08/28/09 originating on MyNetworkTV {in the United States} & on The SCORE {in Canada}

commentating by Slammy Award-winning Todd Grisham & 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross

from the University of Phoenix Stadium in Phoenix, Arizona; now in WWE~HD

Heavyweight champion CM Punk Killswitch Engages to the ring, where he basks in the bile of the Smackdown Universe, then declares that he told us so, that he'd defeat Jeff Hardy @ Summerslam & in case we were too intoxicated to remember, he calls for a video package to play, showing highlights of the whole thing; the Straight-Edge Superstar's never felt so alive as he does right now & he's sure that none of the weaklings in the arena tonight are even capable of knowing such feelings, as they're all too busy with their numerous addictions to feel anything real; he's feeling every bump & bruise today, a whole 5 days after the match, which he uses as a reminder of how much better he is than the Rainbow-Haired Warrior & every single member of the Smackdown Universe ~ they all reach for the Extra Strength pain relief when they have the slightest of headaches, but if either of them felt the way Punk does right now, they'd be on a morphine drip; right after the match, he was celebrating CM's superiority over the Charismatic Enigma, when suddenly all his thunder was stolen by the evil UnderTaker, who dropped the new champion with a 'Goozle" Chokeslam, so with all that he's gone through in the past week, the straight-Edge Superstar's now forced to take part in a Steel Cage match tonight; he's a pioneer & makes sacrifices, he's the role model that the world needs & that's why the WWE Management are scared of him, but Punk's better than the Rainbow-Haired Enigma & tonight he's gonna prove it once again; cue the Charismatic Warrior, who EndeavorAfters to the ring & states that he hopes that Punk's enjoyed his reign as the Straight-Edge Heavyweight champion, because it ends tonight; CM's sitting out here in his high horse, proclaiming that the 3 most important words in the english language's Just Say No, but tonight there are 3 different words that are more important to Hardy, Steel Cage Match; now, the Heavyweight champion knows that Jeff's drunk on something, to have the courage to come out here & face the Straight-Edge Superstar, is it painkillers to dull the scary reality that Punk's just plain better than Hardy, well Punk's fed up with young impressionable kids cheering for the Rainbow-Haired Warrior & booing the Straight-Edge Superstar, so he proposes a Loser-Leaves-WWE match. . .  if Punk loses, the Smackdown Universe & the Charismatic Enigma never have to hear the Heavyweight champion talk about how great he is. . .  but if Hardy loses, then it'll be proof positive that the Straight-Edge lifestyle's the way to be & far superior to Jeff's ImagiNation; General Manager Theodore R. Long holla-holla-hollas out onto the ring entrance ramp stage, making the match official & declaring that the winner of tonight's match'll be in a Submissions match @ Breaking Point against the Dead Man, for their Heavyweight title; speaking of whom, the Phenom makes his highly-anticipated return to Smackdown next Friday

TAG TEAM MATCH: the Maître D's of Mattitude (John Morrison & Matt Hardy) versus the Calgary Bulldogs (Tyson Kidd & David Hart Smith); Morrison beats Smith with a 'Starship Pain' Split-Legged Corkscrew Moonsault {PSYCHOLOGY: or maybe they're the Sauciers of Smattitude!}

DID YOU KNOW. . . Smackdown was the most-watched entertainment program last Friday, by males under 65! . . . ; betcha Maria Kanellis knew that, as she asks Melina Perez why she can't just let her be happy, Dolph Ziggler makes the Future Ex-Misses FanBoy Mark Jabroni happy; does she think that Melina wanted to tell her friend this & make her unhappy. . .  well, yeah, actually, because Perez doesn't have a boyfriend who cares about her, like Maria does; in steps the former Spirit Squad member, who calms the fears of his girlfriend, stating that the woman that Melina saw him with was his sister Kristen, who was @ Summerslam to see her brother not wrestling in green & white anymore

before the following match can even begin, Drew McIntyre drops "R~Truth" Ron Killings with a 'Criminally Sexy' Swinging Snap Double Underhook DDT, then proclaims that he's not here to do a little dance & sing a little rap, the party's over

a video package plays, advertizing Breaking Point, live on pay-per-view, September 13th @ the Centre Bell in Montreal, Quebec ~ for tickets, call (514) 790-2525 or 1-877-668-8269, or check out http://www.geg.ca

Women's champion Michelle McCool hobbles to ringside on crutches, where she proclaims that she was set to compete tonight, except that Melina Perez went & attacked her last week & injured her knee ~ the Future Ex-Missues John Brad$haw Layfield isn't cleared to compete & certainly shouldn't be out here putting any weight on it @ all, so instead she here to watch the following SMACKDOWN DIVAS MATCH: Perez defeats Layla El with a 'Kyranium Krunch' Legdropping Reverse DDT {PSYCHOLOGY: complete with primal scream!}; after the match, Melina B-Lines towards McCool, who's sent sprawling to the arena floor

WWE Home Video presents "the Rise & Fall of WCW", a 3-disc set, available now @ all major DVD retailers & @ http://www.WWEShop.com

