*PLEASE NOTE*
The following wrestling show write-up bears no necessary mirror to reality, as some tag team & finisher names have been fabricated by the author for mostly-self-entertainment purposes.

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R ~ A ~ W

12/22/08 originating on USA Network {in the United States} & simulcast on the Score {in Canada}

commentating by WWE Hall-of-Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole

from the Air Canada Centre in Toronto, Ontario; now in WWE~HD

backstage, Santino Marella & Women's champion "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix stand adorned in Yuletide acumen, with the former stating that the WWE Universe've done nothing but show him misrespect over the past 12 months ~ they laughed when he lost his Intercontinental title & giggled when he injured his. . .  scrotal region. . .  so now he has a secret, 1 that he wants all the children to pay attention to, regarding Santa Claus ~ you see, he- here comes Heavyweight champion John Cena, declaring that the big secret's that the Milan Miracle's still sore that Saint Nicholas never got him that pink Barbie Dream House with matching car, how dare you, sir; you knows, jou gots a big mouth John Chaina & nothing would give Santino more pleasure than to shut it, so why not go get himself a partner so he can take on Glamarella; well, there's Goldust. . .  no, Marella meant anybody with ovaries; oh & he forgot to mention, when Glamarella wins, Santino's gonna tell the deep dark secret of Santa Claus

before the following match, Kane pyros to the ring & informs the WWE Universe that ECW Owner Stephanie McMahon ordered him to publicly apologize for the offense he issued to Kelly Kelly last week. . .  so he saunters up to K² & apologizes, but he demands that she should likewise apologize to him, since she led him on, then lied to him when she said she was in love with ECWWE's Mike "The Miz" Mizanin & she'll never see her comeuppance coming; #1 CONTENDERSHIP;, "RACE To The RUMBLE" SINGLE-ELIMINATION TOURNAMENT, RAW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels pins the Bald Red Machine with a 'Sweet Chin Music' Superkick {PSYCHOLOGY: we're off to a good start!}; a video package plays, hyping the Royal Rumble, live on pay-per-view January 25th

a video package plays, showing Kofi Kingston wishing a happy holiday season to his family back home in Jamaica, all his people in the homeland & to all the WWE Universe; Kingston beats Manu with a 'School Boy' Cradling Pinfall {PSYCHOLOGY: boom boom boom!}

backstage, Heavyweight champion John Cena's seen chatting with Kelly Kelly, possibly getting a Tag Team partner for his match against Glamarella later tonight? . . .

in the backstage area, Sim Snuka states that, as a fellow 2nd-Generation Superstar, he could really make a difference as a member of the group that "Legend Killer" Randy Orton's gotten collected; in walk Cody Rhodes & his burly man-friend Manu, prompting Randy to ask Snuka to come back later, maybe there's gonna be an opening in their exclusive group after all. . .

a video package plays, showing RAW's 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels & Smackdown's HHH classically shilling the new D-Generation X Basketball Jersey, Hooded Sweatshirt, the new Smackdown Versus RAW 2009 {which features D-X on the cover} & of course, the new Elimination Chamber playset {ouch, sorry Shawn. . . !} ~ such great holiday present ideas, all available @ http://www.WWEShop.com ~ but when all the craziness & gift-giving's done, you have to spend time with your family {especially your in-laws. . .  & nobody wants that! . . .} so just find a nice quiet room, sit down in front of a TV & watch the new 3-disc "History of the Intercontinental Championship", where you can see the highlights of HBK's 3 title reigns. . .  & while they're @ it, then can enjoy the Game's 5 title reigns. . .  yeah, whatever, so anyway, they could also enjoy "Summerslam: the Complete Anthology", 1998-2002, then can enjoy it all. . .  or 1988-2007, brainiac; well, y'know what the Showstopper remembers most of Summerslam, in 2002, after years of doing nothing but experiencing crippling back surgery, he beat the Cerebral Assassin. . .  well, y'know what the King of Kings remembers, the HeartBreak Kid still had hair then; well, dem's fightin' words, as Shawn & HHH start play-brawling while they continue hyping http://www.WWEShop.com; backstage, CM Punk & Michaels are chatting amicably, when the Game walks in, giving the Straight-Edge Superstar his oh-so-subtle cue to leave so that the D-Generation Xers can chat; the HeartBreak Kid's been avoiding the Cerebral Assassin's calls, the Showstopper knew he could come to the King of Kings for financial support, but Shawn couldn't have that money burden hang over their friendship, he has to do this his way, he doesn't want anybody's help, Michaels knows what he's doing

