*PLEASE NOTE*
The following wrestling show write-up bears no necessary mirror to reality, as some tag team & finisher names have been fabricated by the author for mostly-self-entertainment purposes.
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R ~ A ~ W
11/24/08 originating on USA Network {in the United States} & simulcast on the Score {in Canada}
commentating by WWE Hall-of-Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole
from the Dunkin' Donuts Center in Providence, Rhode Island; now in WWE~HD
WCW Owner Shane McMahon pulls into the parking garage in a swank silver sports car, which he obtusely gives Cryme Tyme the keys to, then says hi to Kelly Kelly as he heads backstage; when Dolph Ziggler attempts to introduce himself, Shano-Mac thanks him by hanging his jacket over the extended hand, then calls for his music & ching-ching-bling-blings out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where he reminds all the WWE Universe that John Cena's the new Heavyweight champion as of last night's Survivor Series. . . but this leaves WWE in a rather interesting position, because there are 2 Superstars who have rematch clauses in their contracts ~ now-former champion Chris Jericho & Dave "The Animal" Batista; so tonight, in that very ring, those 2 men will compete to see who takes on the Doctor of Thuganomics in 3 weeks' time @ Armageddon; after revealing that the Champ's here {ha, see what I did there?}, ECW Owner Stephanie McMahon saunters out onto the stage as well, stating that "Legend Killer" Randy Orton already made a valid argument last week, as to his own Contendership to the title, so she's adding him to the match as well, making it a Triple Threat; after the siblings exchange a few words, Nipple H starts to proclaim that there's another title match, as the Brand-New Money-Papi takes over & declares ECWWE's John Morrison & Mike "The Miz" Mizanin will take on RAW's Rey Mysterio Junior & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels tonight; after showing a little attitude @ her brother stealing her thunder, Stepho-Mac reminds him that this is her show, then states that she's not gonna stand for his constant back-stabbing & conniving; Shane tries to calm her down, saying that he's only here for 2 reasons, to have a little fun & to make RAW a better show; well, the best way he can do that would be to get back into his shiny sports car & drive on back to New York where he came from; so, let Shane get this straight, does she want to run RAW by herself, or just sleep with another WWE Superstar & get another husband {OUCH!}, which prompts Nipple H to lay some skin across her brother's face; fine, Shano-Mac's gonna watch Stepho-Mac run RAW right into the ground; during the following match, John Brad$haw Layfield tells his driver to drive him to the ring; RAW VERSUS ECWWE INTER-PROMOTIONAL TAG TEAM MATCH: RAW's Border Patrol (HBK & Mysterio) versus ECWWE's Altered Reality (Morrison & Mizanin); Rey-Rey pins the Miz with a '' Sunset Flip Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: nice!}; naturally, after the match, JBL goes to trounce Mysterio & Michaels, but instead drops Morrison, leaving HBK horizontally flummoxed; backstage, Todd Grisham bothers Brad$haw, who states that he made a deal to the HeartBreak Kid earlier that morning & what just happened was a show of good faith on Layfield's part, so it's now merely a matter of time until the investment pays dividends
a video package plays, advertizing SMACKDOWN VERSUS RAW 2009, for all videogame platforms & in stores now
Ken Kennedy stomps onto the ring entrance ramp, where he declares that it's good to be back; he has a new movie coming out, "Behind Enemy Lines: Colombia", in which he portrays a Navy SEAL who gets caught in a rather sticky situation; so, in anticipation of the release of his movie on DVD, he went & infiltrated a different line ~ the same line that all the members of the WWE Universe stand in each & every time that they wanna take in an awesome WWE show; what with the recent U.S. election crowning the new President-Elect, Barack Obama, the Green Bay Gregariate asked the WWE Universe which WWE Superstar most reminded them of the new pending leader of the free world; a multitude of responses, anywhere between Smackdown United States champion "Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin, to WWE Owner Vince McMahon, came from the mouths of these unwashed heathens; well, Kennedy was a little surprised that another Superstar, 1 with a certain presidential ring to his name, young, fresh, charismatic. . . Misterrrrrrrrrrr Kennedy. . . Ken-Ned-Day!
