*PLEASE NOTE*
The following wrestling show write-up bears no necessary mirror to reality, as some tag team & finisher names have been fabricated by the author for mostly-self-entertainment purposes.
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R ~ A ~ W
12/08/08 originating on USA Network {in the United States} & simulcast on the Score {in Canada}
RAW commentating by WWE Hall-of-Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole, Smackdown commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & Tazz
from the Wachovia Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; now in WWE~HD
presenting the very 1st Slammy award of the night, Tag Team of the Year, Smackdown's Maria Kanellis & Festus Dalton, the nominees being Smackdown Tag Team champions Dos Colons (Carlito Caribbean Cool & Carlos Colon). . . RAW's Pricele$$ (Ted DiBiase Junior & Cody Rhodes). . . ECWWE's Altered Reality (Mike "The Miz" Mizanin & John Morrison). . . RAW's Cryme Tyme (Shad Gaspard & JTG). . . the winners being the Extreme Team, who pompous out onto the ring entrance ramp & greedily accept their award; the Mix demands that 1 of the presenters to kiss his hand, then after arbitrarily dismissing Maria & Festus, Morrison & Mizanin thanks their parents, Chuck Norris, Mister T, Admiral Ackbar & Bababooie -- a lot of people said they couldn't do it, but Altered Reality did it; this prestigious award not only means that they're the greatest team of 2008, but the single bestest team of the 21st Century, because just like in life, there are winners & there are losers, they're the 2008 Tag Team of the Year -- be jealous! . . . ; backstage, Intercontinental champion William Regal & his strumpet Layla El are seen watching the following 2nd ROUND, #1 CONTENDERSHIP, RAW INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE 8-MAN TOURNAMENT MATCH: RAW Tag Team co-champion CM Punk pins ECWWE's John Morrison with a 'Go To Sleep' Falling Kneestrike {PSYCHOLOGY: so the Straight-Edge Superstar moves on to face the winner of the match later tonight, Rey Mysterio Junior versus RAW Tag Team co-champion Kofi Kingston, @ Armageddon -- I love how they're actually treating the I-C title with the prestige that they've long been talking about it having!}
backstage, ECWWE's Todd Grisham bothers RAW Heavyweight champion John Cena, who reads his slogan from his t-shirt, proclaiming that former Heavyweight champion Chris Jericho says these words have no meaning here in WWE; but while the Chain Gang Commander was nursing his broken neck, his dog Lou became a huge fan of RAW & a huge fan of Y2J -- every time he saw the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions came down to the ring, the dog'd. . . clean himself & keep @ it until he started throwing up, which made Cena sick; this caused the Doctor of Thuganomics to ban his dog from watching RAW until Armageddon, which ultimately made no difference @ all; John has no beef with Chris' son, never having met him or intended any turmoil @ home, but didn't it even occur to the King of My World that Jericho Junior wasn't brainwashed by WWE when he started emulating Cena, but instead he'd likely finally come to the conclusion that his own father's become a smug snot-nosed punk who needs his teeth knocked down his throat -- in fact, if Jericho'd been beaten down by 5 guys in that ring last week, then he'd be screaming for the champion to be stripped of his title, interrupting the broadcast for his own selfish ends; but that's not how Cena rolls, he has a Champion versus Champion match against Smackdown Heavyweight champion Edge, it's the Slammys man, he's gonna go celebrate by kicking the **** outta Chris Jericho, no dancing around it or hinting @ the impending violence, he's gonna go do it