Intercontinental champion Rey Mysterio Junior beats Kane via Disqualification After the Bald Red Machine Refuses to Stop Bashing the Biggest Little Man @ Ringside {PSYCHOLOGY: well, how else did you expect Rey to believably defeat the BalderTaker?!}; after the match, the Great Khali saunters down to the ring to distract Kane, while Dolph Ziggler uses his 'NTN' Jumping Russian Legsweep to distract Mysterio into unconsciousness

DID YOU KNOW. . . visitors spent more time on http://www.WWEUniverse.com than http://www.MySpace.com ~ http://www.Twitter.com ~ http://www.FaceBook.com ! . . . ; naw, betcha WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho didn't even believe that, as he once again proclaims that he's ½ of the most dominant Tag Team in WWE history & even though they technically didn't win in their match last week against Montell Vontavius Porter & "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry, Y2J takes a great deal of solace in the fact that they win when it's important & they never lost their titles last week, so they can face those 2 troglodites @ Breaking Point & defeat them, just like they took down Cryme Tyme @ Summerslam; the WWE Unified Tag Team champions are men of honour, principle & honesty, they don't cut corners & most of all, they're champions; well, speak of the Beast, here comes ½ of Cryme Tyme right now, for their match, which starts off as a Singles match, but quickly degenerates into bedlam, so General Manager Theodore R. Long holla-holla-hollas to the ring entrance ramp stage, where he declares this now to be a TAG TEAM MATCH: WWE Tag Team champions Worst Case Scenario (Chris Jericho & the Big Show) versus Cryme Tyme (JTG & Shad Gaspard); TBS defeats Gaspard with a 'Knockout' Straight Punch {PSYCHOLOGY: blammo, what a Summerslam rematch!}

backstage, Matt Hardy wishes his younger brother Jeff luck in his Main Event match, declaring that the former Mattitude Practitioner has nothing but respect for the Rainbow-Haired Warrior, so he wants the Charismatic Enigma to go out there, knock out this Steel Cage match, knock out the Straight-Edge Superstar while he's @ it & then they can go back to thinking about bringing back Team 2xtreme on a more permanent basis; MAIN EVENT, SMACKDOWN HEAVYWEIGHT, "LOSER-LEAVES-WWE" STEEL CAGE MATCH: champion CM Punk beats Jeff Hardy by Escaping the Cage {PSYCHOLOGY: well, so much for that idea, eh Matt?}; after the match, as the Steel Cage's being lifted back up to the ceiling & the Straight-Edge Superstar heads backstage to celebrate with a 6-pack of milk, Hardy gets to his feet & apologizes for anybody who he might've disappointed, but it's been 1 helluva ride, Matt's back on his side so there's still a Hardy on Smackdown, so it's all good ~ this isn't goodbye forever, it's just goodbye for now; then, just as the Rainbow-Haired Charismatic Enigmatic Warrior's almost backstage, the Heavyweight champion goes & does the dastardly, bashing his already-beaten opponent in the back of the skull with the championship belt

09/18/09 originating on MyNetworkTV {in the United States} & on The SCORE {in Canada}

commentating by Slammy Award-winning Todd Grisham & 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross

from the Copps Coliesum in Hamilton, Ontario; now in WWE~HD

in the garage, a black stretch limousine pulls in, disgouging General Manager Theodore R. Long & a posse of Security personnel, who all amble into the arena for tonight's show

Dave "The Animal" Batista Walks for Miles Inside This Pit of Danger to the ring, where he takes in the adulation from the Smackdown Universe for an excessive amount of time, then reminds us that recently his contract expired with RAW & for the 1st time in his WWE career, he got to choose where he was ~ no Drafts, no trades, Dave's choice, which was to be right here on Friday nights ~ the Animal's glad to be back & can't wait to get started; WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho smarms to the ring, where he Ayatollah of Rock & Rollahs about how heartwarming it is to have Batista back on Smackdown, applauding @ the thought of babies smiling, birds are chirping & all's right with the world; in reality, the Animal makes Y2J sick, he's just like that other injury-prone loser Edge, pandering to these pathetic parasites, begging for cheers from all the hypocrites, hoping for some sort of reward for coming back from an injury; so let the ŊberStar of Jerichlean Proportions get something through that Neanderthal brain of Dave's, the King of My World's the fixture on Smackdown & everybody knows it ~ a lot has changed since Batista's been gone; well, splendid, tonight they've got a chance to catch up, in his match against Batista, who takes that opportunity to bash the WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion to the mat; backstage, Y2J asks fellow WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show where he was during that brouhaha, never mind the fact that he specifically told the former WCW Giant that he wanted to confront the Animal alone. . .  anywho, yeah, sure, stay back here, while Jericho goes out there to take down Dave, to show why he's the best @ what he does

