Stan: Yeah, whatever you fat ****.

Ms. Crabtree: What did you say?!

Stan: I said, I had a bad itch.

Ms. Crabtree: Oh.

Kyle: Dude, I have to save Ike! I don't even know what to do!

Stan: Well, we can't do anything now; that fat **** won't let us!

Ms. Crabtree: [shouts] What did you say?!

Stan: I said "Rabbits eat lettuce."

Ms. Crabtree: Oh. Well, yes, they certainly do.

after seeing a crop circle on the news that looks just like him]

Cartman: Hey, that kind of looks like... Tom Sellick.

Kyle: Cartman, you're such a fat ass that when you walk down the street, people go "God damn it, that's a big fat ass!"

Cartman: No they don't, you jealous weakling!

Man: God damn, that's a big fat ass!

Cartman: If dolphins are so smart, why do they live in igloos?

Kyle: Dolphins don't live in igloos! Those are Eskimos, idiot!

Cartman: Dolphins, Eskimos, who cares? It's all a bunch of tree hugging hippie **** anyway!

tan: Dude, dolphins are intelligent and friendly.

Cartman: Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise!

Stan: Uncle Jimbo says that after this he's taking me to Africa.

Cartman: My mom says there are lots of black people in Africa.

Stan: I don't want to shoot the bunny.

Uncle Jimbo: No nephew of mine is gonna be a tree-hugger!

Cartman: Yeah, hippie! Go back to Woodstock if you don't want to shoot anything!

Cartman: If some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like "Hey! Why don't you stop dressing me up like a mailman and making me dance for you, while you go and smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex with some guy I don't even know?"

Stan: Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?

Cartman: I'm just saying you're just a little wuss, is all.

Mrs. Cartman: Eric, I just got a call from your friend Kyle's mother. She said that this show is naughty and might make you a potty-mouth.

Cartman: That's a load of ****. Kyle's mom is a dirty Jew!

         Coroner:You know,I think death is least funny when it happens to a child.

Cartman: Too bad drinking scotch isn't a paying job, otherwise Kenny's dad would be a millionaire.

Kenny: [oblivious to Cartman's statement]

Cartman: I said it's too bad drinking scotch isn't a paying job, or else Kenny's dad would be a millionaire!

Kenny: [oblivious]

Cartman: [exasperated] Y-your family is poor, Kenny! -- Your family is real poor!

Stan: If my mom could cook like Cartman's mom I'd be a big fatass too!

Cartman: That's right!

[Cartman realizes he's been insulted]

Cartman: Ay!

Damien: The new reign of my father!

Mr. Garrison: Who's your father?

Damien: The Prince of Darkness!

Mr. Garrison: Wow, we have royalty in our class!

Cartman: Ants in the Pants? Ants in the Pants?!

Kyle: It's a game dude, it's really fun.

Cartman: You son-of-a-****! [jumps on Kyle, hysterical] You were supposed to get me the red Mega Man! Now I can't make Ultra-Mega Mega Man, you dirty, cheap-ass piece of ****!

Kyle: They were all out of them, dude!

Cartman: I hate you! I want you to die! DIE!!

Kyle: [at the same time as Cartman] Aaaaaaaah!!

Mr. Garrison: And where are you from, Damien?

Damien: The seventh level of hell!

Mr. Garrison: Oh, that's exciting, my mother was from Alabama.

Cartman: Mr. Garrison, why do poor people smell like sour milk?

Mr. Garrison: I don't know, Eric, they just do.

[Kyle sniffs Kenny in disgust]

Wendy: Ms. Ellen, can I talk to you?

Ms. Ellen: Of course, Wendy.

Wendy: I couldn't help but notice you've taken a liking to my boyfriend Stan.

Ms. Ellen: Well, I've taken a liking to all of you. You're all so young and cute and full of life...

Wendy: Can I tell you something, Ms. Ellen?

Ms. Ellen: Of course, Wendy.

Wendy: [flips her off] Don't **** with me!

Ms. Ellen: What?!

Wendy: You heard me! Stay away from my man, **** or I'll whoop your sorry hoe-ass back to last year!...Bye, Ms. Ellen!

Cartman: Mom, can I ask you a question?

