08/24/09 originating on USA Network {in the United States} & simulcast on the Score {in Canada}

commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole

from the Thomas & Mack Center in Las Vegas, Nevada; now in WWE~HD

backstage, Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton states that last night @ Summerslam, he successfully retained his title against challenger John Cena, but not without controversy ~ during their match, a far interfered & while Security was dealing with this enthusiastic member of the WWE Universe, Randy hit an 'RKO' Modified Ace Crusher to secure the win over the Doctor of Thuganomics. . .  but it wasn't really just a fan, now, was it, Ted DiBiase Junior; no, indeed that fan was in fact Brett, Ted's brother, who bought a ticket to last night's event to watch his brother compete, neither Lega¢¥ member knew that he'd interfere in the match, his actions were inexcusable & he'll never interfere in another Orton match; Cody Rhodes clarifies that it's clear that the Legend Killer would've won his match last night anyway, therefore keeping the Heavyweight title, so who cares, really? . . . ; WWE Owner Vince McMahon powerwalks to the ring, where he introduces tonight's Celebrity Guest Host, Floyd "Money" Mayweather, who gets a nice reception from the RAW Universe; while the Heavyweight championship match from last night was mired in controversy, regardless "Legend Killer" Randy Orton's still the champ. . .  but to clear up that controversy will be cleared up @ their next pay-per-view, Breaking Point, where the Chain Gang Commander gets another shot @ the Heavyweight title in an I Quit match & if anybody interferes in the match, on behalf of the champion, then he'll immediately be stripped of his title; but before Vinnie-Mac can make his escape, D-Generation X Break it Down to the ring, where HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels show off yet another new DX t-shirt, while the Game apologizes for not coming out on a tank or something, but AVIS' charging an arm & a leg for the drop fee on 1 of those things, so with today's economy, it was unfeasible. . .  anywho, with that being said, the Cerebral Assassin proclaims that he doesn't like Good-Guy Vince, it's kinda creepy ~ it's like Michael Vick @ a PETA convention or something; HBK knows there must be a reason why the McMahonopolizer's in such a good mood. . .  wait, he's got it, today's August 24th, isn't it? . . .  he thinks somebody's got a birthday; wait, let the King of Kings guess, he was reading a newspaper this morning. . .  was it Dave Chappelle. . .  naw, ya gotta think a lot whiter & a lot crazier. . .  Oscar-winning hearing-impaired actress Marlee Matlin. . .  naw, you gotta think far older & way more incoherent. . .  now let's see, old, crazy, incoherent ~ who does HHH know who's all those things? . . .  it's Vincent Kennedy McMahon's 84th birthday! . . . no, wait, it's his 74th birthday. . .  wait, he feels terrible, the Game declares it's his bad, Vinnie-Mac's really 70. . .  tired of all the shenanigans, the McMahonopolizer exclaims that he's 64, which prompts D-Generation X to make fun of him for admitting how old he was on national television, in turn prompting McMahon to demand that they leave; now, now, the HeartBreak Kid states that, if Vince doesn't want a Happy Birthday, then he'll respect that, kudos to you sir, you're a pioneer & a genius, the reason that we all watch WWE TV & if he doesn't want to have a Happy Birthday, Shawn understands, but it Vince'll just indulge him, he has a video package tribute, accompanied by "Through the Years" by Kenny Rogers, before cutting to show Vinnie-Mac himself singing "Stand Back live @ the Slammy Awards, then getting his head shaved @ WrestleMania 23, then various hijinx featuring the Cerebral Assassin & the Showstopper, as well as some memorable moments with 2009 WWE Hall of Famer StoneCold Steve Austin; after promising he won't forget about this, the King of Kings suggests that, @ his age, he likely will, but he won't forget about this huge birthday cake, which's wheeled out by 4 backstage personnel in DX t-shirts, but they're just not feeling it & even though somebody sent out a memo that they can't celebrate his birthday on national television, this is Vegas & D-Generation X doesn't follow Vince's rules, never did then & never will now, so bring out the showgirls, who all shimmy down to the ring & show affection to McMahon; well, since they're in Vegas, here comes Vinnie-Mac's favourite forms of entertainment, Cirque De Soleil, who prance to the ring & inspires the McMahonopolizer to proclaim their little masks to be gay, just what every man wants on his birthday. . .  but you can't have a birthday in Las Vegas without a visit from the King {& no, I don't mean Jerry Lawler or the Honky Tonk Man}, who hands Vince a pair of Elvis sunglasses, then calls for a classic Presley pose & calls for the RAW Universe to sing Happy Birthday to McMahon; but, just when Vinnie-Mac thought that it was finally over, Big Dick Johnson came out of the super-sized cake, shimmying & undulating in his G-string; alright, alright, well, HHH has 1 last thing & it's sorta private, so if the RAW Universe could just, y'know, turn around, or closing their eyes or something. . .  as D-Generation X asks the WWE Owner to scooch over a little bit, as OH DEAR LORD, LEGA¢¥ ARE ATTACKING DX, but they quickly get down by the Game & Michaels, who decide that, since Floyd Mayweather's not there yet, they're gonna make a No Disqualification 6-Man Tag Team match later tonight, Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior versus the Cerebral Assassin, the 2016 WWE Hall of Famer & the McMahonopolizer & if you're not down with that, the WWE Owner has 2 words for ya! . . .

a video package plays, advertizing Breaking Point, live on pay-per-view, September 13th @ the Centre Bell in Montreal, Quebec ~ for tickets, call (514) 790-2525 or 1-877-668-8269, or check out http://www.geg.ca

Mike "the Miz" Mizanin pins Santino Marella with a 'Skull-Crushing Finale' ?? {PSYCHOLOGY: understandable, if Mike's on his way to a feud with United States champion Kofi Kingston}; after the match, Mizanin declares that this is his getting 1 step closer to defeating the Jamaican Sensation for his U.S. title, because he's the Miz & he's awesome!