presenting the award for the Best Finisher of 2008, RAW's Candice Michelle Beckman & Cryme Tyme's JTG & Shad Gaspard, who debate the best finishers in WWE history -- the 'StoneCold Stunner' Sitout Ace Cutter, the '**** Drop' ??, 'Figure 4' Modified Indian Leglock, the 'Sharpshooter' Standing Indian Leglock -- countless moves like those countlessly catch opponents off-guard; the nominees are the 'Hell's Gate' Figure 4 Chokehold, as used by Smackdown's UnderTaker. . . the 'RKO' Modified Ace Cutter, as used by RAW's "Legend Killer" Randy Orton. . . the 'Air Bourne' 450° Shooting Star Press, as used by ECWWE's Evan Bourne. . . the 'Knockout' Straight Punch, as used by Smackdown's Big Show. . . & the award goes to. . . where's the Slammy, as Cryme Tyme try to steal it, but after the surprisingly-crafty Candice gets it away from the sticky-fingered duo, awards it to Bourne, who unfortunately can't be here to accept it, so naturally Mike Knox angers out to lay claim to it; Orton then saunters out onto the ring entrance ramp, where he proclaims that apparently his winning numerous main event matches throughout his 2008 tenure wasn't enough to warrant a nomination for Superstar of the Year, but that's okay, because he's beaten all of the nominees, so tonight it'll be like any other night, he's being shown a lack of respect. . . good thing he's used to it, all the way back to Evolution, where HHH was the star, "Nature Boy" Ric Flair was the legend & Dave "The Animal" Batista was the muscle, but their pettiness caused that union to disintegrate, leaving Randy shining solo; he was the youngest man ever to win the Heavyweight title & they turned on him, so tonight the Game & the Animal are supposed to compete tonight -- the man he beat @ WrestleMania the man he's gonna beat @ Armageddon this Sunday, all in 1 ring; well, he has a better idea, Cody Rhodes, Manu & himself are challenging them to a 3-on-2 Handicap Tag Team match. . . tonight the legacy's born
DID YOU KNOW. . . ECWWE was the Sci-Fi Channel's most watched telecast last Tuesday for the 10th week in a row! . . . ; betcha Smackdown's WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross & Tazz knew that, as they call the action, while Montell Vontavius Porter bad-mouths the local sports stars, but even though he might be in a little bit of a slump, but it took Jimmy Rollins & the Philadelphia Phillies 25 years to win something; MVP's better than the entire city of Philadelphia & once he gets that all-important win, he's gonna be his own dynasty; out stomps Most Valuable Charlie, the latest impersonation of Charlie Haas, for their upcoming match; MVC beats MVP with a 'Roll Up' Pinfall {PSYCHOLOGY: HA-hahaha!!}
to present the Slammy for the Most Extreme Moment of the Year, here's ECWWE General Manager Assistant Tiffany & their Heavyweight champion, Matt Hardy, who point out that the following Superstars have gone to great measures to make sure they leave an indelible mack on the WWE Universe; the nominees are the Parking Lot Brawl between RAW's John Cena & John Brad$haw Layfield @ the Great American Bash. . . the Crash Landing of Smackdown's UnderTaker from the top of a ladder @ the hands of Edge in their Hell in a Cell match @ Summerslam 2008. . . Chris Jericho puts 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels through his Jeritron on RAW. . . Jeff Hardy plunges off of the RAW set onto the prone "Legend Killer" Randy Orton; the Slammy goes to Matt's brother Jeff, who graciously accepts the award & states that it all started on a trampoline in North Carolina & it all culminates this Sunday; he doesn't care if he walks out, crawls out or has to be carried out, he's walking out of Armageddon with the Smackdown Heavyweight title; all 4 commentators mention that, on http://www.WWE.com it was announced that the Announce Team of the Year was ECWWE's Todd Grisham & Matt Striker, which I whole-heartedly agree with; they then call the action of the following RAW VERSUS SMACKDOWN INTER-PROMOTIONAL MATCH: RAW's Chris Jericho defeats Smackdown's Jeff Hardy with a 'Codebreaker' Cradling Falling Double-Kneestrike {PSYCHOLOGY: bammo!}