backstage, ECWWE's Todd Grisham bothers Dave "The Animal" Batista, who congratulates John Cena for coming back from a horrible injury @ the Survivor Series to win the Heavyweight championship, can you imagine how great the Chain Gang Commander feels; well, Batista knows how it feels, he's been on top of that mountain before & after tonight, he's gonna be there again, after he defeats Chris Jericho & "Legend Killer" Randy Orton to get a shot @ Cena's belt
a video package plays, advertizing the pending return of the Slammy Awards, in 2 weeks on a special 3-hour edition of RAW
WWE Hall of Famer & inaugural Intercontinental champion Patt Patterson joins Lawler & Cole @ ringside for the following 1st ROUND, #1 CONTENDERSHIP, RAW INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE 8-MAN TOURNAMENT MATCH: Tag Team co-champion Kofi Kingston beats Kane via Disqualification After the Bald Red Machine Refused to Release Kingston From the Corner {PSYCHOLOGY: hmm, kinda weak, but whatever!}; after the match, the BalderTaker lays into his opponent, until ECW Owner Stephanie McMahon makes an interesting offer. . . he can either continue taking out his aggression on the Tag Team co-champion, or he can do so against the new Heavyweight championship next week; speaking of whom, it's now time for the TRIPLE THREAT, #1 CONTENDERSHIP, RAW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Chris Jericho versus "Legend Killer" Randy Orton versus Dave "The Animal" Batista; Y2J defeats Orton with a Batista-Applied 'Spear' Charging Shouldertackle {PSYCHOLOGY: sassy yet classy!!}
Women's champion "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix & Santino Marella saunter to the ring, where the latter states that as far as he considers, he's the greatest Intercontinental champion of all-the-times, so for him not to be featured on the new DVD commemorating the title is the highest form of atrocity; as well, he should've been entered into tonight's 8-Man I-C Contendership tournament, which's a whole different kettle of tuna. . . but the largest nuisance's that some guy's challenged him tonight & the Milan Miracle's brought his 2 Roman soldiers -- Pasquale & Francesco, his biceps -- which he'll introduce to his hapless opponent next; Goldust pins Marella with a 'Final Cut' Snap Suplex Neckbreaker {PSYCHOLOGY: quite a new finisher for the former WCW "Natural"!}
backstage, "Legend Killer" Randy Orton comes face-to-face with Cody Rhodes & his burly man-friend Manu, not even giving them the time of day before moving on
before the following match, Intercontinental champion William Regal & his lady friend Layla El swagger to the ringside area for special guest commentary; 1st ROUND, #1 CONTENDERSHIP, RAW INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE 8-MAN TOURNAMENT MATCH: Tag Team co-champion CM Punk beats Gene Snitsky with a 'Go To Sleep' Falling Kneestrike {PSYCHOLOGY: during the match, Regal states that he'll retire as the I-C champion, which makes me wonder if they're gonna work an angle along those lines, where eventually William declares that he'll leave WWE if he ever loses the title. . . which, of course, will be a double-edge sword for fans, as a solid performer would end up retiring, after dolling out what I'd humbly have to decree to be the soundest matches of the year!}; backstage, Todd Grisham bothers Rey Mysterio Junior, who understands the history involved in the Intercontinental championship, so when he faces ECWWE's Mike "The Miz" Mizanin next week in the tournament. . . oh hi, Mike Knox, just waiting for you to stop. . . staring! . . .
