Short and Snappy Tales of Greatness

by Katie Lea

Well what do you know. Turns out your precious Superhero is nothing but a sore, sore loser. And once again he had to use cheap trickery to get one over on us… Quelle surprise! Well, Gregory. This is it. No more mindgames, no more second chances. Time to own up to your real identity. And next time we won’t be so kind or so trusting. Seeing as you are too proud to own up to your shortcomings, pay for your losses and take your punishment like a man, it seems we will be forced to use force (haha see how I repeat words for fun..?) to finally strip off that ridiculous mask you have been hiding behind and expose you to the world for what you are. Just a nerd in a stupid green leotard who, in order to escape the harsh reality of his miserable, ordinary existence, dreams of saving the world... Well it’s time to wake up. Gregory!

On a positive note: I was deeply amused by the way Chris Jericho waltzed in on ECW, took over the show and humiliated our totally irrational airhead GM in a particularly vicious bout of verbal sparring. To be fair, the odds were stacked against her on this one… After all, Chris Jericho is the voice of reason, a highly eloquent speaker with an extensive vocabulary- a walking dictionary quasi (just like my good self…)! And poor little Tiff Tiff can barely string a sentence together. No wonder she got to huffing and a puffing- and, in a fit of rage, made Our Saviour face the Bedazzled-Tracksuit-ed One. A pathetic attempt at saving face and regaining some of her authoritory…

As for the big extravaganza this weekend, Bragging Rights, although ECW, undoubtedly the best of the three WWE brands, is not represented (go figure…) I do feel compelled to comment on some of the matches:

Orton vs Cena. All I can say is: I pity the fool. John Cena. He really has no clue what he has let himself in for… And obviously no idea what Randy the Beautiful is capable of... In short, he’d better start thinking about which brand he would like to join as of next week, seeing that if he should lose his match- sorry, my mistake, after he loses his match this Sunday, he will have to leave RAW. My question is- who will be charitable enough to take hime in? I certainly hope he does not make it to ECW. He’ll only try and gobble us all up with that big jaw of his…

The Fatal Four Way. Let me just state for the record that I am not particularly sympathetic towards any of those four guys. The Undertaker- all kinds of wrong for obvious reasons. His freakish persona not withstanding- this man will literally step over bodies to get his way. No moral backbone. Does not play fair. On the other hand when it comes to CM Punk, whilst I do have some admiration for his integrity, it is unfortunate that his entire world view is based on a big fat lie. He suffers from that common misconception that your ability to deprive yourself of worldly pleasures makes you a better person... All I can say is- Punk- you are missing out. And lastly Rey Mysterio and Batista- I can tell you now with 100% certainty that neither of them will walk out of there as the new Champion. Those two will be far too busy snuggling in the corner… cultivating that little mancrush they have on each other… keeping the bromance alive… Now as cute as that is, there is a time for peace, love and happiness- and it’s not inside a wrestling ring. Altogether ludicrous.

And where do I stand on the Miz vs. Morrisson debate? Miz all the way. He is AWESOME!

So which team will win this Sunday night: Blue or Red…? Answer: Who gives a hoot. It’s an absurd concept. A moot point. After all, RAW and SmackDown are both fantastic- but ECW is fantasticker! That’s all.

Laters… KL.