DID YOU KNOW. . . over 1,000,000 more people watched RAW last week, than Monday Night Football on ESPN! . . . ; betcha these 6 Divas knew that, as they saunter to the ring for the following "MAYWEATHER MELEE" 6-DIVAS TAG TEAM MATCH: the Girls of Summer (Gail Kim & We're Kelly~James, ****! {Kelly Kelly & Mickie James}) versus Seriously? . . . (Alicia Fox & Master/Slave {"Glamazon" Beth Phoenix & Rosa Mendes}); Fox beats James with an 'Ax' Scissor Kick {PSYCHOLOGY: WHAAAAAAAAAAAA?!}

backstage, 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels tells HHH that he's concerned about WWE Owner Vince McMahon joining them in that No-Disqualification 6-Man Tag Team match in tonight's Main Event, what with Lega¢¥ having teamed together in the past & is the Game even listening to the Showstopper? . . .  oh, the Cerebral Assassin apologizes, he was too busy perusing the Rise & Fall of WCW DVD, which just came out; then a mysterious noise starts up, which appears to be unplanned, so D-Generation X Talk over it, stating that they usually save their shameless plugs for their own merchandise, like their new "DX Army" shirt. . .  not to mention Shawn's new camo cowboy hat. . .  but back to Shawn's original concern, about Vinnie-Mac not being a Tag Team wrestler & he needs to get angry in order to be useful to them. . .  but what's the McMahonopolizer got to be angry about ~ he's a billionaire, he has a great family & a great job, he's in terrific shape for a man of his age, but the King of Kings has an idea that should have him fuming, right abouuuuuuuut. . .  now, as the camera switches to the WWE Owner's office, where Vince McMahon's getting a personal "serenade" from Jillian Hall dressed as Marilyn Monroe, which seems to do the trick

WWE Unified Tag Team champions Chris Jericho & the Big Show anger to the ring to their new entrance theme, where the latter states that Celebrity Guest Host Floyd "Money" Mayweather seems to be doing the smart thing & hiding from TBS, because if the former WCW Giant gets his hands on the boxer, then he'll get revenge for the actions of WrestleMania 24; the pair have some unfinished business & until Mayweather shows up @ this sorry arena, then they're not leaving this ring; well, there he is now, on the TitanTron, the $250,000,000 Man leads his entourage to the ring, where Floyd declares tonight Money Day, then unnecessarily reminds us what he did to the Big Show last year @ WrestleMania 24 & isn't afraid to do it again. . .  although he does have a September 19thpay-per-view bout that's more important, so the Greatest Fighter in the World decides against doing anything about it tonight; well, Y2J disagrees with that moniker & instead labels Mayweather a great self-promoter, but as a boxer he doesn't imagine that the champ's very good & the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah thinks that in his big comeback fight coming up, Juan Manuel Marquez will knock him out. . .  & after that, the WWE Unified Tag Team champion will step into that boxing ring & wipe out whatever's left; Montell Vontavius Porter comes to the rescue of his money source, he doesn't appreciate how they're talking to the man. . .  & since the Big Show's proven himself time & again that he's a big dangerous dummy & Christina's consulting his Oxford dictionary to find some 16-sylabble words to talk over everybody's head, when Mayweather's all ready to knock him 3 ways from Sunday before the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions can even open his mouth; well, sure Floyd defeated TBS with about 18 of his friends. . .  but the WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion could've done that too, had he any friends to speak of himself. but who wants to hang out with a smelly, Sasquatch-looking monstrosity like the former WCW Giant. . .  well, maybe Montell can understand Christina, Beauty & the Beast & all; Vontavius'd better remember who he's talking to, or he'll get such a tongue-lashing. . .  oh would Jericho please [****UT UP![/b][/i] . . .  Porter's getting tired of hearing the King of My World flapping his gums & he knows that the RAW Universe's tired of it as well, the only reason he's here on RAW's because he's ½ of the WWE Unified Tag Team champions, but if somebody were to defeat Jericho & TBS for those titles, then he'd be sent packing back to Smackdown, where nobody on Monday nights would ever have to listen to him again & if MVP can find a partner who can beat these 2 in a non-title match, then they get a title shot @ Breaking Point; yeah, Money likes the sound of that, does Montell have any ideas as to who's gonna be his partner. . .  well, as a matter of fact, he does; #1 CONTENDERSHIP, WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: the World's Strongest Playas (Montell Vontavius Porter & "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry) versus champions Worst Case Scenario (Chris Jericho & the Big Show); MVP defeats Y2J with Some Brass Knuckles Upside the Melon {PSYCHOLOGY: so that's 2 matches named for Breaking point, looks like the show's shaping up already!}

backstage, Cody Rhodes, Brett & Ted DiBiase Junior discuss how they've got it made tonight, but in steps Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, who dismisses the younger DiBiase, then states that tonight's Main Event's the big chance for Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ to redeem themselves against their loss to D-Generation X last night, but more importantly Orton gets to finish what he started, when he booted WWE Owner Vince McMahon in the skull all those months ago ~ now he'll get to put Vinnie-Mac out of his misery, on his birthday; the McMahonopolizer wants to make an I Quit match between the Heavyweight champion & John Cena for Breaking Point, well that's just fine. . . he'll make sure that it's the last match that Vince ever makes

WWE Home Video presents "the Rise & Fall of WCW", a 3-disc set, available now @ all major DVD retailers & @ http://www.WWEShop.com

SPECIAL BOXING EXHIBITION MATCH: Hornswaggle beats Chavo Guerrero Junior via Disqualification After Chavito Heat Bodyslams the Leprechaun {PSYCHOLOGY: channeling WWE Hall of Famer "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, when he took on Mister T!}; after the match, when Guerrero tries to take some liberties with Hornswaggle, Evan Bourne storms the ring & lays him out cold, setting up another Breaking Point match between Chavo & Evan

in the WWE Owner's office, Vince McMahon's sparring with Celebrity Guest Host Floyd "Money" Mayweather, who states, in a showdown between Vinnie-Mac & Mohammed Ali, the McMahonopolizer definitely has more money. . .  in steps Carlito Caribbean Cool, who proclaims that Mayweather's a horrible host, he doesn't even have 3C on the show; then, in step HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, who contradicts what Carlito just said, stating that Floyd's doing a great job, now is Vince ready? . . .  well, he should do a few more drills, so Money goes back to it; well, McMahon should get busy, so that the Game can get busy with his daughter; well, dem's laying-out-3C-with-1-punch words, as the Cerebral Assassin says he was just kidding, but it's good that the McMahonopolizer's listening; DID YOU KNOW. . . http://www.WWEClassics.com has over 1,500 matches from World Wrestling Entertainment, Extreme Championship Wrestling, the National Wrestling Alliance, World Class Championship Wrestling, the American Wrestling Association & World Championship Wrestling! . . . ; betcha HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels knew that, as they Break it Down to the ring for the following RAW MAIN EVENT. NO-DISQUALIFICATION 6-MAN TAG TEAM MATCH: a Pig Flying Over a Frozen Hell (WWE Owner Vince McMahon & D-Generation X {the Game & the Showstopper}) versus Lega¢¥ (Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton & Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ {Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior}); Vinnie-Mac defeats Orton with a HBK-Applied 'Sweet Chin Music' Superkick & a John Cena-Applied 'Attitude Adjuster' Fireman's Slam {PSYCHOLOGY: talk about a birthday present!}