Mrs. Cartman: Sure.

Cartman: You know how my friend Stan has a dad?

Mrs. Cartman: Yes.

Cartman: And my friends Kyle and Kenny have dads?

Mrs. Cartman: Yes?

[long pause]

Mrs. Cartman: Well, what's your question?

Cartman: Goddamn it, do I have a dad?!

Mrs. Cartman: Oh!

Cartman: I wanna know where I came from.

Mrs. Cartman: You see, Eric, sometimes when a man and a women are attracted to each other, they want to be close to each other.

Cartman: Uh-huh...

Mrs. Cartman: And sometimes the man puts his hoo-hoo dilly in the woman's cha-cha.

[long pause]

Cartman: So who put his hoo-hoo dilly into your cha-cha?

Mrs. Crabtree: Get on this bus right now, we're running late!

Stan: We're not going today, you fat ugly ****!

Mrs. Crabtree: What did you say?!

Stan: I said "we're not going today, you fat ugly ****!"

Mrs. Crabtree: (calmly) Oh, Okay. [drives off]

Kyle: Whoa, dude!

Stan: Wow, I always wondered if that would actually work.

Cartman: More tea, Rumpertumskin?

Rumpertumskin: Yes, please, Eric. You are tough and handsome.

Cartman: Thank you, Rumpertumskin. And what do you think about me, Clyde Frog?

Clyde Frog: I think you're a big fat piece of ****.

Cartman: Ay!!

Cartman: I was just hanging out in the SPC, kicking it with some homies on the Westsa-eed-eh.

Kyle: Cartman, you live on the east side!

Cartman: For my book report, I read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. It was very, very good. Have you read it, Mr. Garrison?

Mr. Garrison: No, I can't say I have.

Cartman: In The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, a bunch of hippies walk around and paint stuff. They eat lunch, and then they find a magical camel, which they have to eat to stay alive. And that's pretty much it. I give it a B minus.

Mr Garrioson: And I give you an F Eric now sit down.

Randy Marsh: Uh yes, officer?

Cartman: I clocked you at 40 mph back there. Do you know what the speed limit is heyah?

Randy Marsh: Well, according to that sign right there, it's 40 mph.

Cartman: Step out of the car, please, sir.

Randy Marsh: Wait a second. Aren't you Stan's little friend?

Cartman: Step out of the car, please.

Randy Marsh: Yeah. You're the one who always plugs up the toilet at our house.

Cartman: Ay! I am a cop, and you will respect my authoritah!

Mrs. Crabtree: Don't get off the bus or a big scary monster will eat you! [she gets off the bus]

Butters: Hey, why isn't the monster eating her?

Stan: Because, ****, monsters don't eat big fat smelly ****es!

Mrs. Crabtree: What did you say?!

Stan: I said "Larry King won't grant me three wishes."

The boys stop in front of a sign with "Stu's Fireworks" written on it]

Stan: Oh yea, dude, it's summer. That means we've gotta' buy fireworks!

Kyle: I saved up enough money to buy M-80's this year.

Stan: I saw in this movie once, where this guy stuck a firecracker up a cat's butt.

Kyle: Cool, maybe we can do that to Cartman's cat!

Cartman: Hey! If you so much as touch kitty's ass, I'll put firecrackers in your nut sack and blow your balls all over your pants!

Stan: Jesus, Cartman!

Cartman [His voice trailing off]: Well, I'm just seriously now, don't mess with kitty now.

Gerald: [reading] "'My Final Solution' by Kyle Broflovski. My dad is the smartest guy in the whole wide world. He has taught me that all poor people are actually things called clods. I wanna live in a world of only gods, so my idea to make America better will go ahead and I can put all the poor people into camps." WHAT!? "If we get rid of them, there will be no one but the wealthy, and there won't be any hunger, poverty or homeless people, cause they'll all be dead. The End." My God, what have I done?

Stan: You suck, Cartman! If you want to play America vs. Bosnia anymore, you can just play with yourself!

Cartman: Fine! I like playing with myself! I'll play with myself all day long!

[Kenny laughs]

Cartman: What?

Johnny Cochrane: Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense! Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself; What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, [approaches and softens] does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.

