Dear Tommy Dreamer,

In life there are winners and losers;  but in your case I should revise that to say fat cry baby losers.

I can just picture you crying tears of gravy, nuzzling a deep dish pizza, and searching for solace in oily pepperonis after you were humiliated by John Morrison and the Miz last week.  Then, you got beat by the Miz this week… sucks to be you Tommy-

You and Jessica Simpson both had your day, but now you two fat has beens are past your prime.  Call it the curse of Daisy Duke, or call it eating too much cheesecake.  However you add it up, you get a fat pig of a man who never earned anything aside from layers upon layers of cellulite; and a bloated blonde who just found out what happens when her metabolism slows down.  Tommy call your fat friend Jessica and tell her if I wanted cottage cheese I would go to the supermarket, not watch ECW, or pick up a tabloid magazine with her picture in it. 

Dreamer, the two of us have both been to the top of the ECW mountain.  The difference between you and I is that while you were up there you tried to fill the huge hole in your ego with deep fried pancakes (pancake puppies).

News flash old man, I know that the deep fryer you have in your kitchen claims to lock in the “nutritional goodness” of the food you fry in it.  Yet, the truth is you’re really cooking your food in the same half congealed saturated animal fats that you have been for the last 20 years. 

Ha! What a great metaphor for your career!  Cooking the same old story of passion, and heartbreak around your fat fans for 20 years.  Guess what Tommy-  Nothing has changed; your fat fans are the equivalent of the congealed lard in your deep fryer.  And you are the same old hush puppy that you have always been.  You’ve never deserved anything; you’ve never earned anything; you don’t have what it takes to ever be ECW champion again-  It’s time you got rid of your deep fryer, just like it’s time ECW got rid of you.

When we talk about upgrading WWE by appealing to a new demographic.  Fans of John Morrison and the Miz are exactly who we are talking about.  Educated professional people; future Nobel Prize winners; scientists; K-Fed; ie… people with money.  Anyone with an intelligence of 100 or higher gets my sophisticated humor.  Tommy; your fat simple-minded fans are who we (WWE) don’t care about.  Your typical fan is some reject that spends his life trying to fix up the 1980 Pontiac on wood blocks in the garage; sitting around his trailer park lighting farts with his dad; cheering for Tommy Dreamer while he stuffs his face with Cheetos.  I don’t care about your “hardcore” fans… This is the dawning of the age of Morrisonious (me)!

Soon my intelligent fans will call their intelligent and sexy friends; and a whole new demographic will be tuning into see John Morrison; this new demographic… My demographic… my fans… will rectify the catastrophic ratings anomaly that you refer to in your nerdy blog.

You are nothing more than a footnote in my rise to the top of the wrestling world. 

Your legacy Fatty Dreamer is to be forgotten-

-The Shaman of Sexy
John Morrison

Ps… you’re fat!

This is another repost from my myspace: www.myspace.com/officialjohnmorrison.  There are a ton of suggestions for cool names left as comments to this blog on my myspace page- Can you think of anything?

New York

Yo sup- I spent the day in New York today visiting my sister and some old friends. I was once again reminded why I think New York is a great place to visit (culture and the people) but a terrible place to live (traffic and the people).

I always get annoyed when people deface things, why paint **** on billboards, or write your name on the walls of the subway? However, I feel like there are two exceptions to this; I love artistic graffiti, and clever vandalism. Clever vandalism? Yeah! While I was in NYC I noticed that somebody put up a bunch of word balloons like the ones they have in comic books, on several of the new posters and advertisements.

Two funny ones I saw were; one, on a poster for Tori Spelling's new reality show about being pregnant some one put a word balloon on her belly. Tori Spelling's unborn baby says, "Abort me!"
Another one I saw was on a poster for the new X-Files movie. David Duchovny says, "My career has gone nowhere." Ha ha ha… it's true. My friends told me that the bubbles started appearing on New York subway advertisements years ago. Hmmm… well it's new to me.

Now I know this is different than posting empty word balloons on subway cars, but… If anyone out there is witty enough to guess what I might be thinking, post it as a reply to this blog. If you're line is good I'll say it on TV, or the Dirt Sheet. Thinking of different nicknames for me to call to myself is a good place to start… I am the Shaman of Sexy… The Tuesday Night Delight… The Guru of Greatness… The New Face of Extreme… etc… but why not the Redeemer of Rochester, the Minister of Majesty, or the Sage of Slow Mo? You know?

The best suggestions will be said on the Dirt Sheet!
Oh, and this week's dirt sheet is up. This week our show was a victim of WWE's new TV PG rating policy. I don't know why it applies to the internet, but it indubitably does. Some stuff that got cut was Dr. Morrison's Nintendo Wii breast exam, a suggestion that a young lady at the conference might be hungry for some peanut butter and Johnny, and other witty pearls of wisdom.

Despite losing peanut butter and Johnny this weeks dirt sheet still kicks ass. Check it out:
http://www.wwe.com/content/media/video/vms/dirtsheet/2008/july22-28/7730160

And don't forget to reply to this blog with your thoughts about what I, John Morrison would call myself, or just happen to say at anytime.

Yo sup-  I just found out about the WWE fan nation page and decided to repost my two most recent blogs from my myspace page.  www.myspace.com/officialjohnmorrison

--

Yo sup everyone, this week's Dirt Sheet is about Batman, and since I've been thinking about the upcoming election lately, this blog is some unorganized thoughts about Batman and Barack O'bama.

Batman would be a good candidate; he knows who he is and where he stands on the important issues; especially crime. Batman isn't competing in a popularity contest. Sometimes you gotta make unpopular decisions.

What first convinced me that Barack O'bama should be the next president of the United States was reading his book, Dreams of My Father- Finally an honest book by a future president! Instead of fabricating make believe hometowns like Crawford Texas it was nice to read something real. His life is amazing, and it's awesome that he isn't afraid to share his story. Barack O'bama is emphatically himself; something that the United States hasn't had in a leader in a very long time.

Just like Gotham City needed a symbol of justice, and power to restore hope. Right now the US needs Barack.

Barack is the leader who will unite the country instead of pushing a republican or democratic agenda. We need a leader who can communicate to the people of this nation, and to the global community. When I listen to Barack I hear a real person, not a polished actor trying to convince the public that he is the person they should vote for. I see a person that a nation can be proud to call their leader.

The United States is the greatest country in the world… with the worst President. Bush is the kid in high school who ditched class to hang out lighting farts by himself behind the football field… If your gonna ditch class, at least do something cool… Right? Bush isn't cool enough to be the Joker; he's more like the Riddler. The Jim Carrey Riddler from Batman Forever. Whether Batman's up against the Penguin (Cheney), the Riddler (Bush), or Harvey Dent (McCain) he always finds a way to keep the streets Gotham City sexy… Or at least that's what I would do if I were Batman; or the president of the United States for that matter.

So… this blog started as a way to introduce this week's dirt sheet and sort of spiraled out of control into a short rant about politics and nonsense. Now just to tie it all together… hmmm

What do John Morrison, Bruce Wayne, and Barack O'bama have in common? We all want peace on Earth, to save the environment, and for you to watch this week's episode of the Dirt Sheet. This week we bring you the trailer for John Morrison and the Miz's version of Batman, the movie that if ever made would revitalize your attitude, restore your faith in humanity; and convince you that John Morrison's sideburns are far more powerful that Chuck Norris's beard!

Fired up and ready to go? Click the link, or cut and paste it into your browser to see this week's episode of the 1 rated show on WWE.com… THE DIRT SHEET

http://www.wwe.com/content/media/video/vms/dirtsheet/2008/july15-21/7673998