09/14/09 originating on USA Network {in the United States} & simulcast on the Score {in Canada}

commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole

from the Air Canada Centre in Toronto, Ontario; now in WWE~HD

Dave "The Animal" Batista Walks For Miles Inside This Pit of Danger to the ring with a rather impressive-looking big ol' high-tech arm sling, where he states 1st off, before he makes his announcement, he thanks the RAW Universe in the audience & @ home; it's been a rough year for him, he's had a coupla really bad injuries & this isn't how he wanted to come back, but he has to say goodbye; after thanking the RAW Universe for allowing him to have the time of his life in this ring, he reveals that there have been a number or rumours about his retirement. . .  but here comes "Legend Killer" Randy Orton sauntering down to the ring, where he proclaims that he's not very happy about losing the Heavyweight title last night, but something that cheers him up's that the fact that Dave's retiring; this is it, this is how it ends, the big bad Animal going out with a whimper, so whatever big teary-eyed goodbye speech he has, Batista should just say it & leave, because nobody cares; why did Dave wait so long to decide to retire ~ he's not retiring because of his health, Batista's retiring because of the Legend Killer, who put the Animal on the shelf for 3 months after ripping his shoulder out of its socket, put him on the eshelf for another 4 months with a swift kick to the head, so why doesn't Dave just go hang his head & cry, like he was about to before Randy came out here; when the Animal reacts with a chuckle rather than a choked-back sob, Orton questions what's so funny. . .  well, there's 2 things, actually ~ 1st, the Legend Killer's very predictable & 2nd, Dave knows something that Randy doesn't, namely that his arm's okay, as he slips his cyborg-like arm cast off & beats down his former nemesis; the Animal's not here to announce his retirement, he's here to announce that he's moving to Smackdown & he spoke with tonight's Celebrity Guest Host & she promised that he can have 1 last RAW match, a No Holds Barred match against Orton! . . ; speaking of whom, Celebrity Guest Host Trish Stratus Time to Rock & Rolls onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where she brunettes about being happy to be home here in WWE; she doesn't want to toot her own horn, but Trish presupposes that she's gonna make a pretty good Celebrity Guest Host, but she's no Bob Barker ~ her favourite part was where the former Price is Right host almost made WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho cry; but this is RAW, which Stratus knows all too well, she knows what the RAW Universe wants ~ so not only did she already give them Dave "The Animal" Batista versus "Legend Killer" Randy Orton in a No Holds Barred match tonight, she's also given some thought to how Randy also deserves his rematch from Breaking Point, so she's thinking that @ the next pay-per-view, Orton versus Heavyweight champion John Cena in a Hell in a Cell, which coincidentally the next pay-per-view name anyway; well, that's enough Stratusfaction for now, there'll be plenty more Trish later on, so let's get a match going here, shall we; TAG TEAM MATCH: Kofimo (United States champion Kofi Kingston & Primo Colon) versus the All-Mizaricans ("All-American American" Jack Swagger & Mike "The Miz" Mizanin); Swagger pins Kingston with an 'Orthodontist's Dream' Gutwrench Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: after the Miz makes off with Kofi's U.S. title!}

Divas champion Mickie James sexies down to ringside, where she provides special guest commentary for the following #1 CONTENDERSHIP, RAW DIVAS TITLE MATCH: Alicia Fox beats Gail Kim with an 'Ax' Scissor Kick {PSYCHOLOGY: well, colour me surprised!}; after the match, Alicia eyeballs Mickie & I eyeball both; DID YOU KNOW. . . last Monday night, RAW was watched by more people than every show on ABC, the CW & FOX! . . . ; betcha Celebrity Guest Host Trish Stratus knew that, as she welcomes "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix into her office, questioning how the former WWE Women's champion can make a #1 Contendership match for the Divas title without including her, who does the Stratusfyer think she is; before she can answer that, WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho saunters in, stating that Beth shouldn't give Stratus an opening to talk about herself, since RAW's only a 2-hour show; he heard Trish talking about him earlier, she just can't stop thinking about Y2J, can she. . . can't stand the idea that the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah sent her packing; well, if the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions needs to think that, to get through all those cold & lonely nights, that's fine with Stratus ~ hey, she thought that Jericho'd be happier, now that he's found a new soul mate, instead of being all angry & tense like she's always seen him. . .  she can just imagine Chris & his new partner, WWE Tag Team co-champion the Big Show, holding hands & snuggling by the fire; now just hang on 1 cotton-pickin' minute, Phoenix proclaims that it's easy for Stratus to talk trash when she can't back it up, but @ least the King of My World's out there every single night, backing up everything he says, he didn't run off & retire when there was new competition, to go open up a yoga store in this 2nd-rate country {heyyyyy!}, so in other words, unlike Trish, Chris has guts; well, just to prove that Stratus didn't retire to avoid the Glamazon, she'll gladly take on both in a Mixed Tag Team match, she just needs to go grab herself a partner again, just like the last time RAW came to the Air Canada Centre; oh & 1 more thing, the WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion could take Bob Barker any day of the week!

