*PLEASE NOTE*
The following wrestling show write-up bears no necessary mirror to reality, as some tag team & finisher names have been fabricated by the author for mostly-self-entertainment purposes.
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R ~ A ~ W
11/17/08 originating on USA Network {in the United States} & simulcast on the Score {in Canada}
commentating by WWE Hall-of-Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole
from the Philips Arena in Atlanta, Georgia; now in WWE~HD
Superstars from RAW are in the ring, which ECW Owner Stephanie McMahon addresses in an open forum, to answer the questions of the Superstars who have been inundating her office for the past week, since the untimely resigning of former General Manager Mike Adamle; "Legend Killer" Randy Orton's 1st, asking why the RAW Heavyweight title match this Sunday's for John Cena, since he's more talented & more deserving than the Doctor of Thuganomics; well, that decision was made by Stepho-Mac's brother, WCW Owner Shane McMahon, without her input, but that notwithstanding, before he was injured, Cena was a top contender, a 3-time RAW & Smackdown Heavyweight champion & therefore will face Chris Jericho for the title @ Survivor Series; whatever, Randy's next to face the winner of that match; Cody Rhodes' next, asking why, after kicking his partner Ted DiBiase Junior in the head a few weeks ago, not only was Orton not punished, but he was made the captain of a Survivor Series 10-man Tag Team & Rhodes was rather unceremoniously assigned to that team, why wasn't Randy suspended for his actions; well, since the Superstars are all grown men & women, Nipple H felt no inclination to intercede on their behalf. . . but interesting that Cody should mention that, since the Legend Killer also kicked Tag Team co-champion CM Punk in the head 2 months ago & cost him the Heavyweight championship, so tonight Punk & Orton square off & in order to ensure that there's a winner, there's gonna be a 30-Man Lumberjack Match; Santino Marella has a question now, but 1st he wants to mention that rapping singer Akorn is here. . . no wait, was that Akon? . . . so the Milan Miracle's gonna ask his question in the form of a rapping song ~ his name's Santino's & he's from Europe / he likes his pancakes with maple syrup / he lost his title to William Regal / his knee to the head should've been illegal / now he's healthy & it's vital / he wants back his I-C title; Intercontinental champion William Regal might not be in a restaurant. . . but he just got served; well, rapping talent aside, Stephanie points out that he had 2 title rematches last week overseas & he lost both, so. . . son-da-ma-gun, this is not over & if Akorn thinks that was funny, then Marella hopes that a squirrel gets to his privates; John Brad$haw Layfield steps up to the podium next, asking where WWE Owner Vince McMahon is, he needs to talk to Vinnie-Mac about 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, since the McMahonopolizer has had issues with HBK in the past; let's just say that Vince's out of the picture & JBL can talk to either herself or her brother if he has any problems with his Survivor Series 10-Man Tag Team Elimination match team captain opponent, then he can turn around & talk to the Showstopper, who himself asks that if, hypothetically speaking, they didn't want to wait 6 days for Survivor Series & instead wanted to take some revenge this week for a steel chair upside the melon. . . hypothetically; Stepho-Mac apologizes, stating that he's gonna have to be patient; yes, patience is certainly a fine attribute & like McMahon said, they're all responsible for their own actions, so he decides to take to the air & start assailing Brad$haw, effectively clearing the ring & snatching up Layfield's hat in the process; DID YOU KNOW. . . RAW was the most watched entertainment program on cable television Monday night for the 4th week in a row, beating show on MTV, TBS, VH1 & NBC! . . . ; betcha the Divas knew that, as there's gonna be a special 10-Divas Survivor Series Elimination match, pitting Team RAW (captain Women's champion "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix, Jillian Hall, Candice Michelle Beckman & We're Kelly-James, ****! {Kelly Kelly & Mickie James}) versus Team Smackdown (captain Divas champion Michelle McCool, Maryse Oullett, Maria Kanellis & the Nasty Girls {Victoria & Natalya Neidhart}); RAW VERSUS SMACKDOWN INTER-PROMOTIONAL DIVAS MATCH: RAW's Kelly Kelly pins Smackdown's Victoria with a 'School Girl' Roll-Up {PSYCHOLOGY: wow!