to present the Slammy for Couple of the Year, here's RAW's Kelly Kelly & Kane, who announce that throughout WWE history, there have been many couples who've influenced the Superstar action, ain't love great? . . . well, considering that the last time the Bald Red Machine was involved in a relationship, he delivered a 'Tombstone' Elevated Piledriver to a priest, he's a touch jaded on the subject; anywho, the nominees are RAW's Glamarella (Santino Marella & Women's champion "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix. . . Smackdown Heavyweight champion Edge & General Manager Vickie Guerrero. . . RAW Intercontinental champion William Regal & Layla El. . . ECWWE's Fit Finlay & Hornswaggle Finlay; the Slammy goes to the Rated-R Superstar & Mamacita Heat, the latter accepting the award as graciously as the cougarlicious widow can manage, doing her usual call to have quiet in the WWE Universe {with the usual results}, then states that she & her husband have been through so much in the past year, but this award means that true love prevailed; on behalf of the Conniving Canuck & herself, she accepts the award & thanks the only 2 people truly responsible for the award win; after leaving the stage area, Glamarella stomp out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where Santino expresses his heavily-accented disbelief, he & Phoenix are much better as Couple of the Year, Guerrero's more like the Cougar of the Year; unlike Edge & Vickie, Marella's special some1 never loved him, then hated him, then tried to have the Dead Man deliver him to hell; Glamarella deserve an award & they're gonna challenge any WWE couple here tonight; last week, Santino strained his. . . Scroticorous region {oh God! . . . can't. . . breathe! . . .}, but they're still gonna win the following RAW VERSUS ECWWE INTER-PROMOTIONAL MIXED TAG TEAM MATCH: RAW's Glamarella (Santino Marella & Women's champion "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix) versus ECWWE's a Man & a ½ (Hornswaggle & Fit Finlay); Horny pins Santino with a 'Tadpole' Top-Rope Extending Mini-Splash {PSYCHOLOGY: does it get any better than that?!}; after the match, the Slammy for Diva of the Year's presented by RAW's Melina Perez & ECWWE General Manager Theodore R. Long, who proclaim that WWE Divas universally possess beauty, talent, ambition & athleticism, but what they all share above all else's that they're all HAWT, so the nominees are RAW Women's champion "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix. . . RAW's Mickie James. . . RAW's Kelly Kelly. . . Smackdown Divas champion Michelle McCool; the winner's the Glamazon, who's luckily still in the ring supporting Marella, who she drops @ the sound of her winning that award, then storms the ring entrance ramp stage & wrenches the award from Melina's grasp, then proclaims that she accepts this award for all the dominant Divas around the world, then decides that she hasn't had enough of getting in Perez's face yet, so she starts brawling with the former Women's champion, before joined unbeknownst to her by Marella, who ends up getting another unfortunately-placed shot to his. . . Scroticorous region {stop! . . . please! . . .}, then as she desperately tries to apologize for her abuse of his canolli, Beth helps Santino backstage, before he throws up; speaking of which, it's time for the Oh My GAWD! Moment of the Year, here's ECWWE's Alicia Fox & http://www.WWE.com WebMaster Joey Styles, who state that these moments represent the most memorable moments of 2008 & force the former ECW commentator to proclaim his signature catch phrase; the nominees are RAW's CM Punk cashing in his "Money in the Bank" #1 Contendership contract, taking the World Heavyweight title from Smackdown's Edge on RAW. . . Smackdown's UnderTaker sends the Rated-R Superstar to hell, via a 'Goozle' Chokeslam from a ladder & through the ring in a Hell in a Cell match @ Summerslam 2008. . . boxer Floyd "Money" Mayweather breaks the nose of Smackdown's Big Show's @ No Way Out 2008. . . RAW's John Cena makes a triumphant return @ the Royal Rumble 2008 & wins; the winner's the Straight-Edge Superstar, who Killswitch Engages out onto the ring entrance ramp stage & declares that, while this moment's pretty cool, he doesn't wanna creep anybody out by thinking he isn't wearing any pants. . . but seriously, he got drafted from ECWWE to RAW, then he won the "Money in the Bank" #1 Contendership Ladder Match @ WrestleMania 24, cashed that in to beat the Conniving Canuck for his title & has since won the RAW Tag Team title with Kofi Kingston, he doesn't know if that's ever happened before, but it's made for 1 helluva year for Punk; he's now in the finals in the Intercontinental championship tournament, so he figures why not win that title as well; he thanks Dave "The Animal" Batista for the assist, Smackdown's Edge for being in the right place @ the