WWE Home Video presents "the Best of Smackdown", "The Rise & Fall of WCW" & "Night of Champions 2009", available now @ all major DVD retailers & @ http://www.WWEShop.com

Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior smarm to the ring, where the former asks if the RAW Universe's ready. . .  to welcome the new era of WWE Superstars, they made HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels tap out @ Breaking Point, unlike 2009 WWE Hall of Famer StoneCold Steve Austin, the Rock, the UnderTaker, the entire McMahon clan ~ even as great as Rated RKO were, neither Edge nor "Legend Killer" Randy Orton made the Game of the Showstopper submit; although they may have shocked the world, what they did Sunday didn't surprise Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ @ all; DiBiase states that they did exactly what they said they'd do, dish out pain so intense that even the almighty D-Generation X had no choice but to give up; last night was just the beginning, they won't stop until the Cerebral Assassin & the HeartBreak Kid are out of WWE forever; from this point on, Rhodes & DiBiase are no longer known as the sons of WWE Hall of Famer "American Dream" Dusty Rhodes & "$1,000,000 Man" Ted DiBiase, but those 2 are now knows as the fathers of Lega¢¥; RAW 1st HOUR MAIN EVENT MATCH: HBK defeats DiBiase via Disqualification After Rhodes Interferes {PSYCHOLOGY: 3 matches in an hour, that must be a new record for RAW. . .  he typed sarcastically!}; after the match, Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ & D-Generation X fall fighting @ ringside, temporarily knocking RAW off the air & setting up for a normally-feud-ending Hell in a Cell match @ the next pay-per-view

TAG TEAM MATCH: Leprechaun Air (Hornswaggle & Evan Bourne) versus Dos Santos Del Hijo (Chavo Guerrero Junior & Carlito Caribbean Cool); Horny pins Guerrero with a 'Tadpole' Top-Rope Extending Mini-Splash {PSYCHOLOGY: so, what ~ "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix was done with Rosa Mendes, so she gave her to Chavito Heat & 3C?}; after the match, Chavo asks what he has to do. . .  okay, Hornswaggle wins, Guerrero gives up!

backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers Heavyweight champion John Cena, who Thuganomics about sometimes in life, there are people who do what they say, while others just talk about it & "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, for so long, talked about how the Heavyweight title was his life, all that he existed for & he'd do anything & everything to keep it. . .  but then, last night @ Breaking Point @ the 1st sign of losing his grip on the belt, Orton simply gave it away; but to this day, as he's always said, the Chain Gang Commander won't quit, although his body was wracked with pain & everytime that he was asked if he would quit & he said no, Cena knew that there was even more pain & suffering on its way, but he gave his word that he wouldn't give up & he's a wigger of his word; thanks to tonight's Celebrity Guest Host, they now have a rematch @ Hell in a Cell, which'll presumably ensure that Orton'll once more promise that John's win over him this Sunday was a fluke & it'll never happen again, then make even more promises that he'll get his revenge & reclaim his title, as well as this Heavyweight title around the Doctor of Thuganomics' waist's more like a 3-week rental. . .  well, Cena's getting his promise out there right now, when that door closes in that Hell in a Cell, the RAW Universe's gonna see a different side of the Chain Gang Commander, a more intense, a more brutal, a more savage side of the Heavyweight champion, Randy'll be a lucky man if he makes it out of that Cell in 1 piece & then there'll be no doubt that the Champ's here!

MIXED TAG TEAM MATCH: Like Tropicana, They Got the Juice (RAW Celebrity Guest Host Trish Stratus & Montell Vontavius Porter) versus the ÜberStars of Glamazonian Awesomeness ("Glamazon" Beth Phoenix & WWE Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho); Trish beats Beth via Disqualification After WWE Tag Team co-champion the Big Show Interferes {PSYCHOLOGY: well, that was a real sham of a match! , , ,}; after the match, "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry evens the odds, prompting the Celebrity Guest Host to announce that, if the former WCW Giant wants to get involved in that match, then suddenly we're gonna have a 6-PERSON MIXED TAG TEAM MATCH: the Most Greekest Playas (Stratus & the World's Strongest Playas {MVP & Henry}) versus 2 Blonds & a Baldy (Phoenix & WWE Tag Team champions Worst Case Scenario {Y2J & TBS}); the Stratusfyer defeats the Glamazon with a 'Stratusfaction' Mid-Rope Scaling Bulldog {PSYCHOLOGY: now that's more like it!}

WWE Home Video presents "the Rise & Fall of WCW", "The New & Improved DX" & "the Bash 2009", available now @ all major DVD retailers & @ http://www.WWEShop.com

a video package plays, advertizing Cedric the Entertainer as the Celebrity Guest Host for next week's RAW; but for now, it's time for the RAW 2nd HOUR MAIN EVENT, NO HOLDS BARRED MATCH: Dave "The Animal" Batista pins "Legend Killer" Randy Orton with a 'BatistaBomb' Sitout Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: yeah, like you didn't expect that outcome!}

09/28/09 originating on USA Network {in the United States} & simulcast on the Score {in Canada}

commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole

from the Times Union Center in Albany, New York ~ http://www.timesunioncenter-albany.com ~ now in WWE~HD

