What's Next?

From the diary of Penelope Halwind:

Dec 31

I am now certain I know who Nightshade is, but if I'm wrong I'll be the laughingstock of Gotham...

I once again looked at the dried nightshade bloom. It was the day after Christmas and I was expecting at least Lady Panther to bring in a good deal of business.

A knock at my office door brought me face to face with the insane clown who calls himself Joker. Usually he brought in really rare objects (or really fake) because he had what he called "grand schemes" for crimes. He actually made me uncomfortable, which is hard to do. I tried to stay professional.

"Good evening, Joker."

I got one of his sick, twisted smiles. It wasn't just because his smile stretched ear to ear and his face head to toe; not aesthetic in the least. He pushed past me. My henchmen jumped, I waved them aside.

"I have a late Christmas present for ya, Pidgey HAHAHAHAHA!"

I scowled a bit. I still hate the rude bas.... cretin. He dropped the biggest canary diamond I had ever seen on my desk.

"I even remembered your fondness for little birdies HAHA.... It's a canary diamond, get it?" He smiled again; it never reached his eyes.

"Make yourself at home."

He made a big show of snooping around my entire office. He scowled at my Monet art print. He proceeded to sit Indian style on the floor.

"This...is real" I managed to say, impressed. "What are you looking for in return?"

"One BILLION."

I shook my head. "One million, maybe..."

He jumped up and slammed his fists into my desk. "Listen you little nobody. Christmas is over and I'm not in a generous mood. Do you see this?" He pulled the remains of a nightshade out of his pocket. "I just spent two months in the loony bin thanks to this.... whatever he thinks he is! He caught me off guard with some interesting 'toys' and made a fool of me."

Not hard to do I thought, but didn't speak. My henchmen had their guns aimed at him. He put on a 'little boy' expression.

"I just want some 'toys' too." The scowl returned. "ANYthing to get him out of my business for good."

"I may have someone willing to pay a million-five, but..."

"But nothing!" he shouted and jumped over my desk. He managed to get behind me and get a knife to my throat.

"Well now. If we can open our safe collection maybe I'll let the 'boss laaaaaaaady' live."

I was about to give out the combination to the first safe, cursing Nightshade, when said vigilante crashed into my office through the window right into Joker. I got under the desk and listened to a war of shouts and gunfire; Joker must have brought henchmen too. When the noise died, I crawled out. The office was destroyed. My beautiful mahogany desk had bulletholes, plural. My art print looked like swiss cheese as well. This caused me to almost, ALMOST, break out in tears.

"Are you okay?"

I jumped at the sound. "YOU!" I rushed at him, all of my pent up frustration coming out at one moment. He was stronger than he looked and I wasn't exactly clear-headed. What's wrong with me? I thought as I stopped struggling. He seemed to be thinking along the same lines as he pushed me an arms length away. "What do you want? Why are you doing this?"

"I have my reasons..."

I stopped and took a look at him. No really distinguishing features, they were all covered by the costume. Even his eyes seemed vailed. He was hiding his true self...I watched him carry the battered but not dead body of Joker over to the door. Regaining some of my courage, I glanced around and noticed the jewel. I looked up to see that he had noticed it too. Then he looked at me as if to say "do you really want to deal with that particular piece?" Maybe I was imagining things. I walked over, picked it up, looked at it, and placed it in his hand. Then I scowled so he wouldn't think I liked being out a million-five.

He nodded his head in farewell and I thought to myself how much he reminded me of the "gold plated bachelor".... I must have needed some tea for my nerves.

Enter Nightshade

From the diary of Penelope Halwind:

Dec 25

This Nightshade hooligan MUST be dealt with! I will not stand for this! He is messing with my livelihood, my best customer!

It was Christmas Eve. As usual I was sitting alone in my office. The Lady Panther had again brought me a splendid 'catch' and I was looking over the jewels; remembering the conversation we had:

"Madam cat, do you ever knock?"

"Watch your tone, little bird. I have a plump piece of prey for you tonight."

She dropped a velvet-lined box on my desk. Inside were two of the highest carat diamond earrings I had ever seen and an exquisite diamond and ruby necklace.

"You do know how we birds are attracted to shiny things. Make yourself at home."

She walked over to my Monet art print and stared at it for a moment.

"This was not an easy hunt, birdie. Have you heard the stories going around about the new do-gooder?"

"Night-something-or-other? Yes."

"I saw him tonight."

I looked up. "Really? I had no proof of his existence. What happened?"