}; after the match, Victoria attacks K² & starts beating her down, which sends Team RAW storming the ring to defend their team mate; the 2nd Inter-Promotional Survivor Series 10-Man Elimination Tag Team match pits Team HBK (captain RAW's 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, along with RAW's Rey Mysterio Junior & Cryme Tyme {Shad Gaspard & JTG}, as well as Smackdown's Great Khali) versus Team JBL (RAW's John Brad$haw Layfield & Kane, Smackdown's Montell Vontavius Porter & ECWWE's Altered Reality {Mike "The Miz" Mizanin & John Morrison}); another 5-on-5 match was announced, as RAW's Dave "The Animal" Batista will captain Team Batista (with RAW Tag Team champions the New Generation {CM Punk & Kofi Kingston}, ECWWE Heavyweight champion Matt Hardy & Smackdown's "R-Truth" Ron Killings) versus Team Orton (captain RAW's "Legend Killer" Randy Orton & Cody Rhodes, Smackdown United States champion "Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin, RAW InterContinental champion William Regal & ECWWE's "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry); Dave "The Animal" Batista beats Manu with a 'BatistaBomb' Sitout Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: blammo!!}; after the match, Cody Rhodes makes like he wants a piece of the Animal, but thinks better of it, as he instead retrieves his burly man-friend; Batista grabs the mic & talks down "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, stating that he finally gets to whoop the arse of the youngest Heavyweight champion in WWE history on Sunday; after all that, ECW Owner Stephanie saunters back out onto the ring entrance ramp, where she welcomes WWE Hall of Famer Chief Jay Strongbow; back to hyping Survivor Series, as Nipple H's hubby, Smackdown Heavyweight champion HHH takes on Vladimir Kozlov. . . RAW Heavyweight title match, champion Chris Jericho versus John Cena. . . Smackdown Casket Match, the UnderTaker versus The Big Show. . . ; backstage, "Legend Killer" Randy Orton sarcastically expresses how impressed he was with Cody Rhodes strategically retreating from an altercation with Dave "The Animal" Batista, because he'd like to go tell the ECW Owner that he wants Rhodes off his team; well, Cody didn't see Randy heading to that ring to take a stab @ the Animal. . . Orton doesn't have to explain his actions, he's the Team Captain, but he's glad that tonight' match against CM Punk's going to be a 30-Man Lumberjack Match, so that Rhodes can see 1st-hand what it's like for a man to back up what he says, since the Straight-Edge Superstar's not gonna have anywhere to run; yeah, keep talkin' Randy, because that's what he's good @
a video package plays, showing the aerial antics of ECWWE's Evan "Air" Bourne; Todd Grisham's standing in the ring, where he calls Bourne to the ring to update his condition ~ he's still stuck in his hard boot, but his ankle's feeling better & before the WWE Universe knows it, Evan'll be back in the ring; but before that, Mike Knox grizzlies up to the smaller man & just. . . sorta. . . glares @ him
before the following match, 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels has something he has to get off his chest, in concerns to Rey Mysterio Junior. . . he's made this walk with a lot of men in his time ~ Smackdown Heavyweight champion HHH, Marty Jannety. . . but this is the 1st time he's done it with Rey-Rey, so he's a little nervous; luckily, Mysterio's a seasoned veteran & used to getting young 'uns like Shawn through such high-profile matches as this, so let's go do this; hey, it's Dolph Ziggler, he must be here to watch the following RAW VERSUS ECWWE INTER-PROMOTIONAL TAG TEAM MATCH: ECWWE's Altered Reality (John Morrison & Mike "The Miz" Mizanin) versus RAW's Border Patrol (HBK & Mysterio); Mizanin defeats Michaels with a Morrison-Applied Superkick {PSYCHOLOGY: dang y'all!}
a video package plays, featuring a bevy of friends, family members & WWE Superstars helping to recap the incredible ride that's been the career of John Cena, which starts up again @ Survivor Series; meanwhile, ECW Owner Stephanie McMahon reiterates that she's giving Heavyweight champion Chris Jericho equal time, but he suggests that she enjoy herself while she still can, as once the Doctor of Thuganomics comes back, he's gonna inspire anarchy & she'd better hope that Y2J retains his title Sunday night
