Isn't it funny? It's been more then half a year but it seems that my feelings for that certain someone has come back. I was strong, confident and alive. But then he had to email me right before I take off to my big adventure to Montreal. So here I sit thinking about him. My heart literally is hurting for him. But its silly, he only wrote Hi Kim and now everything is rushing through my mind. I haven't seen him or talked to him since X mas. I know its probably nothing and that I should be out there having fun. I'm going out tonight but i am here waiting for a friend to have their shower and I am listening and how ironic these songs are my feelings and they all remind me of him. I subconsiously made a list... that conveys all my feelings. But i think I need to be strong and forget about him again. But thinking of him with another girl right now really tears my heart out. I don't know if i went back to liking him cause i haven't gotten over him properly or maybe I'm in love with him or maybe its just because the next guy didn't work out so i fell back a step.

i think the two songs that really sum up our story is Maraina's Trench, All To Myself and Painted On My Heart by The Cult. they have been in my head for a good week now.

I know, just take a breath and don't think about him. everyone already doesn't want me invovled with him. But there is something that is pulling me back. Probably blind faith or false hope. It seems that I always think, "This is it. This is the time." but it seems that anything i get excited about NEVER happens.

I just went to this guy in Montreal for a reading and he apparently is a very top reader from around the world. He said that i'll live long, my health is ok, my family has no problems, I am so so luck with money but my new job will give me great money, i'll have two kids, have a boyfriend soon for i think three years. I'll have a good partner.

See this is why i hate falling for someone or cant let go. I go weird. everytime.

But his eyes... they haunt me. and i still can feel his lips on mine.

why can't i just let go?