before the following match, Women's champion "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix declares her dominance, as she was the only member of Team RAW to survive in their classic Survivor Series match, but before she can get too comfortable patting herself on the back, the Glamazon's interrupted by Jillian Hall, who's all jazzed about the Slammy Awards being in 2 weeks, for which she's convinced that she's gonna be nominated for a multitude of awards, so she's put together a plethora of the year's best musical performances from WWE events & she just needs her partners to be her back-up dancers for a few minutes; MAIN EVENT, 6-DIVAS TAG TEAM MATCH: Getting Giggidy With It (Women's champion "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix & She's Met Billie Piper & You, Ma'am, Are *No* Billie Piper {Jillian Hall & Katie Lea Burchill}) versus Say, Didn't We All Used To Wrestle For the Women's Title? (Melina Perez & Givin' a Dog a Bone {Mickie James & Candice Michelle Beckman}); Melina pins Katie Lea with a 'Kyranium Krunch' Legdropping Reverse DDT {PSYCHOLOGY: a triumphant return for the returning WWE Diva!}
backstage, ECW Owner Stephanie McMahon asks Chris Jericho where he's going, to which he responds that, since Heavyweight champion John Cena's about to make his presence known here, he'd just head on down to the ring to be the 1-man welcoming committee; when out in the ring, Y2J mocks the WWE Universe in thinking that there's a new era, after the Chain Gang Commander defeated the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah, but he reminds them of the last time they jumped to that erroneous conclusion ~ Dave "The Animal" Batista defeated the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions for his title & all the fans thought that things would change. . . but then a scant 8 days later, Jericho won his title for the 5th time, proving all the liars & unbelievers wrong; in 3 weeks' time, the exact same thing will happen to the Doctor of Thuganomics; the year 2008 will end & nothing will have changed ~ the King of My World will be the Heavyweight champion; well, speaking of Cena, he appears on the TitanTron, amongst a bevy of WWE Universers, requesting that Chris please shut his pie hole, because everybody here knows that last night, Chris Jericho lost his title & a long time ago, he lost his grip on reality; @ some point in the not-so-distant past, Y2J decided he was better than everybody, but all John knows is that the WWE Universers know what they want & what they don't want's a smug snotty guy in a form-fitting suit telling them that they're not good enough; Jericho said he wanted to be a 1-man welcoming committee, but Cena came with about 1,000 of his fans, so if he wants to welcome the Heavyweight champion, the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions will have to welcome all of them; the Doctor of Thuganomics asks the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah to look around, or all the differences of the WWE Universers in the crowd & @ home, they all have 1 thing in common, they care about the WWE & he knows that every time that Superstars come to their town, they spend their hard-earned money to come show their support, because they all have passion & all they ask in return's that every time they step into the WWE ring, they share the WWE Universe's passion; they all wanna get a little rowdy when the cameras are on & without them, then there's no WWE; don't get Cena wrong, he's not here to declare himself a 1-Man Dynasty or even count how many times he's held the title, every time he's privileged enough to step into the squared circle, he give 100%; Jericho doesn't give a damn if the WWE Universe agrees with, but John's not too concerned about how much Chris wants to talk business, he wants the King of My World to step up & mean business ~ if Y2J wants to walk, that's cool, they'll beat the hell out of each other @ Armageddon & last night @ the Survivor Series they had a classic match for the ages nobody's gonna deny Jericho's credentials in this ring, but the part where they don't see eye-to-eye's where he says he has to save the WWE from what it's become & the 1 thing that makes Cena wanna tear Chris in ½'s when he questions the integrity of the WWE Universe, the fact that the Chain Gang Commander holds the Heavyweight title's proof enough for him that they're all good enough; let Jericho tell Cena something, he doesn't intimidate or impress the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah, @ Armageddon he'll take that belt back & bring the champ down to the level of the other sycophants of the WWE Universe, he's nothing more than a worm & a coward of a man & OOF that fist hurt Jericho's face, as the Doctor of Thuganomics tosses the King of My World around a bit, eventually tossing him onto the commentating table & into the ring steps, then dragging him back into the ring, where he lays out the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions down with a devastating clothesline & topping things off with an 'STFU' "Submission Through Fear" Stepover Toehold Facelock
