Dateline: December 23, 2008:
- Congrats to Jeff Hardy for realizing a lifelong dream of every aspiring athlete / performer that dares to be different and want to make a positive difference in and out of the "squared circle". The "Charismatic Enigma" did just that when he defeated "The King of Kings" Triple-H and defending WWE champion Edge in the Triple Threat Match to win the coveted gold strap in the main event at the Armageddon pay-per-view back on December 14. Goodness knows Hardy earns and deserves to be on top of the "SmackDown" food chain, given the personal and professional hardships he has endured in the past year. Defend the title proudly, Jeff; we know you will.
- After viewing "The Self-Destruction of The Ultimate Warrior" on DVD recently, I can't help wondering what a phenomenal and legendary career the former two-time Intercontinental and WWE champion might've had, if only he'd place the best interests of the company, his fellow Superstars, Vince McMahon, and especially the fans ahead of his own selfish and twisted motives. While it's sad and disappointing to say that about the former Blade Runner Rock / Dingo Warrior, the man formerly known as Jim Hellwig only has himself to blame for not appreciating what he had when he was one of the WWE's elite Superstars back in the 1980s and early '90s. No wonder Triple-H, Jake "The Snake" Roberts, "Nature Boy" Ric Flair, Jim Ross, "Mean" Gene Okerlund, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, Mr. McMahon, and even JBL has a VERRRRRY low opinion of the face-painted powerhouse. And that's not good at all in anyone's book, let alone mine.
- So John "Bradshaw" Layfield "hired" Shawn Michaels as his new resident "Insurance Policy" / lackey / whipping boy. Unless I'm proven otherwise, I don't think this will last for very long, considering the legendary "Heartbreak Kid" is too proud of an athlete and a man of character to be content living in anyone's shadow, let alone the "Longhorn Loudmouth's". Mark my words, sooner or later, maybe sometime between now and WrestleMania 25, the self-proclaimed "Wrestling God" will be on the receiving end of some long-overdue "Sweet Chin Music" if he's not careful. And no amount of money, gold, diamonds, rubys, and safires in and beyond the known universe will help put the cocky self-made millionaire back together again. It may happen now, it may happen later, but it will happen eventually, whether JBL wants to realize it or not.
- MVP is one whiny SOL; and with good reason. Ever since his former tag team championship partner, Matt Hardy, cost him an opportunity to win the "Money in the Bank" ladder match at WrestleMania 24, the former United States champion has been on an incredible losing streak that not only cost him match after match after match, but also tons of money, finely-tailored designer labels, more bling that would put Fort Knox to shame, beautiful women by the score, and even his own talk show, "The VIP Lounge". I'm no Dr. Phil, but all this moaning, groaning, griping, and complaining MVP has been exhibiting lately is definitely NOT the answer to all his problems. Remember, an individual is not judged by how much success he enjoys, but how he deals with adversity when the chips are down and things aren't going his way. If the Miami, Florida, native is as smart as he is a talented and gifted athlete, he needs to shut up and step up if he wants to quickly turn his misfortune around for the better.
- Forgive me if I'm sounding like a worn-out recording of a popular classic rock song from the 1970s, but what has been going on with WWE Diva and 2007 "Playboy" cover girl Ashley Massaro? If my memory serves me correctly, I've neither seen nor heard from the resident "Punk Rock Princess" since her in-volvement in a 12-Diva tag team match at the Backlash pay-per-view this past April. Whether her disappearance from the WWE has anything to do with a "Rolling Stone" magazine article allegedly linking her to a Los Angelels, Califiornia, escort service scandal remains to be seen. But I'm hoping that she can get this meaningless nonsense out of the way as quickly and convincingly as possible, so she can go back to enjoying what she does and does what she enjoys: Entertaining WWE fans worldwide. Hang in there, Ashley; victory is only a kickass rock tune away, both in and out of the ring.
- Who wears the pants in the Santino Marella - Beth Pheonix relationship? I'll give you one hint, folks: She wears a tiara. Something for the "Milan Miracle" to think extra long and hard about, should he be foolish enough to anger "The Glamazon" for whatever nonsense he might create somewhere down the pike.
- Will Kelly Kelly be the next WWE Diva to grace the pages of "Playboy" magazine when WrestleMania 25 rolls around? Only a fool would dare bet against it to happen, and I'm definitely no fool!
- Whatever happened to Dink, Wink, and Pink, anyway? Or for that matter, Cheesy, Queasy, and Sleazy?
- Memo to Jillian Hall: For the love of humanity, our hearing, and our sanity, PLEASE do away with this pop princess wanna-be act once and for all! We all know you're incredibly hot to look at, thanks mainly to The Boogeyman gnawing that horrendous growth from your face back in 2006. But c'mon, let's see what a great WRESTLER you are. Who knows, you might give Beth "The Glamazon" Pheonix a serious run for her money, and even win the WWE Women's championship if you set your mind to it. You know you can do so much more than trying to be like Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, Ashlee Simpson, Avril Lavigne, and Miley Cyrus, and it's about time to go into that ring and get it done, girl. You owe yourself that much, at least.
- How many lumps of coal do you think Chirs Jericho will get in his Christmas stocking this year? At the risk of sounding like I'm getting a little too "Grinchy" for my own good, but endless lumps of coal would be too good for "Y2J"; that also goes for Randy Orton, JBL, THE Brian Kendrick, and "The Jerk of Jerks" himself, Edge. Is there anything wrong with that? I don't think so!
- Do you sometimes miss hearing Joey Styles calling the action during the ECW matches on Sci-Fi? Nothing against Todd Grisham and Matt Striker personally, but the televised matches just aren't the same without hearing "Joltin' Joey's" enthusiasm, passion, knowledge, and wit that has made him a household name in the renegade promotion. And it wouldn't hurt, either, if WWE Hall of Famer Jesse "The Body" Ventura or, at the very least, an ECW Legend like Terry Funk, Joel Gertner, Don "Cyrus the Virus" Callis, "The Franchise" Shane Douglas, or even the "Psycho Yuppie" himself, Paul Heyman, as "Mr. OMG's" broadcast partner. Something to think about when you think about the three little words that has meant a lot in the hearts and minds of longtime fans of the promotion that made it cool to be "Extreme".
- No need to ask me why I consider Edge the new CLB on "Friday Night SmackDown", folks. All you need to do is get the "Rated R Superstar's" new three-disc DVD set, and you'll know the true story, the whole true story, and nothing but the true story, so help us all. The sad part about it is he wasn't always this manipulative, opportunisitc, underhanded, conniving and despised, as evidenced in his WWE debut as a brooding, silent, tormented enigma back in 1998. And even sadder is he has the coolest entrance theme in professional wrestling today, "Metalingus" by Alter Bridge. What a shame; and I used to be an "Edgehead", too.
- Which is hairier, Sasquatch or ECW Superstar Mike Knox? Go figure that one out for yourself, folks; I sure as heck can't!
- Divas are cool. Enough said about that.