WWE 24/7 currently has the WCW Bash at the Beach 2000 up for the subscribers "viewing pleasure", and after TRYING to get through the entire broadcast I have to ask "why?" After all, with a vast library of the best of the history of professional wrestling the decision to air what has to be one of the worst Pay Per Views ever really boggles my mind.

A little backstory: like the vast majority of wrestling fans I had pretty much given up on WCW by the time this show took place. The hottest angle in the history of JCP/WCW, the NWO, had become diluted to a point beyond idiocy and Vince Russo had been hired to run the company, which he did in the ground. Apparently he had left for a short period of time before this show but returned to further kill it off. For anyone who takes umbrage with my saying Russo killed off WCW I will say that he wasn't the sole person with blood on his hands but he sure as hell sped the process up. A look at the card will reveal as much.

Our announce crew consists of Tony Shiavone (sp?), Scott Hudson and Mark Maddon...which quite possibly has to be one of the worst announce crews of all time. Maddon in particular is so annoying he brings about an urge to jump through the television and stomp his teeth down his fat throat (and when you are more annoying than Tony that's saying something).

WCW Cruiserweight Championship

1. Lt. Loco (Chavo Guerrero Jr.) def Juventud Guerrera to retain the title.

Chavo was part of a stupid group called Misfits In Action (MIA) which consisted of mid carders who had their names changed to military style double entendres while Juvy was part of another stupid group called the Filthy Animals, which featured Rey Misterio Jr. sans mask. Juvy actually a cool gimmick as a parody of The Rock that spoke broken English calling himself "The Juice" and had stolen the Cruiserweight belt from Chavo and renamed it the "Juicerweight Championship". The match itself was standard WCW cruiserweight stuff, plenty of high spots but Juvy's charisma helped add to the match in a way most other WCW cruiserweights could not (or most of today's smaller wrestlers in WWE could not, for that matter). The match however was hampered by constant distractions from both groups, who were supposed to be barred from ringside. The addition of fake breasted skanks that do nothing except prace around half naked is a running theme through this show. If I were to rank this match I'd give it a 6/10, which would unfortunately make this probably the best match on the card.

WCW Hardcore Championship

2. Big Vito defeated Norman Smiley and Ralfus to retain the title.

Some of you may remember Vito as the guy who wrestled in a dress for WWE for a period of time. Here he is just some generic Italian mook from Staten Island that nobody really cares about. He was advertised as to wrestle the legendary Terry Funk but the shot a stupid angle where Vito attacked Funk in the dressing room (either on Thunder or right before the PPV) and funk replaced by Smiley and Ralphus. Smiley was a decent enough mid card act who had previously held the Hardcore title, and Ralphus was a fat old guy who had actually accompanied Chris Jericho to the ring for a while.

I don't know where to begin with this catastrophic "match". Like I said, fans were given a reason to care Vito, who comes off as bland stock character. By this time the "Hardcore" thing had long since played out, and WCW actually had a set of rules for Hardcore matches. Yes, rules in a Hardcore match: I did not make a typo. The wrestlers are supposed to start backstage and make their way to the ring before they can win. We see a lot of stalling and standing around as the guys wait to be hit with "hardcore" spots that look rather cheesy when compared to the likes of the original ECW, and eventually Vito sends Smiley on a ride in an elevator before putting Ralphus through a table in the ring to pick up the win. Wikipedia says the match was under 6 minutes but it felt like 6 hours. This match is "the ****" but believe it or not the worst is yet to come 0/10.

3. Daffney defeated Miss Hancock (Stacey Keibler) in a Wedding Gown match.

This match just reeks of Russo stench. Neither of these ladies belongs in a wrestling ring, and for 4 minutes of agony they prove that much. The backstory behind this one is Stacey stole David "I'm worse than David Sammartino" Flair from Daffney. Keibler comes to ring in a stripper's version of a wedding dress while Daffney, a goth character who was known for screaming like a banshee, came dressed for a stipper's funeral: in a black see-through gown.

Keibler and Flair make out in the ring to start things off and wait while Daffney slowly takes off her shoes so she can give Flair a crotch shot. There is an incredibly lame spot where Keibler removes the referee's pants and Daffney relieves Flair of his pants. Eventually, after the weakest catfight ever, Crowbar (jabrone Devin Storm) comes out and strips down to his boxers while beating up Flair. The match mercifully comes to an end when Keibler removes the bottom of her dress and starts dancing for no reason whatsoever while Storm and the referee look like they are going to spontaneously orgasm in the ring. Oh, I forgot to mention there is wedding cake at ringside and much like an episode of Jerry Springer it ends up all over everybody and the floor. The ring crew couldn't even clean it up afterwards and had to flip the ringsides mats over...another 0/10.

WCW Tag Team Championship

4. Kronik defeated Perfect Event to win the championship.

Kronik was a big man team featuring Brian "Crush" Adams and Bryan "Adam Bomb" Clark and really one for the few acts that was even remotely over in 2000 WCW while Perfect Event featured Chuck Palumbo and Shawn Stasiak, the latter of which was ripping off Mr. Perfect Curt Hennig's gimmick to the point where he even used Perfect's theme music. Stasiak and Palumbo were as green as grass, and Kronik tried to carry this match to something passable but it never really gelled because no one really cared for Perfect Event nor was there any point in which you'd possibly think Kronik would lose....3/10.