Dolph Ziggler joins Grisham & JR @ ringside for the following match, but 1st a video package plays, showing Mike Knox going on about Restless Leg Syndrome, which affects 25,000,000 people in the United States ~ a neurological disorder where the victim's legs develop a chronic aching sensation, which can only be alleviated by the rapid movement of the lower extremities. . .  they haven't found a cure yet, which apparently's bad news for Intercontinental champion John Morrison; the Shaman of Sexy defeats Knox with a 'Starship Pain' Split-Legged Corkscrew Moonsault in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: a battle of egos coming to Hell in a Cell, when Morrison & Ziggler face off in the fabled steel cage!}; after the match, John asks Dolph if he had a good time playing footsie with Todd Grisham, then brings up Mister Ziggles again, much to the delight of the Smackdown Universe & much to the chagrin of the former Spirit Squader, who makes his way backstage with an air of superiority befitting a future I-C champion

backstage, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers Referee Scott Armstrong, who asked himself why he did what he did @ Breaking Point since Sunday. . .  what was asked of him @ the pay-per-view, after 30 years in this business, he's never been asked to do. . .  but in this business, he answers to somebody much higher than he is; Armstrong has a wife & kids, which was why he felt sick to his stomach to do what he did to the UnderTaker ~ something he's not proud of, but he makes no excuses, he did what he had to do to keep his job

a video package plays, advertizing "the Smackdown Celebration", which airs October 2nd @ 8pm EST on MyNetworkTV

SMACKDOWN 1st HOUR MAIN EVENT, DIVAS MATCH: Melina Perez pins Women's champion Michelle McCool with a 'Last Call' Flipping Sitout Powerbomb in This Non-Title Match {PSYCHOLOGY: wow, 2 in a row. . .  makes me wonder if these titles are being taken seriously, or if they're essentially just window dressing?}

in the General Manager's office, Theodore R. Long tells his Security personnel to stay close to him, until WWE Owner Vince McMahon powerwalks in, asking once more where his pictures is, then congratulates the GM on bringing Dave "The Animal" Batista to Smackdown. . .  but why in the name of all things unholy did Long double-cross the UnderTaker @ Breaking Point ~ Vinnie-Mac told Teddy to entertain the Smackdown Universe, so the McMahonopolizer demands that the General Manager owes not only him, but the Smackdown Universe, an explanation about his actions Sunday, so get ta steppin' out to that ring; does Teddy have any idea what the Dead Man's capable of, once he's motivated to revenge? . . . ; DID YOU KNOW. . . WWE's watched by more than 15,000,000 people every week in the United States! . . . ; betcha Long knew that, as he MacMilitants to the ring, where he personally welcomes Dave "The Animal" Batista to the Smackdown roster, then goes on to make an admission. . .  all of this was pre-planned to prevent 'Taker from becoming the Heavyweight champion; he's not gonna stand out here that he's proud of what he did, because Long's not. . .  nor is he gonna claim that he's unafraid of the Phenom, because he is & is more than acutely aware that the UnderTaker could show up here tonight;now, Teddy understands that he's not the only guilty party in this ~ Referee Scott Armstrong & Heavyweight champion CM Punk share a measure of guilt as well; now, for the reason that the GM did what he did ~ he has a family to take care of, times are tough & he can't let his family down, he can't let them see him standing in the unemployment line & he's just too old to learn to do something news. . .  therefore, Long apologizes for his actions, to the Smackdown Universe & to each & every 1 of the fans in the audience, especially to the Dead Man; 1 last thing, he hopes that 'Taker can find it in his heart to forgive the GM; heading backstage, Teddy crawls into his limo, only to find out that the driver's been replaced with the 'Taker, who billows some dry ice into the back of the car, while basking the GM in a portable purple gel & distorting his voice for some reason & effectively guaranteeing that Long will never win any sort of award for his acting skills; meanwhile, back in the arena, Heavyweight champion CM Punk Killswitch Engages to the ring, where he Straight-Edges about telling the Smackdown Universe that he'd make the Phenom tap out, just like he told them that he'd defeat Jeff Hardy for his title & then get rid of him forever; but Punk didn't come out here to brag about all that, he came out here to confront the UnderTaker, to stick his Heavyweight title in the Dead Man's face & look him in the eye. . .  but of course, 'Taker happens to conveniently not be here tonight, so instead the Straight-Edge Superstar chooses to bash in the adulation of the Smackdown Universe, because it's obvious to him that they all need a good preaching to ~ they all need somebody that they can look up to, somebody who isn't morally corrupt, somebody who's righteous instead of self-righteous; Punk knows what they're all gonna do next. . .  exactly what their hero the UnderTaker did, give up, but by the looks of about ½ of them, they already have; what kind of live is it that they all live, what kind of existence do they have, that they have to wake up every morning & pop a pill to help crawl out of bed. . .  then they ravage their bodies with pitchers of beer & that's supposed to somehow heal their broken self-worth. . . & then they just make excuses about inhaling poison into their lungs, just to calm their nerves. . .  then @ the end of their sad, lonely, pathetic day, they need another pill to make them forget everything & help them sleep ~ they're all just a legion of inebriated zombies milling in line @ the pharmacy, with their hand out, begging & pleading for that newest anti-depressant that they think will help put an artificial smile on their faces. . .  they scrape & crawl for a scapegoat for all of their inadequacies & believe the Heavyweight champion when he says that the Smackdown Universe has a lot of those; don't tell him that they don't medicate themselves to forget about it all. . .  to hide from all of their inadequacies. . .  anybody who says that they don't, is a liar on top of all that, lying to themselves right now, to the person next to them, to their families when they go home & what's most insulting's that they're lying to the Straight-Edge Superstar, who can see right through all of them & their lies; Punk's not a liar, he's a man who means what he says & says what he means ~ a prophet, the choice of a new generation, a champion that everybody can finally be proud of, the 1st-ever Straight-Edge champion in the history of the WWE & if the Smackdown Universe isn't Straight-Edge like Punk, that just means that he's better than them