backstage, Todd Grisham bothers CM Punk, who states that these past coupla weeks have been frustrating for the Straight-Edge Superstar, as there was no reason for "Legend Killer" Randy Orton kicked him in the head @ Unforgiven earlier this year, he must've just wanted to feel necessary since Orton was injured @ the time, but it cost Punk his banner year ~ he won the Money in the Bank @ WrestleMania 24, then got drafted to RAW & won the Heavyweight title, then ended up losing it thanks to the actions of the Legend Killer; Randy says that CM's gonna be trapped in that ring when they face off with 30 Lumberjacks, but so will Orton; Punk's father wasn't a WWE Hall of Famer, he wasn't tutored by another Hall of Famer & he certainly never got handed anything in his career, so he's gonna go out there & show the WWE Universe that he has what it takes to succeed
in the backstage area, John Brad$haw Layfield's shown getting ready for his match later on, when his partner Kane walks in & asks his Captain if he has an suggestions; knowing that the Bald Red Machine's not exactly known for taking orders, JBL just tries to relate to his partner, they're quite compatible, when you think about it; how so, queries the BalderTaker, as Layfield makes financial gains, while Kane attaches electrodes to victims' groins; Brad$haw may be the Team Captain @ Survivor Series, but the Bald Red Machine doesn't play well with others & if he tries to enforce any rule over the BalderTaker; DID YOU KNOW. . . since its premiere on MyNorworkTV, Smackdown's been the most-watched telecast in the network's history, during 5 of the past 7 weeks! . . . ; betcha these 4 knew that, in the following TAG TEAM MATCH: Cryme Tyme (Shad Gaspard & JTG) versus Buy No Evil (JBL & Kane); Layfield pins JTG with a 'Clothesline From Hell' Super-Lariat {PSYCHOLOGY: after a blind tag when the Bald Red Machine had their opponent sufficiently softened up}
backstage, Tag Team co-champion Kofi Kingston wishes Evan "Air" Bourne luck with his injury & hopes he'll be back in action in time for the Royal Rumble & OH MY GAWD IT's MIKE KNOX & HE's MERCILESSLY BEATING US UP!
a video package plays, advertizing SMACKDOWN VERSUS RAW 2009, for all videogame platforms & in stores now
WWE Home Video presents "Viva La Raza: the Legacy of Eddie Guerrero", in stores now
Intercontinental champion William Regal pompouses to the ring, where he badgers the WWE Universe for giving Akon a warmer reception than he got, which's the personification of what's wrong with this country; he serves his Queen with dignity & respect, which appears to be a foreign concept to Americans; RAW VERSUS ECWWE INTER-PROMOTIONAL MATCH: RAW Intercontinental champion William Regal versus ECWWE Heavyweight champion Matt Hardy Goes to a Double Countout After Both Men Won't Stop Brawling @ Ringside {PSYCHOLOGY: wellllllllll. . . !}
Heavyweight champion Chris Jericho Breaks Down the Walls to the ring, where he proclaims that for the past month the WWE Universe's been blessed with the touching story of John Cena; now Y2J has an even more touching story, that starts a good 1½ years before the Doctor of Thuganomics even made his WWE debut. . . he achieved legendary status by defeating the Rock for the WCW Heavyweight champion, then defeated StoneCold Steve Austin for the WWF Heavyweight title, to unify the titles into the Undisputed title, enough to cement any man's place in WWE history; it wasn't enough for the King of My World, as he won the very 1st Scramble match @ Unforgiven this past September, a match he wasn't even supposed to be in, but once again he did what nobody thought he could do; he's achieved greatness again & again, defeating CM Punk in a Steel Cage match to retain his title, then upended 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels in a Ladder match, then became the 6-time Heavyweight champion by beating Dave "The Animal": Batista in another Steel Cage match a scant few weeks ago; now Cena's being treated as a conquering hero, but he's never conquered the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah, he's the best in the world today & he refuses to allow the Chain Gang Commander to walk in here & take what's his ~ the centrepiece of RAW isn't John Cena, it's the Heavyweight champion; @ Survivor Series, Jericho'll end the reign of John Cena & finally RAW will be saved
