Short and Snappy Tales of Greatness

By Katie Lea

New Year's Resolution #1:  check.  I could say I told you so.  The little dancing hippie they call Alicia is history as far as I'm concerned.  So I beat her to a pulp and that makes me now- the undefeated albeit yet untitled ECW Women's Champion!  Technically.  Next in line..?  Well I guess there is only the Tiff; a.k.a. blonde bimbo airhead extraordinaire.  Look forward to that one.

That aside, I will admit that things have gone a little downhill for me in ECW since my grande victoire, i.e. it would seem that my latest assignments have been limited to my beautiful self getting chased by various mythical creatures.  First Boogeyman then, shock of shocks, the green grotesque a.k.a. Hornswoggle...  I wonder what they will think of next.  Maybe a Pixie..? (I love Pixies!  Both cat-like and Matt-like...)  Or perhaps Goldust?  (Now that might actually be fun!)  But before we all die laughing I want to make one thing perfectly clear.  It has been implied to me that during these incidents there may have been a certain level of fear involved on my part...  Wrong!  Ludicrosity!!  That was not a look of terror you saw on my face.  Fear?  I do not know the meaning of the word.  If you had seen but deep into my eyes you would have discovered nothing but disgust and infinite contempt.  Please.  Katie Lea Burchill is not afraid of anything, least of all some illusionary demon or grubby-faced dumpling...  And as for supposed-hard-man Finlay- he should be ashamed of himself.  Making that pint-sized half-wit he calls his son do his dirty work- using the poor thing to enable a questionable win over my brother Paul...  It's pathetic.  If everyone only had the guts to play fair once in a while, Tuesday night would have seen a very different outcome.

Moving swiftly on to something completely different and entirely more pleasurable...  First of all, anyone who is clever enough to read my blog here on WWE Universe will know how sharp-witted I am; now in addition to that, anyone who has been clever enough to check out the RAW live blog on Monday nights (and I can see that that may or may not exclude some of my avid readers) has been able to experience first hand how quick my sharp little tongue is also.  This Monday for example I had the pleasure of not only slamming poor little Tiffany in the affairs of verbal war, but once again had the opportunity of going back and forth with the legendary Howard Finkel, also an ardent supporter of the live blog...  Now I know y'all (haha, what an Americanism! How witty, how ironic!!) think I'm evil... but I can recognize greatness when I see it (this is just a small part of my inherent cleverness), and so I have to, on some levels, bow down to the great-brained master that is the Fink...  And yet- turns out I can out-think him!!  That is why I am respectfully encouraging him to let sleeping demons lie and step down from his 'live out-think' challenge.  For the sake of his honour (that is how you spell it in English..!).  I would not want to be tainted with the dishonour (see above...) of embarrassing him terribly...

A quick random thought on the Royal Rumble:  I was awfully disappointed that neither The Brian Kendrick nor my wild guess pick #27 (in my eternal wisdom I picked that number without even knowing it was representative of my mainman Dolph Ziggler..!) were certain to snag the win.  Unfortunately, I was let down yet again. 

And a side note:  Applications to join my Army of Boys are no longer accepted.  The project has been put on hold indefinitely.  Now I know this is heart-breaking for a lot of you- and I would apologize, but I really don't care.

Live blog forever!  Dolph Ziggler for GM of RAW!

See you on the flipside... 

The One and Only.  Often imitated, never surpassed. 

Katie Lea.