right time. . . hang on, he has a list. . . Chaz, Chassie, Celine, Charlie, the Meanest P, Natalie & a bevy of others, including Scotty Speedman & Rocky Balboa; CM assures the WWE Universe that there's bound to be plenty of more instances where Punk's actions will prompt Styles to exclaim excitedly a little more; during the following match, more http://www.WWE.com exclusive Slammy awards are announced, as the Breakout Superstar of the Year's Smackdown's Vladimir Kozlov. . . Best Musical Performance of the Year's Smackdown's "R-Truth" Ron Killings hip-hopping his way to the ring. . . Best http://www.WWE.com Original Program of the Year goes to the Dirt Sheet, as done by ECWWE's John Morrison & Mike "The Miz" Mizanin; 2nd ROUND, #1 CONTENDERSHIP, RAW INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE 8-MAN TOURNAMENT MATCH: Rey Mysterio Junior beats RAW Tag Team co-champion Kofi Kingston with a 'La Magistral' Cradling Pinfall {PSYCHOLOGY: wow, that's gonna be a helluva match, pitting the former Smackdown "Heavyweight" champion against the former RAW Heavyweight champion @ Armageddon!}; after the match, Mysterio & Kingston shake hands, almost like either 1 of them's actually been wrestling in Ring of Honor or something! . . .
DID YOU KNOW. . . WWE offers all U.S. Military personnel free tickets to its live events in the United States! . . . ; betcha Eve Torres & Ken Kennedy knew that, as they present the Slammy for Match of the Year; the nominees showcased their passion & desire every time they come to the ring & that's exemplified by the following matches, but ever match's a 5-star bout for a certain WWE Superstar. . . Misterrrrrrrrrrr Kennedy. . . Ken-Ned-Day! . . . ; the nominees are WrestleMania 24's "Money in the Bank" #1 Contendership Ladder Match. . . the 2008 Royal Rumble match. . . Summerslam 2008's Hell in a Cell match, Smackdown's UnderTaker versus Edge. . . WrestleMania 24's Career-Threatening match, 2008 WWE Hall of Famer "Nature Boy" Ric Flair versus 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels; the winner's Flair-Michaels, which's accepted by the Showstopper, who doesn't know where to begin. . . he's had the privilege of being a part of some of the most memorable matches here in WWE, but that match with Slick Ric's gonna hold a special place in his heart, as the Nature Boy inspired him to enter the business in the 1st place & those words he spoke @ 'Mania, just before landing his 'Sweet Chin Music' Superkick to end that epic bout, he meant, so this award, as it sits on his mantle, will always be a wonderful reminder of- here comes John Brad$haw Layfield, who accepts the award on behalf of Shawn, since his Great American Bas match against John Cena was surely epic enough to be considered, let alone to sweep the category & win, so he'll add this Slammy to the multitude of other awards that adorn his mantle;Michaels, apparently already beaten in that regard, takes the nominee envelope as a souvenir of his now-no-longer-quite-so-special night
all 4 commentators once again try not to trip all over each other during the following RAW VERSUS SMACKDOWN INTER-PROMOTIONAL 3-ON-2 HANDICAP TAG TEAM MATCH: Devolution (RAW's Dave "The Animal" Batista & Smackdown's HHH) versus RAW's Born to Greatness ("Legend Killer" Randy Orton & Somewhat Svelter Than Their Fathers {Cody Rhodes & Manu}); Orton defeats Batista with an 'RKO' Modified Ace Cutter {PSYCHOLOGY: well, what d'ya know, he said it & then he did it!}
a video package plays, hyping the pending DVD release of "Behind Enemy Lines: Colombia", starring RAW's Ken Kennedy, premiering January 6th, 2009
presenting the Slammy award for the "DAMN!" Moment of the Year, here are Mickie James & Ron Simmons, who describe that there's only that 1 word that describes the nominees for this category, which are the Kiss Cam of Smackdown's Great Khali. . . CM Punk surprises then-ECWWE Heavyweight champion Chavo Guerrero Junior by infiltrating his celebration, dressed as a mariachi. . . WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross dressed as a sailor for the Halloween edition of Smackdown. . . RAW's Santino Marella goes SPLAT! when he attempts Melina Perez's split-legged entrance, injuring his. . . Scroticorous region {ahh c'mon, I just recovered! . . .