the 30 Lumberjacks ~ RAW's Kane & Deuce Shane. ECWWE's John Morrison & Mike "The Miz" Mizanin, RAW's Dave "The Animal" Batista, Rey Mysterio Junior & Charlie Haas, ECWWE's Fit Finlay, Heavyweight champion Matt Hardy & Ricky Ortiz, RAW's Jamie Knoble, John Brad$haw Layfield, Gene Snitsky, Paul Burchill, Santino Marella, Cody Rhodes, Manu, Mike Knox, ECWWE's "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry, WWE Hall of Famer "Mister USA" Tony Atlas, "All-American American" Jack Swagger, "Innovator of Violence" Tommy Dreamer & Dirk Ziggler, RAW Intercontinental champion William Regal & Hacksaw Jim Duggan, ECWWE's Chavo Guerrero Junior, RAW's 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, D'Lo Brown, JTG & Shad Gaspard ~ saunter their way to the ringside area for the following MAIN EVENT, LUMBERJACK MATCH: "Legend Killer" Randy Orton beats CM Punk With an 'RKO' Modified Ace Crusher {PSYCHOLOGY: like anybody really expected a different outcome, with some 32 total WWE Superstars present, since all fell fighting @ the end!}
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11/18/08 originating on the Sci-Fi Network {in the United States} & rebroadcast on Global {in Canada} the following Friday, late-night
commentating by Matt Striker & Todd Grisham
from the Philips Arena in Atlanta, Georgia; now in WWE~HD
John Morrison & Mike "The Miz" Mizanin saunter to the ring, where the Shaman of Sexy calls for silence, while the Chick Magnet declares that he's gonna be break down the traditional Survivor Series 10-Man Elimination Tag Team match that they're taking part in this Sunday. . . 1st off, it's captained by RAW's John Brad$haw Layfield, a job that could've been easily done better by either Morrison & his natural charisma, or the Miz, who captained 3 different teams @ Normandy High School. . . but you can't really argue with a former Smackdown Heavyweight champion & the only person who's currently financially stable in today's economy; next, they have Smackdown's Montell Vontavius Porter, who's the highest-paid Superstar in that brand's history, which averages out to about $1,356,000 per victory, which's nice work if you can get it. . . he's also the longest-reigning Smackdown United States champion & has some sick ice y'all, so hanging out with Altered Reality should be just the thing to get him ballin', which's something that Morrison's been doing since 5th grade. . . next up, RAW's Kane, who was in "See No Evil", which Mizanin's never seen, but the fact that he's done it is something that he's due to respect & let's not forget his history of mental problems, an affinity for torture & a mastery over fire. . . which's why they're gonna stop talking about the Bald Red Machine now; but these 3 men are deeply fortuitous enough to team with the single-greatest Tag Team in WWE history, but now let's move onto their opponents @ the Survivor Series. . . Smackdown's Great Khali might seem like a major advantage to their team, but he makes out with fat chicks, so how can we take him seriously. . . next to the 7' Punjabi Playboy, we have the 4' Mexican Midget, RAW's Rey Mysterio Junior, who average out to a pair of 6' men, which aren't much of a challenge. . . RAW's Cryme Tyme, who will be the 1st guys eliminated, so they're gonna go backstage & steal everybody's stuff, then go sell it, take the money to the local mall & buy themselves some new gear, the only ice those 2 are rockin' is keeping their 40s cold. . . then there's Captain Highpants, Team Captain & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, who appears to be @ a huge disadvantage, none of his team mates even speak english, so it won't be too surprising to see HBK as the last man standing for their team, but they're hoping for that, since Mizanin & Morrison want him to see 2 men standing in front of him, not just to see them become the greatest Tag Team of the 21st Century, but the single-greatest Superstars in WWE history; @ Survivor Series, Shawn will know, just like everybody else, in life there are winners & there are losers. . . be jealous!