TAG TEAM MATCH: Cryme Tyme (JTG & Shad Gaspard) versus the Calgary Bulldogs (Tyson Kidd & David Hart Smith); Kidd beats JTB with a 'Blockbuster' Flipping Neckbreaker {PSYCHOLOGY: nice!}

backstage, Melina Perez enters the Divas locker room, where she spies a veritable cornucopia of pictures, featuring Women's champion Michelle McCool in the arms of Dolph Ziggler, which her friend Maria just can't see. . .  too late, here she is now, the Future Ex-Missus FanBoy Mark Jabroni balks @ the idea that her boyfriend could be cheating on her & besides, if Perez thought that something was going on, why didn't she come to Maria, she didn't need to go put all of these pictures up; no, no, she's misconstrued the situation. . .  no, Kanellis' done with this & she's done with Melina

the Great Khali defeats Kane via Disqualification After the Bald Red Machine Bashes the Punjabi Playboy with a Steel Chair {PSYCHOLOGY: of course. . . !}; after the match, the BalderTaker takes further liberties with his Breaking Point opponent, destroying the Farsi Flinger's leg with the ring steps, leaving Khali laying @ ringside, awaiting some EMTs to wheel him backstage on a gurney

Drew McIntyre saunters to the ring, where he states that it seems that "R~Truth" Ron Killings was involved in an unfortunate incident in the backstage area, so therefore it's his misfortune to have to inform the Smackdown Universe that he won't be able to compete tonight. . .  but as for Charlie Haas, who's already standing in the ring, he's the winner by forfeit, congratulations. . .  after Haas shakes McIntyre's hand, the newcomer drops the veteran with a 'Criminally Sexy' Swinging Snap Double Underhook DDT, then saunters backstage again

SMACKDOWN 2nd HOUR MAIN EVENT MATCH: Dave "The Animal" Batista pins WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho with a 'BatistaBomb' Sitout Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: seemed a rather foregone conclusion, didn't it!}; after the match, ECWWE's Josh Mathews bothers WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show, who states that Batista got lucky this week, but if he were to choose to step into the ring with the former WCW Giant, then that'll be another story altogether

10/02/09 originating on MyNetworkTV {in the United States} & on The SCORE {in Canada}

commentating by Slammy Award-winner Todd Grisham & 2007 WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross

from the TD Garden in Boston, Massachusetts ~ http://www.tdgarden.com ~ now in WWE~HD

the Decade of Smackdown Celebration kicks off with a video package, running down the 10 year history of the Blue Brand; afterward, Ross & Grisham are in the ring, where they pander to the Boston Smackdown Universers, then go backstage to show a bevy of Superstars celebrating the 10 Anniversary of Smackdown

SMACKDOWN MOMENT #64: December 16th, 2005 saw Amigo Heat (Dave "The Animal" Batista & Rey Mysterio Junior) take on Tag Team champions MNM (Joey Mercury & Johnny Nitro), winning the straps for their fallen friend, the late Eddie Guerrero; Batista defeats Kane with a 'BatistaBomb' Sitout Powerbomb {PSYCHOLOGY: well, given that the Bald Red Machine didn't have a title match @ Hell in a Cell in a few days, it was a bit of a no-brainer as to who was to come out on top of this match, which was a solid opener to any show!}