Montell Vontavius Porter's joined in the ring by "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry in the VIP Lounge, where MVP welcomes the Celebrity Guest Host of tonight's RAW, here's- WWE Unified Tag Team champions Chris Jericho & the Big Show, who rudely interrupting their scarlet-hued challengers from introducing the Celebrity Guest Host, sauntering down to the ring to bid shame on Porter for trying to give an introduction like that Reverend Al Sharpton, he's more than a Celebrity Guest Host, he's the civil rights leader of our time. . . a man who had the courage to run for the office of President of the United States. . . he's a man who's talented enough to have his own radio show. . . a man who hosted Saturday Night Live. . . a man who {just like the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah himself} tells it the way it is. . . a man who's composure's unshakable. . . a man who has time & again given a voice to those who have none. . . a man who led protests & is a supported of equal rights. . . a man who's about to embark on an American education reform tour ~ the Reverend Al Sharpton, who Living in Americas to the ring, where he thanks both Vontavius & the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions for giving him the best introduction of his life. . .  okay, tough crowd. . .  just like tomorrow in Philadelphia, Newt Gingridge ? is joining him on a tour to challenge young people on education, to get them to read & decrease the dropout rate; so, if Montell may sum things up, what Sharpton's doing's making sure that the children of the United States get a better education, which's surely something that an arena full of wrestling fans can get behind. . .  so, anywho, everybody has to help close the gap in the dropout rates, they need education reform, just like they need some reform in regards to the WWE Unified Tag Team titles; when Sharpton asks the champs what they think of that, Porter instead suggests that, since Al's the Celebrity Guest Host tonight & what he says, goes, MVP & the former Sexual Chocolate should face Beauty & the Beast, Jerishow, for the WWE Unified Tag Team championships, regardless of the title match that they have on deck @ Hell in a Cell this Sunday; once again turning to the champs, the Reverend hears all about the hypocrites & parasites in the RAW Universe from the King of My World, surrounded by liars & people with no morals, Jericho doesn't care what the fans think of them, but Sharpton must understand that they're already competing in a Gauntlet match against Heavyweight champion John Cena later tonight & they can't possibly be expected to take part in a 2nd match. . . besides, Montell & Mark deserve another title shot, as much as these Pharisees, sycophants & gelatinous tapeworms deserve a man of Al's prominence ~ they don't deserve a special education, they're all imbeciles from birth & they shouldn't even have the right to vote, their opinions don't matter & should just accept somebody telling them what's best for them. . .  they don't deserve to be in the presence of the WWE Unified Tag Team champions; now hang on a second, they can disagree on stuff like politics, but everybody deserves an opportunity, so allow Al to educate Chris about empowering people, turning to the RAW Universe to ask if they'd want to see a championship match tonight, right now; after a chorus or raucous cheers, Sharpton declares that coming up next's a WWE UNIFIED TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: the World's Strongest Playas (MVP & Henry) versus champions Worst Case Scenario (Y2J & TBS); Jericho pins Porter with a 'Codebreaker' Cradling Falling Double-Kneestrike {PSYCHOLOGY: well, there's how the 1st ¼ of RAW starting with a whisper, ending with a bang!}

DID YOU KNOW. . . visitors spent more time on http://www.WWEUniverse.com than http://www.MySpace.com ~ http://www.Twitter.com ~ http://www.FaceBook.com ! . . . ; naw, betcha Celebrity Guest Host Reverend Al Sharpton doesn't even believe that, as he entertains Primo Colon in his office, accepting his appreciation for making things better for minorities such as Colon; suddenly, Hornswaggle stampedes into the office, excitedly exclaiming something or other, running around like a leprechaun being chased by somebody, hiding behind the Celebrity Guest Host, until Chavo Guerrero Junior comes in after his vertically-challenged multi-week antagonist, until Sharpton demands an explanation from Chavito Heat & the formerly-assumed fruit of the McMahon grapefruits; Chavo then goes on to call himself the greatest Mexican-American wrestler of all time {no offense to either his father Chavo Guerrero Senior or uncle Eddie Guerrero, I'm sure! . . .}, who then introduces his rather large Caucasian friend "Masterpiece" Chris Masters; oh his god, Santino Marella exclaims that it's the 2 cavemen from those Geico commercials standing before him, so it's very unfortunate that the Milan Miracle & the Tadpole Splasher have to face them tonight, as they just recently saved a buncha money by changing their insurance. . .  hey, where's that lizard? . . . ; oh his god again, it's the greatest boxing promoter of all the times. . .  no, no, wait, Santino loved him in the original Shaft movies. . . shut your mouth, now everybody outta here, Al's got some educatin' to do!

backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers "Legend Killer" Randy Orton, who proclaims that Heavyweight champion John Cena doesn't stand a chance @ surviving tonight's 3-on-1 Gauntlet Match against him & the WWE Unified Tag Team champions, it'd take a miracle for the Doctor of Thuganomics to come out of tonight's slaughter intact. . .  but this Sunday, the Chain Gang Commander stands to lose a lot more than his coveted title ~ where the sadistic thrive & the strong are humbled, Orton knows that once that cage door's closed & locked, Randy won't be responsible for his actions & Cena;s will to compete & his struggle to survive will come to a very painful & abrupt end, when he wins the Heavyweight championship

RAW 1st HOUR MAIN EVENT, DIVAS MATCH: champion Mickie James beats Rosa Mendes with a 'Mick Kick' Crescent Kick in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: what, only 2 matches in the 1st hour of RAW?!}

the official theme song for Hell in a Cell's "Monster" by Skillet, from their album Awake, available now

Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior holier-than-thou to the ring, where the latter states that they get it, nobody expects them o win this Sunday, to beat D-Generation X inside the Hell in a Cell. . .  but the RAW Universe should start considering the possibility, as for what they've done over the past few weeks. . .  they're primed for the single-greatest victory in their young careers, handing out the single-worst defeat to HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels; so for those with short attention spans, or decided to put it of their minds, Rhodes & DiBiase have a special video package set up, replaying the highlights of their dominance over DX, including making the Showstopper tap out @ Breaking Point ~ http://fans.wwe.com/ringrust/blog/2009/09/14/world_wrestling_entertainment_presents ~ & further humiliating them on RAW in the weeks that followed ~ nobody expected the Lega¢¥ members to do any of those things; the Game & HBK are 2 of the greatest Superstars walking the face of this earth & RAW's been their sandbox. . .  the Cerebral Assassin's a 13-time Heavyweight champion & a surefire 1st-ballot Hall of Famer. . . but after Sunday, he can go pick out that corner office he's had his eye on in WWE Headquarters, joining his relatives in Stamford, Connecticut for what the rest of his career would be. . .  & as for the HeartBreak Kid, well, Cody's been in the ring with the man & he can tell the RAW Universe that Shawn's indeed the greatest ring performer to ever breathe. . .  he overcame a broken back to come & have some of the most storied matches in wrestling history, things of legend, but these legends will come to a tragic conclusion when D-Generation X step into that Hell in a Cell with Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ this Sunday, when they're standing over the broken heap that was Shawn Michaels; they're not gonna be locked in there with DX, DX's gonna be locked in there with- BORRRRRRRRRRING! exclaims HBK & HHH from a skybox, which makes Ted mock them even harder, they see right through the 2016 WWE Hall of Famer & the King of Kings, they're well aware of the beating that's gonna be dished out to them @ the hands of the former RAW Tag Team champions @ Hell in a Cell; but hey, do Rhodes & DiBiase really think that DX's making fun of them because Michaels & the Game are feeling insecure. . .  well, in reality, the reason that they make fun of Rhode$ to Ri¢he$'s because- now hang on, Hunter, Shawn warns him that this is a PG show, so he has to be very careful what he says; right, right, politically correct. . .  okay, so Rhodes & DiBiase are like butts, though not the cheeks, so much as the little puckered brown eye. . .  & the 2nd reason that they're making fun of the Lega¢¥ members, how can the Game put this in a way that they'll understand ~ say, Cody's a comic book nerd, right? . . .  well, y'know when the Hulk calms down & becomes his alter ego Bob Barker- no, the Hulk's really Bruce Banner, Bob Barker's somebody else. . .  so anywho, when the monster goes away, there's Bruce Banner, but when Banner's all angry, then the monster comes back. . .  but unlike Bruce Banner, DX likes it when the monster comes out & y'know what, why wait for Sunday, as HBK & the Cerebral Assassin head down through the crowd to the ring, where they chase Cody & Ted out into the audience themselves; standing alone in the ring, Shawn declares that it's a shock, after all the talk, here they stand ready to go, while Rhodes & DiBiase run away; they should enjoy the distance between them, because Sunday there'll be no running, no hiding & no joking inside that Cell

