Its 2033; poverty, war and hunger have crippled this planet. Those with the resources hopped the last star shuttle to mars which just leaves us, the true earthlings. But who will rule? Who has the might, the character, the willingness to lead? I'll tell you who, Professional bleepin Wrestlers, that's who. It started right here, in the good ol' US of A, when the Power Political tag team, DX, reunited with Triple H as Commander in Chief and Shawn Michaels as the VP (science has kept shawn young, and the hair is thicker than ever) They were not elected, no need, we know our roles. In DX we trust. They kept the flag the same, but did change the flagpoles to sledgehammers. (he was holding one when he suggested it, what would you say??) To our north, the now loved and humble, EDGE is the nation's Prime Minister, his relationship with the US is strained but his love for the full figured continues. In 2026 after the success of the Guerrero Offensive, Rey Mysterio was named El Presidente. Oddly enough he wasn't the first masked politician they've had ... go figure.
To the east, where science and philosophy thrive, japan thaws from cryo stasis two legends, Emperor Fuji and his Head Ninja in Charge, ... I dare not say his name for fear of the green mists return. Not much else can be said about the east. All reporters said to have traveled there have never been heard from again.
Santino Marella presented himself as King of the World ... it didn't take. He switched it to King of Italy. Fortunately his Eldest son, Federico was already president and named his father, "Honorary King of Italy" And gave him a pizza shop ... to manage.
Battle in the middle east stopped. Big Show was bored and hungry, relocated and well ... Nobody really screws with a giant.
With peace on earth Kofi Kingston had no more battles to fight. He lives the irie life in the most irie place on earth. He isn't a king, not a governor, not even famous ... not unless you're in to horticulture. All I know is historical documents have many a person quoting, "That Kofi King is for rizzle!"
John Cena quit wrestling and actually became a super hero, Captain America! (nobody told him about the other one and they didn't want to upset him. He had been Champ for 30 years straight and oddly enough, no one rioted) He fought crime and made public speaking engagements for large cash settlements. There was a statue erected of him somewhere in new mexico.
In the next chapter ...
The mysterious Isle of Samoa and ...
The great grand children of Vincent Kennedy McMahon, find missing DNA of the long past Icon ...
Tuesday, September 23, 2008, 09:10 PM EST
[General]
So I guess CM PUNK is feeling better. I may not know the space program but i DO know if a guy is as disciplined to live DRUG FREE ALCOHOL FREE (and few who talk it walk it as well as Punk) Why? Why on earth would you want to bring out his dark side?! I don't know if I've ever blogged on CM PUNK (it would probably take too long. he's got a lot going on) I don't know if anyone read Captain America in the late nineties, maybe 2000, but there was an interesting story line named, "Man without a country" The story was simple enough, what does a hero made by the gov't who works directly for the gov't do when all the wars are essentially over? What do you do when you then. He was alone for the first time I could remember (Here be'eth the tie in to Punk) I don't care what business you are in, when you live that structured and disciplined a life, you mainly run SOLO. You learn very early on in life how to rely on NO ONE but yourself. That is spooky confidence building blocks right there. Because, other than sociopaths or police officers, firefighters,TOP athletes, risk associated lifestyles, very few people can live that difficult a life style. now remember i wrote the word sociopath, I ain't saying the man is going to go tony montana on the RAW roster but why would you want to push a dude like that?! Jeff Hardy will forever be an Enigma (enigmatically) but Punk is at the very least a mystery and if I knew whether or not the word quandry (which i spelled incorrectly) was more powerful than that or if it even qualifies as a word ... Look, it's somewhere between this and that, there. The guy is deep. (this is where people reading either laugh or click to more DIVA pictures) YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!
Kozlov = End of Days
Scary, Big, and I haven't seen him really hurt yet. Nothing he wasn't able to recover from. "Can't we all just get along"
What else ... what else ... Hardy's rule. Carlito and Primo are cool (yeah I stole his line, what? what?! its hispanic history month or something, help me out!) Big **** Johnson is a sexy beast ... what else what else ... wait did i type that? I'll delete it later. (note to self) I know I'm forgetting something .....
Second - WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Forgive me for not writing individually but, wow, that was a serious email surprise. Thanks for the love fan nation. (and thanks to the few haters too, lol)
So it is true, I do have a new job and I don't have the words to describe how good it feels. HOWEVER, Will Ferell does, and in the words of Chaz, "I'M JUST LIVING THE DREAM!!!!!!"
...A personal msg to my buddy back in L.A. who said I would never leave hollywood...
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (the following is still directed toward my buddy)
So just remember vato, while you're acting on that set, jumping through hoops and worrying about your make-up ... I'll be straight kickin' it with Flair son, WOOOOOOOOOO! OH IN YOUR FACE!!! IN YOUR FACE SON!!! Hey how'd you like doing that interview where you got asked mad personal questions even though they promised they wouldn't, ON NATIONAL TV?!?!?! OH SNAP!!
alright i'm done venting.
SO what does this have to do with wrestling? not much, so here we go.
How sick does the ECW Championship look? I personally love it. I'm sure it will get mixed reviews, but i dig it.
Hardy VS Henry - woah. yes the frying pan was real. yes, the steel bar was real. yes, Mark Henry is no (enter expletive) joke. but matt hardy? Um, I'm pretty sure he knows what he's getting himself into. I've never seen anything less than his best on a PPV.