}; the winner's the Kiss Cam, for some reason, which prompts the Punjabi Playboy to saunter out onto the ring entrance ramp stage to accept his award, with Ranjin Singh translating that awards are a frivolous things & they shouldn't be so obsessed with material things, it's more important to concentrate on the depletion of our natural resources so that our children can have a brighter future; just when Mickie's gonna make her attempt @ joining in on her own personal Kiss Cam, Jillian Hall boils a cat & imitates its wail, while Smackdown's "Kung" Fu Naki & WWE Mainstay Howard Finkel accompany her with a bit of a dance, as Hacksaw Jim Duggan & WWE Hall of Famer Sergeant Slaughter wave Old Glory in the background; this all eventually provoked Simmons to finally utter his monosyllabic catch phrase
once more, all 4 commentators join in to do announcing for the following RAW VERSUS SMACKDOWN INTER-PROMOTIONAL MATCH: RAW's Dolph Ziggler beats Smackdown's "R-Truth" Ron Killings via Countout {PSYCHOLOGY: yikes!}; after the match, Dolph introduces himself. . . as the winner
DID YOU KNOW. . . WWE's produced 11 DVDs that have hit #1 on the Sports Chat this year, more than NFL, UFC, NBA, NHL & the Olympics combined; betcha ECW Owner Stephanie McMahon knew that, as she presents the final Slammy of the night, the Superstar of the Year award, which recognizes the achievement of the 1 Superstar who embiggens the WWE Spirit; the nominees are Smackdown's Jeff Hardy. . . RAW's Chris Jericho. . . RAW's Dave "The Animal" Batista. . . Smackdown Heavyweight champion Edge. . . Smackdown's HHH. . . RAW's John Cena; the winner's Y2J, who Ayatollah of Rock & Rollahs onto the ring entrance ramp stage to accept his trophy with all the gusto & bravado that's been the staple of the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions; he heads down to the ring, where the King of My World proclaims that he was ecstatic that none of the WWE Universe were responsible for the voting in this award, as they're all so easily led by the nose {see Cyber Sunday} but they didn't have the capabilities to decide the ultimate outcome of this award & they all knew it; Jericho knew he'd be the Superstar of the Year, he's the best in the world today & the WWE Universe will sit there & listen to a list of accolades that he's accrued over the past 12 months. . . a record-setting 8th Intercontinental title win. . . the King of the Ladder Match, over previous "monarch" 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels. . . most importantly, he was a 3-time Heavyweight champion this past year alone; it hasn't been all victories for Jericho, however, as he lost an identity after throwing Michaels through his Jeritron, he got rid of an albatross that was hanging around his neck for the better part of a decade; he was well on his way to becoming a pandering, patronizing sycophant who wants to please all the WWE Universe & it makes him sick, just like the Doctor of Thuganomics does, it makes him sick; he can't think of a better way to top off his banner year, than by defeating the Chain Gang Commander & taking back his Heavyweight title @ Armageddon; well, guess who chooses that moment to storm the ring, as Y2J scampers away, making room for the following MAIN EVENT, RAW VERSUS SMACKDOWN INTER-PROMOTIONAL "CHAMPION-VERSUS-CHAMPION" MATCH: RAW Heavyweight champion John Cena defeats Smackdown Heavyweight champion Edge via Disqualification After Chris Jericho Attacks the Doctor of Thuganomics {PSYCHOLOGY: awww, c'mon guys!}; after the ring, Smackdown's HHH & Jeff Hardy attack the Rated-R Superstar, who scurries away in defeat
12/09/08 originating on the Sci-Fi Network {in the United States} & rebroadcast on Global {in Canada} the following Friday, late-night
commentating by Matt Striker & Todd Grisham
from the Arena @ Harbor Yard in Bridgeport, Connecticutt; now in WWE~HD
"Innovator of Violence" Tommy Dreamer stands in the ring, where he starts going on about how he's been a part of ECW for the past 15 years & DEAR LORD, SMACKDOWN's VLADIMIR KOZLOV's ATTACKING HIM. . . ; after getting that pesky ECW Original out of the way, the Moscow Mauler challenges Heavyweight champion Matt Hardy @ Armageddon, proclaiming the fallen Dreamer to be the former Mattitude Practitioner's future, then leaves through the crowd; "All-American American" Jack Swagger chooses that moment to come on down to the ring, where he adds a little of his own stank to the prone Innovator of Violence, then grabs him up in his 'Orthodontist's Dream' Gutwrench Powerbomb