DID YOU KNOW. . . last Monday night, RAW was watched by more people 18-49, than the Jay Leno Show on NBC! . . . ; betcha "All-American American" Jack Swagger knew that, as he saunters down to the ring, wearing Kofi Kingston's United States title around his waist, to compete in the following match, where he defeats Evan Bourne with an 'Orthodontist's Dream' Gutwrench Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: a sound thrashing for the U.S. title contender!}; after the match, Swagger declares that it's just a matter of time, he has the look & the athleticism, as well as the belt, so it's now merely a formality for him to be crowned the next U.S. champion; out steps Mike "The Miz" Mizanin, who reminds us that he's made the most impact on RAW since the last draft, as well as being the most unpredictable, not to mention that he's garnered more attention than anybody. . .  therefore, Mike's gonna be the next United States champion & everybody knows it; well, that's all Jack can stands & he can't stands no more, as the 2 tarheelians fall fighting, while the Jamaican Sensation storms the ring to reclaim his title once more

WWE Home Video presents "the Best of Smackdown", a 3-disc set commemorating the 10 years of Thursday & Friday nights, available now @ all major DVD retailers & @ http://www.WWEShop.com

TAG TEAM MATCH: Through Being Cool (Chavo Guerrero Junior & "Masterpiece" Chris Masters) versus My Tuscaloosa Heart (Santino Marella & Hornswaggle); Masters makes Marella Submit with a 'Masterlock' Swinging Full-Nelson {PSYCHOLOGY: sure, why not?}; after the match, as the Masterpiece has Horny clamped into a smaller version of the 'Master Lock' Swinging Full-Nelson, Chavito Heat lays 1 upside the chops of his partner, then leaves the ring with a rather perturbed expression

RAW 2nd HOUR MAIN EVENT, 3-ON-1 GAUNTLET MATCH: Heavyweight champion John Cena beats WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho via Disqualification After Y2J Refused to Released the 'King Crab' Boston Crab; the Doctor of Thuganomics defeats WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show via Disqualification After the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions Interferes; the Chain Gang Commander versus "Legend Killer" Randy Orton Goes to a No Contest, After the Cell Lowers & Both Men Climb on Top, where Cena Drops Orton with an 'Attitude Adjuster' Fireman's Slam {PSYCHOLOGY: ummmmm. . .  sure! . . .  whatever floats your boat, Vinnie-Mac!}

10/12/09 originating on USA Network {in the United States} & simulcast on the Score {in Canada}

commentating by WWE Hall of Famer Jerry "The King" Lawler & Michael Cole

from the Conseco Fieldhouse in Indianoapolis, Indiana ~ http://www.consecofieldhouse.com ~ now in WWE~HD

WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho tells us that he's the best @ what he does, but that's besides the point @ the present time, as in 2 weeks' time, WWE debuts another new pay-per-view, RAW versus Smackdown, where the main event will be pitting the best of both shows against each other in a 7-on-7 Tag Team match; as the WWE Unified Tag Team champions, he & the Big Show represent both shows, but 1st & foremost a proud member of the Smackdown roster, so he's been named the captain of Team Smackdown, leaving it up to him to assemble the best team possible to embarrass & soundly beat the 7 hosers representing Monday nights; excuse her, here comes Celebrity Guest Host Nancy O'Dell {http://www.bettysbattle.org} declaring that they're not gonna be starting RAW with the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah, they're gonna start with D-Generation X, so have a good night, okay? . . .  ; meanwhile, HHH Breaks it Down to the ring, where he calls the timekeeper into the ring to do the 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels running-around-the-Game shtick, finally getting the boot when he does it particularly horribly; the Cerebral Assassin's gonna do things a little differently, because tonight's not a normal night for him, he has to do all the schlocky DX stuff himself. . .  for the 1,000s in attendance, the 1,000,000s watching around the world & for the HeartBreak Kid who's still @ home. . .  well, that just leaves HHH with 2 simple choices, either A) leave it @ that & choose Team RAW by himself, or B) he can be a true friend & call Shawn @ home & badger him, so since he's not the most tech-savvy guy on the planet. . .  now let's see, Speed Dial "HBK" & let's put it on Speaker. . .  which Michaels must be regretting around about now, as his outgoing message's him singing about being on the other line or not @ home, so leave him a message & he'll call back @ a later time, 'cause he's a Texty Boy- hello, hello, you didn't hear that message did you? . . . the Game's standing here with about 15,000 members of the DX Army & they all wanna know where the hell he is. . .  well, his daughter got sick today, so he's just now getting the vomit out of his hair & put his girl down for the night, having just read her a story; say, it wasn't a story from the new "Unauthorized History of D-Generation X" book, available @ all fine bookstores now, was it? . . . naw, he wouldn't read that kinda stuff to his daugh- err, he mean, yes, yes he did, what child wouldn't want to hear about how her father once used to stick the heads of his opponents up the posteriors of other wrestlers on a regular basis; well, the Cerebral Assassin'll let HBK go deal with his family, so the RAW Universe says goodbye to the 2016 WWE Hall of Famer, so now it's time for HHH to move onto Bragging Rights; speaking of which, here come the WWE Unified Tag Team champions, who have no interest in holding up the new DX book & smiling into the camera, instead Y2J states that, now that the Cerebral Assassin's out here by himself, without the defensive line from the Pittsburgh Steelers, it's a much fairer fight in Jericho's eyes; since he's been named the team captain of Smackdown, the show that just celebrated its 10th anniversary, has more episodes than Cheers & Seinfeld & is obviously better because the &@220;berStar of Jerichlean Proportions is on it; yeah, HHH agrees, it's a great show, with a spineless General Manager who does whatever WWE Owner Vince McMahon says, features a grumpy little troll who runs his mouth off all the time {yeah, that's you TBS!} & features great wrestling by superb athletes like the Great Khali, a show that's clearly not even in the same league as RAW; well, it's clear that Team Smackdown already has the upper hand, since it's headed by a paragon of virtue like the King of My World, instead of being lead by a coupla middle-aged delinquents; because he's the team captain, even though his fellow WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion may technically be a part of the RAW-ster, Jericho wants him on Team Smackdown; so that's how it is, is it, when Chris says jump, TBS says how high, is that how the JeriShow works; naw, that's now what Y2J said, the Big Show ain't nobody's follower; well, since the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah's pitching all these ideas out here, that must mean that the former WCW Giant's the catcher, which infuriates the Big Show something fierce; no, they're equals, but truth be told, it's TBS who carries the team, he's not the 1 who got pinned last week. . .  yeah, well, Jericho's not the 1 who was the laughing stock of SportsCenter after Celebrity Guest Host Shaquille O'Neill beat his arse. . .  well, @ least Shaq's 7' tall & Big Show didn't get punked out by a 200-year-old fossil named Bob Barker; Jericho said that he'd fight Barker anytime, anyplace, anywhere, TBS also knows that he's the best in the world @ what he does & look what he's done with the former WCW & WWF Heavyweight champion, he's a new man, new outfit, new outlook on life, he's a new man ~ he's no longer known as the guy who got knocked out @ WrestleMania 24 ~ http://www.lordsofpain.net/news/2008/articles/1206934970.php ~ by Floyd Mayweather; as both men have heated words without their mics, suddenly TBS declares that he doesn't wanna be on Team Smackdown @ Bragging Rights, he wants to be on Team RAW, so there, nyah; now, wait a second, HHH just wants to make sure that he gets this straight, the WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion wants off of Team Smackdown & onto Team RAW, well that's awesome, except that there are no slots open. . .  but he's been talking to the Celebrity Guest Host tonight & he's been given the authority to allow TBS onto Team RAW if he wins his match tonight. . .  against WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho, right now; "BRAGGING RIGHTS ~ TEAM RAW" QUALIFYING MATCH: WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show beats WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho via Countout {PSYCHOLOGY: well, then! . . .}; after the match, Access Celebrity Backstage Correspondent Maria Menoudos bothers Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior, the latter stating that he's feeling pretty good tonight, considering that he wasn't the 1 who was carried off on a stretcher last week. . .  simmer down, now, Cody's feeling alright, he's more than able to compete here tonight, they both feel like they deserve to be on Team RAW, but unfortunately that won't be possible, since D-Generation X have been put in charge of the qualifying matches for Team RAW & they've both been put into a Triple-Threat match, the winner of which will be entered into Team RAW; alright, alright, so who's the 3rd opponent? . . .  John Cena, of course!

RAW DIVAS TITLE MATCH: Jillian Hall defeats champion Mickie James with a Powerbomb & Her Feet on The Ropes {PSYCHOLOGY: WHAAAAAAAAAA?!?!?!?!?}; after the match, Jillian calls for everybody to grab their cameras, photographers should gather around, to get a load of their new Divas champion; there's only 1 thing that would make this moment better, so she's gonna sing her new favourite song, Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi"; Celebrity Guest Host Nancy O'Dell saunters out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where she blissfully interrupts the new Divas champion, her ears are hurting so badly right now. . .  but you see, Nancy made a call to the other 2 General Managers & made a few Diva trades, namely Hall's opponent, who she has to defend her newly-won title against, right now; RAW DIVAS TITLE MATCH: Melina Perez pins champion Jillian Hall with a 'Last Call' Flipping Sitout Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: arguably, the shortest title reign in WWE history!}

a video package plays, advertizing Bragging Rights, live on pay-per-view, October 25th

DID YOU KNOW. . . http://www.WWEClassics.com is the only place you can watch the 1st 100 episodes of Monday Night RAW! . . . ; betcha Snoop Dogg knew that, as he's next week's Celebrity Guest Host from Jacksonville next week

backstage, HHH's on Speakerphone with 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, telling him that it's essentially them, WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show & possibly either Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase Junior or John Cena; say, why's Shawn's music playing, he's not there. . .  oh the Game's god, it's Hornswaggle dressed as a miniature HeartBreak Kid; now look here, buddy, the Cerebral Assassin saw Horny doing the crotch chop last week & now he's dressed like HBK, that's gimmick infringement pal & he's not gonna stand for it; after Michaels sees the midget on his TV, dressed in his clothes, he calls for the Cerebral Assassin to get that clothes off of him, but before HHH can act, "Horn Michaels" delivers a Superkick to a cardboard stand-up of the 2016 WWE Hall of Famer, dropping the stiff in 1 blow

in the Celebrity Guest Host's office, Nancy O'Dell & Maria Menoudos consider themselves basked in, as Santino Marella can't believe that he's in the presence of the Sexy Superfan of the Month from WWE Magazine. . .  but maybe he can become the latest male anchor for Access Hollywood, check this out. . . "could it be, Judge Reinhold & Fred Savage in Somehting-or-Other-I-Couldn't-Make-Out, stay tuned to Access Hollywood for more information". . .  in storms "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix, who can't believe what she just heard, she's been traded to Smackdown, she's not gonna calm down, O'Dell has to get on the phone with Smackdown GM Theodore R. Long & get her traded back to RAW; well, from what Maria's heard, every Diva's rather excited about her getting traded off of RAW, but all that does is irk the former Women's champion, asking if Menoudos even knows what she can do to a scrawny waif like her; hang on, Santino pipes up, Maria's not scared of Phoenix, it's been her long-time dream to compete in WWE, c'mon Nancy, make it happen. . .  well, she doesn't know- then it's official! . . . & another thing, every time that they were intimate, Marella faked every organism!

