Well, it's been about a day since I've joined this thing, so I suppose I should get one of the big questions that no one asks out of the way: when did I get into wrestling?  It's a long, long, LONG short story.

It all started when I was five... or nine.  Being 19 now, that means I've been a fan of wrestling for either 10 or 14 years.  However, this is a time when things scared me easily.  Everything scared me: guns, knives, gang warfare taking place two houses down the street, murderous thieves making weekly rounds in the neighborhood next to ours, tap dancers, the French language... and even though only two of those fears were justified what I feared the most was death.  Yes, death, that unknown phenomenon that comes to all humans in time, because that was a point where people I knew were dropping like flies.  Even now they're dropping like flies, not quite as frequently however.  Anyway, I remember the first time I watched WWE, back when it was still WWF.  I was flipping through the channels, becoming a drooling slave to the moving picture box, and I stopped when I saw a bald man viciously beating an old guy in an ambulance.

This was the first time I had ever seen one of my idols, Stone Cold Steve Austin, beat someone stupid.  Who was he beating?  Vince McMahon.  Oh, that sweet, swet violent act, I fell in love with what I was seeing. 

And I thought to myself, "This is great."  Then... then I saw Mankind. 

Mankind scared me.  He was in a boiler room and taking about a lost uncle or something.  That hurt my soul.  Then I saw he was about to fight the Undertaker.

Now let me explain something, ladies and gentlemen: the Undertaker is a scary figure when you're so young.  He came out scary, went back scary, he was just the devil incarnate and I couldn't watch.

So I turned off the television and went to bed, ready to piss myself.  Next week, I was watching the **** again, growing more and more into the sport entertainment, until the Undertaker didn't scare me anymore; hell, he was the new guardian angel in my dreams, viciously murdering anyone who was against me. 

That's how I got into wrestling: scared to death and then embracing his character.  Then I embraced more of them.  Now... everytime I see a Subway sandwich I say, "Ha ha, you lose!" and run away with my finger in the sky.  That speaks for itself.  G'night, WWE Universe.  DiZ, out!

Time for a pointless look at life.  You know, tonight, I've been playing video games, eating chicken wings, reading poetry, WRITING poetry, admiring the anatomy of females, and eventually all of those combined into just playing video games.  After playing Freedom Fighters for a while I switched back to Bully, and then back to Freedom Fighters, and finally I stopped and went to Ninja Gaiden 2. 

See, Ninja Gaiden isn't necessarily the best game out, but its a damn good one.  It's fun hack-and-slash combined with grituitous gallons of gore and blood.  It's violent pornography in a sense, violent pornography because of the blood and the unusually large breasted females that always inhabit games created by Team Ninja.  Which of these Team Ninja core attributes do you think I appreciate the most?

So I passed the controller to a friend and started to observe his uncanny ability to play this game like a master during his first play through, making me slightly jealous.  I picked up on something too, something I find very... to be serious... nostalgic.

As far as I know, I'm a man, and being a man, I find a few things beautiful to the eye.  Females, beautiful, bright eyed, nice smiling, proportioned females, are usually the first.  Something Ninja Gaiden 2, as well as its predecessor, have plenty of, and in revealing, tight clothing (a perk).  As a man I enjoy watching violent things when it is clear that A)the violence is not real, and B)the violence isn't affecting ME.  So why can I watch horrible awful violent things that are happening thousands of miles away?  Because I'm thousands of miles away. 

But since I'm being serious for a moment, Ninja Gaiden 2, and the first one, have this as well.  You watch the protagonist, Ryu Hayabusa, glide from building to building, dismembering countless ninja and demons, and quite possibly getting the girl with the large breasts and tight, revealing clothing (who he turned down in the last game, though she was practically all over him) and you say to yourself, "I want a grilled cheese sandwich."

You go to your kitchen and see that you have no bread or cheese.  You don't even have a stove or a cabinet.  You do have, however, a fridge, and in that fridge you have a can of beans.  Though you have no can opener you open the can and you eat the beans.  After a while you get a feeling of disturbance in your stomach, so go to the toilet. 

And you use it.  The tropical fruit makes you toot a couple of times and you go to the sink to wash your hands.  Then you look at the mirror, freeze, and start to cry.

Yes, you cry, because you look back at the story of Ryu Hayabusa and come to the terrifying and pathetic realization that you can NEVER lead a life like his, a life of noble wreck less abandon and large breasted females in leather clothing.  You will never live the life of a master ninja with mystical swords and an unlimited supply of shuriken.

But that's okay.  Stop crying in your sink.  Because despite all you realize, you fail to realize that your life is just as much like a video game as the video game.  Think about it...

Life is a gamble.  You don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, and yet you act like you do, one way or another.  You don't necessarily wield a fabled blade known as the stereotypical Dragon Sword, but you wield something, be it a pen or a slice of wheat bread.  That's your sword-

DISCLAIMER: DiZ, the arrogant bastard of literature, claims no responsibility for any attempts from any mentally disturbed individuals attempting to cause physical, mental, emotional, psychological, or spiritual harm to any individuals, nor does he claim responsibility for any harm done to anyone due to the juvenile idea that harm can be caused to someone due to throwing or slapping someone with edible material in the grain row of the food pyramid.

-and you need to use it just like Ryu: kick ass!  And look even more at Ninja Gaiden 2, look even more at it as the life simulator that it is.  Right from the beginning there is a beautiful, well endowed female looking for him, and she can kick ass.  Then she gets overpowered and smacked.  While I don't endorse the smacking of females I do endorse females that can kick ass.  Believe it or not, there is always, I repeat, ALWAYS a beautiful female that wants you, be you male or female.  You might be one of the lucky ones that can say that TWO want you.  I don't know; I'm just an example of one that has been fortunate enough to say that it's occurred most than once.

Life is like a video game, only big differences being consequences and death.  You play a game and murder someone, you go to jail or get murdered yourself.  You die in real life, you stay dead.  Life has no reset button. 

And in conclusion, this has been a retrospect of life from DiZ, the ATL-based jerk.  Peace.