backstage, Smackdown General Manager Theodore R. Long holla-holla-hollas @ the assembled RAW, ECWWE & Smackdown Superstars enjoying the party, until he comes across RAW's Hornswaggle, who slaps Smackdown's Maria Kanellis across the rump, prompting RAW commentator Michael Cole to exclaim that it's Classic Hornswaggle! . . . then Smackdown's Fit Finlay strays on by & chastises Teddy for ordering a Diet Pepsi, instead calling for his son to give them 4 Irish Whiskeys, which in turn prompts Cole to declares Vintage Finlay! . . .  well, maybe Long'll have just 1, as Fit has a toast, to all their health, a decade of Smackdown & loving to fight; when Smackdown Heavyweight champion CM Punk steps in to tell his GM not to drink that, Cole wears out his welcome by shouting Vintage Punk! . . . then the Straight-Edge Superstar asks if the Superstars are ashamed of themselves, with him @ the helm, it's not Prohibition Rules here on Friday nights; CM goes on to declare that they all pay close attention to tonight's main event, as he's set to put on display why the Straight Edge lifestyle's the way to be; EXCUSE HER! . . .  it's former Smackdown & RAW General Manager Vickie Guerrero, who's been watching the show & can't believe that Long lifted the ban on the UnderTaker's 'Devil's Gate' Figure 4 Chokehold, what was he thinking, some people just don't have a backbone to run this show; enter Latina Heat's hot new boyfriend Eric, who was just signed onto Smackdown today by WWE Owner Vince McMahon, with Mamacita Heat as his manager; RAW's Santino Marella nearly causes a real-life coronary for Teddy, dressed as the Dead Man, proclaiming this an awesome costume party! . . . ; DID YOU KNOW. . . WWE offers all U.S. Military personnel free tickets to its live events in the United States! . . . ; betcha RAW's Michael Cole knew that, as he drunkenly declares these to be Vintage Shrimp! . . .  then the Tough Irish **** takes his last shrimp, then calls Horny over to deliver a platter full of shots, which prompts Cole to make a height joke about Horny bringing over some more shrimp, which scores Michael a boot to the shin; now off to the VIP Lounge, where RAW's Montell Vontavius Porter & "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry let him in, while simultaneously dissing ECWWE's Zack Ryder, who tries to buy his way in with a coupla buck. . .  well, if there's room, Henry'll think about it, but 1st he has to join MVP in welcoming the former United States champion's former Tag Team champion partner, Smackdown's Matt Hardy, who's lucky enough to be joined by RAW's Kelly Kelly & a bevy of WWE Divas, WWE Hall of Famer Sergeant Slaughter & the Iron Sheik. . .  but no Zack Ryder

a video package plays, showing the Smackdown legacy of the late WWE Hall of Famer Eddie Guerrero

RAW's "All-American American" Jack Swagger joins Ross & Grisham @ ringside for special guest commentary for the following SMACKDOWN 1st HOUR MAIN EVENT, RAW VERSUS SMACKDOWN INTER-PROMOTIONAL TAG TEAM MATCH: We Ain't No Make Believe (Smackdown Intercontinental champion John Morrison & RAW United States champion Kofi Kingston) versus Team Pompous (Smackdown's Dolph Ziggler & RAW's Mike "The Miz" Mizanin); Ziggler pins Morrison with an 'NTN' Jumping Russian Legsweep {PSYCHOLOGY: Kofi's from Guana, South Africa, now?!}

backstage @ the Smackdown 10th Anniversary Celebration, ECWWE's Yoshi Tatsu & Smackdown's "Kung" Fu-Naki are doing karaoke of the theme song of RAW's 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, "Sexy Boy", interrupted by RAW's Jillian Hall; then, WWE Hall of Famers Sergeant Slaughter & the Iron Sheik are arguing merits of their respective countries, then when the Sheik starts choking on something, ECWWE's Hurricane Helms swoops in to make the save; meanwhile, RAW's Michael Cole's wearing a black cowboy hat & screaming "Boomer Sooners!" while wolfing down more shrimp, starting to feel the inevitable stomach-churning sensation that comes from overeating & liberal libations, as supplied by RAW's Hornswaggle & Smackdown's Fit Finlay; WWE Unified Tag Team champions Chris Jericho & the Big Show walk in, calling for attention, as Y2J proclaims that tonight's party should be in their honour, as they were both on the very 1st episode of Smackdown all those years ago, so not only are they the most dominant Tag Team in WWE history, they're also the most tenured on Friday nights; even Stevie Wonder can see this 1 coming, as Cole's looking about as green as the Hurricane's costume, while Finlay & Hornswaggle continue feeding him shot after shot; it's time for the Superstars to wrap up this party & start showing the WWE Unified Tag Team champions the respect that they deserve. . .  cue Cole's upset stomach, voiding itself orally all over the nice expensive shoes of the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah, which in turn causes the former WCW Giant to hurl his own most recent meal, prompting WWE Hall of Famer "Mister USA" Tony Atlas to let loose another peal of Totally-Not-Fake Laughter®

