Short and Snappy tales of Greatness

By Katie Lea

Welcome to a very special edition of my endlessly entertaining, super-articulate and never less than magnificent blog. Today we are talk-ing about-ing Cyber Sunday ... Because everyone is. And seeing as the vote has been placed in your guys' incapable hands and I know you are going to need some help with this ... Allow me to use my superior insight to be your guide, your counselor!

WWE Championship:  Triple H vs. Jeff Hardy, Vladimir Kozlov or both

Are you really asking me this? Come on, the more the merrier! The only thing more fun than two boys getting physical with each other is three boys getting physical with each other- n'est pas..?

Undertaker vs. Big Show:  You choose the type of match... 

Well, I for one am a big fan of humiliation, and what could be more humiliating than to hear The Deadman utter the immortal (nice pun, eh... you like that..?) words ‘I quit'..?!

Tag Team match:  Jamie Noble and Mickie James vs. Regal and Layla, Miz and Morrison vs. Cryme Tyme or Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase (a.k.a. the Champs a.k.a. the Priceless Ones a.k.a. the Young Studs) vs. CM Punk and Kofi Kingston

Everyone knows how I feel about the MJ, so my vote goes to Regal and Layla to unleash unparalleled rage and destruction on her and Jamie. No further explanation needed.

World Heavyweight Championship:  Chris Jericho vs. Batista; choose the special guest referee: "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, HBK or Randy Orton

I know what you all are thinking ...  This is our only chance to see "Stone Cold" Steve Austin again, so let's get him in for old time's sake, we miss him, etc. etc. etc ...  I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you are sa-a-a-ad. I mean, yes, sure, he's been gone for a while, but there's a reason for that. Out with the old, in with the new-  that's what I always say! If anything, give me more Haas-tin...

The second choice, the ‘Heartbreak Kid' Shawn Michaels, isn't much better ... Seriously, do they still call him ‘Kid'...? Nevertheless, I will admit that it ‘Breaks my Heart' (see how that works..?) that he still needs to be lurking around; and more than anything I'm tired of the moping and the constant boo-boo face ...  So let me address this little problem here directly:  Shawn, please, please, please, for the love of God (no offense intended...) find your bloody smile already!! We know you're miserable. You've been miserable for a while now. It's time to get over it and move on.

So it's pretty apparent that for any civilized person in their right mind (and I can see that this may or may not exclude you guys ...) there can only be one choice: Randy Orton. Because he is beautiful.

Matt Hardy vs. Evan Bourne, Mark Henry or Finlay

I really don't give an Aylesbury who the Hardy-I-am-not-dating faces to be honest. Although I would enjoy seeing Mark Henry getting another go at squishing the boy to a gammy mess ...  Alternately, I might find just as much amusement in Matt Hardy squishing either the midget or the pixie. You can work out for yourselves who I'm referring to. But please, try not to strain your brain cell...

Rey Mysterio vs. Kane:  You choose the type of match

Again, I really don't care. As long as the midget gets squished.

Intercontinental Championship:  Santino Marella vs. Roddy Piper, Honky Tonk Man or Goldust.

First of all, I have no space on my TV screen for the pseudo-Scotsman. A Canadian in a kilt does not do it for me. And to add insult to injury I can tell you now with 100 percent certainty that the Rowdy One wears pants underneath ... A complete travesty. 

Honky- well, no, my Elvis-fetish doesn't reach that far. He's doing the washed-up version and that was never going to be good enough to charm me (and I am easily charmed..!). 

No, there really is only one man out of the three that whom I admire for his flair, flamboyance and ability to fascinate. Without a shadow of a doubt, Goldust is the man (?) for me.

Diva Halloween Contest: 

Everybody knows there is not one Diva in WWE who can compete with my beauty, intellect and mysterious intrigue.  Who to vote for??  There is no question therefore no answer needed...

One more piece of advice whilst I'm on a roll: 

Just say no to Monogamy. And helloooo to Cowboys..! 

Fabulous, darling...  

I gotta go. My mind is slipping.  

Katie Lea.