before the following Divas Tag Team match, Jillian Hall "rewards" us with a rendition of a Christmas carol in a British accent, in deference to her partner, Layla El, while RAW Intercontinental champion William Regal looks on; RAW DIVAS TAG TEAM MATCH: Bangers & Mash (Jillian Hall & Layla El) versus the Wild Cats (Melina Perez & Mickie James); Perez defeats Hall with a 'Last Call' Flipping Sitout Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: flying boobies!!}

#1 CONTENDERSHIP;, "RACE To The RUMBLE" SINGLE-ELIMINATION TOURNAMENT, RAW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: John Brad$haw Layfield beats Rey Mysterio Junior via Disqualification After 2016 WEW Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels Struck JBL On The Outside of The Ring {PSYCHOLOGY: hmm. . . !}

a video package plays, showing Ken Kennedy talking about his part in "Behind Enemy Lines ~ Colombia" & how much fun it was filming the movie

#1 CONTENDERSHIP, "RACE To The RUMBLE" SINGLE-ELIMINATION TOURNAMENT, RAW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: "Legend Killer" Randy Orton defeats Dave "The Animal" Batista via Forfeit After Batista's Unable To Participate in The Match {PSYCHOLOGY: seemed like a big to-do, just to advance Orton into the Fatal 4-Way Match}; after the "match", the Legend Killer pompously proclaims that, while it was an awesome accomplishment being the youngest Heavyweight champion in WWE history, the most gratifying thing he's done in his career so far's been booting the Animal's skull last week; 4 years ago, he won his 1st Heavyweight title, in this very arena, but the following night, Batista, along with his fellow Evolution members HHH & 2007 WWE Hall of Famer "Nature Boy" Ric Flair, dropped him onto the mat, out of jealousy of his success, so Randy's been waiting to kick Dave's head in for those 4 long years; he's had the same dream every night for those 4 years & last week, Christmas came early & he was able to make that dream come true; how does it feel when the Animal knows he won't be facing the Heavyweight champion @ the Royal Rumble, he's right back where he started, taking a backseat to the Legend Killer; Batista did it o himself, he had his time, but that's over now, the next time the WWE Universe sees Orton, he'll be the Heavyweight champion

backstage, Dolph Ziggler introduces himself to Kelly Kelly, who then naturally goes back to preparing herself in a mirror; in walks ECWWE's John Morrison & Mike "The Miz" Mizanin, the latter thanking K² for the 'Goozle' Chokeslam last week @ the hands of Kane, he knew they had problems when she was an ECWWE Tuesday Nitro Girl, but he had no idea she was so vengeful; well, she's sorry, but she really has to get ready for her Mixed Tag Team match with Heavyweight champion John Cena later tonight, so. . .  well, good luck keeping her mind on her match, since the Miz & Morrison heard a nasty rumour that 1 of the Superstar's rooms were trashed, stuff stolen, passports missing. . .  gosh, they sure hope it wasn't her room, but hey, whatever. . .