a video package plays, showing Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson @ his home, in front of replicas of all the WWF & WWE titles that he's won, recording a heartfelt greeting for the Smackdown Universe; hello, apparently Dwayne Johnson's returned to Friday nights ~ naw, that's not right. . .  technically, the People's Champion's found his way to the WWE ~ that's not it either. . .  hygienically, the Great 1's breath has never been fresher ~ that's a keeper, that's- no, it's not right, you don't have to tell the Rock that it's not the right promo. . .  spiritually, the Brahma Bull's as 1 with nature ~ well, that sucked, he's searching for something, from somewhere in the cockle or sub-cockle region, he'll get it. . .  who in the blue hell's Dolph Ziggler? . . .  say, is that the Rock's latte, finally! . . .  wait, there's something to that ~ FINALLY! . . . on the show that he started, the show that he put on the map, the show that was named after him! . . .  FINALLY, The ROCK HAS COME BACK TO SMACKDOWN! . . .  you take this mic, shine it up real nice, turn it sideways & shove it straight up your- naw, just joking around, he's not into inserting inanimate objects into other people's orifices anymore; 10 years, Smackdown's been on the air & the Rock was there to begin it all, to change the English language forever, layin' the smackdown on all you candy ****. . .  from dropping the most electrifying move in all sports entertainment, the People's Elbow & unleashing the Rock Bottom, the Rock's baby left him & he found a new place to dwell, it's down @ the end of Jabroni Drive, that Smackdown Hotel; from the very 1st time that the Rock walked out onto Smackdown as the WWF Heavyweight champion, every fan from Berlin to Boston was chanting the Rock's name; now, 10 years later, who's champion, some Jabroni named CM Punk, Straight-Edge dude, never drinks or smokes, always sits down when he's using the toilet, yeah you know who the Rock's talking about; he shouldn't be called CM Punk, it should be BM Punk, for Bowel Movement, which's what the audience wants to take when they hear the Smackdown Heavyweight champion start talking; the Rock's never faced Punk, but he's faced Punk's opponent this Sunday @ Hell in a Cell, the UnderTaker, who he's sold out arenas with in the past, they have an extensive history together, he was whipping the Dead Man's arse all around the world- okay, well, technically it was only 1 time & it was by Disqualification, so guys, let's just edit that out, because the Phenom's 6' 10", 350 pounds & the People's Champion doesn't want to get a 'Tombstone' Elevated Piledriver for his impudence. . .  what, the director's arguing with the Brahma Bull now, has he ever been Tombstoned? . . .  it's not some kinda pleasant experience, y'know, unlike the Rock tearing this Jabroni director's shirt open ~ erm, on 2nd thought, go shave that & get back behind the camera, his man-bush's disturbing. . .  but not as disturbing as what's gonna happen to the Straight-Edge Superstar this Sunday when he steps into that Hell in a Cell against 'Taker; the Rock says there's gonna be a new Heavyweight champion Sunday, but this show's always gonna belong to the Jabroni-beatin', pie-eatin', has no peer, has no flaw, now that he's tried Smackdown, maybe it's time for the Rock to Guest-Host RAW. . .  he'll be the most electrifying host in RAW history, get ready for it, IF YOU SMELlLlLlLlLlLlLlL WHAT The ROCK's COOKIN'!

WWE Home Video presents "the Best of Smackdown", "The Rise & Fall of WCW" & "Night of Champions 2009", available now @ all major DVD retailers & @ http://www.WWEShop.com

every single WWE Diva not directly involved in the following match, saunter to the ring to provide heterosexual-male-inspired assistance in the following LUMBERJILLS, SMACKDOWN WOMEN'S TITLE MATCH: champion Michelle McCool beats Melina Perez with a 'Faith Breaker' Piledriving Faceplant {PSYCHOLOGY: Divas, Divas, everywhere & not a drop to drink!}

a video package plays, showing the UnderTaker declaring that Smackdown Heavyweight champion CM Punk's about to enter the domain of the Dead Man ~ a place of eternal torment, where there's no forgiveness, only vengeance; 'Taker will not only win the title, but he'll also know the Straight-Edge Superstar off his black horse of righteousness & the pills & alcohol that Punk so despises will soon be a necessary evil in his life; welcome to Hell's Playground, Satan's Structure, Hell in a Cell!

DID YOU KNOW. . . more males under 55 watched Smackdown last Friday, than every show on ABC, Fox, NBC or CBS! . . . ; betcha the WWE Superstars knew that, as they're all still backstage partying it up, until Drew McIntyre saunters in with something to say. . .  as the newest member of Smackdown, allow him to make a toast. . .  here's to Smackdown, the soon-to-be Heavyweight champion & the party just getting started; well, somehow dem's fightin' words for "R~Truth" Ron Killings, who jumps Drew from behind & the pair fall fighting, until some WWE Officials break it up

[b]SMACKDOWN MOMENT #100:[/b] April 14th, 2005, which saw Heavyweight champion John Cena debuts the now-infamous "Spinner" belt, to the chagrin of every serious wrestling fan on the globe; as well, here's [b]SMACKDOWN MOMENT #32:[/b] September 28th, 2008, where then-General Manager Vickie Guerrero banished the UnderTaker from the WWE, stripping him of the Heavyweight title. . .  naturally spawning some Dead Man comeuppance for Mamacita Heat, which's capped off with a 'Tombstone' Elevated Piledriver; but never mind all that now, as it's finally time for the SMACKDOWN 2nd HOUR MAIN EVENT, RAW VERSUS SMACKDOWN INTER-PROMOTIONAL 8-MAN TAG TEAM MATCH, The Biggest 8-Man Tag Team in The History of Smackdown (RAW's D-Generation X {HHH & 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels} & 2Pac {RAW Heavyweight champion John Cena & Smackdown's UnderTaker}) versus The 4 Horsemen of Self-Righteousness (Smackdown Heavyweight champion CM Punk & RAW's Lega¢¥ {"Legend Killer" Randy Orton & Rhode$ to Ri¢he$ [Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Junior]}); the Phenom defeats the Legend Killer with a 'Tombstone' Elevated Piledriver {PSYCHOLOGY: funny, for some reason I figured either the Doctor of Thuganomics or the Straight-Edge Superstar would've scored the win in this match, but it was hellaciously entertaining regardless!}; after the match, all 4 members of the winning team get their spotlight, heading into their Hell in a Cell matches in 2 days