[Tweek is worried about his family becoming poor]

Cartman: You can always go on welfare. Just look at Kenny's family, they're perfectly happy being poor and they're on welfare. Right Kenny?

Kenny: **** you!

Cartman: Heheh, you suck, Kenny.

Stan: Great job, you killed Kyle!

Kenny: [muffled] You ****!

Cartman: Well, he shouldn't have called me fat!

Stan: Why the hell not? It's just like calling the sky blue!

         Cartman: [lodged in a cow's ****] Aw, it smells like Kenny's house in here!

Kelly: (to Kenny) Lenny, can I tell you something?

Kenny: (muffled) uh huh?

Kelly: I think I like you.

Kenny: (muffled) Really?

Kelly: Yes, I think we communicate really well.

Kenny: (muffled) Wow, that's great!

Kelly: (sadly) No, that's not great.

Kenny: (surprised) That's not great?

Kelly: Yes, I live on the opposite side of the country, and when this choir tour ends we'll never see each other again and I'm only going to get my heart broken I just can't get feelings for you. I just can't, Lenny!

Kenny: Awwwww!

Cartman: Mister! You gotta help me, I'm starving to death!

Worker: What are you doing out here, little boy?

Cartman: I was with my class, and we got all lost in the rain forest and I need some food; I'm fading fast.

Worker: Lost in the rain forest? Oh my lord! Where are all the others?

Cartman: Food! I have to have food!

[Cartman collapses.]

Worker: Oh my god! Get this child some food quick!

Cartman: [lifts his head up] Chicken wings.

Worker: Chicken wings!

Cartman: [lifts his head again] Medium spicy.

Kelly: Oh, stop! I wanna go home! I HATE the rainforest!

Kenny: (stops and hugs her) Come on, it'll be alright.

Kelly: (desperate for more affection) Oh, Lenny, hold me. Oh no, I can't get attached to you. Oh but I do like you. But I'm only going to get my heart broken.

Kenny: (frustrated) Oh, **** YOU!!!

          Sexual Harrassment Panda Song:

Who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree?

Sexual Harrassment… Panda!

Who explains sexual harassment to you and me?

Sexual Harrassment… Panda!

Don't say that, don't touch there…

Don't be nasty says the silly bear!

He's come to tell you what's right and wrong…

Sexual Harrassment… Panda!

Cartman: [begins to wolf down the food] God, this is really good, Scott!

Scott: I'm glad you like it so much, because now that you're almost finished, I have something to tell you.

Cartman: (through a mouthful of chili) What? You mean about how you put pubes in your chili? [Everyone at Scott's end of the table is shocked, even Scott, at this accusation.]

Scott: What?

Cartman: Yes, I'm afraid this isn't your chili, Scott. I switched it with Chef's. [Chef looks like he's been used.] It's delicious, Chef. I hadn't planned on that. What I did plan on, however, was that my friends, Stan and Kyle, would betray me and warn you that the Chili Con Carnival was a trap. [Stan and Kyle are stunned.] I assumed that they would tell you that I had trained Denkins' pony to bite off your weiner. What they didn't tell you was that Denkins is a crazy redneck who shoots trespassers on sight. Knowing that you would try and do something to the pony, I warned Mr. Denkins that violent pony killers were in the area. [A shot of Cartman telling Denkins of such a thing. Denkins is armed.] I also know that you wouldn't go yourself, for fear of having your weiner bitten off. You would most likely send your parents. [A shot of Scott talking with his parents.] And, I'm afraid that when Mr. Denkins spotted them on his property, he shot and killed both your parents. [The Tenormans are in the corral to rescue the "starving" pony, but upon seeing Mr. Tenorman's lit flashlight, Mr. Denkins fires at them, and they go down.]

Mr. Denkins: [looks of horror surround him] Well, they was trespassin' and I was protectin' myself. I-I have my rights.

Scott: My...mom and dad are...dead? [A shot of Officer Barbrady taking a report from Denkins.]

