*PLEASE NOTE*
The following wrestling show write-up bears no necessary mirror to reality, as some tag team & finisher names have been fabricated by the author for mostly-self-entertainment purposes.
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06/28/09 on PAY-PER-VIEW from the ARCO Arena in Sacramento, California; now in
WWE~HD
RAW commentating by 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole
ECWWE commentating by Josh Mathews & Slammy-Award Winning Matt Striker
Smackdown commentating by 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & Slammy-Award Winning Todd Grisham
20-MINUTE TIME LIMIT, "CHAMPIONSHIP SCRAMBLE" 5-MAN, ECWWE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: the 1st entrants, Christian & "All-American American" Jack Swagger; the 3rd man in, Fit Finlay; Swagger pins the Tough Irish Bastard with an Eye Gouge; the 4th entrant, "Innovator of Extreme" Tommy Dreamer; Finlay beats the All-American American with a 'Celtic Cross' Cradling Reverse Piledriver; the 5th & final participant, "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry, who defeats Dreamer with a 'World's Strongest Slam' Fallforward Slam; Jack pins Mark a Reverse Splash; Tommy beats Captain Charisma with a 'TD Innovation' Implant DDT Before Time Runs Out {PSYCHOLOGY: awesome ~ too bad I was out getting a refill on my drink & officially missed it!}
in the Smackdown General Manager's office, Theodore R. Long gets bothered by Edge, who demands that, since WWE Owner Vince McMahon out him on probation on Friday, he should think outside the box & make their brand's Heavyweight title match a Triple Threat, including the Rated-R Superstar, since it's a crime that the Conniving Canuck's not on this pay-per-view; after Teddy refused & then rubbed salt in the wound by proclaiming that maybe Edge shouldn't've divorced former RAW General Manager Vickie Guerrero, because maybe Mamacita Heat could've helped him, because Long ain't quite so inclined; well, the Rated-R Superstar strongly suggests that Teddy reconsiders, or he may find himself having his employment status in common with his ex-wife; TITLE-VERSUS-MASK, SMACKDOWN INTERCONTINTENTAL TITLE MATCH: Rey Mysterio Junior beats champion Chris Jericho with an 'El Colibri' Springboard Splash {PSYCHOLOGY: only a 1 month title reign? . . .}; after the match, back in the Smackdown General Manager's office, Theodore R. Long gets some Y2J all up in his grill, with the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah demanding his title rematch tonight; well, it's a good thing that Teddy never remained GM for 5 years by acquiescing to every Superstar's demands, dismissing the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions, who declares that when, not if, Long changes his mind, he knows where to find the King of My World
a video package plays, advertizing Summerslam, live on pay-per-view, August 23rd
SMACKDOWN NO DISQUALIFICATION / NO COUNTOUT MATCH: Dolph Ziggler defeats the Great Khali with a Kane-Applied Steel Chair Assault {PSYCHOLOGY: ouchies, looks like the Bald Red Machine didn't like what he read in this year's PWI Report Card!}
in the Smackdown General Manager's office, Theodore R. Long once again entertains WWE Owner Vince McMahon, who was just on his way to apologize for putting him on probation Friday, but then Vinnie-Mac heard what Long said to Chris Jericho, about having been the longest-reigning GM in WWE history & he's accomplished. . . absolutely nothing; his predecessors ~ Eric Bischoff, Paul Heyman, William Regal & even Mike Adamle ~ all brought something to the table, they were all leaders. . . but when the McMahonopolizer thinks about Teddy's leadership skills. . . well, let's just say that, if the WWE Owner were to find himself in a foxhole with the former WWE manager-nee-referee-nee-WCW manager-nee-referee, then out of sheer boredom & depression, he'd shoot himself; the only thing that Long has going for him's that ridiculous dance he does & even then, the MacMilitant has no rhythm. . . so, as opposed to what those stuff-smoking dildos in charge of the Newfoundland wrestling scene must've been thinking since 1996, Vince isn't gonna be rewarding Teddy for Just-Not-Stopping, but rather for getting ahead; before the following match, Long holla-holla-hollas out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where he declares that this will now be a RAW VERSUS SMACKDOWN, TRIPLE THREAT, WWE UNIFIED TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: champions Dos Colons (Carlito Caribbean Cool & Primo Colon) versus RAW's Rhodes to Riches (Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior) versus Smackdown's Team Ego (Edge & Chris Jericho); the Rated-R Superstar pins 3C with a 'Spear' Charging Shouldertackle {PSYCHOLOGY: JOY!!!