10/16/09 originating on MyNetworkTV {in the United States} & on The SCORE {in Canada}

commentating by Slammy Award-winner Todd Grisham & RAW's Michael Cole

from the Rupp Arena in Lexington, Kentucky ~ http://www.rupparena.com ~ now in WWE~HD

General Manager Theodore R. Long holla-holla-hollas onto the ring entrance ramp, where he reminds us that 1 week from this Sunday, WWE returns to pay-per-view with Bragging Rights, where not only with RAW & Smackdown have their Heavyweight titles defended, but there's also a 14-Man Tag Team match, Team RAW versus Team Smackdown, to determine which show's the best & as the GM, Long plans to put together a team that represents the great talent showcased here every Friday night; in order to counter RAW's team of HHH, 2016 WWE Hall of Famer "HeartBreak Kid" Shawn Michaels, Kofi Kingston, Cody Rhodes, "All-American American Jack Swagger, "World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry & WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion the Big Show, Teddy throws it to Team Smackdown captain, WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho, who saunters to the ring & states that finally, after years of listening to politicking Superstars, the GM's finally made a good decision & named Y2J the captain of Team Smackdown & he doesn't care if the Smackdown Universe likes it; there's a possibility that RAW's John Cena will be returning to Smackdown, after RAW Heavyweight champion "Legend Killer" Randy Orton defeats him soundly in their 1-hour "Anything Goes" Iron Man match @ Bragging Rights, so therefore the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah has some sad news, he's the Man around here now, so there's not gonna be any room for the Doctor of Thuganomics to come over here & try to take over; nobody's been more successful here on Friday nights, so if the Chain Gang Commander wants back in on Smackdown, he's gonna have to go through the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions, who's led this show & that locker room by example of honesty & integrity, he's the cornerstone of WWE, the best @ what he does & the reason that these parasites in the Smackdown Universe are even in the arena tonight, so as the captain of Team Smackdown, the King of My World has to assemble a team of such awesome winningness, that they'll follow every word of his & Jericho'll lead them to the Promised Land. . . easily defeating Team RAW, as led by those 2 delinquents who wrote this piece of flotsam & jetsam known as "The Unofficial History of DX", 2 miscreants more interests in pandering to all of the hypocrites in the WWE Universe, pushing all of their useless merchandise that all of you mindless sheep are more than willing to buy ~ t-shirts, glow sticks & books full of lies ~ well, do you know what Chris thinks of DX? . . . if you wanna get a good look @ what he's gonna do to D-Generation X & their team of RAW losers, then just look @ the tattered remains of the book he just shredded, he's here to open the Smackdown Universe's eyes &-POW! there goes Kane's pyro, as the Bald Red Machine angers to the ring, where he balks @ the idea of Y2J calling Team Smackdown his ~ he's been listening to every word that the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah's been saying & the BalderTaker's out here to announce that he's now the co-captain of Team Smackdown. . .  well of course you are, as the ÜberStar of Jerichlean Proportions was just about to announce that, in fact. . .  the combination of Kane's power & Jericho's genius would make them unstoppable; well, as far as the Bald Red Machine's concerned, that book, DX & the entire Team RAW can all go up in flames; TRIPLE THREAT, "BRAGGING RIGHTS ~ TEAM SMACKDOWN" QUALIFYING MATCH: Dolph Ziggler versus Mike Knox versus Fit Finlay; Ziggler pins Knox with a Filnay-Applied Shillelagh Upside the Melon {PSYCHOLOGY: a rematch, of sorts, as all 3 of these men competed in a Triple Threat match to determine the #1 Contender for the Intercontinental championship, with the former Spirit Squader winning that match as well!}; DID YOU KNOW. . . as Smackdown celebrates its 10 year anniversary, it's broadcast more shows than ER, Law & Order, Cheers & the Simpsons! . . . ; betcha General Manager Theodore R. Long knew that, as he entertains WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho in his office, where they both watch the following SMACKDOWN 1st HOUR MAIN EVENT, TAG TEAM, "BRAGGING RIGHTS ~ TEAM SMACKDOWN" QUALIFYING MATCH: Cryme Tyme (JTG & Shad Gaspard) versus the Calgary Bulldogs (Tyson Kidd & David Hart Smith); JTG beats Kidd with a 'Shout-Out' Spinning Headlock Sitout Lariat {PSYCHOLOGY: so the Hoodfellas join Y2J, Kane & Dolph Ziggler in Team Smackdown!}; then, before the following match, Vickie Guerrero excuses herself, then introduces her new boyfriend, making his Smackdown debut, Eric Escobar, who takes part in the following "BRAGGING RIGHTS ~ TEAM SMACKDOWN" QUALIFYING MATCH: Escobar defeats Matt Hardy with a Roll-Up & a Handful of Tights {PSYCHOLOGY: arriba!}