"I was at the Dobson mansion; got into their Christmas party. Got into the safe, no problem. Got out of the house, no problem. Then, a few blocks away when I was feeling scott free, I hear this deep voice say 'those don't belong to you.' Like I was going to give them back!"

Here she stopped and a strange smile crossed her face.

"So I turned to gauge my opponent. He was tall and strong looking, all dressed in black."

She must have realized she was practically purring because she shook herself out of it.

"Of course I took him down and made sure he wasn't tailing me before I came over here."

"I would hope so, madam cat," I said with my most dangerous smile, "because, even though you are my most lucrative customer, if you lead him to me...well, let's just say I know some dogs who owe me favors."

"Don't threaten me, little bird."

I walked to my safe. "I will contact you in two days."

So now I was looking at them. They were worth hundreds of thousands, easy. The next thing I knew something knocked out my desk lamp and I heard this deep voice:

"Those are meant for a charity auction."

I sat perfectly still. Not frightened, but fascinated. There was something familiar about that voice...

"What does that matter to me? Do you wish to buy them from me?" I smiled. No answer. I leaned over to grab the jewels and run, but was caught from behind and had a cloth placed over my nose and mouth.

When I woke, the jewels were gone and in their place was a little star-shaped purple flower with a little black berry growing in the middle: a nightshade.

I know this isn't about the WWE Superstars, but I thought I would let you all see it...Let me know what you think. (You will probably enjoy it more if you know a bit about Batman)

 If The Penguin Were Female... 

If The Penguin were female, she'd probably be me. The name's Penelope Halwind (it's not my birth name). I was raised in a trailer park. That should give you some good stereotypical images; all of them true, in my case anyway. I was not about to, as the song goes, "spend the rest of my life with my head hung down in shame." I did EVERYTHING my parents wouldn't, or wouldn't 'let me,' do. This however brought up a concern: finances.

Alas, I am not the svelte cat burglar one of my, I mean The Penguin's, biggest advisaries is. I am 4'11" (in thick-soled shoes) and, since it is unpopular for a woman to reveal her weight, let's just say I am ponderous. You may not be surprised how many trailer park rednecks will jump at the chance to bed anyone, and at the cost of everything of value they own. Including their lives if they doublecross me. See, many of them became my 'henchmen.' I paid them extremely well; anything they wanted. Money, girls, anything. For you see, I was after my own version of the brass ring.

While they stayed out of my way I made my own rounds of Society. I got into tapings of the most popular TV shows, movie sets, art galleries, etc. Then I met my Batman.

Out of all the phony Hollywood types I met I did not expect a simple "gold plated bachelor" to knock me for a loop. At first we just met at the parties of mutual acquaintances but I soon noticed he was watching me. What was his deal? Did he know about my past? I eventually got so angry I couldn't stand it anymore.

I followed him out of a party, pulled myself up to my full height and said "I would like a moment of your time, sir. Privately." He actually smiled and said I could name the time and place. He did have a nice smile...

"My penthouse. This Friday night."

"A date, Penelope?" he smirked. This ruffled my feathers. I replied with a curt ‘No. Sir.'

Friday came and I awaited his presence. When he showed up, well dressed as usual even though informal, he held a rose.

"I have noticed you watching me" I started as I accepted the rose. "Why? I have no notion of your having any intentions toward me. It is plain rude."

He looked around my place and right into my eyes. It was like he could see right through me. I was shocked by this and broke the contact, but not before noticing a sadness in his eyes. How much did he bloody know!?

"May I sit down." Yes, it was a statement. As in where were my manners?

"Well, yes, of course. I do pride myself on my civility. Would you care for a drink?"

We talked until dawn. About frivolities! I hadn't laughed that much in years, maybe ever. He asked to meet again. I said yes.

We met several times after that. The meetings became a highlight of my week. He was not like any other man I had known. He was really trying to be a friend. He even started calling me a cute nickname: Pigeon.

I became more and more worried he would find out about my secret life. I had even begun picking bird themed objects to steal. Before I could puzzle it all out he showed up one night outside a place I was robbing. There I was with my umbrella open against the rain, waiting for my henchmen to return, and I saw him looking right at me. He stopped coming over.

The fairy tale wasn't going to happen, and honestly I didn't care. I had changed however. I could not go on as deeply involved as I was in the underworld. So I bought myself a little cafe. After hours I still deal in stolen merchandise, for a nice profit. I even call it Pigeon's Place. Come in sometime for the house special: "The Bird of Paradise."