Cartman: I came just in time to see Mr. Denkins giving his report to Officer Barbrady. And of course, to steal the bodies... [A shot of Cartman arriving, seeing Denkins and Barbrady, and pulling the bodies away.] After a night with the hacksaw, I was all ready to put on my Chili Con Carnival, so that I could personally tell you about your parents' demise! And of course, feed you your chili. [More faces of horror behind Cartman.] Do you like it? Do you like it, Scott? [A gleefully evil look comes over Cartman.] I call it, "Mr. & Mrs. Tenorman Chili."

Scott: [looks at Cartman for a while, realizing what's just happened] Oh, my God! [Gagging, he fishes through the plate and finds his mom's wedding ring, still on her finger. He tosses it away.] Oh, my God!! [Vomits off to the side.]

Cartman: [leaping up on the table and sings] Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah! I made you eat your parents! Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah! [Stan and Kyle are stunned.]

Stan: Jesus Christ, dude!

Scott: [grief-stricken, he buries his face on the table] My mom and dad are dead! [Pounds the table.] No! No-o-o! [Radiohead arrives and stands behind Scott. Stan notices.]

Thom: Um, excuse me?

Stan: Who are you?

Jonny: We're that band, Radiohead.

Ed: [to Scott] Jeez, what a little crybaby!

Colin: Are you gonna cry all day, crybaby?

Thom: You know, everyone has problems; it doesn't mean you have to be a little crybaby about it.

Ed: Come on, guys, let's go. This kid is totally not cool. [The members of the band start leaving.]

Thom: Yeah, that's the most uncool kid I've ever met.

Phil: Little crybaby.

Scott: [gathers himself and looks.] No, wait! Wa-a-i-i-t-t! Oh my God, Oh my Go-o-o-o-d!! [Buries his face in the table and bawls again.] Nooo!

Cartman: [walks over to Scott's end of the table] Yes! Ye-e-s-s! Oh, let me taste your tears, Scott! [Starts licking Scott's tears off his face.] Mm, your tears are so yummy and sweet.

Kyle: Dude, I think it might be best for us to never piss Cartman off again.

Stan: Good call.

Cartman: Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! Mm-yummy. [Licks the tears off the table and off Scott's face.]

 

Cartman: [singing]

Don't ever leave me, Jesus. I couldn't stand to see you go

My heart would simply snap, my Lord, if you walked on out that door

I promise I'll be good to you, and keep you warm at night

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, why don't we just shut off the lights

Cartman: Oh, **** Jesus! [Faith + 1's fans gasp; a woman screams]

Butters: Eric, I'm pretty sure you shouldn't say the "F" word about Jesus.

Token: Yeah, you're gonna hurt the band.

Cartman: Who ****ing cares, Token?! I can never beat Kyle now! I'll say it again: **** JESUS!! [people start to scream and run away]

Man: My ears are bleeding!

Token: Good job, dick head, you've lost the entire audience!!

Cartman: Oh, **** you, Token, you black ****!!!

         [Token angrily beats up Cartman and walks away while Stan, Kyle, and Kenny see Cartman coughing in pain]

Stan: Hmm, guess he got what he deserved. [he, Kyle, & Kenny walk away]

Butters: [pauses for a moment, then farts in Cartman's face and gives him the finger] **** you, Eric! [walks away, leaving Cartman all alone]

Gerald: The answer is no, Kyle.

Kyle: Oh, come on, dad, stop being such a Jew!

Sheila: Kyle! Don't belittle your own people.

Cartman: Alright, dick hole, time for you to pay! [realizes his powers don't work] Oh, no, I have no powers! Kyle took them away from me! Quick, Kyle, give me back my powers so I can fight this evil villian!

Kyle: Okay, okay, you can have your powers back!

Cartman: Alright, now I use my powers to turn Kyle into a chicken! Blam!

Kyle: [is turned into a chicken] God damn it, Cartman!

Cartman: [sing-song voice] Ha ha ha ha ha-ha, now you are a chi-cken, nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh-nyeh...

(Theme song in Japanese)  

Subarashii chinchin mono

Kintama no kami aru

Sore no oto sarubobo

Iie! Ninja ga imasuuuuuuuu

Hey hey let's go kenka suru

Taisetsu na mono protect my balls!

Boku ga warui so let's fighting--

Let's fighting love! Let's fighting love!

