Why girls are better than boys

 
 

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynaecological disorder excuses.
3. We never ejaculate prematurely.
4. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
5. When we buy a vibrator it's glamorous. When men buy a blow-up doll, it's pathetic.
6. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
7. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
8. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

9. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

10. Taxis stop for us.
11. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
12. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
13. Free drinks, free dinners, free moving (you get the point?).
14. We can hug our friend without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
15. We know the truth about whether size matters.
16. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
17. If we have sex with someone and don't call the next day, we're not the devil.
18. Condoms make no significant difference in our enjoyment of sex.
19. We can sleep our way to the top.
20. Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep.
21. It is possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
22. No fashion faux pas we make could rival Speedos.
23. It's cool to be a daddy's girl. It's sad to be a mommy's boy.
24. If we cheat on our spouse, people assume it's because we're being emotionally neglected.
25. We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.
26. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
27. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her arse.
28. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
29. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
30. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
31. We have an excuse to be a total **** at least once a month.
32. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
33. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
34. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
35. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
36. Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.
37. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
38. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

 

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No wonder men are happier
 

 
 
 

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

 

Your last name stays put.
 
The garage is all yours.
 
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
 
Chocolate is just another snack.
 
You can be President.
 
You can never be pregnant.
 
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
 
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
 
The world is your urinal.
 
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
 
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
 
Same work, more pay.
 
Wrinkles add character.
 
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental- $100.
 
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
 
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
 
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

 

One mood all the time.
 
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

 

You know stuff about tanks.
 
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
 
You can  open all your own jars.
 
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
 
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
 
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
 
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
 
You almost never have strap problems in public.
 
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
 
Everything on your face stays its original color.
 
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
 
You only have to shave your face and neck.
 
You can play with toys all your life.

 

Your belly usually hides your big hips.
 
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
 
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
 
You can "do" your nails with a pocket  knife.
 
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..
 
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

 

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9 Things I Hate
 

 
 
 

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time...I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

 


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2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

 


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3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

 


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4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?

 


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5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?” No Loser, I paid Rs.125 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

 


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6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

 


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7. When something is 'new and improved!’ Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

 


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8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

 


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9. When you  are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?” If the bus came would I be standing here, ****?

 


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