11/25/08 originating on the Sci-Fi Network {in the United States} & rebroadcast on Global {in Canada} the following Friday, late-night
commentating by Matt Striker & Todd Grisham
from the Dunkin' Donuts Center in Providence, Rhode Island; now in WWE~HD
EXTREME RULES MATCH: "All-American American" Jack Swagger beats "Innovator of Violence" Tommy Dreamer with a 'Orthodontist's Dream' Gutwrench Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: yow!}; backstage, John Morrison & Mike "The Miz" Mizanin proclaim that this year's Survivor Series was clearly the best ever & you can check out more details @ http://www.WWE.com ~ was the Casket match between Smackdown's UbderTaker & Big Show the match of the night. . . or maybe the moment to remember was when Smackdown's Edge made a triumphant comeback to win their Heavyweight title from then-champion HHH in a Triple-Threat match which featured Vladimir Kozlov. . . or maybe, after months of rehabilitation & inspirational video packages, RAW's John Cena made an equally-triumphant return to equally win their Heavyweight title from then-champion Chris Jericho; nawwww, the greatest thing about this year's Survivor Series was Altered Reality taking part in the classic 10-Man Single-Elimination Tag Team match; before they can slap themselves on the backs any more, the Boogeyman unfortunately makes himself known; elsewhere in the backstage area, Heavyweight champion Matt Hardy gives us an update on the condition of his brother, Smackdown's Jeff Hardy; in walks "All-Amerina American" Jack Swagger, who states that Hardy shouldn't be too concerned about his brother's condition, but instead should be more worried about the upstart coming for his title
in the backstage area, Hornswaggle tries to get himself some candy, but "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry takes it away & declares that he's gonna beat the tar out of Horny's dad, Fit Finlay, which's gonna anything but sweet
DJ Gabriel defeats Jared Gainam with a 'Rock the Bells' Top-Rope European Uppercut {PSYCHOLOGY: pretty spry for a newbie!}; after the match, Todd Grisham climbs into the ring & bothers Alicia Fox, who states that she left Smackdown as Edge & Vickie Guerrero's wedding planner & went overseas, where she clicked with Gabriel. . . & they've been clicking ever since! . . .
a video package plays, showing RAW's 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels & Smackdown's HHH classically shilling some WWE merchandise ~ such great holiday present ideas, all available @ http://www.WWEShop.com ~ with the heterosexuality-inspiring assistance of RAW's Kelly Kelly
MAIN EVENT MATCH: "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry versus Fit Finlay Goes to a No Contest After the Tough Irish Bastard Brawls with the Former Sexual Chocolate & WWE Hall of Famer "Mister USA" Tony Atlas @ Ringside {PSYCHOLOGY: why is it that, every time a large Urban American former Olympian & a wrestling Irishman are in the same room, there's a major brawl? . . .}
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S ~ M ~ A ~ C ~ K ~ D ~ O ~ W ~ N
11/28/08 originating on MyNetworkTV {in the United States} & on The SCORE {in Canada}
commentating by Tazz & 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross
from the Times Union Center in Albany, New York; now in WWE~HD
General Manager Vickie Guerrero stands in the ring, where she introduces the new Heavyweight champion, a man who's recently overcome some extraordinary obstacles & also just happens to be her husband, Edge, who smarms to the ring & embraces Mamacita Heat, before accepts full credit for helping Guerrero deliver the Triple Threat match that she'd promised, even though he's not 100% & shouldn't've come back he read on http:www.WWE.com what had happened to Jeff Hardy & decided to take actions into his own hands ~ the Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior has a history of letting people down, since he doesn't have the same tenacity that the Rated-R Superstar has; many people assume that the Conniving Canuck's only motivation was the Heavyweight belt, but he really did all of it for his Mamacita Heat; Vickie thanks Edge for being her knight in shining armour & her hero, for saving her from the irresponsibility of Hardy, who they regardless look forward to seeing back in the ring when he's cleared to compete; when the Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior screws up, the Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior screws up big-time; well dem's fightin' words, as Hardy storms the ring, followed closely by former champion HHH, likewise pursued by Vladimir Kozlov, who's still primed to beat the champion; Vickie declares that there will be 3 Beat the Clock matches, pitting each of the 3 competitors in qualifying matches & whoever win their match with the shortest time on the clock, goes on to face the Rated-R Superstar @ Armageddon, starting. . . now; "BEAT The CLOCK" SMACKDOWN HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE, #1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH: Jeff Hardy pins The Brain Kendrick with a 'Swanton' Arching Centon Bomb @ a Time of 12:13 {PSYCHOLOGY: what was with Hardy's Vampiro-inspired facepaint?!