Kono uta chotto baka

Wake ga wakaranai

Eigo ga mecha kucha

Daijoubu, we do it all the time!

Hey hey let's go kenka suru

Taisetsu na mono protect my balls!

Boku ga warui so let's fighting--

Let's fighting love! Let's fighting love…

          English translation

I have a wonderful penis

There is hair on my balls

Is that the sound of a baby monkey  ?

No! Ninjas are here!

Hey hey let's go! Getting in a fight!

The important thing is to protect my balls!

I am badass, so let's fighting--

Let's fighting love! Let's fighting love!

This song is a little stupid

It doesn't make any sense

English is all ****ed up

But that's okay, we do it all the time

Hey hey let's go! Getting in a fight!

The important thing is to protect my balls!

I am badass, so let's fighting--

Let's fighting love! Let's fighting love!

Cartman: Not Go Over to the Jeffersons?Well, excuse my French, Mrs. Marsh, but you can suck on my fat hairy balls!

Cartman: Mr. Jefferson, I wish I could be around you all the time. You're awesome.

Mr. Jefferson: I think you're awesome too, Cartman.

Cartman: Yeah?

Mr. Jefferson: Yeah.

Cartman: Yeah?

Mr. Jefferson: Yeah.

Cartman: Yeah? (they move in for a kiss)

Stan: (waking up) Aaaaagghhh! (looks round to see Cartman asleep and facing the ceiling and not Mr. Jefferson)

Mr. Jefferson: (opens his eyes) What's the matter, Stan? You have a bad dream?

Stan: Yeah, a really bad dream. (shuts his eyes) Oh, Jesus.

tan (as a toddler): Dude, let's play firemen!

Kyle (as a toddler): Totally dude, let's play fireman!

Cartman (as a toddler): Jews can't be firemen!

Kyle (as a toddler): Shut up, fat ass!

Cartman (as a toddler): Don't call me fat you stupid jew!

Jimmy: Hey fellas, where's Cartman?

Stan: Cartman isn't our friend anymore.

Kyle: We're ignoring him.

Token: Ignoring him, how come?

Kyle: Because he's a fat racist self-centered intolerant manipulating sociopath.

Token: Oh yeah.

Cartman: (to Kyle) Shut your goddamned daywalker mouth!

Cartman: Don't you ever, ever compare me to Family Guy, you hear me Kyle? Compare me to Family Guy again and so help me, I will kill you where you stand! Do you have any idea what it's like? Everywhere I go: 'Hey Cartman you must like Family Guy, right?' 'Hey, your sense of humor reminds me of Family Guy Cartman!' I am NOTHING like Family Guy! When I make jokes they are inherent to a story! Deep situational and emotional jokes based on what is relevant and has a point, not just one random interchangable joke after another!

Cartman: What's the worst thing you've ever done?

Bart Simpson: I stole the head off a statue once.

Cartman: [pause] Wow, that's pretty hardcore. Geez. That's like this one time when I didn't like a kid, so I ground his parents into chile and fed it to him

Worker: What is that, a pigbearman?

Al Gore: No, stupid, it's ManBearPig.

Mickey Mouse: (kicking Joe Jonas causing his nose to start bleeding) You don't ****ing talk to me like that, ha-ha, you little piece of ****! (Joe coughs) Get the **** up! Get the **** up! Ha-ha.

Mickey Mouse: Where would you be without me, Jonas Brothers? Ha-ha. Your music sucks and you know it, ha-ha. It's because you make little girl's gineys tickle, and when little girl's gineys tickle, I make money, ha-ha. And that's because little girls are ****ing stupid, ha-ha. And the purity rings make it okay to do whatever I want, ha-ha. Even the Christians are too ****ing stupid to figure out I'm selling sex to their daughters. I've made billions off of Christian ignornace for decades now, ha-ha, and do you know why? Because Christians are ****, ha-ha. They believe in a talking dead guy! Ha-ha! (Mickey realizes the curtain is up) Oh. Ha-ha. Hello, folks.

[the crowd boos]

Mickey Mouse: Now, now. Take it easy. Ha-ha. Here's the Jonas Brothers. (the booing gets louder)

Joe Jonas: Come on, guys. (The Jonas Brothers leave the stage)

Mickey Mouse: No! Wait! Stop! Come back here!