#1 CONTENDERSHIP; "RACE To The RUMBLE" SINGLE-ELIMINATION TOURNAMENT, RAW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Chris Jericho pins CM Punk with a 'Codebreaker' Cradling Falling Double-Kneestrike {PSYCHOLOGY: which pits, curiously enough, 3 heels ~ John Brad$haw Layfield, "Legend Killer" Randy Orton & Y2J ~ & 1 babyface ~ 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels ~ in the Fatal 4-Way match next week, to determine the #1 Contender for John Cena's Heavyweight title}; speaking of whom, ECWWE's Todd Grisham bothers Kelly Kelly backstage, asking her where she's going, since she has that important Mixed Tag Team match coming up next, but she's already spoken with the Chain Gang Commander & he understands that she has to go take care of all her stolen stuff from her ransacked room; before the following match, Santino Marella calls attention to a young lady in the audience, Rosa Mendez, who, despite having a large "Glamazon" sign, is obviously the world's largest fan of the Milan Miracle, but in fact that would be his girlfriend, Women's champion "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix, so Mendez's clearly his 2nd-largest fan. . .  but being 2nd isn't so bad, as Canada's 2nd to the United States in pretty much everything, but they're both behind Italy, but that's besides the point; earlier tonight, he promised to reveal the dreaded secret about Santa Claus, even though he was gonna tell it after beating Heavyweight champion John Cena & the Diva of his choice, but why wait, the secret is- awww, sun-da-ma-gun, here comes the Doctor of Thuganomics, who found out that Old Saint Nick's actually in the ACC tonight, he drank some milk, had some cookies & granted the Heavyweight champion a very special Christmas Wish, a partner for the following MAIN EVENT, MIXED TAG TEAM MATCH: Glamarella (Marella & the Glamazon) versus Nice Tans (Cena & Trish Stratus); John beats Santino with an 'FU' Fireman's Slam {PSYCHOLOGY: finally, Cena gets an arena full of fans behind him!}

12/23/08 originating on the Sci-Fi Network {in the United States} & rebroadcast on Global {in Canada} the following Friday, late-night

2008 Slammy-Award-Winning commentating by Matt Striker & Todd Grisham

no matches, this show was merely a Year-End rundown of the key moments of ECWWE in 2008

¤ CM Punk defeats John Morrison for the ECWWE Heavyweight title, then loses it to Chavo Guerrero Junior. . .

¤ the Straight-Edge Superstar wins the Money-in-The-Bank #1 Contendership Ladder Match @ WrestleMania 24, which he cashed in to defeat the recently-Smackdown-drafted Edge to become the new RAW Heavyweight champion. . .

¤ Kane wins the 24-Man Battle Royal @ WrestleMania 24 for the #1 Contendership of the ECWWE Heavyweight title, then went on to trounce champion Chavito Heat in an amazing 8 seconds, but then loses the title to "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry in a Triple Threat match which also featured the Big Show @ the Night of Champions, then gets a brand-spankin' new silver belt with a fiery phoenix on it. . .

¤ Altered Reality, the team of John Morrison & Mike "The Miz" Mizanin, went from being the Smackdown Tag Team champions, to the Slammy-Award-Winning hosts of the http://www.WWE.com Exclusive "Dirt Sheet", to beating RAW's Cryme Tyme @ Cyber Sunday {wow, that was only 2 months ago?!}, to becoming the RAW Tag Team champions. . .

¤ Matt Hardy goes from being a Tag Team specialist with his brother Jeff, to the Smackdown Tag Team co-champion with Montell Vontavius Porter, to getting revenge on MVP in the Money-In-The-Bank match @ WrestleMania 24, to defeating Porter for the Smackdown United States title, to winning the ECWWE Heavyweight championship in the Championship Scramble against Fit Finlay, Chavo Guerrero Junior, Mike "The Miz" Mizanin & then-champion "World's Strongest Champion" Mark Henry @ Unforgiven. . .

¤ the WWE debut of Evan Bourne, the highest-flying Superstar since. . .  well, Rey Mysterio Junior, or Billy Kidman, or CM Punk, or. . .  he also won the right the face ECWWE Heavyweight champion Matt Hardy @ Cyber Sunday in what's been lauded as the Match of the Year. . .  & let's not forget that Bourne's 'Air Bourne' 450° Shooting Star Press won a Slammy Award last month!

¤ WWE's Tribute to the Troops, the annual tradition, where Superstars from RAW, ECWWE & Smackdown make the trip to Iraq to put off a free show for the troops, in appreciation for their many sacrifices

¤ other great WWE Superstars who've been added to the ECWWE Roster due to the Superstar Initiative introduced by General Manager Theodore R. Long, including Kofi Kingston {now drafted to RAW}, Ricky Ortiz, DJ Gabriel & "All-American American" Jack Swagger

¤ the post-match exclusive of when ECWWE Heavyweight champion Matt Hardy came out to give his brother, new Smackdown Heavyweight champion Jeff Hardy, some much-deserved props for defeating champion HHH & Edge in a Triple Threat match @ Armageddon