I don't really want to talk about the Beth/Santino/Freddie Prinze Jr. Love triangle story line that i'm working on, because it's NOT A STORY PEOPLE!!!! OH IT HURTS, BETH!!! Why do you torment me so?! Come on, my mom is italian! And i speak it molto meglio than he does! (think mejor like in spanish ... see not too hard to learn new languages) To those who have no idea what was written it was "MUCH BETTER." Look, it's painful to watch her taunt me like that, but i'm a team player Beth. I'm a team player..... /begins to drink
Ted DiBiase has all the tools. You are watching what will one day be a HUGE star. argue if you want but i know it when i see it.
Final thoughts
...(fan nation sighs in relief)...
If you noticed I haven't blogged much or emailed much since taking this job. Cut the superstars a break, they work more days a week than i do. I won't stop blogging, but it will be a bit less.
IF YOU GET THE CHANCE
Go to Tampa Florida and check out FCW it looks sick now.
BE A WRESTLER!!!
I'm not joking. There are less people trying to be wrestlers than actors, the odds alone are in your favor. You want to be creative? ask Jeff Hardy if he gets the chance to express himself? you want to show the world you can act? then come act? Ask Dwayne The Rock Johnson how wrestling worked out for him? "but freddie, i'm into MMA." That's cool, come do it in the wrestling ring. Last time I checked, MMA wasn't banging down your door, and for what anyway? Get your grill re-arranged it 19-20 so when you're 28 and your body hurts you finally get a chance to maybe be on a televised card so you can ...... wait for it ...... wait for it .... MAKE NO DOUGH AND GET YOUR FACE REARRANGED AGAIN!!! only to never be on tv again, because you lost. I can't remember the last time Santino won a match (Tag team don't count) but homey is working. WRESTLING PEOPLE! You know you want some. Now come and get some!
Beth Phoenix decided to kiss someone (besides me) last night on Monday Night RAW. Because of this blatant attack on my love and affection there will be no blog today. Please send all complaints to fannation member ThePerfectHeel, he is fielding all questions.
So what's your sport? Is it Boxing? MMA, Baseball? Football, euro fans, Football? Latinos, Futbol? Well those are all good choices but here's why you're wrong ...
Wrestling.
Wrestling is better than your sport for all kinds of reasons. Here's a few.
1. Longevity. Greg Norman may be leading the British Open at 53 but he's soaking wet, in the rain and wind and many, don't call it a sport. We suffer from that as well, wrestling fans, but we usually just kick ass on whoever says that, so the 'it's fake' comments have slowed considerably.
1a. Back to the Longevity - Think about this. Age 20 - 50. It's been done in the WWE many many times. If you want to see HUGE figures look at the 20 year career, 20 - 40. Plenty of time to make your money and live on it, if taken care of properly. (don't go buying fancy cars you don't need. I don't)
2. All shapes and sizes - American Football and Baseball offer odd sized athletes a job, but NOBODY does it better than the WWE. You may be able to be 5'10 175lbs and play shortstop, but that's it. Football enjoys the 6'6 300 pounder but for how long? and can you enjoy a retirement with two thrashed knees, AT BEST!!!??? Wrestling not only has job(S) for all sizes, it can turn that same 5'10 175lb, forget that, 5'7 160lb, into a star! And when you have the fan's love, lol or hate, you have a career in this business. Ask Rey, Shawn, even Santino.
3. Travel - See the world and I mean the WORLD brothers and sisters. WWE is global. from the US of A to the UK. From Iraq to Australia. (and if you're single, Australia is the place for you, TRUST ME, and get over there, NOW) DO IT FOR ME MAN!!!!!
4. Injuries - Now this can be debated, but i'm talking more on a grand scheme. Yes injuries happen in the WWE as well but not nearly as frequently or as permanent as other sports. yes the game has gone down, multiple times, but guess who the champ is? THE champ, not a big gold champ, not an ecw champ, not a US or IC but THE CHAMP! nuff said.
5. Show offs of the world unite!!! Do you like to be seen? Do you want to kick ass and have everyone be your witness? How many secret finishers do you have? How many times have you seen a match and gone, " Ah man, if that dude had my finisher he would be so over!!!" ? Here's your chance people.
6. This is more about security. The WWE isn't going away anytime soon. It becomes more mainstream with each decade. They are making movies now. they put out 5 hours of television a week, not including PPV's. The movies haven't the big time numbers yet but it is VERY early in their production career. Bottom line is this. They're willing to take chances on people just like you. I've been in my business for over a decade, my father before me, and I don't know anyone as willing to gamble as the WWE.
Final Thoughts
Do it for me. I'm friggin old. My body hurts. It takes me thirty minutes in the morning just to get out of bed. another ten to find my glasses. fifteen more minutes to find the wife only to realize i forgot what i needed her for in the FIRST PLACE! It's sad people, just plain old fashioned sad. So wrestle for me. wrestle for all the thirty somethings who when their doctor told them 8 years before, "you may require surgery" us thirty somethings replied, "Surgery?!?!?! Are you stupid? What kind of med school did you go to, Broham? I'm a bad ass. I feel better already. PSSHHH! surgery, you must be crazy." (or words to that effect) Pain. Pain is the result of this course of action.
RANDOM THOUGHT
If wrestling ain't your thing, be a ref. The best seat in the house. Tell me Marty doesn't look like he's always getting away with something.
The Game just destroyed The Family. He never raised a hand or pedigreed a single member. he just played a tape and, oh yeah, broke out ol' reliable (el sledge hammer) I wouldn't be surprised if they turned on Edge now at the G.A.B.
Train Fan Nation. Get swole up (or whatever your fantastic shape) (andre was champ too vatos!)