DJ Gabriel defeats Sal Grenaro with a 'Rock the Bells' Top-Rope European Uppercut {PSYCHOLOGY: this guy's rather entertaining, let's see how long he lasts!}
DID YOU KNOW. . . http://www.WWE.com had more monthly visits than http://www.NFL.com, http://www.UFC.com, http://www.MAXIM.com, http://www.FHM.com & http://www.NASCAR.com combined! . . . ; betcha these guys knew that, as they take part in an 5-MINUTE AMATEUR WRESTLING MATCH: "All-American American" Jack Swagger beats "Innovator of Violence" Tommy Dreamer via Disqualification After the OG of Extreme Kicks Him in The Gut While Swagger Was In the Referee's Position {PSYCHOLOGY: I have no idea what I just typed!}
a video package plays, featuring a bevy of friends, family members & WWE Superstars helping to recap the incredible ride that's been the career of John Cena, which starts up again @ Survivor Series
another video package plays, this 1 hyping the unfortunately-pending return of the Boogeyman
WWE Home Video presents "Viva La Raza: the Legacy of Eddie Guerrero", in stores now
in the General Manager's office, Tiffany's entertaining Ricky Ortiz, when suddenly "All-American American" Jack Swagger storms in & demands to speak with Theodore R Long; when Teddy's assistant tells Swagger that she never saw his match, Jack questions what she's good for; Ricky jumps to her defense, which does nothing more than incite some more harsh from the All-American American, threatening to give Ortiz a case of the feel-bads; good thing he has Swagger's lisp to make fun of, but enough of that, here's Long, he wants a rematch next week; fine, well, since Jack demanded that their rematch tonight was in his environment, it seems only fitting that next week's match be an Extreme Rules match
MAIN EVENT, RAW VERSUS ECWWE INTER-PROMOTIONAL 6-MAN TAG TEAM MATCH: Strength & Finesse (ECWWE's "World Strongest Man" Mark Henry & RAW's Pure Athleticism {Intercontinental champion William Regal & Cody Rhodes}) versus the Summer Flingers (RAW Tag Team Co-Champion Kofi Kingston & ECWWE's Fit & Hardy {Fit Finlay & Heavyweight champion Matt Hardy}); Henry defeats Kingston with a 'World's Strongest Slam' Fallforward Slam {PSYCHOLOGY: splat!}
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S ~ M ~ A ~ C ~ K ~ D ~ O ~ W ~ N
11/21/08 originating on MyNetworkTV {in the United States} & on The SCORE {in Canada}
commentating by Tazz & 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross
from the Manchester Arena in Manchester, England; now in WWE~HD
ECWWE VERSUS SMACKDOWN INTER-PROMOTIONAL TAG TEAM MATCH: the Standard of Strength (Smackdown United States champion "Gold Standard" Shelton Benjamin & ECWWE's "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry) versus Killings Me Hardy (Smackdown's "R-Truth" Ron Killings & ECWWE Heavyweight champion Matt Hardy); Killings pins Benjamin with an 'Painful Truth' Scissor Kick {PSYCHOLOGY: bit of a clusterfornication there @ the end, but it all seemed to work out!}
a video package plays, featuring a bevy of friends, family members & WWE Superstars helping to recap the incredible ride that's been the career of John Cena, which starts up again @ Survivor Series
a video package plays, advertizing SMACKDOWN VERSUS RAW 2009, for all videogame platforms & in stores now
backstage, Eve Torres bothers Heavyweight champion HHH, who can't seem to concentrate on his interview, asking if they're real, as he can't seem to stop staring @ her. . . pearls; well, as far as Jeff Hardy & Vladimir Kozlov, it's a big difference between thinking something & knowing something, both men think they're good enough to face him for his title, but he knows he's the best; well, Kozlov knows that ze King of ze Kings' days as champion are numbered
