I'm going to hold off my "Diva" rant so I can look at tomorrow's Survivor Series Pay Per View. Of all the PPV's  currently on the schedule the Survivor Series has been running for the second longest amount of time, only to be trumped by Wrestlemania. What I always liked about Survivor Series were of course the Survivor Series matches themselves. Back in the day this was a big time PPV where feuds didn't necessarily end but escalated and storylines, like the Mega Powers breaking up, were given more steam before they hit their climax. The first four Survivor Series PPV's (1987-1990) were the very best in my humble opinion because they were all about the Survivor Series matches and nothing else. If I had to pick a favorite it would either be the first Survivor Series or the 1990 version where not only did we get two major debuts (Undertaker and Gobbelty Gooker) but the winners of Surviror Series matches all came back for one last "ultimate match of survival" (faces vs heels which saw Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior emerge as the final two men standing at the end).

1991 was when the Survivor Series started to take a downhill turn for me personally. This was when they had the first non Survivor Series match on the card, when Undertaker beat Hulk Hogan for the WWE Championship with help from Ric Flair. Not only did this take two of the biggest names out of the Survival matches but it also put the main spotline on the singles match and away from the PPV's bread and butter. As time has passed the Survival matches have meant less and less..but enough of my sobbing, let's break this sucker down match by match.

World Heavyweight Championship

Chris Jericho (c) vs John Cena

This match is reminiscent of Hulk Hogan appearing in WCW for the first time. Prior to Bash at the Beach 1994 there was tons of hype for the Hulkster on WCW TV, including a contract signing that featured Ted Turner himself and a parade. The very first thing they did with Hogan was have him fight for the title straight away. Even though Hogan and Flair had a very good match there were a couple of problems with the way this was booked. First of all, having Hogan vs Flair right away is what they call "blowing your load and the first try" (note how I tried to clean that up). The Hogan debut match did not need to with Flair or for the WCW title, and the WCW title match did not need Hogan. You could have had both matches (Hogan's debut, title match) seperate and made the Bash at the Beach seem even bigger, then build up towards Hogan vs Flair for the title looking towards Starrcade. That's along the lines of what I'm seeing here.

The World Heavyweight Championship does not need John Cena's return, what should have happened here is Cena in one of the Survival matches to help build interest in those and Jericho defend against someone else...perhaps a rematch with Batista to keep that angle going. With things the way they are however I'm going to guess that there is no way Cena is going to lose his return match after so much hype, and Jericho will have another too short title run.

Casket Match

Undertaker vs Big Show

I guess you can put in the "I think the casket match has been done to death" category. I'm usually up for a Taker/Show match as more often than not they are great big man battles, but after all of these years the casket match thing bores me. I guess I'll pick the Undertaker to win, but if he does it would pretty much end the feud since he beat Show at Cyber Sunday, and I think this feud still has some steam on it. Still, I'll go with Taker.

WWE Championship

Triple H (c) vs Jeff Hardy vs Vladimir Koslov

I hate triple threats for the simple fact that they "cluster-f's". The only good "cluster-f's" in my opinion are battle royals/royal rumbles and Survival matches. I'm not a huge fan of any of the participants in this one but I'm going to pick Trips here for a couple of reasons. I wouldn't trust Hardy with a backyard wrestling championship, nevermind one of the biggest titles in the biggest wrestling promotion. With his track record I don't believe he deserves a modicum of trust. Koslov is just not ready to be at the top level, and with his severe lack of charisma I don't know if he ever will be. So Trips it is.

Survivor Series Match

Shawn Michaels, Rey Misterio, Cryme Tyme, and Great Khali vs JBL, MVP, Kane, Miz and Morrison

As a fan I would like to see the heels go over with Miz and Morrison surviving, and that's what I'm going to predict. After all I've been picking nothing but faces so far and the heels have to win something. Miz and Morrison are one of the best acts going in WWE right now, and I was beyond pissed when D-X (reforming for the 1,000,000th time) just had to get win on the 800th episode of RAW. It wouldn't have hurt his highness Triple H to lose a tag match and help rebuild the sad tag team division.