RAW United States champion Mike "The Miz" Mizanin & Smackdown Intercontinental champion John Morrison saunter to the ring for a special edition of the Dirt Sheet, where the Shaman of Sexy declares that @ Bragging Rights, he's gonna prove that being the I-C champion's far more impressive than- oh wait, Miz has a championship too, weird; not only will the pay-per-view in 9 days help determine which show's superior, it'll also show us which former member of the most decorated Tag Team in recent WWE history's better in Singles competition; everybody knows that Mike was the true star of Altered Reality & all throughout history, great pairs have broken up, with 1 going on to superstardom & the other going on to obscurity ~ case in point, Mork & Mindy, Robin Williams & What's-Her-Name? . . .  then there's Bill & Ted, 1 went on to become Neo & crack the Matrix, while the other checked into the Unemployment line, where he'll likely be meeting Mizanin in about 10 days. . .  & the list goes on ~ Wayne & Garth, Regis & Kathie Lee & nobody can forget about the Rockers, so when they get to Bragging Rights, the Miz's ready to prove that he's the Shawn Michaels & Morrison's the Marty Jannety ~ naw, that's impossible, because Marty never had sweet merchandise like John, where's Mike's shirt? . . . his mom has 1 of these shirts, by the way; well, there can't be 2 Marty Jannetys, so by default Morrison's Marty, thank you. . . well actually, according to the Friday Night Delight, there are 2 Jannetys, Marty & Mizzy ~ see what happens when you don't have a girlfriend, folks; y'know, Mizanin hasn't changed @ all, the only thing he's done's conformed, back in the day he had that hat & scarf, he @ least had the courage to dress like himself, a loser. . .  but now he's a strange combination of Michael Phelps, Mister Ed, P!nk & Big Dick Johnson; #1, he has great hair, #2, women love his pearly whites & #3, he looks great in his trunks; the Smackdown Universe should make some noise if they think Mike's husky. . .  naw, they're all just jealous of the RAW United States champion's awesome body, he's gonna move on to Bragging Rights to prove that he's better than the Smackdown Intercontinental champion; hey, why wait for the pay-per-view, why doesn't the Miz do his thang right now, RAW's only a 2nd rate Saturday Night Live nowadays anyway, so if you're in the mood to watch the amazing star power of Reverend Al Sharpton & Nancy O'Dell, then go on ahead & tune in Monday nights. . .  who's hosting next week, Big Bird; but if the WWE Universe'd rather tune in to see great wrestling action & the Friday Night Delight, then they should watch Friday Night Smackdown; Mizanin's the reason that people even watch RAW, he's the reason that their Tag Team even succeeded, he carried Morrison for 2 years, he was the true talent of the team; well, in truth, the Smackdown Intercontinental champion proclaims that all the RAW United States champion did was shoot off his mouth, toting his catch phrases all willy-nilly, but talk's cheap, this is Smackdown, not RAW, so John's not gonna sit here & take his big talk; when it appears that the former Tag Team champions are gonna fall fighting, the Miz instead opts to exercise the better part of valour, heading backstage with his U.S. belt tucked between his legs

back in the General Manager's office, Theodore R. Long's still entertaining WWE Unified Tag Team co-champion Chris Jericho, as they check out the following "BRAGGING RIGHTS ~ TEAM SMACKDOWN" QUALIFYING MATCH: Drew McIntyre beats "R~Truth" Ron Killings via Countout {PSYCHOLOGY: hmm, 2 new faces taking part in the moderately-high-profile RAW Versus Smackdown match @ Bragging Rights! . . .}

backstage, Dave "The Animal" Batista wishes Rey Mysterio Junior luck in their upcoming match, but he's uneasy about wrestling a guy who's essentially his brother, but the Biggest Little Man tells his amigo that brothers fight all the time, but the fact of the matter's that they're both going after the Heavyweight title @ Bragging Rights & they both want it badly; they'll both have to keep their eyes open for CM Punk, he's liable to do anything & as for the champion. . .  well, they both know what the UnderTaker's capable of, so they'll just have to go out there & do their thang. . .  but for tonight, maybe Batista can go a little easy on Mysterio? . . . ; elsewhere backstage, the Phenom states that it's been said history has a way of repeating itself, but not in his yard; the Straight-Edge Superstar, the Smackdown General Manager & Referee Scott Armstrong have all decided to once again tempt their fates, to wrest the holy grail from death's grip. . .  but he thinks they should know that, once they enter Hell's Gates, there's no turning back; @ Bragging Rights, 'Taker claims Punk's soul & reads the former Heavyweight champion his last rites; SMACKDOWN 2nd HOUR MAIN EVENT MATCH: Rey Mysterio Junior defeats Dave "The Animal" Batista with a Roll-Up {PSYCHOLOGY: WHAAAAAAAA?!?!?}; after the match, even though he's understandably unset over the referee not seeing that 1 of his shoulders was up, Batista congratulates his amigo, then leaves Mysterio to celebrate his victory, leaving Rey-Rey open for a sneak attack from CM Punk, who leaps out of the Smackdown Universe & drops the Biggest Little Man with a 'Go To Sleep' Falling Kneestrike, then hightails it back out through the crowd when the Animal storms the ring to his friend's assistance