a video package plays, hyping WrestleMania 26 tickets being on sale in 26 days

RAW 1st HOUR MAIN EVENT, TRIPLE THREAT "BRAGGING RIGHTS ~ TEAM RAW" QUALIFYING MATCH: Cody Rhodes  versus John Cena versus Ted DiBiase Junior; the Son of the Son of a Plumber beats the ,000,000 Son with a Roll-Up {PSYCHOLOGY: whoa, nice!}; after the match, Celebrity Guest Host Nancy O'Dell declares that, since Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ aren't exactly getting along right now, why don't they take on another Tag Team that's definitely not getting along @ present ~ John Cena & Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton!

"BRAGGING RIGHTS ~ TEAM RAW" QUALIFYING MATCH: "All-American American" Jack Swagger defeats Montell Vontavius Porter with an 'Orthodontist's Dream' Gutwrench Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: so Swagger joins D-Generation X, Cody Rhodes & WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show on Team RAW so far!}

backstage, Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton gets between his Lega¢¥ teammates, tonight he's not gonna be teaming with John Cena & he's not gonna allow Celebrity Guest Host Nancy O'Dell to dictate their futures, he's simply not gonna tag in, making it effectively a Handicap Match; it's clear to Ted DiBiase Junior that Cody Rhodes' more concerned about what'll happen to him if he happens to pin both Orton & DiBiase in the same night. . .  oh yeah, well, Ted's concerned about how the only way to redeem himself's to pin Randy himself. . .  guys, guys, guys, if either of them are thinking any of those things, they'd better keep on thinking

"BRAGGING RIGHTS ~ TEAM RAW" QUALIFYING MATCH: Kofi Kingston pins Evan Bourne with a 'Trouble in Paradise' Xuanfengjiao Tornado Kick {PSYCHOLOGY: boom, boom, boom ~ that leaves the final team member, to be determined on Superstars Thursday!}

WWE Magazine presents "the History of WWE", available now @ http://www.WWEShop.com

in the locker room, HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels are still talking on the phone, while the cardboard stand-up of the Showstopper {all bandaged up, as though really feeling any pain!} stands looking all forlorn. . .
when Celebrity Guest Host Nancy O'Dell steps in with Maria Menoudos, asking the Game if she's ready for her match against "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix, she's been reading "The Unauthorized Biography of DX" for the past 20 minutes, as well as the 2 kicks how to put the Cerebral Assassin in a headlock for 20 minutes; naw, naw, she's ready, now what can HHH do for Chavo Guerrero? . . . he's onto the Game, he saw Hornswaggle giving the crotch chop last week after defeating Chavito Heat, he saw the leprechaun dressed like HBK earlier tonight, what are they up to? . . . naw, naw, the Cerebral Assassin hates that troll as much as Chavo does, he's lucky DX doesn't sue him for copyright infringement; Guerrero doesn't believe the King of Kings, he's way more talented than WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show, he can fly higher than Kofi Kingston, he's way cuter than Cody Rhodes, he should be the captain of the team; well, Menoudos practices 1 of her kicks onto the cajones ~ you know, the general cockular area ~ of the Lone Warrior, dropping him like a bag of potatoes

DID YOU KNOW. . . more people watched ECWWE last Tuesday, than any other program on A&E, ABC Family, TLC & ESPN! . . . ; betcha these 6 Divas knew that, as they sexy on down to the ring for the following 6-DIVAS TAG TEAM MATCH: Seriously? . . . (Alicia Fox & Master/Slave {"Glamazon" Beth Phoenix & Rosa Mendes}) versus A Sorry Excuse To Allow a Celebrity to Wrestle (Maria Menoudos & K³ {Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim}); K² beats Mendes with a Legdrop {PSYCHOLOGY: a legdrop! . . .}

United States champion Mike "The Miz" Mizanin saunters down onto the ring entrance ramp stage, where he demands respect for his new title, then declares that in 2 weeks time @ Bragging Rights, he'll be facing the Smackdown Intercontinental champion John Morrison, for the 1st time since they split up; they won numerous Tag Team titles together, but while the Miz was clearly the talent of the duo, the former ECWWE Heavyweight champion was nothing more than a hairdo with abs; congratulations, Morrison, he's the new Richards Simmons & in 10 years time, while he's still wearing bedazzled tank tops & hanging out with overweight women, Mizanin'll be chilling @ the top of the single-greatest show in WWE, RAW, because he's the Miz & he's awesome! . . . ; speaking of which, here's the BRAGGING RIGHTS CARD SO FAR: 14-Man Inter-Promotional Tag Team match, Team RAW (HHH, 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, Kofi Kingston, WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion The Big Show, "All-American American" Jack Swagger, Cody Rhodes & a 7th Superstar) versus Team Smackdown (all to be announced). . . Fatal 4-Way, Smackdown Heavyweight champion the UnderTaker versus Dave "The Animal" Batista versus CM Punk versus Rey Mysterio Junior. . .  1-hour "Anything Goes" Iron Man match, RAW Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton versus John Cena. . .  & of course, RAW United States champion Mike "The Miz" Mizanin versus Smackdown Intercontinental champion John Morrison; before the following match, Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton saunters down to the ring, where he declares that he's already spoken with next week's Celebrity Guest Host & since next week will likely be the Chain Gang Commander's last week on RAW, he's arranged to have the Doctor of Thuganomics to take part in 1 of the biggest matches in his career; RAW 2nd HOUR MAIN EVENT, TAG TEAM MATCH: Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ (Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior) versus Stormin' On Chumps Like They're Thunder & Lightning (Orton & Cena); DiBiase defeats Orton with a Roll-Up {PSYCHOLOGY: well, then! . . . again!}; after the match, just to add insult to injury, the Doctor of Thuganomics drops the Legend Killer with an 'Attitude Adjuster' Fireman's Slam; as promised, it's announced that, next week during what's potentially his final RAW match, the Chain Gang Commander faces none other than HHH in the main event!