5. Kanyon defeated Booker T.

Chris Kanyon, now known for being openly gay was at the time doing a gimmick where he was emulating Diamond Dallas Page while Booker was just Booker. Nothing really of note here except the odd booking where Kanyon wins cleanly given what happens later in the show. 5/10.

WCW United States Championship

6. Mike Awesome defeated champion Scott Steiner by disqualification.

Steiner was making a return from either an injury or suspension, I forget which. He is hugely over here (one of less than a handful of wrestlers in WCW that were in 2000) and pretty much beats the **** out of Awesome (who gets what is now known as "X-Pac type get out of the ring you suck" heat. Ernest Miller (The Ayatollah in the excellent movie The Wrestler) is the storyline Commissioner and comes to the ring yelling at Steiner to not use the Steiner reclines, which has apparently been banned. Of course Steiner does and Miller tells the ref to ring the bell and DQ Big Poppa Pump. Miller then strips Steiner of the belt...4/10 for the dumb booking of stripping Steiner for using what should be a perfectly legal hold.

7. Vampiro defeated The Demon in a Graveyard Match.

This match is just BAD. I'm serious, this one could and should make every list of the worst matches ever. The Demon is Dale Torborg in Gene Simmons from KISS makeup, and Vampiro is a generic goth type guy who for some stupid reason (or should I say some Russo reason) was given victories over Sting. It starts off in a graveyard which looks worse than the one from Ed Wood's Plan 9 From Outer Space and drags on for what seems like 50 years. I had to fight the temptation to gouge out my eyes and ears as they take the fight to a pond and eventually Vampiro stuffs Torborg in a coffin and heads back to the arena. You see, whomever made it back to the ring first would be declared the winner.

This match is a standard example of what was wrong with the Reign of Russo: crappy, nonsensical booking coupled with characters no one cared about as well as putting people over without the least bit of buildup. Can you tell I do not care for Vince Russo? Hiring Russo was the worst decision WCW ever made...-1/10. I usually wouldn't go into the negative but this match was so very very bad.

8. Shane Douglas defeated Buff Bagwell.

Apparently these two were tag team champions at one point that had broken up. It started off as a pretty decent match but lost any and all steam it had when Torrie Wilson showed up for more useless skank drama, eventually siding with Douglas and helping him win. Yawn...3/10.

WCW World Title

9. Hulk Hogan defeated Jeff Jarrett to "win" the title.

This the infamous incident which lead to Hogan leaving the company. Russo comes to the ring with Jarrett (his golden boy) and instructs him to lay down and let Hogan pin him. Hogan gets on the mic and says it's BS like this that's the reason why the company is in the crapper...0/10. I normally wouldn't even rate this **** but at this point I am so worn out by turd after turd and the sheer amount of horrible booking that I have lost all sense of fairness.

After the Hogan/Russo/Jarrett debacle the announcers are on the screen for what seems like forever, and much like me they appear to be worn out just from watching the dreck that has been happening all night. Madden and Hudson go on about how much Hogan sucks, but who really cares what these idiots think? There's a reason why these three are no longer a part of the business.

We are then treated to the end of Graveyard Match where Vampiro bores us to death talking about how he destroyed both Demon and Sting, only to have a page ripped directly out of Undertaker's playbook with druids dressed in Sting masks bringing a coffin to the ring which contains the real Sting, who beats up Vampiro and puts him inside the coffin. My mind is completely numb at this point and I am embarassed to be a wrestling fan. That's Russo in a nutshell for you, not an orginal idea to be had and he does everything on epically bad levels.

Next Russo comes to the ring and whines about Hogan, long after Hogan has left. He proclaims Hogan will never be seen in WCW again (he was right) and Jarrett is still the champion. He then tells us JJ will defend his belt against Booker T. This makes no sense at all because not only has Booker not been properly built up to headline a PPV in a title match but he just lost cleanly to Kanyon earlier on the card (which at this point seems to have been going on for days). Whatever, I'm just pissed that one more match has been added because I want this thing to end.

10. Goldberg defeated Kevin Nash to "end Scott Hall's career".

This was a relatively short and painless squash, thank goodness. The stipulation (there almost always has to be a stipulation in Russo Land) is Scott Hall's WCW contract is on the line. I like to think of this as payback for the stupid Starrcade 98 match in which Nash ended Goldberg's winning streak prematurely. Steiner came out and put Nash in the Steiner Recliner while Goldberg tore up Hall's contract. 5/10 for being short and to the point as I wanted to get out of this mess.

WCW World Title

11. Booker T. defeated Jeff Jarrett to win the title.

So we have Jeff Jarrett, Russo's golden boy who should never have been anything more than an undercard jabrone due to his complete lack of charisma, losing the title to Booker T., who had just to another jabrone earlier. Say what you will about Hogan, but it was BS like this that killed WCW. 2/10.

Total score: 27/110...To the people at WWE 24/7, please make better choices when you decide what to air. You have so much great programming to chose from and it irks me when you air **** like this.