Survivor Series Match

Batista, Matt Hardy, CM Punk, R-Truth and Kofi Kingston vs Randy Orton, Shelton Benjamin, William Regal, Cody Rhodes and Mark Henry

Randy Orton has a great look and is ok in the ring but is absolutely bankrupt of charisma. I don't understand why they continue to push this dullard on us. I see Batista as the sole survivor here, although that prospect doesn't thrill me. A heel turn for CM Punk however is a prospect that would thrill me.

Survivor Series Match

Beth Phoenix, Jillian Hall, Mickie James, Kelly Kelly and Candice Michelle vs Michelle McCool, Victoria, Natalya, Marise and Maria

Now here we have "popcorn/bathroom break/bang your head against the wall" match. I can so not care about this much, but I will predict that those of watching will be the true losers for having to suffer through it.

A decade or so ago on an episode of WCW Monday Nitro Rey Misterio shocked the wrestling world by scoring a clean pin over Kevin Nash. Nash took a lackadaisical approach to the match with the much smaller Misterio and was caught "napping" as it were. The match itself worked because of the way it was booked; Nash dominant through most of it but overconfident and ended up losing to a man he should have easily beaten due to his ego.

Fast forward to modern day World Wrestling Entertainment and Rey Misterio, all 5'-6" 165lbs of him (and I think those stats are inflated, if he's a quarter of an inch over 5'-4" then I'm Superstar Billy Graham) is embroiled in a feud with the big monster Kane. Like Big Sexy before him Kane is near 7' tall and over 300lbs, but unlike Misterio's match with Nash his matches with Kane are not working and are flatter than can of soda that's been left out for a week. The reason for this is because Rey is being booked as if he's Kane's equal (or even superior to the Big Red Machine) when anybody over the age of 10 can plainly see that he is not.

Many Internet pundits ("dirt sheet writers") complain that the Big Show is so much bigger than the majority of his opposition that is impossible to suspend disbelief enough to buy that they could actually hurt him in any way, with few exceptions like Undertaker. I am here to make the argument that Rey is on the opposite end of the spectrum: he's so small that I find it impossible to suspend belief enough to buy that he can actually hurt an average sized wrestler, much less a large individual such as Kane. It is just too much to ask of me as a viewer to say "wow, Rey hit a 619 on Kane and splashed him for the 1-2-3" without dismissing it as ridiculous.

The major problem is not only is Rey small for a wrestler/superstar/entertainer/whatever, he's small when compared to the average sized man. At 5'-11" I am slightly taller than average and would absolutely tower over Rey, he wouldn't even come up to my shoulders. I'm pretty sure that if I were not able to physically take Rey in a fight (he is an athlete after all whereas I am not) I would be able to put a hurt on him and he would feel the affects of the encounter. If I were to tangle with Kane it would be a much different story. I would be destroyed with but a mere dismissive blow, left on the ground and in the fetal position.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that Rey should not be in the ring, but he most definitely should not be going toe to toe with the likes of Kane. Other than Rey coming to the ring with a glock and shooting Kane right between the eyes there is no plausible way that Kane can be defeated. I realize that wrestling is "scripted" and the matches are not "contested", but there has to be at least a modicum of believability. Why not bring back the Cruiserweight Title and division where Rey, Evan Bourne and all of the other little spot monkeys who wouldn't know ring psychology if it bit them in the crotch can do their thing without stepping into the ring with the likes of Kane, Khali, Show etc.? WCW proved that a Cruiserweight division can work. Start off with a tourniment to crown the new champion, have Rey win it since he is by far the biggest name of all the smaller guys on the roster, and give him an extended run with the title to give it credibility before having him drop it to someone else?

One thing's for sure, this whole "David vs Goliath" fairy tale stuff has got to stop. Please stop insulting my intelligence.

Next: How'd they find a way to make attractive women in skimpy outfits absolutely boring?