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S ~ M ~ A ~ C ~ K ~ D ~ O ~ W ~ N

12/26/08 originating on MyNetworkTV {in the United States} & on The SCORE {in Canada}

commentating by Tazz & 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross

from the Air Canada Centre in Toronto, Ontario; now in WWE~HD

HHH Motorheads to the ring, where he proclaims that there are certain things in life that you just don't do ~ you don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't spit in the wind, you don't pull the mask off the Ol' Lone Ranger & you don't mess around with the Game when he's defending his Heavyweight title, like Vladimir Kozlov did; there's a price to pay & his sledgehammer's how he'll collect; last week, the Cerebral Assassin almost got the Moscow Mauler, but Kozlov managed to eke out of the encounter without the severe tanning that his arse so sorely needed, so "Almost" doesn't come close to doing it for the King of Kings, he calls Vladimir out so they can finish it right now; instead, here comes ECWWE's Chavo Guerrero Junior, who states that he & General Manager Vickie Guerrero are really sorry that he went & lost his title 2 weeks ago @ Armageddon, but that didn't give HHH the right to assault Kozlov last week, so if the Game ever does that again, then Mamacita Heat will severely punish him ~ not only will he not be in the Royal Rumble match, he'll never compete for the Heavyweight title again, this isn't RAW & the Cerebral Assassin doesn't call the shots; well, the King of Kings understands where she's coming from, but it's just too bad Vickie was too fat to make her way out through that really big door over there. . .  hey, she's on a diet, she could fit now. . .  naw, it ain't that big of a door, Chavito; unlike Vickie, Chavo's really a Guerrero, so how is it that he's now an errand boy or a gopher, he just gets coffee & doughnuts & stuff. . .  well, the Guerreros that HHH knew, if they had anything to say to him, they'd have the guts to come out & tell the Game to his face; naw, naw, even though Chavito Heat's dressed for action, he's not gonna fall into that trap, oh wait, here's the General Manager now, she's not going to allow the Cerebral Assassin to insult her nephew, he's learned from the very best, so get Vickie a referee, they're going to square off right now in the following SMACKDOWN VERSUS ECWWE INTER-PROMOTIONAL MATCH: Smackdown's King of Kings defeats ECWWE's Chavito Heat with a 'Pedigree' Double-Underhook Faceplant {PSYCHOLOGY: after some failed cheating shenanigans from Chavo, where he brought a chair into the ring while the ref was distracted dropped in on the mat & fell down as though struck, but he forgot that all-important BANG! sound that would've caused the official to turn around & see what Guerrero wanted him to see!}

a video pizzackage plays, hyping the pending annizzoying debut of Kizarny, next wizzeek

before the following match, United States champion "Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin proclaims that he's been champ since defeating current ECWWE Heavyweight champion Matt Hardy @ the Great American Bash; SMACKDOWN UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: Benjamin pins Gregory Helms with a 'Paydirt' Leaping Reverse Space Tornado Ogawa {PSYCHOLOGY: 12 WWE Hall of Famers have been champion & the last time that the United States championship changed hands in Canada was in December of 1978, in Toronto, when Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat defeated "Nature Boy" Ric Flair ~ what a great setup for a title change, if it had to have happened!}

a video package plays, showing Heavyweight champion Jeff Hardy promising to drown the Big Show in the screams of his fellow freaks, General Manager Vickie Guerrero doesn't even know the Charismatic Rainbow-Haired Enigmatic Warrior, so how can she be so convinced that he's so bad for WWE