DID YOU KNOW. . . ECWWE was the Sci-Fi Channel's most watched telecast last Tuesday for the 10th week in a row! . . . ; betcha these guys knew that, in the following ECWWE VERSUS SMACKDOWN INTER-PROMOTIONAL TAG TEAM MATCH: ECWWE's Altered Reality (John Morrison & Mike "The Miz" Mizanin) versus Smackdown's Honky Tonk Fu ("Kung" Fu-Naki & Jimmy Wang Yang); the Shaman of Sexy pins the Redneck with a Springboard Crescent Kick {PSYCHOLOGY: you sure don't come across men like this in your daily saunters, out in the streets!}
in the locker room, WWE Hall of Famer "Mister USA" Tony Atlas saunters in, asking "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry how he looks in his auld-school red, white & blue singlet tights, but the former Sexual Chocolate doesn't give a good gorram about how his supposed man-servant looks in his tights, as this Tag Team match tonight's not about Tony, it's about Mark. . . but it's too bad that his nice clean tights are about to get green all over them, as Henry plans on squashing that little leprechaun Hornswaggle in their match, now why the hell wasn't his bag next to his locker, like Henry told Atlas he needed?!
backstage, Heavyweight champion Matt Hardy says he doesn't care that Smackdown's Vladimir Kozlov called him a coward, but the way the former Team 2xtremer sees it, the Moscow Mauler's just sore because he couldn't defeat Hardy on Smackdown a few weeks ago in the Beat the Clock challenge, so now let's see how bad Kozlov feels when he fails to beat the Heavyweight champion @ Armageddon in this hastily-booked match
the Boogeyman beats Scott Reed with an 'Eternal Sleep' Double-Handed Chokeslam {PSYCHOLOGY: sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. . . again! . . .}; after the match, apparently the Boogeyman was putting some worms in his mouth & slathering them all over his fallen opponent, but I wasn't watching, so. . .
in the locker room, Fit Finlay tells Hornswaggle that he needs his son to listen to him very carefully, but the leprechaun's too excited to wait, so he practically drags his pa to the ring for the following MAIN EVENT, TAG TEAM MATCH: the Olympic Strongmen (WWE Hall of Famer "Mister USA" Tony Atlas & "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry) versus a Man & a ½ (Hornswaggle & Fit Finlay); Henry defeats Finlay with a 'World's Strongest Slam' Fallforward Slam {PSYCHOLOGY: squsih!}
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S ~ M ~ A ~ C ~ K ~ D ~ O ~ W ~ N
12/12/08 originating on MyNetworkTV {in the United States} & on The SCORE {in Canada}
commentating by Tazz & 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross
from the Arena @ Harbor Yard in Bridgeport, Connecticutt; now in WWE~HD
the show starts off with HHH & Jeff Hardy pounding the hell out of each other, while several WWE referees & backstage personnel eventually separating the dueling duo
"R-Truth" Ron Killings pins Montell Vontavius Porter with a Roll-Up {PSYCHOLOGY: it's a little disappointing that I had all of this typed by the time Killings was done rapping his way to the ring!}; after the match, MVP berates the WWE Universe for cheering for his losing streak, but this is his life, he's the longest-reigning United States champion in WWE history, but now he's down to almost nothing. . . luckily he still has his pride & more money than the entire WWE Universe & he's better than every single 1 of them to boot, so that's all he needs to make this the bestest Christmas ever; RAW's Ken Kennedy stomps out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where he proclaims that this is the best time of the year, there shouldn't be any sad faces, he should be smiling, so what can he do to make Vontavius as happy as Kennedy is. . . oh right, his new movie "Behind Enemy Lines: Colombia" is available January 6th, it's the gift that keeps on giving, so Porter should consider himself officially cheered up, @ the hands of Misterrrrrrrrrrr Kennedy. . . Ken-Ned-Day!