in the backstage area, Maria Kanellis talks to Festus Dalton, who's a catatonically-great listener, as she rambles on & on about how she's gonna look @ her loss last week as just 1 more step toward the Divas title; in walk ECWWE's John Morrison & Mike "The Miz" Mizanin, who wish Festus good luck on his match against them coming up; John says he saw some awesome pictures of Maria on http://www,WWE.com & he has to wonder, just how much airbrushing was done to give her that nice look; the Shaman of Sexy doesn't bring girls who look like Kanellis home to the Palace of Wisdom, but that shouldn't stop her from dreaming; the Miz gives Dalton a Wet Willy on his way out, but the Corn-Fed Colossus only has drool for Maria. . . ; ECWWE VERSUS SMACKDOWN INTER-PROMOTIONAL TAG TEAM MATCH: ECWWE's Altered Reality (John Morrison & Mike "The Miz" Mizanin) versus Smackdown's Dalton Brothers (Festus & Jesse Dalton), Mizanin beats Festus with a 'Reality Check' Elevated Neckbreaker {PSYCHOLOGY: after Morrison rang the bell prematurely, to "de-activate" the Dorn-Fed Colossus}
WWE Home Video presents "Viva La Raza: the Legacy of Eddie Guerrero", in stores now
Jeff Hardy defeats Heavyweight champion HHH with a 'School Boy' Roll-Up in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: which means the match @ Survivor Series will now be a Triple Threat!}; after the match, Vladimir Kozlov assails both men, showing his dominance going into the newly-sanctioned stipulation match
DID YOU KNOW. . . http://www.WWE.com beats every broadcast network website in monthly pageviews, including http://www.CBS.com, http://www.ABC.com, http://www.FOX.com & http://www.NBC.com! . . . ; betcha the Brian Kendrick & Ezekiel Jackson knew that, as a backstage employee tells them that they can't go down this way, they'll have to go back around, which naturally they ignore; before the following match, Hurricane Helms pop-ups onto the screen, criticizing the Brian Kendrick for channeling "Purple Rain" by doing the Bird. . . he's just sayin'. . . ; TAG TEAM MATCH: champions Dos Colons (Carlito Caribbean Cool & Primo Colon) versus Bad To His Bone (the Brian Kendrick & Ezekiel Jackson); Zeke defeats Primo with a 'Big & Bad' Urinagi Bomb {PSYCHOLOGY: whammo!!}
a rather annizz-oying video package plays, advertizing Kizarny's imminent dizz-ebut, my wizzles
the official Survivor Series theme song's AC~DC's "Spoilin' For a Fight" from their album BLACK ICE, in stores now
James Mason pins Montell Vontavius Porter with a 'School Boy' Roll-Up {PSYCHOLOGY: after the Great Khali interfered}; after the match, MVP tried to take out some of his aggression on the Punjabi Playboy, but Khali lays him out with 1 hand; after the match, Hurricane Helms pop-ups onto the screen, begging Vontavius for help, he's running out of things to say. . . he's just sayin'. . .
a video package plays, showing the supposed super-awesomeness of John Cena, whose family & friends were not quite as stunned as many others might've been, that the Doctor of Thuganomics made it in professional wrestling
MAIN EVENT, DIVAS TAG TEAM MATCH: the Bella Twins (Brie & Nikki Bella) versus the Nasty Girls (Victoria & Natalya Neidhart), Brie beats Victoria with a 'School-Girl' Roll-Up {PSYCHOLOGY: there's a lot of that going around this week!}
the UnderTaker sombers to the ring, where the Dead Man offers the Big Show's last rites; @ the Survivor Series, they settle their differences with a Casket, gaze @ its beauty, but as TBS gazes @ it, he should realize that it'll be his final resting place here on Earth; once 'Taker confines the former WCW Giant to this brass coffin, his debts to the Phenom will be paid in full; speaking of the Big Show, here he comes now, as he saunters to the ring, followed by General Manager Vickie Guerrero & her nephew, ECWWE's Chavo Guerrero Junior; TBS proclaims that 'Taker can spout off that mumbo-jumbo all he wants, since he has 2 wins over the Dead Man & he therefore has no fear, which means the UnderTaker has no power over him; he doesn't believe in the Phenom's powers, but he does believe in power of his punch; well, does he believe in the power of cutting the lights & having Mamacita Heat magically appear in the clutches of the Dead Man when they come back up, so that he has the option to shove her unceremoniously into the Casket; when Chavito Heat tries to save Vickie, he gets a 'Tombstone' Elevated Piledriver, as TBS manages to get Vickie out of the coffin & skedaddle backstage