harp on the negative. . .  sure, they're not the WWE Unified Tag Team champions. . .  yet. . .  but "Legend Killer" Randy Orton's still the RAW Heavyweight champion. . .  though more importantly, John Cena & HHH lost & because of that, Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ have a tremendous sense of accomplishment, step by step they're cementing their Lega¢¥

SMACKDOWN INTERCONTINTENTAL TITLE MATCH: champion Rey Mysterio Junior beats Dolph Ziggler with an 'El Colibri' Springboard Splash {PSYCHOLOGY: but what a match, look for these 2 to square off again in the near future!}

WWE Home Video presents "Allied Powers: The World's Greatest Tag Teams", a 3-disc set, available now @ all major DVD retailers & @ www.WWEShop.com

MAIN EVENT, SMACKDOWN HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Jeff Hardy defeats champion CM Punk with a 'Swanton' Arching Centon Bomb {PSYCHOLOGY: well, considering that Edge's effectively out of that title picture almost indefinitely & the Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior's making good bank for WWE, it was a bit of a no-brainer. . .  but I do hope that John Morrison makes his way to the main event soon!}

HIGHLIGHTS: when coming out for the WWE Unified Tag Team match, the Big Show was wearing a blue & black singlet, similar to that of "Mister Perfect" Kurt Hennig; here's a disturbing realization that I made during Smackdown Heavyweight champion CM Punk's mic spot. . .  had he been wearing a thong, the belt would've made it look like he wasn't wearing any pants @ all, just from the way it draped all the way down to the groinal area {you're welcome!}; during the ring entrances of the 6-Pack Challenge, WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler postulated that Mike "The Miz" Mizanin was given the key to the city of Cleveland, but the next day, the mayor changed the locks ~ classic! . . . ; during her ring entrance for the Smackdown Women's title match, Melina Perez regretted her oft-enjoyed split-legged thingie, because champion Michelle McMool did a baseball sliding dropkick into her, dropping Melina to the mats outside the ring; when was it announced that the Triple Threat, RAW Heavyweight title match was No Disqualification? . . . & why the frak do wrestlers always go for the RAW or Smackdown tables to crash through, when the ECWWE table's just sitting there, being almost completely unused? . . . I mean, Matt Striker was just sitting there, enjoying the show, after all, so why not splinter his wood; also during the Triple Threat match, HHH had "Legend Killer" Randy Orton in a 'Sharpshooter' Standing Modified Indian Leglock, then John Cena put the top ½ of the RAW Heavyweight champion into a partial 'STFU' Modified "Submission Through Fear" Stepover Toehold Facelock, making the referee almost call for the bell when Orton tapped out, but who exactly he tapped out to was in debate, so the match continued; during the Smackdown Intercontinental title match, Dolph Ziggler delivered an amazing top-rope gutbuster onto champion Rey Mysterio Junior, but sadly it didn't lead to a win; during the Smackdown Heavyweight title match, I noticed that champion CM Punk had "SEOG" written on his wrist tape; the Thrill Ride with a Pulse, known as Jeff Hardy? . . .  let's see how long that 1 lasts; after the main event match, somebody threw some action figures into the ring, which was. . .  well, amusing, I suppose. . . ; the notable signs of the night: "All Rhodes Lead to Gold". . .  "Jericho's my Sponsor". . .  "Lega¢¥, the Standard of Losers". . .  "Die Cena Die" {a sign of things to come? . . . even though Rocky Maivia wasn't as over as the Chain Gang Commander is right now, when the "Die Rocky Die" signs started appearing}. . .  "Randy Orton Sucks" {but because of the lighting, it looked more like "Randy Often Sucks", which I thought was hilarious!}. . .  "Give 'Em Hell, Johnny" {with a picture of Peter Griffin from "Family Guy" wearing a John Cena t-shirt}. . .