WWE Home Video presents "the Twisted Disturbed Life of Kane", a 3-disc DVD set, available now @ all major DVD retailers & http://www.WWEShop.com
a video package plays, showing a guy who's watched the darkness his entire life & it's led him here to WWE, he's righteousness made flesh & for over a decade he's searched & has found others who will follow him; all he needs it annihilation of somebody's immortal soul
backstage, the Brian Kendrick asks the Bella Twins to just be a little friendly, but Tag Team champions Dos Colons step in to teach him some manners, until Ezekiel Jackson steps in, evening up the odds, leading up to the following match, where Kendrick beats Smackdown Tag Team-co-champion Primo Colon with an Inside Cradle {PSYCHOLOGY: after some rather blatant interference from Big Zeke, naturally}
a video package plays, showing RAW's 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels & Smackdown's HHH classically shilling the new D-Generation X Hooded Sweatshirt ~ such great holiday present ideas, all available @ http://www.WWEShop.com ~ & if that's not enough, then you can buy the Game's King of Kings Plush Bear, with the Showstopper postulating that it must be from the Cerebral Assassin's Conan the Barbearian collection! . . . well, maybe the WWE Universe can get themselves the HBK Village People bear, with authentic hair & a button on the back that makes it all fall out. . . hey, no making fun of the hair! . . .
Hurricane Helms defeats United States champion "Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin with a Flying Crossbody Block in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: almost lacklustre, but somehow also very dynamic -- my brain hurts!!}; after the match, the Human Suplex Machine bothers Helms, who feels that it's about time for another United States champion -- he's not sayin'. . . he's just sayin'. . .
DID YOU KNOW. . . WWE offers all U.S. Military personnel free tickets to its live events in the United States! . . . ; betcha Smackdown Heavyweight champion Edge knew that, as he hosts the latest edition of the Cutting Edge; with just 2 days left until Armageddon, it seems that his 2 opponents are ready to tear each other's heads off; there's a long volatile history between the 2 men, which came to a head on the morning of the Survivor Series, when allegedly HHH assaulted Jeff Hardy in his hotel, turning the dream night of the Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior turned into a nightmare & despite all the overwhelming facts, it seems like the entire WWE Universe's pointing their fingers @ the Rated-R Superstar, including his guest tonight, who has his hands full facing Vladimir Kozlov this Sunday, ECWWE Heavyweight champion Matt Hardy, who slaps a tornado to the ring & proclaims that no matter how the Conniving Canuck tries to spin things, he's clearly the man responsible for the attack on Matt's brother; Edge's sick & tired of people accusing him of having an ulterior motive for being @ the Survivor Series, when in reality he was just there to help his wife, General Manager Vickie Guerrero, but he wasn't even @ 100%, so if he wasn't currently the Smackdown Heavyweight champion, nobody would even consider Edge to be a suspect in that assault; well, Matt just happens to know from personal experience how slimy the Rated-R Superstar can be, he's the ultimate opportunist; so that's Hardy's grand proof, he has to get his head out of the sand if he thinks that this' enough to "convict" the Conniving Canuck of such treachery; does Matt even know how many people in this business want Jeff out of WWE -- RAW & ECWWE alone. . . what about "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, he takes out people left & right. . . what about John Morrison & Mike "The Miz" Mizanin, just a coupla weeks ago the Charismatic Rainbow-Haired Enigmatic Warrior was bashing those 2 goofs in the head with a steel chair. . . how about the UnderTaker. . . or the man who has the most to lose, HHH -- all the evidence & facts point in the Game's direction; no, the ECWWE Heavyweight champion proclaims that all the facts point to the Smackdown Heavyweight champion & he's here, having asked for this time, to finally get the truth; okay, here's the cold hard truth. . . the only reason that Matt's getting involved in his brother's business, is because nobody cares about the former Mattitude Practitioner -- if he'd gotten attacked before his big match @ the Survivor Series, then they wouldn't even be having this conversation right now. . . but here's the biggest truth, people actually care about the Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior & nobody gives a damn about his Heavyweight champion brother; well, dem's fightin' words, as Hardy starts throwing some Ds, until Vladimir Kozlov stomps to the ring & takes some Soviet-sized liberties with his Armageddon opponent, beating the Perestroika out of him & leaving Matt laying in the middle of the ring
2-ON-1 HANDICAP MATCH: the Great Khali versus the EdgeHeads (Curt Hawkins & Zack Ryder); the Farsi Flinger pins Hawkins with a 'Punjabi Plunge' Standing Chokebomb {PSYCHOLOGY: so, this is what a face-skewed Great Khali match looks like?}
backstage, Eve Torres bothers HHH, who postulates that not only Smackdown Heavyweight champion Edge believes the theory that the Game was responsible for the attack on Jeff Hardy @ the Survivor Series, but also the Charismatic Rainbow-Haired Enigmatic Warrior believes that chou ma niao as well; but if Hardy thinks that the Cerebral Assassin had to attack him before their Triple Threat match @ Survivor Series, then Jeff doesn't realize just how small a blip he appears as on the Cerebral Assassin's radar, if he'd've attacked the Rainbow-Haired Enigmatic Charismatic Warrior, then he wouldn't be here tonight; HHH doesn't care who jumped him, so he can paint his face all he wants, the Game'll still beat the freakish facepaint off of his stupid face & this Sunday, he's walking out of Armageddon as the Smackdown Heavyweight champion
SMACKDOWN DIVAS TAG TEAM MATCH: the Bella Twins (Nikki & Brie Bella) versus the Great White Northern Aggression (Maryse Ouellet & Natalya Neidhart); Nikki beats Natalya with a Roll-Up {PSYCHOLOGY: after Brie dropkicks the "Anvilette" from a slamming position}
a video package plays, hyping the pending DVD release of "Behind Enemy Lines: Colombia", starring RAW's Ken Kennedy, premiering January 6th, 2009
backstage, Eve Torres bothers Vladimir Kozlov, who Russkies about ECWWE Heavyweight champion Matt Hardy being a mere stepping stone to the Smackdown Heavyweight title, he doesn't care if he beats Jeff Hardy, Edge or HHH, he's lost his tolerance & thus everybody must fall; the ARMAGEDDON CARD SO FAR: RAW Heavyweight title match, champion John Cena versus Chris Jericho. . . ECWWE Heavyweight title match, champion Matt Hardy versus Smackdown's Vladimir Kozlov. . . RAW's "Legend Killer" Randy Orton versus Dave "The Animal" Batista. . . Triple Threat, Smackdown Heavyweight title match, champion Edge versus Jeff Hardy versus the Game. . . final round of the RAW Intercontinental title #1 Contendership Tournament, Rey Mysterio Junior versus Tag Team co-champion CM Punk; MAIN EVENT MATCH: the Cerebral Assassin versus the Charismatic Rainbow-Haired Enigmatic Warrior Goes to a No Contest After Heavyweight champion Edge Interferes {PSYCHOLOGY: man & here I thought that RAW's John Cena was the Doctor of Thuganomics -- I guess this makes the Rated-R Superstar the Doctor of Beatchoarsenomics!!}