Guy: It's over, Mr. Mouse. Everyone's tuning out.

Mickey Mouse: No! No! God damn it! No! (the crowd is still booing) Shut up! Shut up! (screams while he grows, then he starts blowing out fire; the crowd runs away)

News Reporter: Tom, the Disney Jonas Brothers 3D television special has failed, costing the Disney company millions and once again Mickey is pissed off and is throwing a fit.

Mickey Mouse: (flying like a Macy's Thanksgiving Parade ballon) Vengeance is mine! You are all ants and I am your destroyer! Ha-ha! (blows fire, killing every person in his path)

Reporter: The Disney purity ring venture will most likely now prove a marketing bust, as Mickey returns to Valhalla to slumber and feed.

after Tammy performs fellatio on Kenny, he later contracts syphillis and dies]

Cartman: I told him. The woman's mouth is the most germ-ridden place, I said. Statistically the most unsafe place for a man to put his penis, I said.

Kyle: Well, now we know.

Cartman: And knowing is half the battle.

Carlos Mencia: [tied up at Kanye West's mansion]: OK, look, it wasn't me! I didn't really start the fish stick thing, all right?

Kanye West: You're just sayin' that now 'cause you're scared.

Carlos Mencia: No man, it's true! I stole it, man! I took credit for it 'cause I'm not actually funny! Come on, man, do you know what it's like? Being a comedian but not being funny? Come on, Kanye, I just take jokes and repackage them with a Mexican accent, man!

Kanye West: Think you can make fun of me? I'm a genius! I'm the voice of a generation! What are you?

Carlos Mencia: Nothing! Look at me, man! I'm not funny, I steal jokes, my dick don't work, man. I got to piss in a plastic bag, man, I got no dick!

[Phillip farts, sending Terrance flying through the air]

Terrance: Good one, Phillip!

Phillip: Cheers, ****-face.

Conan O'Brien: Guys, you can't say that on TV--

Phillip: Now Terrance smells like my ass!

Brooke Shields: I farted once on the set of Blue Lagoon!

[silence; Terrance slaps her]

Mr. Garrison: Okay kids, let's start the day with a few new math problems. What is five times two? Come on children, don't be shy. Just give it your best shot. [Clyde raises his hand] Yes, Clyde?

Clyde: Twelve?

Mr. Garrison: Okay. Now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete ****. Anyone?

Kyle: I think I know the answer, Mr. Garrison.

Cartman: [mocking Kyle in high-pitched, gibberish voice]

Kyle: Shut up, fat boy!

Cartman: Hey, don't call me fat, you ****ing Jew!

Mr. Garrison: Eric! Did you just say the F-word?!

Cartman: Jew?

Kyle: No, he's talking about the word ****. You can't say **** in school, ya ****in' fat ass!

Mr. Garrison: Kyle!

Cartman: Why the **** not?

Mr. Garrison: Eric!

Stan: Dude, you just said **** again!

Mr. Garrison: Stanley!

Kenny: [muffled] ****.

Mr. Garrison: Kenny!

Cartman: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody! ****, ****ity-****-****-****!

Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school counselor?

Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?

[everyone gasps]

Mr. Garrison: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

Cartman: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... Actually, what I said was... [picks up a megaphone] How would you like to suck my BALLS, Mr. Garrison?

[Garrison stands rooted to the spot, frozen with fury]

Stan: Holy ****, dude.

Stan: Why did our moms have to arrest Terrence and Phillip?

Mr. Garrison: I don't know. They're probably just having their periods or something.

Gregory: Mr. Garrison, Wendy and I believe that was a sexist statement.

Mr. Garrison: Well I'm sorry, Wendy, but I just don't trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

Cartman: Mr. Mackey, can I ask a question?

Mr. Mackey: M'kay, what?

Cartman: What's the big ****in' deal, ****?

Mr. Mackey: Aaah! Now I want to know where you heard these horrific obscenities, m'kay?

Stan: Um...

Kyle: We heard Mr. Garrison say them a few times.

Mr. Mackey: Boys, I seriously doubt Mr. Garrison ever said "eat penguin ****, you ass spelunker."