DID YOU KNOW. . . last Friday, more viewers watched Smackdown on MyNetworkTV than both NBA games on ESPN, combined! . . . ; betcha the Bella Twins knew that, as they escort Tag Team champions Dos Colons to the ring for the following match, where Carlito Caribbean Cool beats The Brian Kendrick with a 'Backstabber' Cradling Falling Backbreaker {PSYCHOLOGY: just when I was wondering if he was still calling it the Backstabber, or whether he'd gone back to Backcracker!}

in the General Manager's office, Edge tells Vickie Guerrero that even here, in his own hometown, how much of a disgrace it is that Jeff Hardy's the Heavyweight champion, he's a disgrace to the entire WWE; in walks the Big Show, who thinks it might be a little awkward, but clarifies that their relationship while the Rated-R Superstar was gone was totally business; tonight, when TBS takes out the Charismatic Rainbow-Haired Enigmatic Warrior tonight, he wants his own title shot, which naturally doesn't sit well with the Conniving Canuck

backstage, Divas champion Michelle McCool pals around with Special Guest Referee Maria Kanellis, whose messed up a few things lately, so she'd really appreciate it if the Future Ex Missus Jabroni wouldn't mess this up for the Future Ex Missus Calloway, m'kay?

a video package plays, showing Ken Kennedy's new movie "Behind Enemy Lines ~ Colombia", available January 6th, only on DVD

another video package plays, this 1 hyping the Royal Rumble, live on pay-per-view January 25th

SMACKDOWN DIVAS TITLE MATCH: Maryse Ouellet defeats champion Michelle McCool with a 'French TKO' Roundhouse Kick {PSYCHOLOGY: quelle debacle!!}; after the match, Special Guest Referee Maria Kanellis helps McCool to her feet, then assails the Future Ex Missus Jabroni with great zeal & gusto, cementing her tarheelian status that have been brewing over the past few months

a video package plays, promoting the pending return of Umaga

the Great Khali pins Montell Vontavius Porter with a 'Punjabi Plunge' Standing Chokebomb {PSYCHOLOGY: Hassannnnnnn-CHOP!}; after the match, RAW's Ken Kennedy stomps out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where he asks Justin Roberts to give MVP a mic, so he can critique the preceding match. . .  awww, shucks, he's unconscious, well that's cool, since the Green Bay Gregariate fills in some blanks, impersonating Porter rather well while promoting his upcoming DVD, "Behind Enemy Lines ~ Colombia", but enough about Kennedy, this is about Vontavius, so without further adieu, he'd like to dedicate this portion of the show, brought to you in part- no, in full, by Misterrrrrrrrrrr Kennedy. . .  Ken-Ned-Day!

WWE Home Video presents "Edge ~ a Decade of Decadence", a 3-disc DVD set with over 8 hours of the Rated-R Superstar's greatest matches, available this Tuesday @ all major DVD retailers & http://www.WWEShop.com

Vladimir Kozlov beats Jimmy Wang Yang with a 'Glasnost Nyet' Charging Headbutt to The Chest {PSYCHOLOGY: funny, how I had that typed up while they were recapping the Smackdown Heavyweight match from Armageddon}; after the match, the Moscow Mauler challenges all Superstars from RAW, ECWWE & Smackdown to beware for their own safety, he'll do to everybody else what he just did to the former Jung Dragon member & he'll go on to win the Heavyweight title

backstage, Edge wishes the Big Show luck in his match tonight, but the former WCW Giant says he won't need luck, he's about to go out there & soften up Heavyweight champion Jeff Hardy, so he wants the Rated-R Superstar to watch the match, as maybe he might get a small inkling of what's coming his way after the Conniving Canuck wins back his Heavyweight championship & TBS comes for his title shot

DID YOU KNOW. . . WWE broadcasts in 28 languages in more than 145 nations worldwide; betcha General Manager Vickie Guerrero & Edge knew that, as they sit backstage clarifying that, if the Big Show wins his match tonight, he faces the Rated-R Superstar next week to determine the #1 Contender for Jeff Hardy's title; MAIN EVENT MATCH: Heavyweight champion Jeff Hardy defeats the Big Show via Countout in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: even Smackdown had more matches than iMPACT!, that oughta be sticking in some spot-monkey's craw! . . .}; after the match, ECWWE Heavyweight champion Matt Hardy comes out onto the ring entrance ramp stage to congratulate his brother on his victory; back in the General Manager's office, Edge relaxes a bit, since now he clearly doesn't have to worry about having to wrestle the Big Show next week, but Vickie Guerrero decides instead to make it a Tag Team match, the Rated-R Superstar & the former WCW Giant against Team 2xtreme, which leaves the Conniving Canuck proving his acting chops by looking all flummoxed