}; backstage, Edge Torres bothers ECWWE Heavyweight champion Matt Hardy, who states that sure, his brother's screwed up in his life, but he has no doubt that Jeff can go all the way & take the Smackdown Heavyweight championship; now, if the hottie'll excuse him, the Former Mattitude Practitioner has to go prepare for his own "Beat the Clock" match against Vladimir Kozlov
a video package plays, advertizing SMACKDOWN VERSUS RAW 2009, for all videogame platforms & in stores now; another video package plays, this 1 showing what might happen when the UnderTaker takes on the Big Show in a Steel Cage match {courtesy of the aforementioned SMACKDOWN VERSUS RAW 2009} in a match that'll happen next week
6-DIVAS TAG TEAM MATCH: Release the Twins! (Divas champion Michelle McCool & the Bella Twins {Brie & Nikki Bella}) versus Chiquita Divas (Victoria & the Great White Northern Aggression {Maryse Ouellet & Natalya Neidhart}); Maryse beats Michelle with a 'Vertical Press' Pinfall {PSYCHOLOGY: after 1 of the Bellas accidentally nails McMool with a clothesline}; after the match, the Divas champion gets all up in the Bellas' mutual grills, until Maria Kanellis comes to the ring to try to settle things down a bit, causing Michelle to drop her recent title contender with a quick punch
a video package plays, showing RAW's 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels & Smackdown's HHH classically shilling some WWE merchandise ~ such great holiday present ideas, all available @ http://www.WWEShop.com ~ with the heterosexuality-inspiring assistance of RAW's Kelly Kelly
before the following match, Hurricane Helms pop-ups, proclaiming that he's gonna make his return to Smackdown next week ~ he's not sayin' he's just sayin'. . . ; backstage, Jeff Hardy's seen intently watching the following SMACKDOWN VERSUS ECWWE INTER-PROMOTIONAL, "BEAT The CLOCK" SMACKDOWN HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE, #1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH: Smackdown's Vladimir Kozlov versus ECWWE Heavyweight champion Matt Hardy Goes to a Time Limit Draw {PSYCHOLOGY: is it just me, or , with every Beat the Clock tournament, is the 2nd, or 2nd-last match always ending in a Time Limit Draw?}; after the match, Jeff Hardy comes face-to-face with HHH, who's all primed & ready for his own match against United States champion "Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin
ECWWE VERSUS SMACKDOWN INTER-PROMOTIONAL TAG TEAM MATCH: ECWWE's Altered Reality (John Morrison & Mike "The Miz" Mizanin) versus Smackdown's Dalton Brothers (Festus & Jesse Dalton), Festus defeats Morrison via Disqualification After Altered Reality Refuse to Stop Beating Jesse @ Ringside {PSYCHOLOGY: hmm. . . I wonder how long this rivalry can go on & actually be interesting!}; after the match, the Chick Magnet & the Shaman of Sexy grab the ring bell, having fun with Festus' strange catatonic state, alternately turning him on & off, until Jesse gets a faceful of same ring bell, knocking him out while Morrison accidentally drops the hammer on the bell, then both ECWWEers scamper backstage to get away from the Corn-Fed Colossus
backstage, Ken Kennedy bothers HHH, who wants to be the 1st to congratulate the Green Bay Gregariate for his triumphant return on Monday night, it was truly riveting television. . . anywho, naturally, the Game believes he can defeat United States champion "Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin in 12 minutes & 13 seconds & anybody who doesn't believe him. . . just watch the following MAIN EVENT, "BEAT The CLOCK" SMACKDOWN HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE, #1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH: the Cerebral Assassin pins Benjamin with a 'Pedigree' Double Underhook Faceplant @ a Time of 12:13 {PSYCHOLOGY: holy great timing, Batman!}; after the match, Referee Charles Robinson comes out, cuing an instant replay of the final seconds of the match, with a final decision being that, since they both completed their matches @ the same time, there must be a further consideration in order to see who's going to face Heavyweight champion Edge @ Armageddon