}; after the break, RAW Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton tells DiBiase & Rhodes not to worry about what just happened, as all that matters is keeping his belt anyway; well, dem's mouthing-off-@-his-leader words, as Ted goes off about how Randy doesn't care about anything that they want, he's just concerned about his own selfish needs & his 3 Stages of Hell match, he let Orton off with kicking him in the head all those months ago because DiBiase figured he'd be hitching his wagon to a winning team; starting to look like he's made a mistake, blurts the Legend Killer, which sends ½ of Rhodes to Riches storming off, with Rhodes in pursuit
a video package plays, advertizing Night of Champions, live on pay-per-view, July 26th in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
SMACKDOWN WOMEN'S TITLE MATCH: Michelle McCool beats champion Melina Perez with a 'Faith Breaker' Piledriving Faceplant {PSYCHOLOGY: so let me get this straight. . . Michelle's taken Legends champion "Phenomenal" AJ Styles' finisher, while Melina's taken "Maple Leaf Muscle" Petey Williams' finisher. . .}
SMACKDOWN HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Jeff Hardy defeats champion CM Punk via Disqualification After the Straight-Edge Superstar Deliberately Kicks the Referee {PSYCHOLOGY: 1 of these days, WWE's gonna have to give us a clean victory, 1 way or the other! . . .}; after the match, while the Heavyweight champion sells his supposedly-injured eye, the Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior goes postal & drags Punk back to the ring for some most severe comeuppance
in the Smackdown General Manager's office, Theodore R. Long entertains former WWE Unified Tag Team champions Dos Colons in their incredulity @ his adding Smackdown's Chris Jericho & Edge to the title match, but Teddy wasn't about to stand around & get fired, so he had to do something to spice things up & impress WWE Owner Vince McMahon, now get-ta-steppin'
backstage, RAW Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton grabs his phone & calls Cody Rhodes, leaving him a voicemail for his lackey- err, trusted partner to call him
a video package plays, showing highlights of a block party to celebrate the Bas, featuring Rev Theory & Ardelita's Way performing their WWE-specific songs; meanwhile, back in the arena, guess which 2 bands are seen sitting in the audience for the following RAW GRUDGE MATCH: John Cena makes Mike "The Miz" Mizanin Submit with an 'STFU' "Submission Through Fear" Stepover Toehold Facelock {PSYCHOLOGY: naturally!}
MAIN EVENT, "3 STAGES of HELL" RAW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton beats HHH via Disqualification after the Game Bashes the Legend Killer with a Steel Chair, which leads to the FALLS-COUNT-ANYWHERE MATCH: the Cerebral Assassin pins Orton with a 'Pedigree' Double Underhook Faceplant, which leads to the STRETCHER MATCH: Randy defeats the King of Kings by Dragging Him Across the Yellow Line on a Stretcher {PSYCHOLOGY: this latter with some rather heavy assistance from Rhodes to Riches}; after the match, as the Legend Killer stands on the ring entrance ramp stage, holding his belt proudly aloft, he gets the sneaking suspicion that there's a HHH standing behind him with a sledgehammer. . . & what do you know, there was, as the Game bashes Orton upside the melon with Ol' Sledgy; a nostalgic crotch chop later & the Cerebral Assassin was heading backstage to lick his wounds
HIGHLIGHTS: just like last time, we experienced some technical difficulties during the Smackdown Intercontinental title match, causing us to miss considerably less this time around, only about 3 minutes' worth of the overall event; before the Smackdown Women's title match started, I happened to notice that **** a bit nipply, according to Michelle McCool's top. . . but then she pretty much made me forget about that, when the Future Ex Missus Layfield had Melina Perez tied up in a torture rack type move, until 1 of Melina's feet was touching the back of her head; the notable signs of the night: "This Guy's a Phony". . . "Punk Isn't Hardy Enough"